are they out to get us

[RavenMoonshadow]

what do you guys think you this this is real or propoganda


http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0702/wiccans.html

[RoseKitten]

"From what we can gather, like Jewish people, Wiccans kidnap Christian children and drink their blood to seal their commitment to Satan."

:lol:

And, I love the description of "wiccans" at the bottom :rotfl: :rotfl:

[RhiannynWildseed]

Read the page "Terms of Service (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/tos.html)" 6th line.

The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody.

The whole site is a joke. Read it and have a few laughs.

[_Banbha_]

I think it's a fun read. :lol:

[maphdet]

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0702/wiccanpermit.jpg


LMFAO!


Oh that is funny, thanks for the link!

[RhiannynWildseed]

I think it's a fun read. :lol:

Did you read the "Was your baby born on 06-06-06" bit? OMG! That was too funny.

[RavenMoonshadow]

The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody.

doh you found me out already darn but yeah its was funny, had me goin for a sec. *grumble grumble* stupid paying attention to detail and such *grumble*

[RhiannynWildseed]

The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody.

doh you found me out already darn but yeah its was funny, had me goin for a sec. *grumble grumble* stupid paying attention to detail and such *grumble*

8O

Don't sweat it, lol. Every now and again they post articles from that site on Witchvox in the Wren's Nest section. They even clearly label them "spoof" or "satire."

You should SEE the things people post on there. They start going balistic, lol. It goes on for pages before someone comes along and says "Hey...did you see where it said "spoof?"

Oh, the chargrin.

[Tadrith]

Heh, they made a slight gaff though. On their link for the "Blizzard Inc. training manual to being a wiccan", the linked it to Everquest 2, made by Sony ;) And here I was hoping that WoW would have had an honorable mention!

Tad

[Theres]

LBC claims another victim! :lol:

[CelticMoon11]

Think theres anyone that actually reads it seriously and starts hunting Wiccans? :lol:

EDIT: Just read the people writing into the site looks like a lot of people do!

[Cadabuz]

Too funny, loved the read!!

[jcldragon]

Think theres anyone that actually reads it seriously and starts hunting Wiccans? :lol:

EDIT: Just read the people writing into the site looks like a lot of people do!Last night on 60 Minutes, Mel Brooks was interviewed. He talked about being Jewish, and how that has gotten him a lot of flack from our mainstream society, (not from any Pagans or New Agers, I'm sure). Anyways, he got to talking about Hitler, and how he often has poked fun at Hitler in his films. He said he does this, because getting people to laugh at Hitler, is the most certain way he's figured out to utterly destroy Fascism forever. It might work, and I sure hope it does.

Landover Baptist Church is basicly the same thing. It lampoons the worst aspects of Fundamentalism, showing it for the narrow & barbaric thinking that it is. Real Christians don't think that way. There are a few real Christians who post at this board. They are here, & are well liked, because they (like the best of us), are coming from a place of Love in their Hearts. Love doesn't belong to anybody. Nobody can claim to own Love. Love is Divine, and if anything, it is we who belong to Love, and certainly not the other way around.

The one thing that is scary, is that there actually are people who think like what Landover Baptist Church lampoons. I'm still working on figuring out what to do about that. The barbarians on this planet are doing everything they can to make all of the rest of us miserable. If it weren't for the barbarians, all of the rest of us would get along really well, & it wouldn't take very long for us to establish Civilization on Earth.

I believe in the Divine Sense of Humor. That's why I do work as a Stand-Up Comic with the Ding Dong Show. Without Comedy, it would be a dreary, & heartless world to live in...

PS : I voted the Peasants are coming with Pitchforks & Firewood.

I would never burn a Witch at the stake, but I would grill a steak for a Witch. Which would you prefer : organic, naturally fed, free range beef, or some salmon?

[CelticMoon11]

Solution: Me+PMS+weapon+small room they can't escape+No questions asked...EASY :D :lol:

[LadyOak]

That site has been aroujnd for a while...It's still funny tho

[LostSheep]

But the worrying thing is ... i don't think this is a spoof ....
http://www.capalert.com/

[Lady Aeris]

good thing its fiction, i didnt think people were actually that stupid anymore.

[Rudas Starblaze]

now why would they attack with pitchforks? thats the male equivelent to a broomstick.:lol:


thats why i have one hangin on my wall!

[Theres]

good thing its fiction, i didnt think people were actually that stupid anymore.

i wouldn't get to secure in that point if i were you.

