AWW... THIS SUCKS! [Ramblings at 5:30 am]

[wintermagick]

I don't WANT to be like this again! I just want to go back to being normal Deanna... (although I guess this IS normal for me, especially this past year) but I mean normal Deanna circa 1998-2000. That means truly proudly Pagan. Why must I carry so much guilt at being Pagan at heart? Why do I give in much more to social pressure as I get older? In other words... why can't I just be happy being... me? Me = the Phoebe in Friends. The Claire in Lost. And yes, even the cynical Robin on The Howard Stern Show. And most of all, why can't I believe that baby Willow will benefit most from me being me, instead of giving into the constant implications of "You're raising your daughter around THAT STUFF?"

Or better yet I'd at least like to be crazy rambling Deanna, being on as many religious blogrings/groups/forums as I want, without feeling all the guilt of looking like such a looney tune!

The thing is, I guess I could. Because all of my wonderful souls here who are better friends to me than my IRL friends have accepted me as I am long long ago! AWW... fluffy group hugs!!! I love you guys! And no, I've not had a drop of alcohol tonight.

So... I've held onto this trip for about...mmm... three days? And this is WITH medication... although it is the halfway okay Celexa... can't WAIT for that Lexapro approval to finally come through.

But anyway I just keep holding onto this guilt and social pressure. Two things I could easily create a banishing ritual for... but no, because these two factors have lived within me for so long that they've almost become oddly comforting. So you know what? Any prayers, energies, ect. would be appreciated, dear ones. For now... I'll just continue to be the only person I know how to be and hope that through this rocky journey one day I will truly learn to love myself and my God(s)/(eddess)/Jesus/Buddha/Allah.

So you know what... "f" it. I guess I'll go back to feeling drawn to whatever path I want for the day. I've always worn my feelings out for the world to see... admittedly this is a bad habit, but at least it is honest.

In other more lighthearted tortured rambling news dieting SUCKS! I woke up craving a root beer so badly I was practically salivating. I've settled for slightly iced tea.



Annnnd... yay. Willow is now up with teething issues... and I have to leave for work at Azkaban Hell in just two hours.

I can already tell that this will be a day of... oy.

[fangedeshana]

I'm sorry I can't offer any help or much comfort with the "peer pressure"... I had similar issues, but I just seemed to realise my life was about me and the ones I love, and loved me... and it had nothing to do with anyone else's thoughts or beliefs or anything else they would care to push on me. It must be hard with a young child to think of.

My thoughts are with you. I will light a candle for your well being tonight with my solstice tributes. :)

[Cindlady2]

*Pats HappinessInSlytherin on the back* Just rant away!

[jcldragon]

You associate yourself with Slytherin, and wonder why you feel guilt?

Sorry, I couldn't resist the pun... but perhaps the Divine Sense of Humor may save you yet!

[Libris]

I think a lot of pagans have probably felt guilty or gotten flack for being a pagan parent, at least I do sometimes and I haven't even given birth to mine yet. Even my dad (who is agnostic) told me its best to be -very- in the closit if I'm going to have a kid. But I don't believe its right to hide what I believe and I want my daughter to know that being pagan is nothing to be ashamed of or hide. So this is one of the reasons my handle is my name, yes Jessica Orr is a pagan.

Anyway... So at least, even though I don't know you well being so new to this site, I can say that I think I know how you feel about the pagan worry parent thing. Its hard not to feel guilty thinking about it. I think there are a lot of people sharing your feelings, so maybe you can take comfort in that.

Have a big pregnant hug!

Jess

[wintermagick]

fangedeshana: thank you for the candle!

Cindlady2: Thank you, that made me smile.

jcldragon: :lol: :lol: :lol: :awilly: :hehehehe:

jessicaorr: Welcome to MW! And thank you so much for your comforting words. Big happy pregnant karma to you!

Thank you all... you've all made me smile in one way or another.