Unmet Family Members

[Élistariel]

I originally posted a long drawn out message. It was too long. So I'll just ask.

What do you do when:
1. There is a(re) family member(s) that you would like to meet (maybe just a letter to start with)
2. Another family member would flip their lid if you did, despite saying they wouldn't.
3. You don't want to offend #2

[Kalika]

Well...

A letter would be a good start - its a way to establish communication and gives the relative a chance to decide whether or not they would like to further pursue the relationship.

As for the second question, I think that being up front with them about it will do you more good in the long run. Explain to them that it is something you want to do, and feel that you need to do, and if they don't want to support you in your decision its fine, but that you don't love them any less because of it, or because of your desire to meet this person.

(Hope that made sense)

Ultimately, its your life and your needs... you need to do what is right for you under the circumstances.

[Élistariel]

Well...

A letter would be a good start - its a way to establish communication and gives the relative a chance to decide whether or not they would like to further pursue the relationship.

As for the second question, I think that being up front with them about it will do you more good in the long run. Explain to them that it is something you want to do, and feel that you need to do, and if they don't want to support you in your decision its fine, but that you don't love them any less because of it, or because of your desire to meet this person.

(Hope that made sense)

Ultimately, its your life and your needs... you need to do what is right for you under the circumstances.

There is a bit of ranting here, just to warn ya.

Thanks. The person whose feelings I don't want to hurt is my Gran.
She said she didn't care who I spoke to, however, the envelopes (bills) she threw at me when saying it didn't make it very convincing.
Gran is the type of person where although she won't admit it, if she hates someone I should hate them too.
I have an aunt (mom's sister) who I have never met. She works at a fish camp, and we do not eat there anymore since she started working there.
She lies to people about my Gran. She tells them that they kicked her out when she was 16 and she has been on her own ever since. - She moved out when she graduated, at 18. I have the pictures. - I have heard stories like this from people other than family.
My aunt... well she certainly seems to have her issues. She also has 3 kids. I've met one, once.
One, I didn't even know existed until I was in college.

I've wondered what they think of me. I remember being told that my aunt was jealous of me because my grandparents provided for me and not any of her kids.
My grandparents couldn't afford to. Not to mention they've basically been raising me since I was 8 or 9.

I have a halfsister, 15 in a neighboring state that I sort of email. I'd like to meet her in person someday. I also have a half sis, 8 and a bro, 5 that live with our Dad in Florida.
I have no desire to see my father at all, ever again so it will be a while before I meet my that set of half sibs.

My Gran rarely mentions my half sibs. When she does it's in an angry tone, and she calls them my father's bastard kids. While bastard may indeed apply, it is still rude.

She says she doesn't care who I write, then why did I find a letter I wrote to my dad....
Under her TOILET SEAT COVER.
:wtf:
I've found many other things there too. A journal entry, a letter from my mom...

The Journal entry incident was CLASSIC:
Gran confronted me about something I wrote in my journal.
I asked her how she got it
She said a teacher found it
:foh:

That's one amazing teacher then!
Why was my teacher, who took an entry from my journal so amazing you ask?
I didn't take my journal to class.

Boo-Yah!

[Kalika]

Yikes.

Well... I still say that you should do what you think is best.

Your gran may have other issues with the kids that she isn't dealing with and isn't telling anyone about... so she uses other things as an excuse.

I hear you on the father-front. I have two step sisters that I adore... but I don't speak to my dad or his new wife, which means that I don't get to see the girls. :(

Pretty crappy deal.

If you can make amends with your aunt... and want to - you should. Life is too short not to reach out to the people that you love. :p

[Élistariel]

Yeah. I hope to get the nerve to write a few of them sometime. Make it clear that I have nothing against any of them. That I COULDN'T write them. That I don't expect even a Christmas card once a year. I'd just like to get to know them.
I hate to say this, but if Gran has a problem with that, she can shove it. I love my Gran, but there are more people than her.

[Kalika]

...and, with all due respect to your grandmother, she has to let you live your own life, make your own choices, decisions, and evaluations.

[Amythyst]

I originally posted a long drawn out message. It was too long. So I'll just ask.

What do you do when:
1. There is a(re) family member(s) that you would like to meet (maybe just a letter to start with)
2. Another family member would flip their lid if you did, despite saying they wouldn't.
3. You don't want to offend #2


Contact #1 and don't tell #2. Correspondence is a private matter.

[Sun Sprite]

I have been through something similiar. All I can say, is I am glad I did find them. It was hello and goodbye as both were dead within four months.

Your grandmother may be hiding something to keep you from being hurt, but if you are 22, she needs to stop hiding it. You need to know. Not sure how to deal with it, I just did it, and I was 17 at the time. I have never regretted meeting my great grandmother and her youngest daughter one last time before they died. They were truly nice people, just involved in a petty, useless, family feud. In fact a few years later, I cut all ties to the rest of my family. The good members couldn't be trusted not to tell the criminal ones where I was.

Meeting sisters can always be a good thing. I hope you can!

[Élistariel]

I have been through something similiar. All I can say, is I am glad I did find them. It was hello and goodbye as both were dead within four months.

Your grandmother may be hiding something to keep you from being hurt, but if you are 22, she needs to stop hiding it. You need to know. Not sure how to deal with it, I just did it, and I was 17 at the time. I have never regretted meeting my great grandmother and her youngest daughter one last time before they died. They were truly nice people, just involved in a petty, useless, family feud. In fact a few years later, I cut all ties to the rest of my family. The good members couldn't be trusted not to tell the criminal ones where I was.

Meeting sisters can always be a good thing. I hope you can!

I plan to write them sometime later this year, since I'm moving and will have a new address. It can't be THAT bad. I went through hell before I was 7. Gran needs to learn that just because she hates certain people that doesn't mean I have to to. I don't care if she loathes them. Let me have my own relationship with them.
*sigh*
Everyone thinks my mom left me for some guy. Ugh. I have 4 little cousins (children of 2nd cousins) . 9, 7, 4, and 2. (or something like that). They don't even know my mom exists. I'm waiting for them to figure out that
1. I call my "mom and dad" "Gran and Pop."
2. I have a different surname. I'm the only Ferguson of my particular line in the entire state.
I can't wait for the explainations for those. :lol:

[Broken Babydoll]

I'd go ahead and contact whoever I wanted. I probably wouldn't tell Gran unless/until you have a reason to. I wouldn't give anyone that much control over me.

[Élistariel]

I'd go ahead and contact whoever I wanted. I probably wouldn't tell Gran unless/until you have a reason to. I wouldn't give anyone that much control over me.

There's a thing though. She'd find out. Don't ask me how. I wish I knew how. She knew I had mailed my younger half siblings stuff. I never told her, I did it in a different city... county even, and I used cash.
Go figure. :foh: