The "ONE" thing your parents said.

[Danustouch]

When you were growing up, what was the ONE thing that your parents said, or did....the BIGGEST thing, which you have tried, or plan to try VERY hard not to repeat when you have your own children?

My parents' famous catch phrase, was "Because I said so". My dad put a nice little spin on it, too..."To make little girls ask questions".

I plan to try to always give my kids an answer, if at all possible. I know that in some cases, depending on the situation, the only appropriate answer, given the timeframe you are working with, the age of the child, etc..IS "Because I said so". However, i think my parents MUCH overused that phrase. They'd tell me to do something, and I'd ask why...and they'd say.."Because I said so". To me, these are lost moments. I think about having kids, and I think about the vast opportunity I would have, each time my kids asked "WHY", to try and give them a little lifes lesson. So..I think i'll use that catch all reply far less than my parents. I would like to think that I would be able to appreciate, and aknowledge my childs inquisitive mind, and respect them enough, to answer their question honestly, and with intelligence, and with sensitivity. Instead of brushing it off, and in the meantime, sometimes making the child feel like their question was "Stupid" or not worthy of a "Real" answer.

Anyway..that was a major pet peeve of mine, growing up. I hope I don't repeat it.

[Twilight Garden]

Well my parents never really said things that I would try not to say. They were very open and honest. My dad would sometimes use the whole "I said so." But my mom would always explain, even when dad just "said so."

For me, it was the tone of voice. My mom could get a really condesending?sp?, nasty way of saying something when she didn't approve. I want to watch the way I say things. (She doesn't do it anymore. She didn't like it either.) ;)

[Lavender]

:lol: For all you openminded parents out there!

Last night, I asked my son to go take his shower...it's been a few days since his last one. After 15 minutes of whining "why?" "can I do it tomorrow?" "Let me finish this or that" "I'm not dirty", I yelled out "Because I said so!" :D So much for good intentions! :D

[MammaStar]

I think "Because i said so" is inevitable. However, what I've promised myself I'd never do, and so far I haven't and my son is nearly 10 now...is put my son in the middle of any arguement/discussion I have with his Dad. My folks split up when I was 7 and because I was their oldest, a lot of phone calls went "Tell your father I said....." "Tell your mother she's a...." Finally at one point, I think I was like 14, I said "Enough! Tell her yourself!" To this day, I still do not tolerate them bad mouthing each other in front of me.

My son's dad & I were split up from the very beginning and BELIEVE me there was a LOT of horrible things said & done to the other, but we've NEVER EVER bad mouthed the other to our child. Unfortuneately, my son's paternal grandparents haven't been so cooperating. :rolleyes:

[amberlaine]

Ugh the one thing my Mom did that drove me crazy...

If I was trying to get her attention, I"d say her name, and she woudlnt answer. I'd keep saying "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" until she's finally scream at me and say, "WHAT?! I HEAR YOU!"

Well, duh, if you hear me, acknowledge me the first time!

:rolleyes:

[Danustouch]

ooooo..yeah..I hated that.

Ugh..another bad "Momism". She'd be on the phone jabbering away to a friend, or a relative, and she'd want me to do something for her. Instead of saying "Excuse me a moment" to whoever she was on the phone with, and putting the phone aside long enough to tell me what she wanted me to do/get for her, or what have you...she'd snap her fingers to get my attention, and point, and gesticulate like a nutcase, trying to make me understand what the heck she was saying. This of course, would take at least five minutes, of me trying to understand her pantomime, during which time i'd be getting so angry I could have throttled her. And yet, when she'd get off the phone...she'd have the nerve to turn around and ask.."WHY didn't you do what I told you to?". DUH. Unglue the phone from your ear for a minute mom, and if you're going to give me instructions, or request a favor, at least have the courtesy and respect not to point and gesticulate like a Dolphin Trainer...and SPEAK to me??? Helloooooooooo?

That's another thing i'll never do! LOL.

[amberlaine]

LOL! I do that to my daughter. But my reason is almost hte opposite of yours.

Whenever I call home to tlak to my Mom, I try to call her when I don't think my sisters will be home. Otherwise, I have to listen to 20 minutes of "ALEXIA! Go do your homework! No, Brittany, you can't go to Kristin's house. MORGAN! Stop terrorizing the cat! Alexia! Didn't I tell you to get our of here? CNat you gys see I'm on the PHONE?!"

That infuriates me to have to listen to that for 20 minutes while I just called her long distance. So I do the geistuclate thing--I or I close myself into the bedroom so Karinna can't bother me.

