Needing to find my way

[Malea]

For 32 years I have felt like I'm missing something. Like a good little girl I attended Christian church, sang the songs and read the book. But I have always felt empty, like something just wasn't adding up. Now that I'm not a little girl any more I want to find a path that feels right to me. I've been doing research and reading like everything I can find on the craft. To me this makes sense. I guess what I'm asking is...how did you know this is where you belonged? When and why did you stop believing in what most are brought up to believe? I'm standing at the edge, I'm ready to jump in. I just would like to know that there are others out there willing to catch me and help me to understand
Malea

[clef0628]

Well, I started to disbelieve at an really age. My parents taught me to ask questions, so question one: Why are there no dinosaurs in the bible? It took me a long time to become a pagan though. Mostly because I did not know what one was. However, I did love to take walks and be in the forest. When I'm alone in the forest I swear, I can feel something there. Something more alive then we know. I feel in it the wind, in the ground and in the water. So, I started worshiping Mother Earth as my Goddess. Why, because in my heart it made be feel full. It just workes for me. And I'm still not sure why.
Don't worry it takes time to fine one's path and there are lots of people here willing to help you, so ask all the questions you want. We will catch you!:)

[Haedis]

Well I'm still not 100% sure what I believe...but I knew Paganism was right for me as soon as I discovered it. Before I knew much about religions besides Christianity, I was basically agnostic. I thought that ALL religion was so cut and dry...and totally impersonal. I never really bought into it though. I never thought it was for me, and luckily I didnt have to attend church. I discovered Wicca four years ago and started studying various other magickal systems and Pagan religions too. The connection to nature (which I've always had but never incorperated into a specific religion) is what I love most about The Craft. I've been Wiccan for a few years but lately I've been thinking its not for me. I think I'd rather just be totally eclectic...and not follow one thing specifically. IMO, its never too late to change your mind if you find yourself unsatisfied with a belief sysem. clef is right...there are alot of people here who are going through the same thing, and would be happy to help. Good luck!

[Myst]

I wasn't brought up with any religion. When I was a young teen (possibly preteen, I can't remember) I chose to study Christianity for a few years. Then I learned about Paganism, liked it, and started studying it.

To me Paganism is just a different path. I agree with a lot of what it teaches. On a day to day basis I think about whether I "belong" here. I've learned people don't "belong" to a path, a path belongs to them.

[NeoPhoenix]

I was brought up Christian, but around the age of 18 I got fed up with the hatred, bigotry, and segregating behavior of the Christians around me. Plus it always felt something was missing from Christianity. So I did an Internet search for Non-Christian religions, and Wicca caught my eye, so I started reading about it and it just all seemed to make sense. And in the past year the Goddess touched my life twice, something I can't claim ever happened while on my Christian path.

[Sequoia]

well. . . .there's always arms open to catch you if, right here! ^_^

I dono. . . I've almost always had different beliefs than everyone else (unless you count that oober-christian phase I went through when I was about 11), I just never had a name for them. I think it was about a year and a half ago when I truely realized who/what I was, Pagan. ^^; somebody introduced me to the concept of it hehe and ever since then. . . I have a new title! But basically same beliefs ^_~

[SilverOceanFire]

I was raised in a half-Christian home. My mother was a fanatic and I have to admit, I had my moments. The strange thing was I was always drawn to witches. Everything about Salem intrigued me (it was the only "legal/historical" way for me to read about witches w/o mom calling me down) Anyway I hid my fascination behind a "historical interest" and went from there. The first thing that clued me in was the hatred. I didn't understand what any religion had to do with hating others especially to the extent of murdering them. Once I was out from underneath the "Christian blanket" of my life I studied many, many different paths. And while many still fascinate me, and I'd love to learn more, Wicca just was right.

I just knew the basics were right and true - I am still going through the "de-programing" phase and its tough, especially going at it alone, but it is what I was before I even knew there was a name for it.

