I woke up this morning from a very disturbing dream

[Athena-Nadine]

Dreams don't normally bother me, but I can't seem to shake this one.

In the dream, I kept trying to nurse my infant son, but people kept taking him away to play with him (not that they were actually taking him, but he kept being gone) and I had to keep looking for him. During that, I found myself with another baby boy who looked identical to the first but looked sickly. While I was looking for the first, I knew I couldn't nurse this one. It's not that I tried and couldn't, but I just knew it wasn't possible, somehow. But somehow, nursing the first would also help the second. Strange.

In the midst of this, a lady brought a little girl to me to meet me so she could meet her mother. The second baby disappeared, but I didn't think anything of it. I somehow knew they couldn't be in the same place at the same time. After the little girl smelled me and satisfied herself that I was, indeed, her mother, she left.

I found the first baby, thanked the couple who was watching him and took him, and ended up in a kitchenette area talking to a man across the table while I was now holding both babies. He told me I was going to die at 3:30 PM Eastern Time. Shocked, I looked at my watch and said, well, it's only 11:26 AM so I have two hours yet. He said, "Damn, I always mess up the time." I got the impression he meant I was going to die much sooner than in two hours. My watch was set to Mountain Time. Somehow, I was sitting at that table with my two babies, but wasn't really there. I just kept asking him if I would still be able to nurse my babies and if I would have to leave them. Then, suddenly, I was there but not there.

And then I woke up, with the man's voice telling me that the reason I was holding two babies when I only had one was because they were twins and only one survived.

The first thing I thought upon waking was, "Gods, I hope that wasn't a warning." Now, like I said, dreams don't normally bother me all that much, even nightmares. And I've had some bad ones. And a few of my dreams have come true in the past, but it was never something I knew would happen beforehand. I just found out they did hours after I dreamt. But I can't seem to shake this one. Maybe a minute after waking up it occurred to me that the little girl was the right age to have been born from the first pregnancy I lost two years ago--maybe to the day. I'm not 100% sure, but it was early June right around this time. It could have been today, it could have been two days ago, it could have been tomorrow. I just can't remember now.

So in my half asleep stressed out state upon waking, I said to myself, "Well, I just won't leave the house today," and then realized that I have no choice. Robert has a doctor's appointment at 11:30 AM today, so I have to go out.

I really hope this is all just paranoid silliness in my own head from a silly bad dream, but I can't stop thinking, "I don't want to leave my son and husband," and the whole thing has me really freaked out. I just can't seem to let go of the terror.

Gods, I feel so silly.

[Morr]

*hugs*

As someone who suffers from chronic nightmares, almost every night -- Some nightmares just GET to you because they deal with the most important things to you in life.

It can be just your fears and subconscience messing with you, just a mish mosh of crap that you dont let out when you're awake come out to bite you in the butt when you're asleep and not in control of your thoughts, memories and fears.

Believe me, I've gone through that more than once.

Like last night, I had a horrific dream that my dog (who is 80% blind in one eye because of an accident last year -- A car ran him over), got completely blinded in both eyes by another accident. And then, out of doggy depression and frustration from this disability, he ran out to the road into a car and "killed himself".

Now, I know this is silly, I know dogs dont do that.. I know that my dog is safe and he is not now allowed outside anymore beyond the fence, and that we lock the gates each time, even when we are at home during the day so he wont run out.

But I woke up and that dream scared the living daylights out of me. My dog is one of my best friends, he is also my familiar (I have a kick ass witchy pup), and we share a very close bond (just ask Semi, he saw when he was visiting me here).

But today when I was talking to my mom on my phone I heard him barking in all his might trying to scare off another dog away from the house's fence.

Sometimes our greatest fears, thoughts and tabboos come out in our dreams. Its not always a sign of something to come. If all my nightmares would have indicated bad events coming -- The Apocalypse would have seemed like a fairytale.

I think this nightmare fed on your greatest fears and on your (as a mother) most important treasure -- Your child. That is why, in my opinion, it got to you SO MUCH.

*more hugs to you*

[Athena-Nadine]

:hugz: That has been my thought all day as well. Honestly, I didn't think it was any type of premonition, but typing it all out this morning helped some. I think I was better off for getting it out of my system.