[Sage Rainsong]

I think that this is one of the funnies websites around. Ever see their story about tampons being Satans' fingers? I swear I almost pissed myself. http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0999/cotton.html

[Crystal Raven]

Landover Baptist Church
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

The Landover Baptist Church is a web site that serves as the home of a fictional Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist site and its associated Landoverbaptist.NET forum is a parody of fundamentalist Christianity and the religious right in the United States of America.

The site proclaims, for example, that the King James Bible as written is the literal word of God. It also has beliefs unique to its church; for example, that holding different religious beliefs from those endorsed by Landover Baptist is grounds for being damned to Hell; that sissy boys should wear signs that say "I'm a Sissy Boy Who Plays With Dolls"; that men who wear thin, colored underwear are either European or homosexual, "and in America there is no difference between the two"; that the spherical Earth model was a hoax perpetrated by "someone in a communist rocket ship"; and that George W. Bush was appointed directly by God to the office of President of the United States of America to do battle with heathens and other un-American individuals. The site also says that it upholds very racist views. It says that it believes that Native Americans were the first terrorists in American history, and that African Americans should still be slaves and be segregated from whites. It also says that it holds strong anti-Catholic and anti-Muslim beliefs.

The website also has its own giftshop for the purchase of "Christian" products (such as thongs and bumper stickers promoting the church, even gifts for the "unwelcome heathens"), as well as a section that features hate mail from people who have been offended by the material on the site. While some letters are from individuals who do not realize that the site is a parody, others are from people who are offended by the site's portrayal of fundamentalist Christianity.

The Landover site was created by Chris Harper (head writer and Chief Editor, aka "Pastor Deacon Fred"). Mr. Harper has used his "Pastor Deacon Fred" persona when giving public speeches for organizations such as American Atheists and Houston Atheist Society. No part of the site was meant to be taken seriously. There is even a link at the bottom of every page that brings you to the Terms of Service. It states "Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody."

The first book from Landover Baptist writers will be released on September 12, 2006 from Time Warner Books. It is called Welcome to Jesusland (Formerly the United States of America): Shocking Tales of Depravity, Sex, and Sin Uncovered by God's Favorite Church, Landover Baptist.

[Crystal Raven]

and...

landoverbaptist.org
Terms of Service Agreement
Preface

Within this section, the words "The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.," "we," and "us" refer to The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd, which is the owner of landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com and which holds the right to transmit on landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com (the "Site") all of the materials contained in the Site. The word "Materials" refers to any word, sound, image, file, data, or anything else contained in or generated by the Site. All content on landoverbaptist.org is protected by federal copyright laws. The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody. When you use landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com you are agreeing and consenting to these terms and conditions of use which we, at our sole discretion, may change in any way at any time. Your consent to these terms and conditions is herein described as the "Agreement." Thus you should read them with care and, from time to time, re-read them. If we make any changes, your continued use of landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com signifies that you agree to them. Limitations On Use Of Materials Contained in landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com You may, as long as you make no changes of any kind whatsoever, download onto a single computer a single copy of any Materials on the Site for your personal use only. This computer must be your personal computer in your home and you may not make any commercial use of Materials which you download. Should you make any changes to any of the Materials you will be violating The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s copyright. Aside from this provision (i.e. the downloading of a single copy) you may not copy, upload, transmit or distribute in any way any Materials contained in the Site, nor may you use them on any network of computers or any other Website. Should you download a single copy of any Materials, you do not own that copy. The copy you download (including the software and its accompanying data and any files) is, rather, licensed to you by The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd., which retains all title and rights to the Materials. Thus you are prohibited from distributing your copy or in any way changing the copy into a form which can be perceived by a human being.

Disclaimer

The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. makes no warranties of any kind (either expressed or implied) concerning the Materials on the Site. Further, The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. does not warrant that transmission of the Materials will not be interrupted nor does it warrant that the Materials will contain no errors nor that they will be accurate. The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. does not warrant that the Site itself or the server which transmits it will be free of viruses or anything else that might be harmful. Nor do we warrant that any defects will be corrected. You alone assume all risk associated with use of the Site, including the full cost of any necessary repair or service to your computer. By using the Site you waive any claim whatsoever against The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. which arises from your use, whether intended or not, of any other site. This waiver specifically includes any claim arising from a product and/or service which you purchase from any site other than landoverbaptist.org and/or landoverbaptist.com and any claim arising from security of information (including, but not limited to credit card information) which you give to any other site. In addition, The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. assumes no responsibility for any content which you find on sites that link either to or from the Site. This includes responsibility for the accuracy or compliance with any laws and for any viruses or other harmful things which may be contained in these sites. Nor is The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. responsible should any site link you to a site which you find offensive. The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. does not endorse or warrant the quality of any goods you buy from any site other than the Site. Limitation Of The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s Liability The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. shall not be liable in any way whatsoever (including, but not limited to, negligence) for any special or consequential damages resulting from either your use of the Site or your inability to use it or from your use of any site linked from or to the Site. This limitation includes any circumstance in which The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. or its representative has been advised of potential liability. Certain applicable laws may not allow all the limitations of liability described herein. Should that be the case, The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s total liability to you for losses, damages, causes of action, and/or negligence shall not exceed the total amount paid by you (if any) to access the Site.

