Vivi
May 24th, 2006, 08:56 PM
Once every few months, I experience some form of
"contact" w/ what I feel is an actual "being." (Some sort of spirit/entity. As opposed to being high on LSD or having an episode from a mental disorder.)
I've been able to get an idea that this visitor might be coming; the day it happens, I feel sudden feelings of "falling," dizziness, and weakness. These feelings of "falling" and dizziness last for as long as a pulse beat. The weakness lasts throughout the day. (I am one to drink quite a bit of water each day, so I do not believe these feelings are really symptoms of dehydration.)
At night, I get into bed. This is where I actually feel the presence of this being.
I lay on my stomach, my right arm bent upwards so it is next to my head. My other hand lays at my side... I don't know why, but I always take this position when I suspect it is coming.
When it comes, I begin shaking, twitching, jerking involuntarily... I sometimes see things, even when my eyes are closed, but I can't even really grasp WHAT it is I saw. But also, it becomes terribly, terribly difficult to breathe.
My concern is this: in the past, this "meeting" between myself and this visitor always occured right before a very negative event happened. (I try to record the dates of these meetings, and they seem to occur less than a week right before one of these unpleasant events. An example of one of these unpleasant events: being falsely accused to sexually harrassing a peer of mine!)
But for the past few times I've had this visitor, they have...changed in nature. No longer do I consider these visitations as warnings for the future. My body's...movements are not quite so violent, and the feelings induced by all this have diminished. Whatever power is causing me to have these feelings, the power has changed. It is weaker...and it seems negative.
I have told quite a few of my friends about these occurences, and she said that perhaps this spirit had wanted me to do something for it, to give it something... I have suspected this. However, it was strange to hear her say it.
The last time this happened (May 20, 2006), I sort of felt as if it was just selfishly trying to take something from me. It...made me think of someone using my body for their own pleasure, without love, without care for me. That's actually what I felt was happening, though there were no physical feelings I had to back this up.
I then did something I've never done before: I turned over, what I considered a small act of resistance, and willed it away. The rest blanks out, as always. (I fell asleep later. I had what seemed like a long and detailed dream about everything I did that day. Except I can't make sense of it.)
This is what my dear friend said:
"Interesting interaction Vivi...You don't think that it’s the same being that’s just finally reacting its goals and is mad-upset now? Think about it from its possible point of view (I wish I could really get a hand on view for ya, but oh well. Here's my best try) Maybe it wanted something from you -like hell I know what - so it first tries seeming safe, intriguing, etc then when it thinks it's far enough along in thee plan it starts to take action, and action that thy apparently did not comply with. "
*bows* I'm so sorry for the long post!
Please - what do you think this is? What does this visitor want? How can I try to communicate w/ it to try and understand?
Thank you!
"contact" w/ what I feel is an actual "being." (Some sort of spirit/entity. As opposed to being high on LSD or having an episode from a mental disorder.)
I've been able to get an idea that this visitor might be coming; the day it happens, I feel sudden feelings of "falling," dizziness, and weakness. These feelings of "falling" and dizziness last for as long as a pulse beat. The weakness lasts throughout the day. (I am one to drink quite a bit of water each day, so I do not believe these feelings are really symptoms of dehydration.)
At night, I get into bed. This is where I actually feel the presence of this being.
I lay on my stomach, my right arm bent upwards so it is next to my head. My other hand lays at my side... I don't know why, but I always take this position when I suspect it is coming.
When it comes, I begin shaking, twitching, jerking involuntarily... I sometimes see things, even when my eyes are closed, but I can't even really grasp WHAT it is I saw. But also, it becomes terribly, terribly difficult to breathe.
My concern is this: in the past, this "meeting" between myself and this visitor always occured right before a very negative event happened. (I try to record the dates of these meetings, and they seem to occur less than a week right before one of these unpleasant events. An example of one of these unpleasant events: being falsely accused to sexually harrassing a peer of mine!)
But for the past few times I've had this visitor, they have...changed in nature. No longer do I consider these visitations as warnings for the future. My body's...movements are not quite so violent, and the feelings induced by all this have diminished. Whatever power is causing me to have these feelings, the power has changed. It is weaker...and it seems negative.
I have told quite a few of my friends about these occurences, and she said that perhaps this spirit had wanted me to do something for it, to give it something... I have suspected this. However, it was strange to hear her say it.
The last time this happened (May 20, 2006), I sort of felt as if it was just selfishly trying to take something from me. It...made me think of someone using my body for their own pleasure, without love, without care for me. That's actually what I felt was happening, though there were no physical feelings I had to back this up.
I then did something I've never done before: I turned over, what I considered a small act of resistance, and willed it away. The rest blanks out, as always. (I fell asleep later. I had what seemed like a long and detailed dream about everything I did that day. Except I can't make sense of it.)
This is what my dear friend said:
"Interesting interaction Vivi...You don't think that it’s the same being that’s just finally reacting its goals and is mad-upset now? Think about it from its possible point of view (I wish I could really get a hand on view for ya, but oh well. Here's my best try) Maybe it wanted something from you -like hell I know what - so it first tries seeming safe, intriguing, etc then when it thinks it's far enough along in thee plan it starts to take action, and action that thy apparently did not comply with. "
*bows* I'm so sorry for the long post!
Please - what do you think this is? What does this visitor want? How can I try to communicate w/ it to try and understand?
Thank you!