Where to draw the line?

[RubyRose]

I've just finished copying out the guest list that I had drawn up on the computer (currently without a printer) and I got to wondering where do you draw the line?

At present there will be 82 guests. 84 including myself and Rhyce.

You see, I have cousins, which I haven't seen in years, but would like to invite. They are my aunts and uncles kids (and in some cases, their kids) (my mother was the youngest of 5, so most of her nephews and neices were grown by the time my sister and I came along)

They are close family, but due to circumstances we have grown apart.

Also, I'm a little undecided about what to do about children under 5 years old.

One of my bridesmaids Amy, has a 9 month old daughter who will be one year and 3 months come the wedding and I thinking it would be best to have her get a baby-sitter. I also have another friend who has a 2 and a half year old, which I'll be saying the same thing to as well.

BUT at the same time, I will be allowing my son, who will be only eight months at the time of the wedding to be there. Would that be hypercritical of me?

[Holly Ariadna]

Hmmm, no offense, but I think that's.. maybe not hypocritical, but it doesn't look very good. Why don't you want their kids there?

And tell me about it.. lists like that are hopeless to make! My advice is do what you feel like.. if you want to have a big wedding then go for it. But remember, the more people.. the pricier!

[Broken Babydoll]

If you are trying to keep it very small, don't worry about inviting them. Personally I would invite them. Just because they are invited doesn't mean they have to (or will) come.

Expect kids to be there. If you request no children one of two things will likely happen. 1. That family won't attend because not all of their family is welcome. Or 2. They will bring their kids anyway, thinking 'Oh, we will just keep a close eye on them'.

I would invite the children, but specify saying something along the lines of, "Children are welcome, but the wedding party respectfully asks that parents please supervise their own." Or you could go a step further and actually hire help.

At our wedding, we had lots of hired help. And yes, we had child care, for those under five years of age. It was only an optional service that we the wedding party provided. No charge to guests, just there for the parents if they wanted/needed it.

[MysticWitch]

I don't see why anyone would want to bring children to a wedding anyways unless there are tones of children. People are drinking the entire night. I think for you to tell people their kids cant come might make it harder for them. They wont judge you if your kid is there and their's isn't because its your wedding.
If you dont want kids there but only your child, then have it that way. Its your wedding. Its not about what other people want.. well your parents might think its about them lol but parents always get overly involved with weddings heehehehe :yayah:

[Kalika]

Maybe you could arrange for someone to watch all the young children in the back of wherever you are having the wedding.

That way, you wouldn't have to worry about excluding them... and you wouldn't have to worry about them being fidgety and distracting either. :p

This is a one-time event in your lives... so I think that everyone that you want to be there... should be. :)

[teishabee]

At the end of the day its your day.


I dont think you should have to explain yourself for not wanting under 5's.

[Calen]

You see, I have cousins, which I haven't seen in years, but would like to invite. They are my aunts and uncles kids (and in some cases, their kids) (my mother was the youngest of 5, so most of her nephews and neices were grown by the time my sister and I came along)

They are close family, but due to circumstances we have grown apart.

Also, I'm a little undecided about what to do about children under 5 years old.


It really depends on what kind of thing you want. Are you looking for a relatively cozy affair, or more of a 'hey-have-you-met-great-aunt-Thelma's-daughter-Nancy's-husband-Brett' sort of thing. I have a huge extended family too, and would not want to invite everyone, just those whom I actually know well. It's your call; if you want it to be a big family thing, invite your whole family.

As for the kiddies, I would not ask other people to keep their kids at home if mine would be attending, but that's just me. Hire a small army of babysitters, perhaps?

Best of luck with planning!

[Broken Babydoll]

I do have to agree that you need to do what will make the greatest memories for you. If that means absolutely no kids, do it. They will be your memories for a lifetime. Make them the best you possibly can!

Also...
I don't see why anyone would want to bring children to a wedding anyways unless there are tons of children.
I originally didn't want children at my wedding either. I thought it might be a tad inappropriate. I had several family members fly in from out of town. They didn't know anyone who could watch their kids. So they were either not going to come or they said they would *have* to bring the kids. So we solved the problem by hiring child care. They had their own room. I brought one of my little tv/dvd combo things and the help brought kiddie movies and a couple other things. Parents were encouraged to bring comfort toys, etc. It made for a great night for everybody.

