why......

[angelicwitch1983]

well, apparently one of my friends was showing off with a webcam if you catch my drift. what bugs me is that my husband actually got a copy of her picture of her flashing with the chest and all. he says that it is for his friend but i dont know what to expect. it hurts too much. what should i do? _inabox_

ps. at least i have work in a bit so yeah, i have people that need me after all.

[~Elise~]

talk to him--tell him how you feel. Communication is the key.

[ShadowcatX]

I'm going to definately go with Elise on this, talk to him about it.

[Brenda]

I agree with Elise too.
Talking helps :)
:hugz:

[MysticWitch]

Was is a public webcam? Why would she allow your husband to have a copy. He should tell his friends that he wants to stay out of it and they can get their own boob shot of your friend on their own time. I would be so pissed to hun. Him and her deserve to give you some answers! Make em good!

[BrigidMoon]

I have my own personal issues with personal porn and stuff but...I'd talk to him. :hugz:

[angelicwitch1983]

well he did say it was just for his friend brandon but then again, i did talk to him about it. all he said was for me to try to get over it. btw, he did delete it. i just got off work and im still shaking and i nearly had another panic attack in the breakroom b/c of it.

[BrigidMoon]

well he did say it was just for his friend brandon but then again, i did talk to him about it. all he said was for me to try to get over it. btw, he did delete it. i just got off work and im still shaking and i nearly had another panic attack in the breakroom b/c of it.


Well if this made you shake and upset so badly, what I would pose for you to do is set out some rules about this. Did you have a problem with this in the past with anyone else? If this type of behavior is strictly forbidden (downloading porn or watching web cams etc) then, express this to your husband. Explain that you really don't appreciate it that he did what he did. Explain that it hurts you and makes you feel very vulnerable. Getting over it is not really a very nice way to help.

[~Elise~]

well he did say it was just for his friend brandon but then again, i did talk to him about it. all he said was for me to try to get over it. btw, he did delete it. i just got off work and im still shaking and i nearly had another panic attack in the breakroom b/c of it.

Get over it? I'm sorry that is an unacceptable answer, dear one-would be my answer.

If it is tearing you up this much--there needs to be MUCH more discussion.
You need to tell him how it makes you feel when he does stuff like this... not pointing blame or accusing--like "you always do so and so."

More like--When this happens, I feel this. I'm feeling like you are disregarding my feelings on this subject. This is a serious matter to me and I'd like to be taken seriously, please. and see what happens then. If he still dismisses your feelings and thoughts... you might want to talk to a counseler together.

JMO

Elise

[semi]

I'd also look at why this affects this you so strongly. It sounds like your trust of him may be in question, for reasons that you may or may not be aware of. I think people should work out their trust issues in a relationship or they shoukld leave the relationship if the other person cannot meeet their level of trust. The pic incident may be completely innocent, but your lack of trust may be causing a problem. Or your lack of trust may be completely justified and there may be a problem. But don't live with doubt. Push it and see where it goes. "Get over it" is not even close to an acceptable answer, in my opinion. Good luck.

[angelicwitch1983]

i know it's me b/c it's happened before. its just that in every relationship ive ever been in, the porn comes first before the boyfriend initiates. mind you, thats while watching the damn thing. at least this is only for a picture. -.- but yeah, i already tried talking to him about it and the same result 'get over it.'

im sorry but the pic is actually my friend flashing the internet/world and of all people to see dowload it is my own *husband*.

anyway, i already set up an appointment to see a doctor b/c it got to where i had an anxiety attack at work. i started crying really hard in the breakroom and started scratching myself until i bled. i promised that i wouldnt do it again but then i let it happen. im so ashamed.

[SSanf]

Well, you know, if a woman flashes her tits in this society, there is hardly one man alive that won't look and look again if he can. That is a pretty normal response.

Trust me. If that is the worse he does, you got a good one, a very good one, indeed.

I would advise you to just tell him that you don't like it and then drop the subject. If you don't, you will come across as a suspicious, nagging, shrew and alienate your husband.

You may not be able to "get over it" but you don't need to dwell on it, either. Just get busy with other things that will engage your attention and live past it.

I don't see where all this talking about it will help much. Don't try to turn your husband into your mental health doctor. He isn't qualified. All that talking will just make him feel accused and defensive for what really isn't all that big a deal. It was a small infraction and not something he went out looking for. He will resent having to defend himself to excess and that will just drive him away.

This is not worth causing marital discord. Pick your fights. There will be better reasons to fight later.

BTW Why do you have the word husband emphasized? Is you married or is you ain't? If you aren't actually married and are just in a living arrangement, that probably has a lot to do with why you are insecure. Like it or not, marriage does mean something. Gays know that which is why they are fighting so hard for the right to marry. Straight people often like to make believe that it doesn't really matter and that just isn't true.