help me with my 7 yr old..pleaseeee!!

[thewhitetigress]

just wont take his punishments for backtalking me!

I mean I'm proud that he can stand up for himself and be outspoken on how he feels but sheesh, don't respect me. I say no computer for you and I get this whiny rant and made to feel bad.. tell him to do a chore and i get a fight.
This weekend I actually spanked him a while after I already told him that i have to resort to taking away priviledges due to him being too old for spankings but he got so often with the arrogant, rude behavior that i did spank him. I said, "If you're going to act like a 5 yr old you will be spanked like one"

He folded his arms and started crying.. all angry but I stood and stared at him .. then he stopped and settled down.

Did I do wrong?? How can I change his behavior?? I only have him 4 days a month as he lives with his dad so this scares the buck out of me that this will get worst.

This is hard since im trying to handle my 2 yr old at the same time and I dont want the youngest picking up on the oldes's habits or watching me dicipline him since he loves his brother and doesnt like seeing him get punished._inabox_

((okay im going to breatheeeeeeeeee... in and breatheeeeeeeeee out)):hehehehe:

[Ceres]

I have yet to see a kid who is happy when he or she gets punished :lol: They all complain about it, I think. Likely because you have him so few days out of the month, you wont be able to effect much change unless his dad is on board too.

Also, dont forget that these things tend to go in stages which never last very long. He will be the lovable kid you remember again, but of course things will also likely get ugly again eventually too :lol: Try to roll with the punches and dont doubt yourself - his being unhappy at his punishments is a GOOD sign.

[Willow Rosette]

My suggestion would be to find out how his father disciplines and stick with that (if he does). I know with my three year old I had to get with her preschool and my Mom and make sure we all were using similiar methods. That way she always knew no matter where she was she would get the same punishment. Hope that helps. :hugz:

[Broken Babydoll]

First:This is hard since im trying to handle my 2 yr old at the same time and I dont want the youngest picking up on the oldes's habits or watching me dicipline him since he loves his brother and doesnt like seeing him get punished.
If the two year old is there when the older one is doing the bad behaviour, there is no reason he shouldn't witness his bro's punishment for it. Plain and simple.

Now:
I mean I'm proud that he can stand up for himself and be outspoken on how he feels but sheesh, don't respect me. I say no computer for you and I get this whiny rant and made to feel bad.. tell him to do a chore and i get a fight.
You need to make sure that you have a set standard of punishment for your house and stick to it. No matter what. He can cry scream, pitch a fit, etc but stick to it. In our house crying over a punishment is totally acceptable and ignored, but if you scream, pitch a fit, or worse, the punishment is worse. And don't give in to an argument. "It's not up for discussion." Then ignore any further arguement.

You could try something like no tv until he writes a good paragraph on why his behaviour is unacceptable (or a certain number of sentences that you give him) and he gives a sincere apology. The writing thing never worked with mine, she loved to write, but others seem to have successfully used it.

[LisaT4P]

Yes, definitely check with the other parent to see if they are noticing the same kind of behavior and ask how you can both work on it together. Even if the 2 adults no longer get along, they should try to agree on what is acceptable behaviour and what is not for the child, and what punishments should fit the "crimes".

Computer time is big at our house too. I set a timer and sometimes I still get fights.

I've often found that if they are repeating a behavior then the threat of the punishment ahead of time helps. For instance, "If you throw a fit while we are in the store then you won't have any TV / computer time when we get home." Or no dessert if they don't eat, etc. This way they know ahead of time what they will be giving up if they don't behave. Then you can remind them that you did warn them in advance, this works eventually, but you have to remain consistent with both the reminding and the punishing. Eventually they want computer or tv time more than they want whatever it was they were misbehaving about. :)

Writing works too. Especially after a time-out. We have a very convenient hallway near our washer & dryer that I tell mine to stand in (2 boys ages 8 and 6) and when they are done with their time out I will sometimes just ask them about their behavior and how they can do better, but if it was something really bad, I'll ask them to write about it. Just like taking notes in school, it drills the idea into their little heads.

Also, sometimes kids just need to throw a fit and cry. It happens. Even boys. Usually not with girls until puberty. ;) Let them do it in their room and tell them when they are done they can back & rejoin the family. I've found that if they don't have an "audience" the fits don't last as long. ;)

[Aleannah]

all of these suggestions are good. When my son comes to visit, he will sometimes act up just to test me...like jumping on the furniture. I ask him "are you allowed to do that at home?" Then he'll get all guilty looking and say "No". Then I just ask him what in the world makes him think he can do it here. As far as back talk and throwing fits, time-outs work for him, followed by a discussion of what he did to get the punishment. Then, big hugs all around and it's done. He resumes normal activity, and it's all forgotten.

Definitely talk to the dad and see what his punishment is and try to maintain the same level, so there's consistency. Best of luck to you :hugz:

[thewhitetigress]

Great advice girls!! I've told him that he cant use the computer unless he reads a book and if he acts up I will try the paragraph idea.. i love it! His father and gf DON"T communicate with me at all!! I just found out yesterday from her sister who watches him while they work that the school counsellor is concerned about him.. WTF???? I'M HIS MOM!!! I raised him five years of his life and im out of the loop? INACCEPTABLE! I just want to scream at them.(breathes.. rant over lol)

I'm just going to be consistant and hope for the best and try and have a long talk with both the dad and his gf.. sheesh.

thank you girls

[Aleannah]

well, if he's not getting the discipline he needs at home, of course he's going to test his boundaries with you. That's his job. Your job is to give him boundaries and lots of love, and that sounds exactly like what you're doing. Can you sit down with the school counselor and find out what exactly they are concerned with? I know you don't see him much....but you DO make an impact, especially if you can reinforce something positive for the little guy. :hugz:

[eldora_avalon]

The only thing I have to add is that my son, only 5, doesn't respond to the same punishment the same all the time. If all he ever gets is a time out, it's like he becomes immune. Ditto spanking, taking things away etc. I have to mix it up. He also pushes his limits with me much more so than his dad and we all live together. It sounds like you son was taking advantage of you until you blew. Kids who spend little time with a parent do that a lot. It's harder to set boundaries because you cherish that little bit of time, but you still have to set limits and enforce them. Good luck to you.

PS you might try to contact the school directly to see if you can help.

[thewhitetigress]

well, if he's not getting the discipline he needs at home, of course he's going to test his boundaries with you. That's his job. Your job is to give him boundaries and lots of love, and that sounds exactly like what you're doing. Can you sit down with the school counselor and find out what exactly they are concerned with? I know you don't see him much....but you DO make an impact, especially if you can reinforce something positive for the little guy. :hugz:


apparently he is worst for me than at home .. my theory is that things are so rountine and rigid for him that he vents out his frustrations at me since things are more laidback here. I'm looking into changing that as well by enrolling him in extracurricular activities which his father hasnt bothered to do!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:atantrum:

I plan on speaking with both him and her about including me in every darn second about MY child and to include me in the counsellor meeting which they already been to and not even tell me!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again:atantrum:

BOY.. i cant wait til they are grown and on thier own :alol:

today i was SO furious about it all that i had to go to my stones and sit with them a bit to calm down... it really helped.

I'm so glad I found MW and re-accquainted myself with self-healing:cheers: