The Lack

[deadoracle]

I have been admittedly going through a time of immense difficulty and change. I have literally felt adrift on the waves of my worst fears with no lighthouse in sight. The friends that I thought would be there…the group that I as a cancer was content and safe with is missing. The ears and shoulders none existent. Worst of it all I feel bitter about it. I cannot shake the anger the resentment and I cannot shake the guilt I feel for feeling angry and resenting the fact that I feel shoulders should be offered. The friends should be there…. And I cry and scream in agony when alone about it and get now where with the real problems..and then I feel guilty for feeling needy or whatever it is… and I just need a place to vent and an ear and perhaps just one shoulder. And I am exhausted emotionally because I am not only dealing with the initial trauma that makes me need the shoulder but the never ending search for the shoulders which have just disappeared.

Sorry Venting the mental vomit before class. Cannot go into a class weeping.
_violin_

[ILOVEAUTUMNS]

you poor dear ((((Hugs)))))

if it makes you feel any less alone......

I feel the exact same way......

and on top of it I lost a 30,000 a year job today :(

I need money, happiness, friends myself hun ((((Hugs)))))))

you are not alone in feeling this way

[deadoracle]

So there are others in this hole I am in ...that is sooo sad...HUGS

[BrigidMoon]

:hugz:

Vent all you want! We're here to listen.

[Brenda]

You're never alone dear
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[MoonDragn]

Hey! My shoulder is always available. If you need someone to talk to, just give me a call :)

[deadoracle]

You are all great thank you so much. I feel so much lighter having just heard you are there.

[SilverClaw]

Heck no your not alone and here just for you :hugz:

[-Ember]

I've been there... am there. Something I've come to realize about my situation that might apply to you is that it wasn't that the shoulders weren't/aren't there in my life. But I was expected them to do all of the work of comming to me when I really wasn't receptive, at least on the outside. They might want to help, but the shell that I built around myself makes it very hard for them to say anything. If you are presenting an image of fragile pride or are pulling away, it is really hard to approach that with sympathy because it would be disrespectful to what you are conveying of your wishes. And as nice as it is to dream of someone who knows you well enough to disregard the wishes you are presenting to the world and give you what you actually need... well that person in real life would be a bother and smothering unless they had a lot of tact and restraint.

If that is part of your problem too, good luck. I'm not good at figuring out how to let people know I'd welcome them reaching out without my asking for it, and I know I often don't see more subtle ways people offer... which results in my rejecting/stepping on offers without realizing it. Which trains people not to reach out to me.

[deadoracle]

I am not sure if That is my problem. It has just been really funny to actualy witness the cockroach effect my time of need created.