So far, every wedding I've been to has had several kids, and usually lots of them.

[RubyRose]

Well ... the main reason for Amy not bringing her daughter, is that both her and her boyfriend, Warren are in the bridal party, so whose supposed to look after their daughter during the wedding and reception.

I'm not sure about my other friends boy, I'd have to check that out, but I don't see her having an issues about him coming, really.

I know plenty of my own family who had no qualms about not having children present. My sister and I were not invited to plenty of weddings whilst my parents were.

Currently the number's stand at 120 (it's only just dawned on me, that it's 122 including Rhyce and I ... eek!) I'll have to let my dad know, that little error.

Oh and please tell me it's perfectly acceptable to not invite your great aunts children if you don't recall ever meeting them during your lifetime ... my mother is demanding that two of her cousins (my cousins once removed) be invited to my wedding. I've heard my mother talk about them, but do not remember meeting them) Craziness I tell you.

[KaidaMidnight]

Well, for our wedding, we sent out invitations to CLOSE family members and friends. We sent announcements to everyone else. We did count a few extra people incase the ones that got the announcement came anyway.

As for kids... who is going to be watching yours then? If your bridal party has children, couldn't the kids all stick together? My son was 1 when we got married. He 'walked' down the aisle (helped by an older ring bear) and made a circle (there were 3 aisles) right back to the back door where there were 2 'baby sitters' and toys and such. Later, towards the end he was brought back out to be with us at the very end so that we were married as a family. Same for the reception. He sat with us at dinner, until he got fussy, then the baby sitters took over taking him to a baby center corner of the room where play pens and pillows and blankets and a tv (on low) was playing. The baby sitters did this with all the kids who were attending.
I think that a wedding is a family event, and everyone in a family (I'm talking about a family of people that you are inviting) should be welcomed to help celebrate. Even if they are way too young to know what's going on.

As for the drinking all night.... not everyone does that. We had NO alcohol at our reception. The only time people drank was for our toast. That was it. The rest was water, juice, punch and sodas. We didn't want people drinking because we 1) didn't want people getting buzzed and then driving home and 2) we wanted it a family event.

[Sun Sprite]

Sounds like a hugh wedding party to me. (I've been married three times, and the largest was probably 12 people including me and the groom). Without the kids, it would be different. How about a few teens that are family members "babysitting" in a corner where they can still watch the festivities. This can be importnat, as the "babysitters" will know which parent to go get if junior starts crying for mommy!

[KimberSly]

Maybe you could arrange for someone to watch all the young children in the back of wherever you are having the wedding.

That way, you wouldn't have to worry about excluding them... and you wouldn't have to worry about them being fidgety and distracting either. :p

This is a one-time event in your lives... so I think that everyone that you want to be there... should be. :)

I heartily agree. :cutie:

[Calen]

My sister and I were not invited to plenty of weddings whilst my parents were.

Yeah. I guess that's why I can't imagine a wedding without kids...I have a big extended family, and every wedding I've been to has been a big dance with little kids running around between the adults on the dancefloor.

[Annyka]

I know it's probably too late for me to reply to this, but I said only children who are directly related to me or Shaun, or in the wedding party, are invited (my little sisters + nieces) to the wedding, and no children are invited to the reception.
I got one of my teacher friends to babysit children who required a babysitter.

You can always say that there is to be no children other than immediate family (i.e. Xander) and I wouldn't think of that as hypocritical. It's YOUR wedding, you should be able to do what you want.

[Tanya]

how about this... I know I didn't want to spend huge money per plate on feeding kids... and I didn't invite them, but you son being ther eis a problem.. so.. hire a baby sitter, get aplate of cold cuts, cheese and crackers, some fruit and teddy grams and rent out a little space at your ventue for the kids to hang out during dinner... welcome them back to the dancing.

My family being Polish no alcohol wasn't an option. Parents need to watch there kids around the stuff and BE parents.

[NiftyWings]

As someone who's been through the Big Wedding thing, and would do so many things different if I'd known then what I know now, here's my .02:

A wedding is always an emotionally loaded experience. No matter what you do, there's going to be someone who's not happy. There's two things to keep in mind.... 1. You can only afford to do so much. 2. It's your day, not your mother's, or your friend's, or your cousin-in-law's step-aunt-once-removed's.

