Feeding Schedules for Babies?

[Danustouch]

My friend feeds her baby, ever time the child cries. She is almost constantly feeding her, unless the child is asleep. I'm not a parent, so really don't know what to think about it. But it seems to me, that now, the child just cries even when it doesn't really need to be fed, because it's learned to associate being fed, with comfort.

Do doctors reccomend a regular feeding schedule for infants?

[Drisel]

In most cases you can't overfeed an infant. There are some exceptions. Another thing to look at is the age of the child. A new born wil eat contantly where as an older child should begin to develop a routine of sorts. My daughter demanded to be fed about every two to three hours and it seemed that until she was 4 months old I thought I was just a milk dispenser.

Another thing to keep in mind is that children do most of their growing in the first few years of life and then begin to slow down. This requires alot of eating. And maybe give your friend a little slack. She sounds like a new mom and unless she is just sticking a bottle in the kids face to get away I really wouldn't be that concerned.
;)

[Danustouch]

The Baby is Three Months Old. But..when she's awake, she feeds probably every fourtyfive minutes, or so. If I knew that my friend knew what she was doing..i wouldn't worry so much. But, it's just that when the baby cries, she automatically feeds her, and if the baby doesn't take the bottle (which is rare, granted), and keeps crying, or, keeps crying after the bottle, my friend hands the baby to me (when she's visiting my house), and says..."Can you see if you can get her to sleep? The bottle didn't work, and I don't know what else to do.". That is a word for word typical conversation.

Luckily, I'm pretty good with babies. I can usually get them to sleep with very few problems. Just a little patting on the tooshy, while rocking them, and they zonk out. But..my friend doesn't seem to have that natural ability. Yes..she's a new mom, this is her first baby..but it just kills me to see how tense she is with her own kid. I was kind of hoping that if I found out that she was over feeding the child, and I told her, it would motivate her to find other means of comforting the child..ya know? Like the rocking thing, or putting it in it's little seat, and putting the seat on top of the drier (with supervision, of course), while the drier is running (something my mom swore bye when I was a kid), or..something.

Oh...and another thing that's really freaking me out. She says that at home, the baby won't sleep in her own bassinette. So...my friend has been taking the baby into her own bed at night. I worry about her rolling over onto the child. Any advice on how to get the baby to get used to her bassinette?

[Valoe]

OK - she may need a little help to find other ways of getting the baby to sleep - but I dont think that telling her she is doing something wrong is the way to go. I never left my child to cry, she fed every two hours or so for the first two years (breastfed, and wasnt interested in solids before then). I was told I was 'spoiling' her - but she was a very healthy and happy toddler.

Sleeping in the bed with mum is very natural and causes no harm. I did that too; it is the most natural thing to do

[Lavender]

Hi Danus! Demand feeding is common. I did that and like Drisel said, you end up feeling like a walking milk bank. For the first while, the routine was when the baby cried, you check the diaper, feed him, change him & he'll go back to sleep. As they get a bit older, they'll stay awake longer. Another thing is that babies go through growth spurts. I remember with my son that everytime he settled down to a feeding schedule & I was able to plan a few things, he would go through a growth spurt & the schedule would be all changed.

I would also look into postpartum blues concerning your friend. It's not unusual for women to get this even 5 years after the birth. Sometimes, it's not obvious at first unless it gets out of hand. I'll bet also that your friend is not getting enough sleep at nights. In this day & age, so many women have no immediate family to help them. It takes up to 1 year for a woman's body to completely recover from childbirth. I remember that some days, a shower was quite an acomplishment.

[Yvonne Belisle]

All of my children were in the bed with me till a new baby came along when I got pregnant I began weeding them out of my bed and getting them used to thier own. Michael the baby stayed till he was 3. Some babies just need more food than others too. Wildchild is right about the sleep for your friend. If she is not getting enough sleep there can be serious problems. Sleep depravation can cause halusinations sorry about the spelling it can also make a person who is suffering from mild post pardum depression go into a deeper depression. They can also fall asleep at a time when they need to be awake leaving the baby to be hurt. The body will reach a point where it will make you sleep and there is no concern for if there is a baby on your lap or not or if you are bathing the baby. It only takes a second for a baby to get seriously hurt. You may want to make sure she is getting the sleep she needs to take care of the baby.

[Danustouch]

My main concern with her taking the child to bed with her, is that I've heard a couple of cases recently, of people rolling over onto the child in their sleep, and smothering it by accident. It happened to a woman in my town just recently.

I haven't been telling her that she's doing anything wrong...But...I would like to be able to give her some helpful suggestions..you know? Gently, of course. My friend lives with her mom, but...her mom is reluctant to give my friend any advice on mothering, because she feels guilty over her own mothering ways when my friend was small. So...since my friend often hands the baby to me when she's here, and asks me to help put the baby to sleep...she's pretty open to suggestions. I just have to find the "Right" suggestions to give her. I've already encouraged her to do the bum patting thing...but..she's impatient, and says it doesn't "Work".

[Valoe]

I remember researching the smothering risks when my daughter was a baby (she is 16 so its a long time ago!). Everything I found said that the only cases of smothering were where either the baby or the mother were incapacitated and not able to react normally. For instance, one was when the mother was drunk, another where the mother was on sleeping pills and another where the baby had an arm in a cast.
When mother and baby can move normally, they move together, instinctively. It is the most natural thing to have baby sleeping with mum. The separation and isolation of babies grew popular in victorian times, and is perpetuated for no good reason except our convenience.

