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View Full Version : HMPH! I think my father needs a beating!



Danustouch
January 21st, 2002, 08:08 PM
With a Big Fat Stupid Stick~!

Ok...so..I've been doing family tree/geneology work, for more than a year now. And I've really put aLOT of time and energy into it. Meanwhile, my illustrious father, hasn't helped a dang bit. He's been more a source of MISinformation, than anything else..and when I call to talk to them about the family tree, I almost always wind up talking to my mom, even about HIS side of the family. As a matter of fact, he's seemed to care less about my family tree research, until tonight. As a matter of fact, he's yelled at my mother about the phone bill, and been rude when she and I were on the phone discussing family tree research.

Well...just recently, I've seeemed to have a major increase in luck with the whole family research thing. I keep getting breaks, where before, it seemed all the doors were closed.

I'm already frustrated, however, because most of the research on my fathers side of the family, needs to be conducted in Ireland, since my father is only two generations removed from Ireland. And anyone who has done family tree research through foreighn countries, knows what a costly endeavor it can be. Each single record that you submit for, costs fourty dollars american, JUST for them to conduct a search. If they don't find anything, you still have to pay the fee (the local historical societies, and libraries, that is). If you hire a private geneology investigator, you're talking HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of dollars. And if you want a membership on one of the major online geneology forums, such as ancestry.com, or geneology.com, you have to pay over 100 dollars for a yearly membership (depending on what features you get. What I need, would probably set me back about three hundred dollars). If I were working, I'd have no problem paying these fee's. So I've asked my family for help in that (since my mother is the one who's urged me for years to become the family historian). And...my mom is whining now, about how expensive it is, and how she wants to explore every other avenue first. No matter how much I tell her, that I've already explored every other avenue, for the last year and a half. I'm on over twelve email lists, I've done tons of searches...made phonecalls, written letters. There's just no way around it. To research that line of my family..it's going to cost us. So..I'm at a stalemate.

Then...all of a sudden..I get a message from a woman on a mailing list, who happens to be from that area of Ireland. She gives me the phone number, of a woman IN that section of Ireland, who appears to be a distant relative of ours! Jackpot! So...me..all excited and naive, calls my dad to tell him. Imagining how proud he'll be of me. He takes the number, and plans on calling there this weekend. I tell him.."Well..ya know dad..I'd kinda like to talk to her. I mean..i've been working on this for over a year now.". He goes.."Oh. Well..I mean..if she's willing to start a correspondence, we'll wait until the next time you come down here, and you can call her then.". Yeah..of course, that will be far too late. The next time I'm going down there, is in the middle of March. And I wanted to get some more information before my Grandfathers' birthday, so that I could put a book together, containing some family history, for him. So..basically, my father just took it right out of my hands. MY baby..MY energy..MY research, MY project...all the time I invested, all the money in phonecalls...and he just takes it right out of my hands. So...instead..i try to give him a list, of things I'd like him to ask her about. His answer.."NO NO NO..you can't do that..you need to start a 'Relationship' with her...you need to start a series of correspondences..and THEN ask your questions..little by little!". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

This is my first major breakthrough in researching that side of my family. My FIRST major breakthrough..and he's putting me into a stalemate. I can't move foward, and do any more research on that side of the family. They either have to start paying for some of these programs, or...ask this lady. WHO by the way, KNOWS that the reason we will be calling is to discuss family history!

Dad...this isn't a freaking social..."HI, how ya doin..we're long lost relatives, love to visit you someday" type call! This is a "Hi! Wow..I'm so happy we found a distant relative. Noone else can provide us with any data on our roots in Ireland..we're hoping you can help" Call!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

So...my dad, is a big ...GRRRRRRRRRR

BeachWitch
January 21st, 2002, 08:14 PM
... why not just ignore Dad and call her yourself, ask your questions and end the call with, "By the way my Dad would love to chat with ou, here's his number" ?

I wouldn't give up so easy if I were you. I mean he obviously has issues with your success (yep, been there done that!) so move on, call the woman and satisfy yourself!

Myst
January 21st, 2002, 09:21 PM
What she said.

Yvonne Belisle
January 21st, 2002, 09:22 PM
Forget the Dad make the call you will only get more upset and frazzled if you don't. Especially when he asks all the wrong questions and considers it done.

Lavender
January 21st, 2002, 09:47 PM
Yup! What they said too! :D

Amethyst Rose
January 21st, 2002, 10:45 PM
Yup, I agree what everyone else said. If it was me, I'd just call on my own, regardless of what dad said.

