Stay at home or work?

[David19]

I was just wondering, are any of you stay at home parents or do you go to work. If you do stay at home, what are the benefits, do you like it and do you think you miss out on anything, same questions for those who go to work, do you like it, feel you miss out on anything and what do you think are the benefits.

Do you think staying at home is good for kids or is daycare (i think that's the U.S. word for it, right) better for them.

For me, i don't know what's best for kids, and i'll probably never have to (as i'm gay), but both my parents did work and i stayed with a childminder (i'm not sure if you have them in the U.S., they basically gets paid to look after kids), and i think i'm 'normal', but i've heard a lot of people say it's not 'good' for kids to be left on their 'own' without any parent, what do you think?.

[Deranged Hermit]

I'm a stay-at-home-mom. It enables me to strive for as simple a lifestyle as possible. I don't think I'd be able to do that if I had to go to a job and do the work required at home every day. As for missing anything, no, I really don't. I'm not much of a people-person anyways, so I don't crave interaction the way some people do I suppose.
As far as whether daycare or having a parent at home is better for the kids, that's kind of a touchy subject I suppose. One thing I do know, is that kids are resilient. They can usually make the best of whatever situation they're in. I've always had trust issues, so would never have been able to put my kids in daycare. But for some people, it works out great. I guess it's really a case-by-case thing.

[Green Fairy]

i would love to be able to stay at home, but for the time being i have always worked, and unfortunately i missed out on a lot mainly because i was a store manager of a retail store in the mall so of course i always had funny hours.


i just got done with real estate school and i chose to do this because its still in a field that i am good at and enjoy doing, except this time i may be able to work my work around my life, and not have to miss out on so much :)

[MysticWitch]

my child grew up with me at home and with the odd babysitter when I did have to work. I'm glad the majority of my child's younger years was with me and not a babysitter. I think a child should grow up being watched by their parent and not some one who is not related, although Im not saying that kids grow up bad for being babysat, I just think its better for that person to be their biological parent. :wave:

[WillowsMuse]

I think it's like breast feeding, there's no doubt that parental care is best for children, but that doesn't mean a child in daycare won't do just as well. I am immensely grateful that I am able to stay home, but I would and will work full time if I am needed. I do work a few hours a week and DH stays with the boys. It's ideal for me.

[Zoritsa_Nepenthe]

I've done both.I worked when my oldest was little and felt I missed out on everything.I felt guilty as my role as a mother,wife,and as an employee....because I could not give my all to any one thing.I quit work when my oldest was in Kindergarten,and I still wish I had been able to be home when he was a baby.

With my youngest I've been home with him ever since he was born.He is 4 now and I am loving it.There's no way I'd want to have to get back into the work force now...maybe when he's in school,but no way I could right now.Life is to short and my kids are only kids for a mere second when it's all done and over.

[LacyRoze]

I've been a SAHM since my oldest was born over 16yrs ago. It was a decision hubby and I made together, as long as financially feasible I would stay home. Luckily it has worked out for us. Sure, money is tight and sometimes there's not much "mad" money but that's ok. I love being home with my children and watching them mature and change before my eyes. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Have I missed out on anything? Maybe but my family is the center of my life so I don't really feel as if I've missed out.

As for whether it's better for children to be with parents or babysitters? I grew up with a live in babysitter and I think I turned out ok. There were times I felt my mother's job was more important to her than I was but that's just the thinking of a child. I think it's different for every family and what's right for one isn't necessarily right for another...

[Ceres]

I have been a stay at home mom since my first was born nearly thirteen years ago. Both my husband and I have been totally dedicated to my being home with our kids all along. In the beginning it was very very tough financially, but we felt it was worth the sacrifice of new clothes and shoes, home decor, going out on weekends, vacations and new vehicles.

Our commitment extended to taking full responsibility for their education as well (homeschooling) and I have to say that while they do drive me nutso some days, I wouldnt miss this time for the world!

[StarEyes]

While my fiance' and I are trying to get pregnant, we have discussed this issue in depth. He is currently a house husband and he loves it!! I love it as well. I never have the energy to cook or clean and he loves doing it. When I finally get pregnant, he is going to work while I am on my 6 weeks of maternity leave and then stay at home with the baby while I go back to work. I am *very* much a people person and tend to go a little crazy if there isn't someone around for me to interact that is close to my age. He is perfectly happy with this as he missed the early years of his first three (from a previous mother). Overall, it is a good workable solution for us.

[LadyKaty]

I have done both.

When my daughter was small, I worked, because her biological father was, and is, pretty much useless. But that's a rant for another day.

Once I married my current (and LAST - and he's my second) husband, WE made the commitment to having me stay home with my then-four-year-old. I worked from the time the baby was two weeks old until she was four, when we got married.

I appreciate being able to stay home. My husband works at LEAST sixty hours a week (most times, it's more) as a restaurant manager so I can stay home.

However, now that my daughter is older, I'd LIKE to go back to work, but that turns into a scheduling nightmare with one car, a husband who works strange hours, a kid in middle school, and me wanting to work.