Communication on the Site

The Site may (but is not obligated to) include e-mail functions, chatrooms, bulletin boards or other means by which you can communicate with other persons. Should you choose to so communicate, you may not do so using words, sounds or images that are, at The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s sole discretion, deemed to be obscene, pornographic, libelous, defamatory, objectionable, violent, or that, in The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s opinion, may be illegal. Should you communicate on the Site, by doing so you grant to The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd., in perpetuity, exclusively, without any compensation or notice to you, all rights which you have in that communication. Thus you grant The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. the perpetual, exclusive right to duplicate, replicate, copy, disseminate, modify, edit, create other works from, publish, distribute, include in other works, translate, and/or edit any communication by any means, whether now known or yet to be discovered, at any place and any time throughout the universe. You may not use the Site for any commercial purpose or to solicit funds or any other goods, or services for anything whatsoever. The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.'s rights herein may be exercised in any language, in any medium whether now known or yet to be developed anywhere in the universe. Further, you waive all moral rights to these communications as well as rights of confidentiality. You also warrant that, should you not own the rights to these communications, the owner of the rights has granted them in exactly the same manner and to the same extent that you would have had you been the owner. The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. assumes no liability whatsoever for any communication on or through the Site. You are responsible for your communications. The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. assumes no obligation whatsoever (unless there exists a legal obligation) to monitor any communication on or through the Site.

Your Comments And Submissions

The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. welcomes your comments concerning the Site. However, we can not accept submissions of any kind whatsoever unless we specifically request them. Consequently, please refrain from sending us any ideas, manuscripts, scripts or drawings which we have not asked you to send us. Should you, despite this policy, send us an unsolicited submission(s), that submission(s) becomes the property of The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.. As such, we will have unlimited, exclusive, perpetual rights, throughout the universe and by any means now known or yet to be discovered, to use the submission(s) for any purpose whatsoever, without any compensation or notice to you. Further, The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. will assume no liability whatsoever for any use it makes of your submission(s).

Note

The Landover Baptist Church website is not intended to be viewed by minors or anyone under the age of 18. Landover Baptist Church is copyright 2000 - Americhrist Ltd.

[Trithemius]

:rollingla :rollingla :rollingla

That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time! The Wiccan appearance section just about had me on the floor.

[Lady Aeris]

i wouldn't get to secure in that point if i were you.



yeah, i actually thought about what i said after i submitted it and was hit with a big 'duh'- it is sad, though, that there are people out there like that. i wish they werent that stupid, goddess knows it would make life a bit less complicated.

[Isis-Rayne]

That website is a PARODY. Do you need the definition of a parody?

[Arion]

As a friend of mine says, "just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you." ;)

Seriously though, I've seen this site come up so often as a topic for discussion on Pagan sites, and it's a joke. It's just a parody of fundie Christians. I know a girl who is Baptist, and yeah, she'd probably agree with most of the stuff on that website, (let's just say she won't read Harry Potter because she thinks its evil), the site itself is just so over-the-top that it can't be taken seriously. It's not an actual church website, just some people poking fun at fundies. Laugh. Cry. Enjoy. Don't take it seriously.

[Morrigan_Wolfwind]

Wiccans are under a contract with Satan to wear black. It is one of the first things they learn when they are indoctrinated into their cult. You can spot them mostly in leather, lace, black fingernail polish, eye makeup, and lipstick.

So does this mean my BLACK LACE armwarmers from Hot Topic are an indication of my contract with Satan! Ye gods! They've found me out! _inabox_

That bit about the piercings was a little too much information, though. :lol:

And I was born Catholic, too. It's a double threat to the Christians!

(NOTE: Most coven leaders are either Catholic priests or tattoo parlor owners)

I love this site. It's hilarious, and it's MEANT to be hilarious!

[TaysatWesir]

Pushing a frenzied crowd of screaming parishioners aside, Church ushers acted quickly and detained the Devil's harlot for questioning in the sanctuary basement before taking her to the furnace room.