One thing I"ll never do:

My Mom used to always lose the remote control for the TV. So she'd call me into her bedroom and make me stand there and change the channel for her until she found a show she wanted to watch. LAZY!

[Danustouch]

Wait..you mean the whole point of having children isn't so that they can be your obediant servant???? WOW! What a revolutionary concept! One I should inform my mother of...lol. She's currently driving my sister crazy with the same kind of stuff she put me through when I was a kid. My sister is 14 now.

Example. In exchange for some spending money, and rides to the mall, etc. My sister is expected to pick up the house (which my mom does RARELY), and at least one load of laundry a week. Sounds like a fair deal to me. Anyway...mom tells Kelly..."Please throw in a load of whites. When you put them in the drier, please remove my nice white blouse before you dry them, and hang it on the line.". Sister goes and throws the laundry into the washer, then the drier, and remembers to pull out mom's "Nice White Blouse". Only problem is..there are THREE white blouses. And my mother is not at home, and not reachable by phone (gods..i wish for my sisters sake, they'd invest in a cellphone)...so..she uses her best judgement. She picks the shirt which is the filmiest. Actually, a rayon shell type shirt. The others, are all a cotton material. And she knows one of them, for a fact, my mother bought on clearance for five dollars. It's nice..but..she didn't think that is what my mom meant by "my nice white blouse". So..to make a long story short...mom comes home, inventories her clean and dry laundry, runs across the five dollar clearance cotton white blouse, which has shrunk considerably, and freaks out on my sister. She screams at her, and then grounds her, calling her an ungrateful child. Kelly, of course tries to explain..."But..MOM..you didn't tell me WHICH nice white blouse, so I just tried to make the best choice. I thought you meant your shell, the thin one..you know..the silky one. That's down on the line!" . Well...mom ain't hearin' that! LOL. So...Kelly get's grounded for something that in essence, is my mothers fault. Mom should have been more clear. And if her five dollar clearance blouse was that precious to her, don't you think it would have made sense to keep it separate, and wash it herself? Ugh. My mom pulled all that with me when I was a kid, now she's driving my sister up a wall with it. Poor Kelly...lol. :rolleyes:

[Faery-Wings]

I think "Because i said so" is inevitable.

*nods* Yup. I swore I wouldn't say that BK (before kids). Now I find I say it a lot- justifiying it by saying why do I have to explain myslef to a 3 yo ???? LOL!

My daughter will "why" me to death! And as a response after a zillion whys...because I said so!

[amberlaine]

I admit that sometimes Karinna is a convenient servant. But she now uses it to her advantage.

"Karinna, will you bring mommy a soda?"

"Sure!.... CAn I share with you?" IT never fails.

In fact, now she asks me, "Hey. Mommy, want a soda?" Kids.

[Lavender]

:lol: As a friend of mine always say...That's why we had them! :lol:

[amberlaine]

When I was about 16, my Mom wanted me to go into this gas station and buy her a box of tampons. Not just tampons, ming you, but the Super absorbancy kind. See, my Mom had this bad habit of leaving the house in her pajamas, and then she wouldn't want to go into the store because of what she was wearing.

So anyway, she pulls into this gas station and tells me what to buy. I'm like--uh uh. I look at the guy inside behind the counter--he can't be much older than me. NO WAY. I'm not embarassing myself in front of a peer to buy my Mom some tampons.

Anyway, she keeps yelling at me to go in the store--by now she's really worked up. I positively refuse. So then I say, "Why don't you go inside?" (knowing full well why) She replies, "I'm wearing pajamas!" To which I replied, "So, you're embarassed?" ANd she screamed, "WEll, yeah!" To which I calmly replied, "So am I. And I don't NEED tampons!"

Realizing I Was not going to buy the tampons, we drove away. SHe looks in the rear view mirror and says, "I just wnat you to know you are grounded for a year."

I was like, whatever. First of all, I never did anything anyway, and secondly, a year?! I figured she was just pissed.

The next day, she apologized and I was off grounding. Parents!

[Yvonne Belisle]

Amberlaine I am sorry but I am ROTFLMAO over that. My Dad bought those types of things for us I didn't have to till I was in the Navy. I also never ask my husband to get them.

The thing I hated growing up was the telling me that I was worthless and could do nothing right. Hey wait I still hear that! I am learning that she is wrong but it has taken a long time to learn. I try very hard not to belittle my children or thier accomplishments. Of course there is always the times they do something really stupid and you ask if they knew better than to do that and they say yes and you ask them where they left thier brain if they knew it was a bad idea! My kids answer the age old if your friends jumped off a roof would you with "yes":rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[Old Witch]

How about some crone wisdom here.....At some point in the future you are going to slap your forehead and say "I have become my parents!" It's true, I swear! OW

[Angelwulfe]

Originally posted by amberlaine
Ugh the one thing my Mom did that drove me crazy...

