NewHuntress23
April 8th, 2006, 03:39 PM
:rant:
I'm sorry, but I need somewhere to vent about my sons father becuz I'm just over it. Completely.
Ive known him for 7 years almost, and we were 2gether for 5 years. He was my first love, my first real heartbreak. And now, I feel like I wasted some of the best years of my life with him. When we frist hooked up, I was only 16. He told me he was 19 at the time, but he was actaully 24. I never found that out until almost after a year of dating. He left me twice, one time he got $300 from me, and the 2nd time he got his babys mama pregnant again. And that whole time I was wondering what he was doing.
Then he came back again, I was dating around and what not becuz I didnt know how long he was going to hang around. But, after a while things started getting serious. I stopped dating around becuz I thought that this was actually it. The real thing. But, afte thinkin about it, all we did was party, talk about how we're going to get some much together, and sittin on our butts. I knew thats what everyone was sayin. And lus, my parents never liked him from the start. Especially after homecoming night when I didnt come home until 1PM the next day. Trust me, I got my butt beat for it.
While he was living at home, he hardly worked. But once his dad lost his house, I had to make him pack up and leave becuz he was just living there like it was still his. I made him get a job nd put him in a room, but I still had to pay for it most of the time. Then, one day, I came home late all trashed and my parents were waitin for me. We got into a huge argument about everything, and me being me, I packed up my stuff and said I was leaving. They took my car and their spare key, and that was it. And since Jason was living at his brother's house, it was ok for me to come there. That whole time I was working and Jason wasnt. But he still had his alcohol and cigarettes everyday. Then finally we got kicked out and moved to his cousins house down the road. Thats where things went really wrong.
I still had the same job, and after a few weeks, he had to get a job as well. Then, he had a connect to something that he wanted to do. That caused a bunch of problems in the house with everyone especially the kids. At one point, I quit my job, he was working and money was just rollin' in at the same time. But we still had to leave and we ended back at his brothers house.
At one point jason quit his job , neither one of us was working but he was still pushin'. Both of us were messed up constantly all day everyday. Once jasons habit really picked up, thats when things changed. Since we didnt have rent money, we were kicked out onc eagin and homeless. And at the same time people were looking for us becuz jason didnt give them their money. Being homeless was the worst thing in the world. I was really scared. Plus, I didnt want anyone to know becus I find that embarassing. At one point, he actually stole from his best friend becuz we had nothing. And I actually got into a fight becuz of him doing that too. Everytime anyone asked me if he did it, I said no bercuz thats what he told me to say. Plus, he didnt want to go to jail, he already had a warrrent out for him from a long time ago.
While we were homeless, we slept in my car since my parents ened up giving it back to me since I was doing ok at one point. We were homeless for two months DURING THE SUMMER!!! Which made it worse. Then, an old friend of ours comes around and the next thing you know it, we're in Florida. I love Florida, but weren't getting by down there either. He was still rippin people off, I had a job and got fired becuz I was blamed for all the teenagers hanging around the store. We eneded up homeless again, so we came back to Maryland.
My parents thought I was coming home, but I didnt. I stuck by my man. We stayed at a friends house, ended up getting kicked out of there, stayed with his brother again until he got evicted. Gee, will things ever change?
Finally, my parents found a small apt. for us and we were both working. Things were actually looking good. For once. I must admit that I'm guilty of cheating during that rough time. But, after having the apt for a year, I end up pregnant. I only worked up to my second month, becuz I was just feeling horrible. I will admit that I had second thoughts on having a baby, but he really talked to me into it. I honestly thought that having a child would change things between us, becuz my feelings were changing. I was having second thoughts about staying with him. Things really changed after James was almost 4 months. Jason was messed up and wanted to go out and I told him that it was a bad idea nad that he should stay home. But, he really wanted to get out, so he went any way. It was just me james, and jasons sister all night. Then, when Jason and his friend come back things got worse. It was him and two other people all drunk and high, and jason wanted more. So him and on of the friends jumped on the other and convinced him to empty out his bank account. WEll, the next afternoon, heres the S.W.A.T team about to bust down the door looking for jason for armed robbery. Yeah, the guy ran to the cops and said that Jason had a gun. So, they got him for that and that warrent. He finally got bailed out of both of them and he was out for 4 months. Went to court, and he went to jail and rehab for nine months. I went and visited him and what not, and I was back to dating around again. Once he got out, I messed around with one other person, and thats when I realized that it was definetly over. I'm not the one to cheat on my man at all regaurdless of who it is and he was still worried about myself and his needs.