Until we can afford a second car, I'm home. But, we are looking into selling our house and getting the heck out of this state, because it's so expensive to live here (California). Once we sell the house, we're buying a second car.

And then, I will work part-time until the kid is out of high school, and in college. Not to mention, I will be working on finishing my bachelor's degree. After she goes to college, and is supporting herself in college, I'm going to law school. That's the plan.

[KaidaMidnight]

I am a stay at home mom. Hubby and I both decided it was right. I don't know if I had the urge to stay home because my mom left when I was little and or what ( I was raised by my dad, and a live in Nanny until I was 16 and my dad married his g/f), But I've ALWAYS wanted to be a stay at home mom. And hubby agrees that as long as we have the money to raise the boys and have a roof over our heads.. I can. :) I plan on homeschooling, so it's much easier being a sahm :)

[DreamSpell333]

I'm a stay at home Mom and LOVE it! I take care of most of the housework and cook. I love to cook,and be able to set my own schedule. I get sick pretty easily, as I have asthma. Staying home has been better for me and my husband even agrees. I dont get sick as often. It also takes me longer to get rid of a cold. I also enjoy spending as much time with my daughter . I think it's better for her to be home and less stressful for her. I also had trouble finding dependable babysitters. I had a friend (no,EX-friend) who I had watch hannah. She would leave hannah in her wet diapers,and I'd come home to her having a bad rash. I'd put desitin on it,and get it healed and it would come back whenever the sitter had her. another friend visited her,and overheard my other friend letting hannah call HER mommy.So , since then Ive stayed home and Taken care of her. not that everyone is like that,but I was not taking any chances. Hannahs never had a severely bad rash like that,before or after,as I always changed her..this friend was very immature and just wanted the money.. were ttc # 3,and I plan on staying home after as well . Once hannah and the future baby is in school,I plan on going back.. i enjoy being home :)

[Willow Rosette]

I am a single Mom that has to work. I work a job I hate with to many hours. 12 - 15 most days. I feel I miss way to much of my daughter. BUT that being said I do think pre school has been amazing for her. My Mom has her before and after school most days so she is doing very well. But I do wish there was something to help Mothers not have to work so many hours and still be able to make the bills.

[Ceres]

I am a single Mom that has to work. I work a job I hate with to many hours. 12 - 15 most days. I feel I miss way to much of my daughter. BUT that being said I do think pre school has been amazing for her. My Mom has her before and after school most days so she is doing very well. But I do wish there was something to help Mothers not have to work so many hours and still be able to make the bills.

I think its great your own mother can look after your daughter while you are away. Its so important they are looked after by someone who loves them.

[Xirian]

I am a stay-at-home mother that just finished Medical Transcription school. The benefits are that I get to participate with my son in his school activities, like the carnival, PTA, movie nights etc... Also, we get to spend time together during the summer, something I was unable to do when I was in Surgical Technology school full time and working as a Surgical Tech.

I enjoy my home, it is comfortable and I have a nice set-up here. I also get to do things that I wouldn't feel up to doing if I was working out of the house again, like studying Italian, practicing my religion, cooking (which I have a new found love for), getting caught up on my reading, and running my forum.

When I was a Surgical Tech. I was always on-call at ungodly hours of the night and after already working an 8 hour day, being called in at midnight only to work 4 more hours then to work another 8 hour shift, that was enough for me. I didn't have anytime for myself, let alone my son.

I enjoy being at home and it is nice for my bf, because I enjoy maintaining a nice environment for him to come home to after working a 10 to 12 hour shift at the local factory, which does wonders for our communication and personal relationship. I love working from home!!!

[darastar]

I've been a SAHM since my oldest daughter was born, 10 years ago. It was a decision that my husband and I made before any of our kids were even born, and I haven't regretted it for a minute. We have made a lot of sacrifices for this, we can't afford a new car or a holiday every year, unlike some of my friends that work fulltime and have their children in daycare, but I don't care. Being with my kids at home is far more important to me.

Now my youngest son is in full time school, and I have looked around for work, but it is still important to me to be there for them after school, so unless I find a job that is strictly school hours (plus weekends and school holidays!) I can't see me working any time soon. I didn't come this far in my SAHM career just to park them in afterschool care! I run an eBay store which helps supplement the family income, and am also looking into other work-from-home options.

[Cindlady2]

Part time jobs are easier to find than full time and you could get a full time job when they get in school. I did everything from stay at home to part time to full time to some really weird hours. My kids survived! And my youngest liked a few hours a week in daycare. It was different and fun!

[Chesna]

I seem to be in the minority..but what the hay!!!
I am a working mom and I think it is a good idea..and here are a few or my
reasons:
1) I went stir crazy on maternity leave..I like adult interaction
2) My daughter has had wonderful caregivers- she's almost 4 and in her life only 2 daycare providers. She has never cried when I have left her at daycare, she talks about all her friends and the cool things she does. I think it has helped her become the happy, socialable well adjusted child.
3) As she gets older..she'll she see the joy mommy gets out of working because it is doing something I love and she'll learn a valuable lesson..one works for things in life.

