I need a shoulder (or a dozen) to lean on...

[SilverSeraphim]

I pride myself on being emotionally self-sufficient, since a good deal of my life was spent without the emotinal support of those who should have given it. But after some prodding from my DH, I finally had to admit to myself that the current situation is a bit bigger than I'm used to.

Basically, over the course of the last week (before Beltane), my husband found his views challenged, tried to face the challenge down, thought he had succeeded, found he hadn't, then had his reality shattered and put back together in a new way. In short, he went from being a firm Christian who thought Paganism and Wicca was silly, to joining me on my path.

At first, I thought of myself as only a spectator. But, I've realized that the gods don't shatter someone's reality and rebuild it without taking a good whack at those around that person. And being the closest, I'm taking the first, and maybe biggest whack. Which has left me a huge jumble of emotions.

I'm excited, naturally. I never thought this would happen. And a huge amount of tension that I didn't even realize was there has been lifted from our home and marriage. And my husband is happier than he's been in a long time.

I'm also scared. Being the only Pagan he knows, my husband is naturally going to turn to me for answers and advice. But I've only just taken up my path again, after several years of letting it languish. And I've never been in the teacher role.

And to be honest, I'm a little jealous. When I found Paganism, I had no one to share my joy with. I was still living at home, in a Christian household, and none of my friends at the time were practitioners. In fact it was almost two years later when I first met like-minded friends. My husband has me to start off with. He won't begin his journey feeling alone.

And maybe just a little angry, too. He had brushed off my beliefs as ridiculous, while his own beliefs were part of what was making him miserable. Yet because of previous bad impressions, he'd never paused to seriously consider my beliefs until last week.

To top it all off, I'm just starting to pull myself out of an extended depression cycle, which I'm sure isn't helping any.

If anyone has any advice, I'd love to hear it. If nothing else, I could certainly use some encouragement.

[Mouse]

*big hugs* I understand how you feel.

Perhaps, instead of teching him you could both study together? After a few years, everything you discovered in the begining becomes a bit hazy anyway, and a little revision never hurts. This way your enthusiasum will feed each others, rather than him relying fully on you.

It's understandable that you are angry, but I think in this situation the best thing to do would be to let it go (easier said than done). Focus on the joy of having something so important to share with your partner instead of being bitter about the past. In time he will probably realise what he did to you emotionally and apologise.

Congrats and best wishes
~mouse

[SilverSeraphim]

Thanks Mouse. :)


He has apologized to me for that. But you're right, it is hard to let go, especially over something that is a big part of who I am. I am trying my hardest to let go.


And I am trying to guide him to other sources for his teaching. I've even suggested the MW mentoring program to him!:hahugh:

[thewhitetigress]

It could be just a simple case of re-focussing?? I mean to let your mind use your jealousy, anger,fear and depression or whatever else to bring negative vibe into existance when really its truly a wonderful experience that could happen between the two of you.

So to look forward to the task/goal at hand and enjoy the pleasantness of it rather than go backwards, ...just re-focus

This is something that is valuable to everyone to practice because of life's various ups and downs.Meanwhile, also remember that we are human and to love ourselves.

[Brenda]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

Try to let all the negative feelings go and focus on the positive.
You now have someone to share your believes with, and who could be better than your husband?
With paganism, you never stop learning, there's always something new that comes up. So as Mouse suggested, you could study it together with him. :)

[MysticWitch]

Some questions and comments you may want to approach him with..

1. What make you change your religious views so quickly?

2. I am new in my path. Please don't assume I have all the answers.

3. I am happy that you have found a path you enjoy, however if in the future its not what completes you, please do not put down my beliefs.

4. Honey.. I am honestly feeling very jealous that you have taken my path and that I faced my learning journey alone and you dont have to. I do not want to make you feel bad or make you change your mind. I justed needed to tell you how I felt.

[MoonDragn]

Another thing to consider is that just because he's taken to paganism, doesn't mean he is following your exact path. Everyone is on their own unique path and the journey to discover that is part of the lesson. Remind him of that and know that you'll be there only to guide him, not to show him the way. He would have to do that for yourself.

As for feeling the way you do, do you feel threatened by his new change? Perhaps you have a trust issue with him. Are you afraid that this change is not what it appears?

[SilverSeraphim]

As for feeling the way you do, do you feel threatened by his new change? Perhaps you have a trust issue with him. Are you afraid that this change is not what it appears?

I don't feel threatened, I've just never been in this type of situation before, so I'm unsure of how to react. And he's never given me a reason not to trust him.