Some tips you might like to pass on; when he cries, feel his hands - when babies are crying because they need to sleep rather than feed their hands get very hot (this is an old country 'tale' but I found it infallible). My daughter was similar in that she didnt/wouldnt use any comforter but the breast. A couple of things that worked for her was (daytime) walking her in the pram, loud music (the halleluya chorus, very loud worked every time) and the vacuum cleaner - I even tape recorded the sound of the vacuum cleaner to play so as to save my carpet from being worn out! As she got older, she graduated to music tapes and then story tapes.

[TheTheologin]

When morgaine was a baby she fed every 1/2-and hour(brest fed) some babies take just enough to fill them for the moment. Try suggesting she give him/her a pasifier when he'she isn't hungry. I't probably not the bottle that comforts him/her but the sucking motion.

[Danustouch]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'll keep it all in mind for when I have a baby :)

[Lavender]

I took Erick into bed with me but not all the time. I was worried too about the smothering thing but I found that if he even twitches, I'm awake.

My worst nightmare was just a couple of days after I got home from the hospital. I was soooo tired! I heard Erick cried, got up, changed him, fed him, burped him, changed him again & went back to bed. Then I heard him cry again & realized that all that was just a dream & I had to get up & do all that for real!

[Laiste]

I agree with what everyone said here. I would just reassure her that she is a good mom and that nothing comes instantly. Sometimes it takes a while for motherly instincts to come along if at all! Perhaps she should seek some parenting courses...they are sometimes offered at hospitals and clinics for free. She could also utilize her relationship with the babies pediatrician! Tell your friend to write down any questions she has regarding caring for her child and bring this list with her on the next visit! I did this myself and found it a great help. This might give her some encouragement. Also, the best thing a friend did for me was to give me a book titled something like Everything you need to know the first year...I think that's the title it has been a while!

[Sequoia]

I don't know much about feeding babies, so I prolly can't help there. But is she doing ANYTHING else with the child other than feeding him/her? Does she sing to the baby? Rock? Talk? make faces? check the diaper? pray? go on walks? anything at all?

Perhaps she really is very unsure of what to do? I imagine it must be quite frightening with a first child. . . I mean, here's this little life. It's tiny, fragile, cries a lot, doesn't let you sleep, pees, poops, smells (both good and bad lol), brings joy, brings exasperation. . . perhaps the first thing she tried when her baby cried was feeding it, and it worked. Next time baby cried, she tried feeding again. It worked again. So perhaps they've BOTH been conditioned that crying always equals "feed me" and that "feed me" always equals comfort.

As for the bed thing. . . my children will NOT be sleeping in their own bed until they're two or three. I just. . . find it more natural that they be with me, rather than in a completely seperate room. In a lot of cultures, the whole family is in one big bed, instead of seperated out and alone in rooms across the house and on different floors. I'm not sayign I'd have a six year old in bed with me while I was making love to my husband or something, but I mean, if she had a nightmare or there was a lot of stress, I don't see the problem. Even at older ages. When I was 11 and 12, sometimes I'd just get incredibly freaked out by the world around me. Sometimes it was just incredibly cold ;) And since it was just my mom, there wasn't a problem with me sneaking in there sometimes in the middle of the night.

It's a big world out there, and I'd rather have my baby right in my arms as I sleep. I think I'd credit my instinct a bit more, I dont' think I'd roll over on the baby. I don't roll over on my plushies LOL and I think I'd be much more aware of a child.

^^; I know I know, I go on forever!

[Arduinna]

Danu,

THere was great info already posted, so I just wanted to add that 3 months is a common time for growth spurts, so babies will eat more then.


I also wouldn't worry about the cosleeping. My daughter slept with us when she was small also. It's much easier to breastfeed at night with the baby in bed with you. No getting up. I always knew were she was. It was a subconsience thing, I just knew it. Also babies have been sleeping with parents for a very very long time. Cribs are new invention to parenting. As far as I know there hasn't been any proven cases of babies dying from cosleeping, unless alcohol or drugs were involved. Obviously those effect our ability to sense were the baby is.

Sounds like your friend is doing the best for her family.

[Ravensnest]

Every baby is different, what is a normal feeding schedule for one will be different for another. My only concern with that is if the mother is ONLY looking to food as the baby's problem. Baby's cry for a myriad of reasons and not all are because they are hungry. I never used a pacifier with my daughter, she got fed when she was hungry and I looked like a pack horse when I went anywhere.. I had enough diapers, wipes, bottles, toys and clothes to last us a week! lol But, I was covered no matter what she needed that way. I carried a separate insulated bottle bag filled with ice packets and bottles for when I couldn't or was no longer nursing. Most mothers have gotten their rhythmn down with baby by 3 months but, not all have. It may be she just needs to have a little more time.

As to the "family bed" I had my daughter in bed with me from the time she came home and she still wakes up in the middle of the night and crawls into bed with me and hubby. She'll be 3 on March 3. Her toddler bed is in our room right next to my side of the bed. She starts out in her bed but, inevitably ends up in ours.
To be honest, I'm MORE comfortable with her there than when she's alone in her bed. When she was a brand new baby I could feel every breath she took I knew she was okay. It's instinctive to NOT roll on your child in all aspects of nature. The only instances where parents have rolled on their babies have been where the parent(s) were either drunk or in some other way incapacitated. And they weren't very good parents to begin with or they wouldn't have gotten in that condition with a baby. I still prefer to have my daughter with me. It may be a little less comfortable but, I sleep better knowing she's okay.