As a child I was in daycare, but I also saw how hard my parents worked and how much pride they took in their things. My parents instilled in me a VERY VERY strong work ethic and a belief that one needs to go out and earn and strive for the things that matter most. Now I know that a work ethic can be built up in different ways..this was just the way I was taught and it makes sense to me..and so I am doing it for my children. I never once grew up thinking my parent owed me anything..because from day one I knew the importance of working for what you want.

Do I ever feel like I have missed out?? Honesty..NEVER! In fact..I value our time together more and find ways to make it count. Plus..evetually she'll be going to school..to me day care provides a routine that help sets up school....she can't wait for school in Sept..and I know come time for school..no issues with seperation anxiety.

Now...I know SAHM are wonderful and I admire them for their ability to stay at home..but as to what is better..Ithink there is no answer tothat..for its a family by family basis..for my family...having both of us work is right..for the family down the street it will be where one parent stays at home....its personal preference...

Chesna

[Ceres]

1) anyone would go nuts with no adult interraction all day; thats why SAHM rarely just 'stay at home'
2) thats great for your daughter, but the reality is that this is rare, despite psychologists unanimously agreeing that having one stable caregiver throughout early childhood is important, most kids go through many before they get to school
3)SAHMs DO work for what we have; we dont even get the ego stroke of a paycheck by way of compensation, either.

[Kalika]

Currently, both my husband and I work. However, that will be changing in the near future. He is going to stay home with the kids.

The benefit for us is that our children will not be raised by a stranger... and the expenses that we can cut out (Daycare ($1200! per month), an additional car, insurance, gas...) would be what he brings home anyways, so we'd rather have him stay home and take care of the kids and cut those expenses.

Not to mention, he doesn't like his job, which makes him unhappy... which stresses us both out.

[Ceres]

Currently, both my husband and I work. However, that will be changing in the near future. He is going to stay home with the kids.

The benefit for us is that our children will not be raised by a stranger... and the expenses that we can cut out (Daycare ($1200! per month), an additional car, insurance, gas...) would be what he brings home anyways, so we'd rather have him stay home and take care of the kids and cut those expenses.

Not to mention, he doesn't like his job, which makes him unhappy... which stresses us both out.

Thats awesome! My husband cant handle all the kids all at once and would NEVER stay home with them. :lol: Its great to hear there are dads who want to. It cant be easy on the male ego to make that choice either - kudos to him.

[Kalika]

Thats awesome! My husband cant handle all the kids all at once and would NEVER stay home with them. :lol: Its great to hear there are dads who want to. It cant be easy on the male ego to make that choice either - kudos to him.

He's truly one of a kind. ;)

Then again... we've put what he wanted to do first in a lot of instances... he's giving me my chance at building a career, etc, so I'm grateful for that.

He's wondering how he's going to handle an 18 month old and a new baby... but I know he can do it. :lol:

[Deranged Hermit]

When our kids were 2 and 7, Jeff tried staying home while I went to work. Long story short, it didn't work. :lol:

When my younger son went to his first day of kindergarten, he cried when he had to go home because he liked being with the kids so much!
(he also very nearly got thrown out because he's very much a free-spirit) :hehehehe:

[Ceres]

When my younger son went to his first day of kindergarten, he cried when he had to go home because he liked being with the kids so much!
(he also very nearly got thrown out because he's very much a free-spirit) :hehehehe:

LOL! Free spirit is such a nice way to put it. My son got kicked out of his first university class last week. We homeschool and were doing a session on chemistry at a nearby University and he wanted to stay because the older kids were. Against my better judgement I let him, only to have him returned to me in about five minutes :lol: He wouldnt shut up. I hope he does better there later in life.

[gurlygurl2004]

I'm not married, nor do I have kids but I do feel like for most people, they need to work and it's more affordable to have a double income household then to have a single income household. But a good compromise I guess would be to have an at home type of work.

[Marcasite]

I don't have kids yet either but I'm hoping when they do arrive I'll be able to stay home at least until they're in school

[moonchild]

we have a 2 income home. until i can figure out how to get rid of the oodles of school loan debt i have it will stay that way. when i was home for maternity leave i never thought i could leave her and go back to work but i'm ok with it. we found a daycare that we love with only 2 other kids in the home with a woman who truely loves our daughter too. I don't think i could stay at home, i need the interactions on a daily basis. i think if i stayed at home i would be out of the home more than in the home :). dh said the other day that if things were different and we could live on one income that he would stay home because i make the bigger income (not a whole lot more...)

[thewhitetigress]

I love being a SAHM but it doesnt work when you're struggling, or without a spouse or family to help out.I ,unfortunately, have to look for daycare and work within the year.

It all comes down to finance basically.. if you are able to stay at home.. why not for the first few years if you wish or longer.

[Temptation]

I stayed home with my daughter for about 6 years. I went back to work part-time when she started primary school. Staying home was great and all, but I couldn't have done it longer than those six years. I was really ready to go back to work even though we didn't need the money.

My job allows for a lot of flexibility and so I feel I have the best of both worlds. :)

[Kalika]

:boing:

As of May 12th, my hubby will be a SAHD. :) Whoo hoo! :D