View Full Version : How do I know if it's right?

January 22nd, 2002, 11:44 PM
Just over a year ago I had a miscarriage. I have been going back and forth trying to figure out if I want to get pregnant again. I'm so confused. One day I want it so bad it hurts and the next I feel it does not matter! I don't know if these conflicting feelings are due to the trauma of the miscarriage or what! I have tried on and off for the last 7 months to get pregnant and each time when I get my period I tell myself it's ok I really did not want to be pregnant now anyway. This really makes me feel bad because I would have had a 7 month old baby by now! I feel as if I am turning my back on the whole idea for fear of something bad happening again. I feel guilty for being so confused. I'm sure many of you have gone through miscarriages and perhaps you have some advise.

January 23rd, 2002, 12:32 AM
Have you ever sought counseling regarding your miscarriage? Don't downplay the impact that such an experience can have on your life. And don't put it on a shelf. If it's still weighing heavily on your heart..then you really should seek some counseling about it. If you need to talk, via AIM, contact me at Danustouch. I'd be glad to listen.

January 23rd, 2002, 09:57 AM
I know how you feel, I had a misscarriage a year ago, and for awhile thats all that was on my mind, i cried ,and worried over not being able to get pregnant, every month the same routine. I finially let my emotons go, I got over my MC and started thinking more positive. I didn't think I'd be pregnant. I totally put it off my mind, and then it all happened. Stress can do a number on you, espicially fertility wise. It is hard, I know you will one day have a nother if thats what you want. I hope everything works out for you, good luck *huggs*

Blessed be

p.s- we will light a candle and say a prayer for you, maybe that will help. :)

January 23rd, 2002, 11:54 AM
Recently I've noticed how many woman face miscarriage and have been thinking about starting a miscarriage discussion group/study group. It would be nice just to have someone to talk to on AIM sometimes when I'm feeling low about it, you know?

January 23rd, 2002, 11:56 AM
Good Idea, Myst. Let us know if you decide to start one up.

And I am available to talk on AIM about it, if any of you need to vent.

January 23rd, 2002, 06:21 PM
Thanks everybody! I did go to counceling for a few months after the miscarriage and my counselor and I agreed that was sufficient. I am not as sad as I used to be about what happened. The feeling has dissipated. I no longer cry about it. I no longer get upset or angry when someone tells me that they are pregnant. (This was a major issue for me being my friend and I were pregnant at the same time). I have found a place for what has happened and begun to accept it and let go. I understand the medical reasons for what happened. The problem is I am confused about what I want now. I mean how could I not want another baby when I would have had one if I didn't miscarry! Perhaps I just need more time. It just feels weird to think about it. I don't know if it's a self preservation mechanism at work here...incase it happens again.

Myst I think your idea is great. I know it would help me! I am sure my friends and family are tired of hearing it. I don't cry to them but sometimes I just need to talk about it.

Danustouch thanks I will PM you if I need to.

DreamSpell ((((HUGS))))) to you too...take care of the "little one"

January 25th, 2002, 01:55 AM
I think feelings of confusion over getting pregnant again are normal. I had a miscarriage 3 years ago. I still feel confused about it sometimes.

I went into a depression at the due date the first 2 years. It is so hard to lose a baby. This baby was very much planned and wanted and we were all shocked at the loss, even our daughter who was 9 at the time. I know part of my confusion comes from never wanting to have to go through that again. But there are no guarentees, so I waver back and forth over it.

Wish I had the answer, just know your not alone in your feelings.

January 25th, 2002, 12:24 PM
i've never actually had a misscarige my self but i deffinately know the conflicting feelings of really wanting a baby and not being sure if i want it after all. i know that sounds really bad considering i'm pregnant right now. it makes me feel real guilty too. i mean i really want to keep the baby and all but i'm afraid i'm going to do a terrible job. i feel like i don't know what i'm getting into. i'll be really happy and excited one day and then really sad,guilty,and worried the next. sorry for getting so off topic, just had to vent.

January 25th, 2002, 04:09 PM
Anglewulfe it is normal to have these thoughts and feelings especially in the begining of pregnancy with all the horemone changes, worry, stress not feeling well! (BTW how is the morning sickness, better I hope:) ). I went through this when I was pregnant with my son. Here I was 22 not married and having a baby!!!! It was rough for a while and I felt confused at times too. Soon things will settle down for you I'm sure!! Take care and stay well!:)

January 25th, 2002, 09:18 PM
thanks Laiste, yes the morning sickness has gone a*way for the most part, i'm 18 weeks along at the moment. now i'm just tired alot.