I am a little worried that this change might not last. I had my own "conversion" experience a couple of years after I started studying Paganism, when I let myself be talked into attending a revival-type youth gathering. It took me a couple of weeks to realize that my "conversion" was less a genuine connection to Jesus and more a reaction to the atmosphere of the gathering.

My husband works long hours, doing a job that leaves him plenty of opportunity for thinking and meditating. It was this situation that led to his decision, and will probably help him in his new path. But it has only been a week, so it's still a little early to gauge his sincerity, y'know?

[SquareC]

I don't feel threatened, I've just never been in this type of situation before, so I'm unsure of how to react. And he's never given me a reason not to trust him.

I am a little worried that this change might not last. I had my own "conversion" experience a couple of years after I started studying Paganism, when I let myself be talked into attending a revival-type youth gathering. It took me a couple of weeks to realize that my "conversion" was less a genuine connection to Jesus and more a reaction to the atmosphere of the gathering.

My husband works long hours, doing a job that leaves him plenty of opportunity for thinking and meditating. It was this situation that led to his decision, and will probably help him in his new path. But it has only been a week, so it's still a little early to gauge his sincerity, y'know?

Definitely too early to judge, but you have help here if you need it. I've done some small amount of teaching in meditation and it usually seems to be a good place to start when learning where your path will take you. You might try to meditate together and separately and see where comparing notes takes the two of you. Brightest Blessings to you both.

[amakaliani]

My husband works long hours, doing a job that leaves him plenty of opportunity for thinking and meditating. It was this situation that led to his decision, and will probably help him in his new path. But it has only been a week, so it's still a little early to gauge his sincerity, y'know?

I think maybe if he has this time to think and meditate that it may be that this choice was in the making a lot longer than you might think.

Ok, here's a thought for ya. When my family was told about my religion choice, I am sure that to them, I did not seem sincere, or that I thought it out. Conversion rarely seems thouroughly planned out to others, while it may have been crystal clear to one's personal brain.

The Mentor program is great, I and many others are working with that program. The Circle of Teaching is, in my opinion, a fine way to approach learning. Especially together, but, not teaching each other in the manner of "master/apprentice".

Suggest to your hubby that he just spend some time online either here or somewhere (but always with a grain of salt, as most information that can be found is generally subjective to that author's view point or tradition. ), but that he study and search for defining and clarification of what he wants to study or follow. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with the availability information.

I hope I have offered information that will assist you. Feel free to contact me....I am listed here, and my profile holds information.
AmaKaliani

[SilverSeraphim]

Thank you to everyone who offered me advice and encouragement. Thankfully, things seem to be balancing out with both of us, and I'm feeling very upbeat. Again, thanks.

[amakaliani]

Thank you to everyone who offered me advice and encouragement. Thankfully, things seem to be balancing out with both of us, and I'm feeling very upbeat. Again, thanks.
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad to hear it!

[zede]

:hugz: the best way to look at this is now he will understand you and you will have a whole new dimention to your relationship. you are intitled to be angry but i am sure it will fade. good luck. :hugz:

[Kalika]

:hugz:

Introduce him to MW.

Encourage him to read, practice and build his own path, rather than just following yours, because if he does so, you both may wind up in this boat again.

With my husband, I've found that I'm not the best mentor for him in regards to these things. I've spent years building and defining my path, and its mine, which makes it hard for me to explain things to him at times. So, possibly finding another mentor for your hubby, would help alleviate some of the feelings you're having.

[Pythagoras_FD]

:hugz:

Introduce him to MW.

Done.

Yes, I am the husband in question. Fear not, I have read and am posting in this thread with SilverSeraphim's permission. And too all who have given my wife the emotional support she has needed during this trying time I give my most heartfelt thanks.



Encourage him to read, practice and build his own path, rather than just following yours, because if he does so, you both may wind up in this boat again.


Accually I figured this part out on my own.

Her influence helped me see that I could break free from what I had been indoctrinated to believe was the inescapeable Truth. Seeing and speaking to her showed me that it was possible; but the courage to reach for freedom I found on my own, the strength to tear down the walls of fear and dispare that held me I called for by myself, the passion to be free in good times and hard is mine and mine alone, and wether it be the rewards of success or the concequences of error I choose to live by my will and for the results it will be I who am solely responsible.

I will not believe or practice in a particular thing or a particular way simple because someone or some book says that I should... NEVER AGAIN!!!

(The large font is to denote intensity and emphasis not tone and volume)



With my husband, I've found that I'm not the best mentor for him in regards to these things. I've spent years building and defining my path, and its mine, which makes it hard for me to explain things to him at times. So, possibly finding another mentor for your hubby, would help alleviate some of the feelings you're having.

