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View Full Version : Malaclypse the Younger and the Cod



Cain
May 18th, 2006, 09:26 AM
Not mine, by its got Kopyleft so its all good:

One day, in the interests of religious cross-fertilization, Mal-2 went fishing. He baited the hook with his pineal gland, and quickly caught a nice big fish. Giggling maniacally, he dragged the little sucker into the boat and prepared to sermonize it to death.
"Wait!" said the fish.
"Why?" Mal-2 asked.
"I'm a talking fish! Aren't you curious? Talk to fish all the time, do you?"
"Nooooooooo."
"Well, then. Listen up. I'm The Cod."
"Was that a proper noun?"
"YES!" pronounced The Cod majestically. "I am a proper noun bearing COD, and you know what that means."
"Yes," Mal-2 sighed. "I've got to catch a less talkative fish." He picked up The Cod, and prepared to throw it back.
"Wait! I come bearing a message!"
Mal-2 sighed again. "I'm under contract to Eris. She made me sign an exclusivity clause. Besides, no one wants to listen to a fish."
"That's why YOU have to do the talking for me," Cod said desperately. "Look, you don't have to worship me, just, you know, when you tell people about Eris, maybe just kind of slip in, 'And you are all children of Cod! Hail Eris!', you know?"
Mal-2 lowered the fish, and looked it pentagonally in the eye. "We are all Children of Cod?"
"Yep."
"What, ALL of us?"
"Er... yes?"
"Even Eris?"
"Um, no. I guess not."
"So we're all children of Eris as well?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Are you saying my Goddess had sex with a fish?"
Cod moaned in dismay. "Look, of course not. I'm just saying..."
"Well, she did."
The Cod paused. "Oh. Right. THAT party... woo. Well, irregardless. Will you do it?"
"Yes. But one more question about this Children of Cod thing..."
"Okay," the Cod shrugged. Mal-2 had never seen a fish shrug before, and was suitably impressed.
"So, all of us are Children of Cod? Everyone except Eris?"
"Yup."
"What about you? Are you a Child of Cod?" Mal-2 asked.
"Um, yes." said Cod uncertainly. "Yes! Yes I am!"
"How can you be your own child?"
The Cod looked at Mal-2 with an evil glint in his fishy eye.
"Go **** yourself!"

And Mal-2 was enlightened. But Cod sank his boat anyway, just for being a smart-ass. And he got wet, but didn't drown, and was still enlightened.



Kopyleft, All Rites Reversed.

LIAL
August 4th, 2006, 08:06 PM
bump

SSanf
August 4th, 2006, 11:23 PM
What Mal-2 didn't understand was that he was supposed to pay on delivery.