So, I moved out and he kept the apt. Then not too much later, he gave up the apt and barged in mine. At first I was pissed and then I said screw it, we have a child 2gether maybe he will help out and what not. Boy was I wrong. He was always outside gettin messed up coming in whenever he wanted to. When he saw that I was done with it, he got mad. I always told him to leave, and he never did til about August. I thought he was coming back but he never did and he started seeing some1 else. OK!!!!
Then about I dont know, alittle over a month later he dropped her and was jumping around place to place. Then he asked if he could stay here for a few days. He hadnt seen james in awhile so I thought "fine" just to get him out of my ear. But when he came he found some guys boxers on my dresser. 8O I so didnt know he left those there I swear. I would like to say I was set up becuz he kept askin "are you SURE youre not with anyone" and that was driving me crazy.
Ok, that was around October and now its April. AND IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!! I will admit that I havent been the nicest person in the world to him, but somethings got to give. He knows were not 2gether but why does he still act like we are. He acts like nothings wrong. When he tries to kiss me or hug me I shake or I flip out. He got one job and quit after a week becuz they asked for his phone becuz he couldnt keep it in his pocket. Now thats dumb. And now all he wants to do is ask to use my car, hang out outside all hours of night and day, push whatever hes pushin, and acts like he still loves me when I tell him he needs to hurry up and leave. He says he has a feeling that I'm actually going to call the cops to have him removed, and you know what, I'm really thinkin about it too. All we do is fight all day, we actually get into physical fights sometimes and I dont like like. Sometimes I start it, sometimes he does and this is just making me wanna commit a bad crime. He just asked me to give him til the 13th and I said no. I already know hes not going to be out by 2nite, so should I be that nice again? WHAT THE HELL!?!?
He drives me crazy. You know my life wasnt so bad before I met him and now I feel like I've been in a bad movie called "Welcome to Hell of no Return". I gave up my friends and family for him, and my dancing career for him and I get this. Not fair. Ever since I cut him off, my life seems alittle better even though I still have to see him everyday. But, this is it. Im done with it. And now that we have a child 2gether it makes it that much harder, and makes me realize more how he justs needs to go some where else and get his life 2gether. I turn into a cheater, a violent person, and I have a temper, and I just a straight b*tch now. At least to him. And I see it as well.
Seriously, I just want to be able to move on with my life in peace and take care of James. I tried being Jasons friend, and he just decided to be a dick about it.
Ok, am I done??!................. I think so. I hope so. This was really long. Sorry, but thanx for listening. I feel so much better.
I'm sorry, but I need somewhere to vent about my sons father becuz I'm just over it. Completely.
Ive known him for 7 years almost, and we were 2gether for 5 years. He was my first love, my first real heartbreak. And now, I feel like I wasted some of the best years of my life with him. When we frist hooked up, I was only 16. He told me he was 19 at the time, but he was actaully 24. I never found that out until almost after a year of dating. He left me twice, one time he got $300 from me, and the 2nd time he got his babys mama pregnant again. And that whole time I was wondering what he was doing.
Then he came back again, I was dating around and what not becuz I didnt know how long he was going to hang around. But, after a while things started getting serious. I stopped dating around becuz I thought that this was actually it. The real thing. But, afte thinkin about it, all we did was party, talk about how we're going to get some much together, and sittin on our butts. I knew thats what everyone was sayin. And lus, my parents never liked him from the start. Especially after homecoming night when I didnt come home until 1PM the next day. Trust me, I got my butt beat for it.
While he was living at home, he hardly worked. But once his dad lost his house, I had to make him pack up and leave becuz he was just living there like it was still his. I made him get a job nd put him in a room, but I still had to pay for it most of the time. Then, one day, I came home late all trashed and my parents were waitin for me. We got into a huge argument about everything, and me being me, I packed up my stuff and said I was leaving. They took my car and their spare key, and that was it. And since Jason was living at his brother's house, it was ok for me to come there. That whole time I was working and Jason wasnt. But he still had his alcohol and cigarettes everyday. Then finally we got kicked out and moved to his cousins house down the road. Thats where things went really wrong.
I still had the same job, and after a few weeks, he had to get a job as well. Then, he had a connect to something that he wanted to do. That caused a bunch of problems in the house with everyone especially the kids. At one point, I quit my job, he was working and money was just rollin' in at the same time. But we still had to leave and we ended back at his brothers house.
At one point jason quit his job , neither one of us was working but he was still pushin'. Both of us were messed up constantly all day everyday. Once jasons habit really picked up, thats when things changed. Since we didnt have rent money, we were kicked out onc eagin and homeless. And at the same time people were looking for us becuz jason didnt give them their money. Being homeless was the worst thing in the world. I was really scared. Plus, I didnt want anyone to know becus I find that embarassing. At one point, he actually stole from his best friend becuz we had nothing. And I actually got into a fight becuz of him doing that too. Everytime anyone asked me if he did it, I said no bercuz thats what he told me to say. Plus, he didnt want to go to jail, he already had a warrrent out for him from a long time ago.