:lol: The last time I remember someone being called the devil harlot was in Bram Stoker's Dracula!

[AussiePagan]

A parody you say ? How do you know ? It could be an actual fundermenalist site dressed up as a parody, which is being used to recuit people for the next inquisition !:awilly: :awilly: :awilly:

:yikess:

[Aquarian_Moon]

OMG, I read 3 whole paragraphs b4 glancing back here to get ppl's reactions. I'm so gullible!!! :P

[Mahren]

I like how the phrase "True Christians" has the copyright symbol every time its mentioned. hehe

[jcldragon]

A parody you say ? How do you know ? It could be an actual fundermenalist site dressed up as a parody, which is being used to recuit people for the next inquisition !:awilly: :awilly: :awilly:

:yikess:Once when asked if I were a Christian, I proudly announced that I attended Landover Baptist Church! The Fundie I was speaking with didn't get where I was coming from, but some people nearby overheard, and began laughing like crazy. So then I went further by saying that God was not going to destroy the world with a flood this time. No! This time it will be by FIRE! George Bush is going to start a Nuclear War that will destroy ALL LIFE on EARTH ! PRAISE JESUS!

BTW, ever wonder just what sort of Lord these Fundies actually serve?

[maeli]

All I have to say is that my computer at work won't let me get into it because it say it falls under the category <HUMOR, MATURE> That has to say something.

[LostSheep]

All I have to say is that my computer at work won't let me get into it because it say it falls under the category <HUMOR, MATURE> That has to say something.
But if it was a real fundamentalist site it would have allowed you into it? :hrmm:

[shuvanilu]

This site tricked me a couple of years ago when I first found it. I got all pissed of and huffy and forwarded my friends the site....then I started reading more than the first article I read (which was some anti-gay parody apparently....STILL pissed me off!) and realized they were poking fun at the fundies. But the scary thing is, there really are morons out there who think like this. Ugh....But now when I visit the site, I can appreciate it as satire. Also, they have some fine goods for sale.---shuvanilu:awilly:

[QUEEN OF THE DAMNED]

This site tricked me a couple of years ago when I first found it. I got all pissed of and huffy and forwarded my friends the site....then I started reading more than the first article I read (which was some anti-gay parody apparently....STILL pissed me off!) and realized they were poking fun at the fundies. But the scary thing is, there really are morons out there who think like this. Ugh....But now when I visit the site, I can appreciate it as satire. Also, they have some fine goods for sale.---shuvanilu:awilly:

Same here, man was I ready to roll some heads!

[Sage Rainsong]

This site tricked me a couple of years ago when I first found it. I got all pissed of and huffy and forwarded my friends the site....then I started reading more than the first article I read (which was some anti-gay parody apparently....STILL pissed me off!) and realized they were poking fun at the fundies. But the scary thing is, there really are morons out there who think like this. Ugh....But now when I visit the site, I can appreciate it as satire. Also, they have some fine goods for sale.---shuvanilu

Oh thank Gods I'm not the only one who thought it was real, because I only read one article from some link. I got really mad and I posted it on some other pagan site and they laughed at me.

[maeli]

But if it was a real fundamentalist site it would have allowed you into it? :hrmm:.

I am not sure whats in the article but if it was a fundametalist site that spewed hate it wouldn't allow me to go into it either. It would say something along the lines of " HATE SPEECH" or something of the like...

[David19]

This site tricked me a couple of years ago when I first found it. I got all pissed of and huffy and forwarded my friends the site....then I started reading more than the first article I read (which was some anti-gay parody apparently....STILL pissed me off!) and realized they were poking fun at the fundies. But the scary thing is, there really are morons out there who think like this. Ugh....But now when I visit the site, I can appreciate it as satire. Also, they have some fine goods for sale.---shuvanilu:awilly:

That seem thing happened to me, i thought it was actually real, but then someone pointed the 'terms of service' bit out where it said it was a joke, now i think it's a cool site, and funny.

[Ritten]

I found this site a while ago and for the longest time I couldn't figure out if it was a joke or not. Makes you wonder if there are really people like this out there.

[Renny]

It's a preference of blade over gun because a good part of their satanic ritual includes a precise cutting of Christian flesh into bite-size Jesus steaks that are oftentimes smoked and cured into what Wiccans jokingly call, "Jesus Jerky.