Stick to your budget. Figure out how many people you can afford to invite, and prioritize. If somebody you don't have much of a personal relationship with going to get butt-hurt because they aren't on your "A" list, oh well. Don't let yourself get guilt-tripped into skipping over the people you'd rather have there, or putting yourself into serious debt to make someone else happy.

As for kids at the wedding, I don't think it's hypocritical at all to have your son there during the ceremony, but not to allow other children there. Getting married when you already have children is a joining of the family; in my opinion, it would be lame not to have your child(ren) present. I think the suggestion to have someone available to watch small kids during the ceremony for the out-of-town guests is great. Have a plan made in advance, in case your babe gets fussy during the ceremony. I've seen way too many weddings, graduations, funerals and other special events get totally disrupted by crying and fussy children, especially when the parents were too rude and inconsiderate to take the child out. In town guests should hire a babysitter. I don't have a problem with kids being present during the reception, as long as they're properly supervised.

[Rowanbirch]

I don't know where the idea of bringing kids to a wedding they were not invited too-in other words the invitation would read-Mr. and Mrs. Smith and family instead of Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

It's your wedding, a night out for the adults. Your son is invited because he is YOUR son for goddess sake, that should not be so fricking hard for people to wrap their minds around that YOUR son is welcome at YOUR wedding. And presumbly granmom is okay with having to walk out with a squalling baby during the i dos.

It is up to the invited guests-even bridesmaids!-to make their own childcare arrangements or not come to th wedding. That's one of the many sacrifices you make when you have kids, sometimes you don't get to go to really fun grownup places because your-what I am sure are-extremely well-behaved children, not at all like cousin betty's brats-aren't welcome there.

And this goes for out of town guests too. I frequently am asked to stay over for a weekend for a good majority of my clients so they can go out of town to a wedding. If you want you could graciously find babysitters, but make it clear that the parents need to pay the babysitters' going rate.

Robin

p.s. and I believe Miss Manners and Miss Emily Post back up my position, however, I am sure they state it much more gently that I did.

[Mama J]

Okay, hon, first of all 84 guests including you and your other half isn't at all a big wedding. Try for starters planning it out of state. Then add eight parents to the equation. Now add 13 people in the wedding party. Finally, add the 300 or so guests all of whom had to be invited. By the way our wedding total tallly was about $6000.00. Not bad all things considered.

-Mama J

P.S. I really think YOU and YOUR OTHER HALF should DO what YOU TWO think or feel is RIGHT FOR YOU!!

[RubyRose]

Yeah ... so do I now ... the planning has gotten so out of hand ... there's little things, like Bombonaires that I'd let slip thinking that it wasn't really necessary that are now back on the to do list ... there's 7 weeks til the wedding ... I can barely get in contact with each of my bridesmaids in order to get there jewellery ... one of them is away ... the other works ... all three of them do not mess timetable wise ... like if ones free the other two work and so forth ... it's crazy ... Rhyce keeps telling me he's had no input and no longer cares "it's not my wedding" is one of the phrases he likes to parrot... it sucks...

[Lunadria]

Ruby, remember not everyoe has to attend the actual wedding or meal. How about sending close family and friends invitations for the wedding and invite your extended family to the reception? That was you are not excluding anyone and no one can feel left out or offended.

My take on the children situation. Don't worry about it. I was a bridesmaid as a child 3 times and there were at least a handful of children at each. From what I remember the guests loved having them around and took care of us without bothering the wedding party. I attended a friends wedding last Friday and there was only one child and in my opinion it felt a little strange. The amount of guests fighting over him for attention made sure he was well taken care of so it really wasn't an issue.

[Scarlettvixen]

for my wedding i said kids welcome - but keep em under control please.

as for Rhyces comment - that would lead to a fight if that had been said to me - give him jobs hun

why do u have to have bonberiies? (i cant spell that word sorry)
my mil had a fit because i refused to have them - my answer - she wanted them she paid for them - to me they are a horrendous waste of money.

its hard when parents are dictating( and paying) for wedding stuff
mine was simpler because i was older and i was paying
so i felt fine with telling both families nope not happening its my wedding not yrs