Cain
July 6th, 2006, 06:58 AM
I know these assertions have been flying around the net recently and it has been fun to watch them evolve, mutate and be discussed. However, all good things must come to the end, and I revel in my role in making people suffer. So with great pleasure I inform you of the following:
1. Richard M. Nixon did NOT write the Principia Discordia in a brief moment of lucidity. He never used the pen-name of Malaclypse. Absolutely not. There is no evidence for this conclusion whatsoever. None at all. And he didn't convert Chairman Mao and teach him the secrets of levitation, as popular rumour (and a carefully doctored photo, included for completeness*) would have us believe.
2. The Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia are not involved in any hostile takeover bid of International Arms and Hashish Inc. Furthermore, Episkopos Cain is not the new CEO, nor does he intend to be. We believe these rumours have been spread by Mexican Communists working under orders originating out of Pyongyang and thus have no basis in fact.
3. There is no mysterious “Fifth International” alliance consisting of many Discordian Cabals, the Church of the Subgenius, the Moorish Orthodox Church, the Coptic Orthodox People of the Herb, neo-pagans, the Egyptian Church of New Zealand, the Kaos Kabal of London, Libertarian Congregationalists, The Sacred Jihad of Our Lady of Chaos and other “fourth way” sects. The rumour was put about by enemies of the World Congress of Free Religions, who were implicated as a front group for the Fifth International, presumably as part of a smear campaign.
4. The sad disappearance of Joesph Matheny after meeting with several Cabals in the Santa Cruz mountain region while searching for a lead on the “travel cult” founded by the renegade SDI researcher Nick Herbert had nothing to do with us. He did mention to a Legionnaire he met briefly to exchange information with that, while trying to find Emory Cranston, the conspiracy theorist associated with Herbert, he had seen inside his P.O. Box in Ong's Hat and only found “solicitations from a church of geniuses in Dallas, Texas or some such nonsense.” That was the last contact we had with him. All questions and inquiries should be directed to either Herbert or Cranston, should they be contactable.
5. When the ban was lifted in Greece on the worship of the Olympian deities, several “monks” dressed in green robes were present in Athens and did say a prayer in the Sanctuary of Ares, before the image of Enyo, before leaving. But no-one knows who they were, or if their presence there had anything to do with the decision taken by the Greek government, or indeed the apparent horror at which the decision was greeted by the Greek Orthodox Church.
6. The New Soviet Red Army and its various associated financial, legal and intelligence branches were disbanded in the summer of 2005. Any activities claimed to be by them are nothing more than rogue operatives, or other organizations using the name to cover their own deeds. Any group using the name to recruit should be treated with the utmost suspicion. It is suspected the fate of several of those who have joined such fake organizations is both violent and bloody.
7. There was no Discordian involvement about the now infamous exposé that led to the dismissal of Maxwell Knight of Neurocam International, starting the long decline and internal chaos of the company. While it is known that at least one Discordian has a copy of the incident saved to his hard disk, he has refused to show it to anyone and believes his keeping it secret is integral to his personal security.
8. The midget was most definitely on fire before Little Billy arrived at the party. I myself can testify to this.
*http://www.magnumphotos.com/LowRes2/TR3/F/P/R/U/PAR33115.jpg
Communications Office, Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia
email: pfld.comms@googlemail.com
1. Richard M. Nixon did NOT write the Principia Discordia in a brief moment of lucidity. He never used the pen-name of Malaclypse. Absolutely not. There is no evidence for this conclusion whatsoever. None at all. And he didn't convert Chairman Mao and teach him the secrets of levitation, as popular rumour (and a carefully doctored photo, included for completeness*) would have us believe.
2. The Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia are not involved in any hostile takeover bid of International Arms and Hashish Inc. Furthermore, Episkopos Cain is not the new CEO, nor does he intend to be. We believe these rumours have been spread by Mexican Communists working under orders originating out of Pyongyang and thus have no basis in fact.
3. There is no mysterious “Fifth International” alliance consisting of many Discordian Cabals, the Church of the Subgenius, the Moorish Orthodox Church, the Coptic Orthodox People of the Herb, neo-pagans, the Egyptian Church of New Zealand, the Kaos Kabal of London, Libertarian Congregationalists, The Sacred Jihad of Our Lady of Chaos and other “fourth way” sects. The rumour was put about by enemies of the World Congress of Free Religions, who were implicated as a front group for the Fifth International, presumably as part of a smear campaign.
4. The sad disappearance of Joesph Matheny after meeting with several Cabals in the Santa Cruz mountain region while searching for a lead on the “travel cult” founded by the renegade SDI researcher Nick Herbert had nothing to do with us. He did mention to a Legionnaire he met briefly to exchange information with that, while trying to find Emory Cranston, the conspiracy theorist associated with Herbert, he had seen inside his P.O. Box in Ong's Hat and only found “solicitations from a church of geniuses in Dallas, Texas or some such nonsense.” That was the last contact we had with him. All questions and inquiries should be directed to either Herbert or Cranston, should they be contactable.
5. When the ban was lifted in Greece on the worship of the Olympian deities, several “monks” dressed in green robes were present in Athens and did say a prayer in the Sanctuary of Ares, before the image of Enyo, before leaving. But no-one knows who they were, or if their presence there had anything to do with the decision taken by the Greek government, or indeed the apparent horror at which the decision was greeted by the Greek Orthodox Church.
6. The New Soviet Red Army and its various associated financial, legal and intelligence branches were disbanded in the summer of 2005. Any activities claimed to be by them are nothing more than rogue operatives, or other organizations using the name to cover their own deeds. Any group using the name to recruit should be treated with the utmost suspicion. It is suspected the fate of several of those who have joined such fake organizations is both violent and bloody.
7. There was no Discordian involvement about the now infamous exposé that led to the dismissal of Maxwell Knight of Neurocam International, starting the long decline and internal chaos of the company. While it is known that at least one Discordian has a copy of the incident saved to his hard disk, he has refused to show it to anyone and believes his keeping it secret is integral to his personal security.
8. The midget was most definitely on fire before Little Billy arrived at the party. I myself can testify to this.
*http://www.magnumphotos.com/LowRes2/TR3/F/P/R/U/PAR33115.jpg
Communications Office, Popular Front for the Liberation of Discordia
email: pfld.comms@googlemail.com