I do not ask her to be my mentor. My being so new it helps me to bounce my thoughts off of her mind, to see if I have thought the matter through or if there is some knowlage of which I am ignorant of that she might find relevent to consideration. But we are two very different people. She shall have her path and I shall have mine. All I ask is that since we are married that we walk our seperate paths together... this being possible due to the non-linear nature of spiritual geometry and geography (lol; yes, at heart I am in fact a complete and total geek)

But still, all told this and many others were very helpful to her. And I would like to thank you for taking the time to lend her the suport she needed. I'll make it a point to karmalize you all as soon as I get some to spead around.

Thank you, thank you all.

Pythagoras FD

[Pythagoras_FD]

I think maybe if he has this time to think and meditate that it may be that this choice was in the making a lot longer than you might think.

A lot longer than I was even able to admit to myself.

I was a christian because I genuinly believed that it was an objective fact. No matter how much I hated being a wreched worm before a god for whom my best would never be anywhere near good enough but whos blessing was essencial for anything I did to not be doomed to failure but would only be given if it as allready in his plan and if I didn't like it then I was a failure at being even a wetched worm, denying it just because I didn't like it made about as much sence as denying that 2+2=4 .

Thankfully I figured out that religion and math arn't the same thing.



Ok, here's a thought for ya. When my family was told about my religion choice, I am sure that to them, I did not seem sincere, or that I thought it out. Conversion rarely seems thouroughly planned out to others, while it may have been crystal clear to one's personal brain.


Again, see above.

Such is the reason that I have no intention of discussing the matter with my family. Not that I plan to keep it a dirty little secret from them just that I'm not going to go out of my way to tell them and if they discove somehow I'll be honest but no explanations will be forth comeing. Thier believe structure will not allow them to understand and any attempts to explain will just cause pain and confusion.



The Mentor program is great, I and many others are working with that program. The Circle of Teaching is, in my opinion, a fine way to approach learning. Especially together, but, not teaching each other in the manner of "master/apprentice".


I've done some lurking and I think I will definatly be looking into those.



Suggest to your hubby that he just spend some time online either here or somewhere (but always with a grain of salt, as most information that can be found is generally subjective to that author's view point or tradition. ), but that he study and search for defining and clarification of what he wants to study or follow. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with the availability information.


Very good advise, thank you. Thank you very much

Pythagoras FD

[Wulfleaf]

First off, I would like to say welcome to Pythagoras_FD to the site. I, too, am kinda new here, and I must say that these are a great group of people.

I was raised as a Catholic as in family tradition, but I never felt really comfortable with it. My religion is something that must be for me...not what society wants me to follow. I looked into some other mainstream religions (judaism, buddhism), before I gained an interest in Pagan religions.

Remember, your path that you choose is for you. Warm and loving energies to you both, to help in this time of transition.

[Pythagoras_FD]

First off, I would like to say welcome to Pythagoras_FD to the site. I, too, am kinda new here, and I must say that these are a great group of people.

I was raised as a Catholic as in family tradition, but I never felt really comfortable with it. My religion is something that must be for me...not what society wants me to follow. I looked into some other mainstream religions (judaism, buddhism), before I gained an interest in Pagan religions.

Remember, your path that you choose is for you. Warm and loving energies to you both, to help in this time of transition.

Thank you.

I was raise in a Baptist church myself. And I didn't really have a problem with it, I genuinly believed it heart and soul, it just made me miserable.

The thought that I could accually go down a different path without turning my back on spirituality and morality seemed absurd. The only choice I could see at the time was to be a miserable failure as a christian, or be a soulless conscienceless monster. In fact as a kid I accually tried the latter of the two options for a time. Needless to say the results were VERY unpleasant.

Thankfully with a good example and my own experiance I was able to break free from that.

But again, thank you.

Pythagoras FD

[Aleannah]

you can get a lot of really good info on this site. There's the new pagan forum, the Circle of Teaching archives that has a LOT of good info in it, and then there's just the people who will try to help you with any questions you may have. We are from all sorts of different paths, so this site gives you the unique ability to get several different viewpoints. I'm glad things are working out for you, and don't forget to enjoy the journey. :hugz:

[Pythagoras_FD]

you can get a lot of really good info on this site. There's the new pagan forum, the Circle of Teaching archives that has a LOT of good info in it, and then there's just the people who will try to help you with any questions you may have. We are from all sorts of different paths, so this site gives you the unique ability to get several different viewpoints. I'm glad things are working out for you, and don't forget to enjoy the journey. :hugz:

I'm very intersted in the circle of teaching forums, just not sure what I want to do first or exactly how I'll work it into my schedual. I typically work 12 hour days 5 days a week and sometimes Saturdays as well. So it can get difficult.

