so my mom found out i smoke

[Marcasite]

The phone rang like 6 times so I picked it up and saidf "what do you want andrew I was out having a cigarette" and it was my mom
oh my god she's going to kill me
and I was quitting too, I really was
I'm so screwed omgpanic
I'm losing it :(

[Shanti]

Your 20, an adult. Your not a kid anymore. Its your choice.
I imagine your mom, as an adult, didnt always make the choices her mom approved of. But as an adult, she made them anyway.

You living in her house? Then its a respect issue as its her home, not yours. But if your in your own place, its your life to do as you choose.

[TheWomanMonster]

I agree it is your life, your choice...
BUT,
If you're quitting anyways maybe it would be better for your Mom to know about it so she can help you out with quitting and craving and such...
if she thinks smoking is so wretched maybe she'd be willing to help you pay for the patch or gum or whatever if that's an issue.

good luck quitting.
and I hope your Mom doesn't overeact too much...
maybe just telling her you're trying to quit will lessen the wrath. *smiles*


Monster.

[Morr]

Its tough breaking away from the parental control thing.

It took me a while. I was scared of my parents finding out I do things they might not approve of, like smoking for example.

But at some point I realized -- Hell, I am older than 18, I am an adult. They just cant tell me what to do anymore. They may voice their opinions, but that is it.

She wont kill you. She might be angry, but its only cause she is concerned about you. However, when it boils down to it -- You are an adult. She cant tell you what to do anymore. She cant forbid you to do anything.

*hugs*

[Chibi-Fallon]

Yeah, as long as they aren't somehow in-control of your living situation (either you live in their house or they're paying your rent) really the worst they can do is yell at you.

Although it sucks, I mean they were probably going to find out sooner or later, and you're not 13 so I doubt the "peer pressure" card will fly. 8O

[Marcasite]

I don't know why my parents still have so much affect over me but they do. I don't live with them and haven't for three years. Although they are paying my university tuition and I'm working for my dad this summer so I am unfortunately still under their control to a certain degree. I'm terrified my dad will find out I'm getting married still, then my life really is over. I mean I knew this day would have to come but I've dreaded it for ages. And I'm so terrified of them, I really don't know why...
I don't think my mom will believe me if I tell her I'm quitting. My bright idea was to pull a Shaggy and deny everything. "why are you smoking?" "I'm not..."
Geez it's incredible how panicked I am about this. Is it normal to be so frightened of your parents being upset with you when you're a grown adult?

[DragonsChest]

I don't know why my parents still have so much affect over me but they do. They have such affect over you because they know what strings to pull -- after all, they put them on you in the first place.


Is it normal to be so frightened of your parents being upset with you when you're a grown adult? Frightened? Perhaps that's very strong word to use. But even as an adult, you usually desire your parent's approval, at some level within. That's human nature. As you mature, you will be better able to separate your will from theirs. Good luck!

(and continue quitting smoking - it's better for your health anyway not to smoke! That's the mom in me talking.)

[LostSheep]

If it's any consolation, I guess there were worse things you could have been doing .... :2G:

[materra]

If it's any consolation, I guess there were worse things you could have been doing .... :2G:

Good point... might want to use this one. :hehehehe:

Oh, and quit smoking please. Terrible stuff and breathing is not optional. I smoked too much, too long. I am constantly breathless. It is icky.

Warm hugs hun.....

[Malcolm]

Is it normal to be so frightened of your parents being upset with you when you're a grown adult?

uh, no I don't think so...

[MoonDragn]

I usually just ignore my parents when they talk to me. I am sick of them trying to control my life and it's none of their business. It's your lungs. If you wanna smoke go ahead. If you want to quit, quit for yourself, not your parents.

[DragonsChest]

Quit, because your health will be better, your clothes and hair will smell better, and think of the money you'll save!!! A by product of this will be that your folks will be happy, but do it for the other reasons.

[HetHert]

Ya know...this might also be just the wake up call to your parents that lets them know your an adult. If your frightened about their acceptence or lack there of you need to ask yourself why it is you need their acceptence of your life choices so badly.

I went through the same thing with my mom. She was angry, she cried, she blamed herself, she blamed my friends, but when it came down to it I had to convince her that it was ME that was the one who made the decision and while I was not necessarily proud of it, I had to know what the big deal was about. Your 20 and thats what your 20's are all about. Experiementation and finiding out who YOU really are deep inside yourself. Establishing your own PERSONAL boundries and desires. This time in your life is when you begin lengthening the umbilical cord from your parents and start searching out your own heart and mind.

The fear you feel is because you've probably done everything up to this point to please and gain your parents love, when in reality, your parents should love you, whether what you do makes them proud or not. You have a life to live, whereby mistakes are going to be made, because mistakes help us grow and understand deeper who we are, what we need and want. Meditate, sit alone in a room, calm your heart and mind and allow the voice of your higher consciousness to guide you to the strength to do and say what needs to be done and said.

:hugz:

[DragonsChest]

Ya know...this might also be just the wake up call to your parents that lets them know your an adult. If your frightened about their acceptence or lack there of you need to ask yourself why it is you need their acceptence of your life choices so badly.

I went through the same thing with my mom. She was angry, she cried, she blamed herself, she blamed my friends, but when it came down to it I had to convince her that it was ME that was the one who made the decision and while I was not necessarily proud of it, I had to know what the big deal was about. Your 20 and thats what your 20's are all about. Experiementation and finiding out who YOU really are deep inside yourself. Establishing your own PERSONAL boundries and desires. This time in your life is when you begin lengthening the umbilical cord from your parents and start searching out your own heart and mind.

The fear you feel is because you've probably done everything up to this point to please and gain your parents love, when in reality, your parents should love you, whether what you do makes them proud or not. You have a life to live, whereby mistakes are going to be made, because mistakes help us grow and understand deeper who we are, what we need and want. Meditate, sit alone in a room, calm your heart and mind and allow the voice of your higher consciousness to guide you to the strength to do and say what needs to be done and said.

:hugz:

Well, yeah, there's all that, too. :hehehehe:

[Calen]

If they get upset, it's because they worry for your health (or just think it's gross. And it kind of is). Parents often doubt that their kids can make the choices that are in their own best interests. In your case, you had already made the decision to quit, which is great. That right there is a thoughtful, responsible-for-your-health thing you have done as an adult.

If your parents give you grief about it, just tell them that you are an adult, and whether or not you smoke is a choice you will be making for yourself. I do encourage you to try and quit, though.