Fox
May 19th, 2006, 10:20 PM
Evening,
I stumbled on this page while doing some research (Which over the past year has become ritual after getting off work). My researh for the past seven, almost eight years, has been involved with metaphysical and occult. I suppose it has always been a hobby or a passion of mine. Let me explain in detail,
At the age of 14 and up, I had fallen ill every time I'd get better I tended to regress. So I spent a lot of time reading, writing and studying. I had since lost faith in any religion. However, one day I picked up a "Teen Wicca" book, perhaps the most horrid book written on wicca to date in my own opinion. However, since then I've a vast searching interest in the unknown.
Am I wiccan? No. Christain? No. Atheist? No.
I cant even claim agnosticism, I dont know what I am other than just that I beleive there is more than just an earthly existence You'll often find me popping from congregations, meditation circles, what not of varied spiritual religions just to sit in and listen.
Every road I pick up tends to diverges into an unbeaten path (Robert Frost, heh). For a while, this was a hobby, a passing interest as I got through life. Now, as I reached the age of 21, it was discovered the meidcations I had been put on was what had a large hand in my deteriorating health. As I weaned -myself- off the medication, I became healthier and happier, however my mind was free from the anesthesic drugs and began to fill with questions. I was able to feel my own spirit again. Yet, still I remain with a faith that I still dont understand. There is also more to my story.
All my life, I've been capable of visions. Some I'd heed, others I wouldnt. Both with their consequences and their rewards. However as my health began to improve my visions increased, my ability for empathy had amplified. I soon would discover that my family had a very strong history of clairavoyance and other gifts.
Now as I'm reaching my 22nd birthday, these gifts sometimes reach a point where they feel unbearable (I work in retail :|) I've learned basic grounding and shielding for my own empathy, but even then I struggle with keeping up the practice of knowing when to put it up or let it down, by all means I'm book smart, but the ability to control... "gifts" I guess you'd call em, is a struggle all in its own.
There is also a part of that story I'm still looking to understand. Since my health began to improve, my ability to become more in touch with my spirit, I guess I've come to have this nagging feeling in the back of my head, "Something is different about me. It isnt my health, but the way people react around me, the way children stare and the way I feel about myself doesnt -seem- normal" Now, I'mn not all that unattractive just so you know so I'm hoping it's not because I'm grotesque or whatever, but it's still something I'm trying to understand.
I guess I came here a moment to search for some answers and understand a bit more about myself through reading others stories. I'm trying to reason this all out as well. "Am I making this all up in my head, maybe it's just wishful thinking, I am a dreamer after all" So maybe I'm trying to look for a reason for it all, or maybe if this isnt all fake, there is something out there that can help me cope a bit more with this "Spiritual" revolution of mine.
Anyway, thats a bit of my story :p Whether I sound crazy or whatever, I'm generally a good guy, and just wanted to introduce myself to the community and whatnot. Sooo.....
Hi!
Edit: (Bleh, okay.. note to self: dont post on 2 hours of sleep. This was meant to go to New Pagans)
Double Edited: Finally moved the post.. sorreh!)
I stumbled on this page while doing some research (Which over the past year has become ritual after getting off work). My researh for the past seven, almost eight years, has been involved with metaphysical and occult. I suppose it has always been a hobby or a passion of mine. Let me explain in detail,
At the age of 14 and up, I had fallen ill every time I'd get better I tended to regress. So I spent a lot of time reading, writing and studying. I had since lost faith in any religion. However, one day I picked up a "Teen Wicca" book, perhaps the most horrid book written on wicca to date in my own opinion. However, since then I've a vast searching interest in the unknown.
Am I wiccan? No. Christain? No. Atheist? No.
I cant even claim agnosticism, I dont know what I am other than just that I beleive there is more than just an earthly existence You'll often find me popping from congregations, meditation circles, what not of varied spiritual religions just to sit in and listen.
Every road I pick up tends to diverges into an unbeaten path (Robert Frost, heh). For a while, this was a hobby, a passing interest as I got through life. Now, as I reached the age of 21, it was discovered the meidcations I had been put on was what had a large hand in my deteriorating health. As I weaned -myself- off the medication, I became healthier and happier, however my mind was free from the anesthesic drugs and began to fill with questions. I was able to feel my own spirit again. Yet, still I remain with a faith that I still dont understand. There is also more to my story.
All my life, I've been capable of visions. Some I'd heed, others I wouldnt. Both with their consequences and their rewards. However as my health began to improve my visions increased, my ability for empathy had amplified. I soon would discover that my family had a very strong history of clairavoyance and other gifts.
Now as I'm reaching my 22nd birthday, these gifts sometimes reach a point where they feel unbearable (I work in retail :|) I've learned basic grounding and shielding for my own empathy, but even then I struggle with keeping up the practice of knowing when to put it up or let it down, by all means I'm book smart, but the ability to control... "gifts" I guess you'd call em, is a struggle all in its own.
There is also a part of that story I'm still looking to understand. Since my health began to improve, my ability to become more in touch with my spirit, I guess I've come to have this nagging feeling in the back of my head, "Something is different about me. It isnt my health, but the way people react around me, the way children stare and the way I feel about myself doesnt -seem- normal" Now, I'mn not all that unattractive just so you know so I'm hoping it's not because I'm grotesque or whatever, but it's still something I'm trying to understand.
I guess I came here a moment to search for some answers and understand a bit more about myself through reading others stories. I'm trying to reason this all out as well. "Am I making this all up in my head, maybe it's just wishful thinking, I am a dreamer after all" So maybe I'm trying to look for a reason for it all, or maybe if this isnt all fake, there is something out there that can help me cope a bit more with this "Spiritual" revolution of mine.
Anyway, thats a bit of my story :p Whether I sound crazy or whatever, I'm generally a good guy, and just wanted to introduce myself to the community and whatnot. Sooo.....
Hi!
Edit: (Bleh, okay.. note to self: dont post on 2 hours of sleep. This was meant to go to New Pagans)
Double Edited: Finally moved the post.. sorreh!)