While we were homeless, we slept in my car since my parents ened up giving it back to me since I was doing ok at one point. We were homeless for two months DURING THE SUMMER!!! Which made it worse. Then, an old friend of ours comes around and the next thing you know it, we're in Florida. I love Florida, but weren't getting by down there either. He was still rippin people off, I had a job and got fired becuz I was blamed for all the teenagers hanging around the store. We eneded up homeless again, so we came back to Maryland.
My parents thought I was coming home, but I didnt. I stuck by my man. We stayed at a friends house, ended up getting kicked out of there, stayed with his brother again until he got evicted. Gee, will things ever change?
Finally, my parents found a small apt. for us and we were both working. Things were actually looking good. For once. I must admit that I'm guilty of cheating during that rough time. But, after having the apt for a year, I end up pregnant. I only worked up to my second month, becuz I was just feeling horrible. I will admit that I had second thoughts on having a baby, but he really talked to me into it. I honestly thought that having a child would change things between us, becuz my feelings were changing. I was having second thoughts about staying with him. Things really changed after James was almost 4 months. Jason was messed up and wanted to go out and I told him that it was a bad idea nad that he should stay home. But, he really wanted to get out, so he went any way. It was just me james, and jasons sister all night. Then, when Jason and his friend come back things got worse. It was him and two other people all drunk and high, and jason wanted more. So him and on of the friends jumped on the other and convinced him to empty out his bank account. WEll, the next afternoon, heres the S.W.A.T team about to bust down the door looking for jason for armed robbery. Yeah, the guy ran to the cops and said that Jason had a gun. So, they got him for that and that warrent. He finally got bailed out of both of them and he was out for 4 months. Went to court, and he went to jail and rehab for nine months. I went and visited him and what not, and I was back to dating around again. Once he got out, I messed around with one other person, and thats when I realized that it was definetly over. I'm not the one to cheat on my man at all regaurdless of who it is and he was still worried about myself and his needs.
So, I moved out and he kept the apt. Then not too much later, he gave up the apt and barged in mine. At first I was pissed and then I said screw it, we have a child 2gether maybe he will help out and what not. Boy was I wrong. He was always outside gettin messed up coming in whenever he wanted to. When he saw that I was done with it, he got mad. I always told him to leave, and he never did til about August. I thought he was coming back but he never did and he started seeing some1 else. OK!!!!
Then about I dont know, alittle over a month later he dropped her and was jumping around place to place. Then he asked if he could stay here for a few days. He hadnt seen james in awhile so I thought "fine" just to get him out of my ear. But when he came he found some guys boxers on my dresser. 8O I so didnt know he left those there I swear. I would like to say I was set up becuz he kept askin "are you SURE youre not with anyone" and that was driving me crazy.
Ok, that was around October and now its April. AND IM GOING CRAZY!!!!!! I will admit that I havent been the nicest person in the world to him, but somethings got to give. He knows were not 2gether but why does he still act like we are. He acts like nothings wrong. When he tries to kiss me or hug me I shake or I flip out. He got one job and quit after a week becuz they asked for his phone becuz he couldnt keep it in his pocket. Now thats dumb. And now all he wants to do is ask to use my car, hang out outside all hours of night and day, push whatever hes pushin, and acts like he still loves me when I tell him he needs to hurry up and leave. He says he has a feeling that I'm actually going to call the cops to have him removed, and you know what, I'm really thinkin about it too. All we do is fight all day, we actually get into physical fights sometimes and I dont like like. Sometimes I start it, sometimes he does and this is just making me wanna commit a bad crime. He just asked me to give him til the 13th and I said no. I already know hes not going to be out by 2nite, so should I be that nice again? WHAT THE HELL!?!?
He drives me crazy. You know my life wasnt so bad before I met him and now I feel like I've been in a bad movie called "Welcome to Hell of no Return". I gave up my friends and family for him, and my dancing career for him and I get this. Not fair. Ever since I cut him off, my life seems alittle better even though I still have to see him everyday. But, this is it. Im done with it. And now that we have a child 2gether it makes it that much harder, and makes me realize more how he justs needs to go some where else and get his life 2gether. I turn into a cheater, a violent person, and I have a temper, and I just a straight b*tch now. At least to him. And I see it as well.
Seriously, I just want to be able to move on with my life in peace and take care of James. I tried being Jasons friend, and he just decided to be a dick about it.
Ok, am I done??!................. I think so. I hope so. This was really long. Sorry, but thanx for listening. I feel so much better.