I found someone on MySpace & now I'm a mix of emotions

[DixieWitch]

Okay I'm going crazy here...and chances are I'll go crazy for the next day or so. I've been searching for someone from my past for a few years now. And today, by a stroke of luck, I found him. It's my son's father. I was visiting my high school page on MySpace, saw a girl who went to school at the same time I did and just clicked to see if I knew her. Well I don't know her, but I do know the man she is engaged to and has 3 kids with. I had a rush of emotions hit me all at one time. And strangely, not one of them is anger. Part of me wants to contact him, part of me doesn't. But my son has been asking questions for a long time now. And know that I've finally found him, I think it's only fair on my part to at least try to do something. I'm actually more worried about causing problems in his life!! So weird after all that he put me through so many years ago. Goddess, what should I do now?

[TheAquaGoddess]

Umm, that's a tough one. I would advise thinking hard about what is best for your son.

If you do contact the man you believe to be the birth father, this could possibly open a virtual Pandora's Box. Once he knows, he has options you might not be comfortable with, nor anticipate as you sit pondering this difficult situation.

It is likely, heck, downright probable that he will ask you for a DNA test. If it shows that he is the birth father, he may ask for and be granted custody and/or visitation.

I would ask you if you are ready for that. Is your son old enough to understand the dynamics?

Even if your motives are pure, he and his girlfriend might not realize that right away. They might see this as comming from left field, out of the blue. They may question your motives. Be prepaired for things to be very, very tense in the beginning. Ugly, in fact. Remember they have no idea, no advance warning, no preparation for what may lie ahead of them.

I hope that you find the answer that you seek. And more than that, I hope that you can live comfortably with your choice.

May Goddess smile on you, and comfort you in this trying time.
TAG

[DixieWitch]

Umm, that's a tough one. I would advise thinking hard about what is best for your son.

If you do contact the man you believe to be the birth father, this could possibly open a virtual Pandora's Box. Once he knows, he has options you might not be comfortable with, nor anticipate as you sit pondering this difficult situation.

It is likely, heck, downright probable that he will ask you for a DNA test. If it shows that he is the birth father, he may ask for and be granted custody and/or visitation.

I would ask you if you are ready for that. Is your son old enough to understand the dynamics?

Even if your motives are pure, he and his girlfriend might not realize that right away. They might see this as comming from left field, out of the blue. They may question your motives. Be prepaired for things to be very, very tense in the beginning. Ugly, in fact. Remember they have no idea, no advance warning, no preparation for what may lie ahead of them.

I hope that you find the answer that you seek. And more than that, I hope that you can live comfortably with your choice.

May Goddess smile on you, and comfort you in this trying time.
TAG

He already knows he is the father. I know he is the father. The thing I wonder about is whether he still believes it or not. Or has he let time and other factors steer him differently. My son is 12, will be 13 in October. As far as Alabama laws are concerned, the father no longer has any parental rights. I don't care about past child support or anything like that. I just want my son to know that his father is out there.

[Kalika]

He already knows he is the father. I know he is the father. The thing I wonder about is whether he still believes it or not. Or has he let time and other factors steer him differently. My son is 12, will be 13 in October. As far as Alabama laws are concerned, the father no longer has any parental rights. I don't care about past child support or anything like that. I just want my son to know that his father is out there.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting your son to know his father... but I would broach the subject with this guy before mentioning to your son that you have found him.

I know how crushing it can be when a parent wants nothing to do with you... so if that happens in this case, protecting your son from that until he's older would be worthwhile.

:hugz:

[Aleannah]

I would approach this situation with extreme caution. Make sure that you know all the legalities involved, so you don't end up with any surprises. Maybe it will go well, maybe it won't. I also agree with the suggestion that you contact the father yourself first, to save your son unnecessary heartache. I would also meditate and do a reading to see if you can gain any insight. I send you energy for the best possible outcome in this situation. :hugz:

[KaidaMidnight]

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting your son to know his father... but I would broach the subject with this guy before mentioning to your son that you have found him.

I know how crushing it can be when a parent wants nothing to do with you... so if that happens in this case, protecting your son from that until he's older would be worthwhile.

:hugz:

I agree with this. It is VERY Crushing to realize that your parent wants nothing to do with you (I was 8 when my mom just up and left my dad and I, not wanting a family life anymore).

The thing is.. does She know about you and your son? If you found him through her on myspace, would you have to contact him through her? You say you don't want to cause problems in his life now (which is good that you are thinking of that! :D ), and if she doesn't know about you or your son... I don't know.. l guess just write the pros and cons about it. It is a VERY hard thing to even have to choose what to do. :hugz: Good luck hun. Energy sent to you for understanding and less confusion in this whole matter.