And I am just so amazed that now the journey is not only important but can accually be an enjoyable one. Wonderfull, but an extremely novel concept. And one that I have no intention of letting go of.:hahugh:

Pythagoras FD

[Brighid's Seeker]

First of all..YAY!!

Second...Welcome

Third...I am sometimes not good at sharing things that I have worked very hard at making my very own. Luckily my hubby and I have gotten very good at sharing general ideas and such but our paths are different. Close enough that we can hold hands, but different.

I was raised Baptist. I can honestly say that I still love Jesus Christ intensely. I just could not serve him under the constraints of the church. I am actually a much better "christian" now that I am "pagan"....I know that probably doesn't make sense...but now that I am not bound by an associations definitions of what it means to be "good", and I can follow and trust my own god (ess) given instincts I am doing much better most of the time.

(except where my MIL is concerned but that is a WHOLE other ballgame.)

Anyway. Merry Meet! Brightest Blessings!

[Pythagoras_FD]

First of all..YAY!!

Second...Welcome


Thank you



Third...I am sometimes not good at sharing things that I have worked very hard at making my very own. Luckily my hubby and I have gotten very good at sharing general ideas and such but our paths are different. Close enough that we can hold hands, but different.


And that is exactly was I'm wanting




I was raised Baptist. I can honestly say that I still love Jesus Christ intensely. I just could not serve him under the constraints of the church. I am actually a much better "christian" now that I am "pagan"....I know that probably doesn't make sense...but now that I am not bound by an associations definitions of what it means to be "good", and I can follow and trust my own god (ess) given instincts I am doing much better most of the time.



To each thier own, my personal opinion is that christianity is so fundementally different from other religions that it needs to be accepted or rejected whole. That is percicly what it claims so I choose to reject it whole. But if it works for you then God Bless.



(except where my MIL is concerned but that is a WHOLE other ballgame.)


always is:hahugh:



Anyway. Merry Meet! Brightest Blessings!

And the same to you.

Pythagoras FD

[SSanf]

When a spouse changes so fundamentally defining about themselves such as their religion, even if you are glad and feel it is a good thing, you can have feelings of betrayal. In your mind you may think, "Who is this person, really? Have the been lying to me all along? If they can change their mind about this, can they change their mind about loving me?"

Besides, in your relationship, being Pagan was something that belonged to you alone. Now, he wants you to share. Those are normal feelings about such a major change.

But, don't worry. Things will be fine. Probably better.

Just get some books and read them together and discuss what you read. Now, you have more in common and that is a good thing.

[SquareC]

Welcome, Pythagoras_FD! I hope that things are going smoothly for you and your spouse. Conversion to a new religion is a difficult thing, no matter when in life it happens. I myself was a teenager when I found my path, but it has grown and changed so much over the years that my 16-year old self wouldn't recognize it now! 8O I was raised Episcopalian, and had many of the same feelings you described towards christianity. Of course, you are adult and at least no one is going to tell you it's just a phase you are going through! :lol: This phase has lasted 20 years now and is still going strong!

If you ever want advice or help, please don't hesitate to ask!

[Pythagoras_FD]

Welcome, Pythagoras_FD! I hope that things are going smoothly for you and your spouse. Conversion to a new religion is a difficult thing, no matter when in life it happens. I myself was a teenager when I found my path, but it has grown and changed so much over the years that my 16-year old self wouldn't recognize it now! 8O I was raised Episcopalian, and had many of the same feelings you described towards christianity. Of course, you are adult and at least no one is going to tell you it's just a phase you are going through! :lol: This phase has lasted 20 years now and is still going strong!

If you ever want advice or help, please don't hesitate to ask!

Yea, one of the new things I've discovered is an attraction to a non-reconstructionist view of the Greco-Roman Pantheons. It's been an interesting journey so far and I'm not looking for it to end anytime soon.

[SquareC]

Yea, one of the new things I've discovered is an attraction to a non-reconstructionist view of the Greco-Roman Pantheons. It's been an interesting journey so far and I'm not looking for it to end anytime soon.

A very spiritual path, from what I've seen. I tend more towards the Native American path, with a base from a Wiccan perspective. I guess it's my heritage coming out. Cherokee, Comanche, Cheyenne and Iroquios, plus a variety of Europeans, lol. The journey only gets more interesting as it goes, in my experience. I wish you the best of luck on it.