BITE SIZE JESUS STEAKS HAHAHAHA

I'm sorry, I find that hysterical : D


Where do they come up with this stuff rofl

[Crysiira]

This is hilarious. It reminds me of the satirical fake newspaper "The Onion", I'm not sure how many people around here know of that, but it's funny - and the funniest part is that some people do think it's real! I actually heard a report that a news station in China was reporting an Onion article as real news because they thought it was a real newspaper - they had to be set straight on that by American Officials. How hilarious is that, when other countries take our satirical ramblings as reality?

[ElvenMage]

what the heck is up with this site? i mean come on, overweight and smart. i certainly dont fit either. omfg, what is up with those people. they are even atttacking antoher branch of their own church.

[WitchCraftWeaver]

Read the page "Terms of Service (http://www.landoverbaptist.org/tos.html)" 6th line.



The whole site is a joke. Read it and have a few laughs.

DARN, I was going to have the management of the Mariners contact this woman... a 297 pew toss? She should be pitching in the MBL. ROTFL

[Storm Moon]

lol I thought this was real too until my bf told me about it. When he did, I just laughed. And yeah, it's sad that some people really do think this way, at least for the most part. Sheesh, ya'd think people would have a sense of humor :lol:

[shuvanilu]

This is hilarious. It reminds me of the satirical fake newspaper "The Onion", I'm not sure how many people around here know of that, but it's funny - and the funniest part is that some people do think it's real! I actually heard a report that a news station in China was reporting an Onion article as real news because they thought it was a real newspaper - they had to be set straight on that by American Officials. How hilarious is that, when other countries take our satirical ramblings as reality?

Hooray for The Onion!! But then, I live near you apparently. They do have a website for anyone who wants to read. Hilarious.---shuvanilu

www.theonion.com

[jcldragon]

This is hilarious. It reminds me of the satirical fake newspaper "The Onion", I'm not sure how many people around here know of that, but it's funny - and the funniest part is that some people do think it's real! I actually heard a report that a news station in China was reporting an Onion article as real news because they thought it was a real newspaper - they had to be set straight on that by American Officials. How hilarious is that, when other countries take our satirical ramblings as reality?
Well, there sure is no reason to take our MainStream Media, as anything but a Corporate in-joke...

[Grey]

Reminds me of "the onion" lol. A local preacher arranged book/rocknroll burnings on four out of five consecutive years- and used quotes from the onion to support the idea.

*shakes head*

[Cornflake_Girl8]

http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist/1372131

I'm particularly enthralled with "Jesus is watching you take a poop".

I mean c'mon! I live in an old farmhouse, so I probably have 10 ghosts laughing at me when I poop. I don't need to be reminded that we have a whole sky full of dead people who can watch me poop. Geez.......

But this is absolutely HILARIOUS! :-D

[Birdy]

I knew it was a parody the first time I saw it but I voted "THE PEASANTS ARE COMING..." because that was the funniest.

Landover is iffy, sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's over the top to the point of being unbelievable and other times it's just too close to the scary reality. I am glad someones sending up the fundies regardless.

[Agaliha]

Not another thread about this site. :rolleyes:

Here are some more here on MW:

Very bad website. (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=30261&highlight=landover+baptist)
Poll: I have to share this (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=23715&highlight=landover+baptist)
an article against us Wiccans (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=34089&highlight=landover+baptist)
Love those web parody sites! (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=35691&highlight=landover+baptist)
Is this website for real??? (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=57271&highlight=landover+baptist)
This Is The Most Offending Thing..... (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=74744&highlight=landover+baptist)
Wiccans Intoxicated by Christian Blood! (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=18020&highlight=landover+baptist)
Landover Baptist Church (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=103362&highlight=landover+baptist)
has anyone come across this web site before? (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=126548&highlight=landover+baptist)
Witch Hunts still exist .. even today (http://www.mysticwicks.com/showthread.php?t=134922&highlight=landover+baptist)Most people take it literally and don't read that it's all a parody and fake. Hence all the threads.
No big deal, it just gets old after awhile :lol:

Shamengoddess posted the articles I was going to.

[ViolinGoddess]

I think it's totally made up. And completely hysterical!!

Violin Goddess

[wolfjan1]

Oh, my Lord and Lady! Had I EVER behaved in such a manner as these people described, I would most likely have committed my self by now. These "Christians" have some evil and dangerous thoughts. Perhaps they should and reported for insanity. Not allowed to breed, or marry until they have been rehabbed and well medicated. A mandatory condition to be released.

[Chibi-Fallon]

What is it with people and finding landover by the droves lately?

[Agaliha]

What is it with people and finding landover by the droves lately?

I don't know. :2G:
There are tons of threads about it though, which I posted above.
:yikess:

[Theres]

*insert PT Barnum quote here*