Pushing buttons

[coyoger]

Ok, I know that we are supposed to ignore bad behavior but my sweet little one is really pushing my buttons!

First she started this thing where she banged her head on the table. Which I try to ignore but when she whams her head on the table and then cries (with good reason now) I can’t help but hold and comfort her.

And now she has started the “squall” that horrid scream that all children seem to go thorough. And when she does this scream I just want to throw something against the wall. Or go running from the room.

So how does everyone else handle these kinds of actions?

I know that this has been discussed before, but I need options. Help please?

[LacyRoze]

My son did the head banging when he was small. I would try to catch him as he was about to do it and tell him to do it. He didn't want to do what mommy said so it stopped him dead in his tracks. As for the squalls, I take my daughter to her room, sit her on her bed, tell her if she's going to continue to act in a such a manner I am going to close her door until her fit is over. If she continues, I do just what I said I would. I close the door and go on with whatever I was doing....

[Ceres]

Try to keep your sense of humour - I know its hard. If you can find it in yourself to laugh when she starts the screaming thing, it might ease tension at the same time as helping her see that screaming is not going to get what she wants. She understands she isnt being taken seriously when you think she is funny. And after all, dont we all just wanna scream long and loud when life gets frustrating? Who am I kidding, I usually do. :weirdsmil

As for the head banging, I would say that one is self disciplining. Why kids would go that route when its so uncomfortable just goes to show what illogical little creatures they can be :lol: Again, try to modify your reactions. If you can laugh and say, wow that must have hurt, it will send her the message if she wants to bang her head, she is the only who is going to get upset about it.

Try not to get too upset about comments or looks others make about her behaviors in public. Trust me, these are normal toddler/preschool reactions and anyone who gives you a hard time over them either never had kids, has kids who havent gone through a difficult stage (YET; they all do at some point) or doesnt recall their own humbling moments as a parent.

[Kalika]

We've started taking our son away from whatever he is doing (the banging of the head for instance), telling him no, sitting him down for 30 seconds, and then letting him back up. It seems to work... mostly. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 times for him to figure it out, but he always does.

Distraction is a good tactic too - we try to divert his attention in a more positive direction. :p

[starfire]

Well it sounds like she is looking for attention, so my advice is to pick a time when there is good behavior and spend time with her. Let her know that this is her and mommy time, or daddy time what ever.

She is getting what she wants by the negative behavior. Is she tired, does she need that huggy time, does it happen about the same time of day? Things to pay attention to so that the bad can be avoided and good can be replaced.

As far as the squelling, the information above is great. Take her in the room, and tell her that screeming is not appropriet behavor, that if she wants your attention to use her words. Then tell her when she can act approprietly she can come out of the room. You don't say how old she is, but it sounds like it is an attention issue.

It was funny when I would send my kids to their room and tell them they could come out when they could behave, they would take a while, then soon enough they would come out and things would be good. I never had to make a set time, that wasn't necessary.

[Chesna]

I often wondered why the MUTE button on my remote doesn't work when they scream that inhuman cry!!!???? What we do is put her on the time out/screaming/tantrum couch. When ever she needs a time out, to scream or tantrum..its there..she can only get off when she is ready to be nice and sweet..until then...couch time. It works...she cries until she sees we have moved on and then I hear..mom..I am done..to which I say..good you can get off. Good Luck!!

Chesna

[Ziana]

:lol: Personally, I never ignored my daughters bad behaviour. If she did something wrong, she was punished. If she was doing something to hurt herself, I stopped her as often as I caught her. I would ask her, "did that feel good or did that hurt? If it hurts, don't do it." My sister ignores her childrens bad behaviour and it continues endlessly. They scream, they smack themselves on the head and other such things. They have been doing this since they were small and they are 10, 9, and 5. Now please don't misunderstand and think that I am saying that all children will do this if their bad behaviour is ignored, but it could happen. They need to be made to understand that bad behaviour only gets them negative attention, and not taught that they can get away with it, because mommy or daddy will just ignore it. And just because the experts say you are 'supposed' to do something, doesn't mean it's the right way. You know your child best. If ignoring it isn't working, it's time to try something else, until you find the thing that works best. SuperNanny has lots of ideas for dealing with bad behaviour. Time out chairs, JellyBean counters, etc. Watch a couple episodes, empathize with the parents, and try some of the ideas. Eventually you will find what works best. Even if that thing is a couple ear plugs and a screaming room. :lol:

[Semele]

Head banging is an attention getter. Most peds will tell you to ignore it and it will stop, unless there is a physiological problem.

As for the tantrums, ignoring will work eventually. Time outs in the other room for her and you will help get through them. If her room is relatively safe for her, as it should be, just take her to her room and very calmly say, "We don't want to hear your crying out here, so stay in here until you finish please." then walk out. If you have to shut the door then do so. As soon as she stops crying ask her if she is ready to come out...this may induce another round of crying...which you just ignore. After a few very consistant times of this, she will totally get the hint. there is more to the ignoring then just....ignoring. You have to actively ignore and catch them stopping the negative behavior as well in order to bring them out when they are done so they fully understand the reasoning behind the punishment.

Good luck!