Danustouch
January 22nd, 2002, 12:12 AM
I agree with everything you guys say...but the problem is...he is planning to call her tomorrow morning. And if I get to her before he does..you can bet there will be holy hell over it. Did I mention my father is a Leo? Don't steal the man's spotlight..or he get's way miffed. Grrr...it's just so frustrating. I should have bit my tongue in the first place..made the call..and THEN told him about it.

I told my mother to supervise him though..lol. I told her to make sure that he mentions me, and that I'd like to speak with her regarding the family history, and that I have plenty of questions. And would she mind if I gave her a call, sometime, as well.

I just wish this woman had an email address..lol..so I could forewarn her that my Dad would be calling...lol.

Ugh. Luckily, my husband has been very understanding..and said that I should call her, too. And he also said that my father is just displaying typical Leo behavior. LOL..the center of the show, and the spotlight of it, and all that.

Who want's to bet that my father will be the first to call my Grandfather, and tell him about the phone call, and make it seem as if it was all HIS doing?

Anyway..I'm going to call my mom tomorrow, and see how my dad did. And I plan on telling her that I was very hurt by dads reaction to the whole thing.

Do you know that he didn't even say "Good Job, Jean"..or "Wow..you're doing an excellent job?"

Guess I should have expected that....sigh.

Thanks for listening to my rant though. Maybe the phone lines will turn to ice overnight, and my Dad won't be able to place the call? LOL.

Myst
January 22nd, 2002, 08:56 AM
So call her after..?

BeachWitch
January 22nd, 2002, 02:25 PM
I hope you wait until "late morning", then call her. If your dad hasn't called yet, you can always say "... but I waited until late morning so you could be the first to call, I'm so sorry, I thought you would have been done by then!"

That way, you give him first choice, and if he doesn't take it, then the issue is on him, not you!

Good Luck!!!

Pagecrd
January 23rd, 2002, 05:10 AM
AS A LEO...............GRRRRRRRR YOUR RIGHT DARN IT! HEEHEE ANYWAY, IVE BEEN WORKING ON MY FAMILY TREE TOO . ALOT OF HARD WORK SO CONGRATS. I FOUND OUT I HAVE AN UNCLE I HAVE NEVER HEARD MY FATHER SPEAK ABOUT-HE WAS 25 YRS OLDER THAN MY FATHER-AND I FOUND OUT THE MY UNCLE AND DAD HAVE THE SAME DAD AND THAT THIER MOTHERS ARE SISTERS. AND ----THIS IS REALLY SICK---MY GRANDMA WHO MARRIED MY GRANDFATHER 8 YEARS AGO AND IS 46 YEARS YOUNGER THAN HIM IS HIS DAUGHTER. IT IS SICK I THINK IM GOING TO JUST ADD MYSELF TO SOMEONE ELSES FAMILY TREE :(

I REALLY NEED SOME PITY HERE *SENDS OUT PITY-PARTY INVITES*

Danustouch
January 23rd, 2002, 09:47 AM
Oy...well..that's disturbing information you found out. Sorry your family tree research didn't dig up some more pleasant info.

I think every family has skeletons in the closet though. So try not to feel too bad.

I think that somewhere back in the 1700s or 1800's there may have been a case of incestuous marriage in my mothers family tree, as well. Second Cousins, or something like that. It was so long ago, and people still don't want to talk about it, really. We just get "hints" every now and then. Like someone saying they have "Double Lineage of that family". I think that when people do their family tree's, they should kind of separate the past from the present. You can't control the acts of your ancestors, you can only learn from their mistakes, right? So..to me, it's rediculous that all these families keep stuff so secret. The past is past...ya know?

Illuminatus
January 23rd, 2002, 10:17 AM
Sillyhead

Call her in secret

Ask her not to mention you to her father

Tell her to act all surprised when he does eventually call.

Intrigue!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!

Danustouch
January 23rd, 2002, 10:19 AM
LOL....but..that would be asking her to fib, wouldn't it? I may have no compunctions about fibbing to my father..but...she might :)

Danustouch
January 24th, 2002, 02:24 AM
Well..I called Dad tonight, and talked to him about the Ireland Contact. Wouldn't ya know, that since mercury is in retro, he took it badly. He was quite bent about it actually..but he refrained from yelling. But..he was like a little kid going to pout. I felt like an (Excuse the term...but...I couldn't find another term to fit).."Indian Giver". Remember that term from the Kindergarten years? When you give a gift, and then take it back? Well..i've learned a really important lesson. I should have handled it right away, and told him from the start that I wanted to be the one to contact her.

I need to be more confident from now on.

I'll let you know how the phone call to the Ireland Contact goes.

Pagecrd
January 24th, 2002, 06:02 AM
yay!