I'm not sure if I helped at all, but I wanted you to know the "leap" is scary and the old-condemnations can still haunt you from time to time, but moving from a life of damnation and hell-fire to being a part of the beauty that is our Mother is worth it.

[Emaleth]

I was brought up in a Catholic home in a Catholic country, where everybody takes it for granted that you must be a Catholic too. Since I can remember I never liked going to church, I always got angry at the priests telling me what's wrong and what's right. And most of all everyghing the church taught seemed always doubtful to me. Until my teenage years I never really thought about it or analyze it. But when I was about 18 I stopped praying, going to confession and so on. My friend advised me to read the Bible, so I did. Reading it I thought more and more that this is not what I believe. About Wicca I read for the first time in an article written by my favourite Polish fantasy writer, but than I only thought that it is very interesting, nothing more. As the time passed I felt that something is missing from my life, I needed to find my spiritual path. 2 years ago at a moment crisis I prayed for the first time in years that God would help me to decide what to do with my life. A couple of weeks later I did some reasearch on Wicca and from that time I'm studying it and I must say that I've never been happier in my life. For now it seems the best choice for me, though it is a secret, only my sister knows about it, and I still go to church every Sunday, not wanting to hurt my parents. I know that now they're not ready to accept my choice, but I hope someday I will be able to tell them everything. The most important thing is IMO to search and not get stuck in the habit and tradition.

[Rubi Waters]

I was sent to a catholic grade school. I always know I didn't like everything they were telling me to believe. I didn't like the "because we told you so" theory of worship. I had to be bribed to go to church with my mother. At 12 when I was supposed to make my confirmation I refused (the only one in my class to do so). so I wandered for many years not really believing in anything. I picked up a book on wicca 2 years ago and I've been reading everything I can get my hands on since then because now many things make sense to me. My family doesn't know still or maybe they don't care to know I'm not sure(I make enough comments that they could ask about). But I do know I like having something to believe in. I've felt better about myself than I have in a long time and to me that is a great feeling. this place is great for learning, talking or just listening. everyone here is great. If you have question just ask, someone will be there to help out.

[yemayasdaughter]

Well, Malea.. growing up I was basically a religious mutt. My Mum was Catholic.. Dad was Southern Baptist, and Gramps was Jewish. I never received my First Communion, was never Baptised, or never had my Bat Mitzvah (girl's celebration). And for the early portion of my life.. I never bothered me. I wasnt concerned about religion. All the concerned me was going to the beach every weekend (when I was living in Florida, of course) or going to the park (in NYC). In hindsight... I guess my religion was nature!

During adolescence... I began to feel a need for religion, because I didnt have it. My friends all went to church on Sunday, so I felt like I should too. I joined my school's Christian Club, went to a friend's church.. and really began to build. But every time I went there, I felt choked by the staggering hypocrisy of "Pastor's" words. How could he condemn homosexuality.. when the choir was filled with OPENLY gay men? And why would he want to disrespect them, when because of their beautiful voices, the church had been awarded VARIOUS cash prizes. Of course, I realized the reason after I pondered that!!

It took me many years of trial and error, and sadly I lost too many Christians friends, simply because I asked questions they didnt think I should ask. Working at a Afrocentric book store led me to Yemaya... the mermaid I dreamt of as a child, and Yemaya led me to Wicca... where I have been for 2 years now, and their is no looking back for me.

[Emaleth]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by yemayasdaughter
[
But every time I went there, I felt choked by the staggering hypocrisy of "Pastor's" words. How could he condemn homosexuality.. when the choir was filled with OPENLY gay men? And why would he want to disrespect them, when because of their beautiful voices, the church had been awarded VARIOUS cash prizes. Of course, I realized the reason after I pondered that!!

I know what you mean! Lately in Poland there's been a huge scandal, because it turned out that some archbishop is homosexual. But that's not all. He also abused some young priests! Now that's what I call hypocrisy!