If I was trying to get her attention, I"d say her name, and she woudlnt answer. I'd keep saying "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom" until she's finally scream at me and say, "WHAT?! I HEAR YOU!"

Well, duh, if you hear me, acknowledge me the first time!

:rolleyes:
that happened to me alot. sometimes she still dosn't answer me the first time when i ask a simple question. my dad almost always answers me right away and he's the one with the hearing problem. granted he'll ask me to repeat the qusetion several times but atleast he responds.
my parents almost never used the because i said so line, either my mom would ignore my why's or give me an answer all though she came up with some pretty far out answers when i kept asking her where babies came from.

[Myst]

My nephew's favourite word is "soooome?" which was the only word he actually spoke for months. He's 2 and his vocabulary is kind of small; mind you my mom told me I didn't start talking until I was 3 and when I did I could speak full sentences immediately (she swears I was even then convinced that you do it the right way or you don't do it!).

The most annoying thing my mom did was get grouchy at me, nag me for something, then ask me what MY problem was - I dunno mom, what's YOUR problem. I've already caught myself doing that to my fiance tho. :rolleyes:

[Danustouch]

LOL..i'm sorry Angelwulfe..I just can't resist....

Did she ever answer you (Re: where babies come from?) ? LOL. Or did you have to find out the hard way??? LMAO..sorry..I just couldn't resist......lol..

(has had one too many iced cofee's today).

[Myst]

heh. My mom found out the hard way.

[Danustouch]

heheh. I think my mom figured it out with her first two..but somehow forgot by the time my little sister came around. LOL.

[manstranger]

My mom never found out.

[Theres]

"my Momma said not to put beans in my ears".

[Yvonne Belisle]

then where were you supposed to grow them???:eek: :rolleyes: :D :D :D

[Danustouch]

I grew taters behind MY ears when I was a kid. Beans..now that's just silly!

[Angelwulfe]

Originally posted by Danustouch
LOL..i'm sorry Angelwulfe..I just can't resist....

Did she ever answer you (Re: where babies come from?) ? LOL. Or did you have to find out the hard way??? LMAO..sorry..I just couldn't resist......lol..

(has had one too many iced cofee's today).
she said if two people wanted a baby they "prayed" and nine months later an angel would knock on the door with a baby in it's arms. i actually beleived that till i was about 8 or 9. then some class mates told me "the truth"

[Danustouch]

heheh...so Shadowulfe is your angel? heheh

[slovene_gds]

My mother just LOVED to help my self-esteem, and I know I've used this is the past.
"Don't you ever THINK before you do anything?"

[Haedis]

Something that my mother always did: I'd ask her about a touchy subject like death, sex, etc. when I was very young...and she'd give me EVERY detail imaginable when a simple sentence would suffice. Sure I was well-informed...but I wish she would have waited to tell me some stuff. Like...when a four year old asks when they will see their dead relative again...they dont need to hear about the processes of embalming. when a 5 year old is wondering about sex, they dont need to hear intricate details of common sexual practices. I'm not planning on having kids...but if i did i would be sure to only tell them what they needed to hear at that age. save the details for later.

[DragonDawn]

My parents never had seriouse talks with me or my sister. We learned on our own. but hey my nephew may have been an accident but i still love him. :loveduv:
My mom's one thing that bugs me still is when she's talking to me and then goes down the hall. The thing is she's still talking and is expecting me to hear her! A variation of that is when I'm in my room with my radio on and the door shut, and she's on the other side of the house, she expects me to hear her talking to me in a normal voice. I hope I never do that.

[Earthcup]

:lol: Oh let's see....

My dad would bite the tip of his tongue and in a very controlled voice say "I'm not upset with you but.." That he was upset was written all over his face! It used to make me so mad when he'd do that! Just admit you're mad!

So now someone says something and I'm trying to control my temper and realize I'm biting the tip of my tongue...:rolleyes: :D I also rub my hands together when I get excited, something he also used to do... I think I get more like him everyday! :eek:

My biggest peeve about my mom is that she felt that if she asked if something was bothering me she had done her job. I may be feeling miserable and could use her help but she had asked and I probably just needed to talk about it right? WRONG. I didn't just need a sympathetic ear, I needed help.

Of course nowadays she gets mad because I won't talk to her when I'm upset....:D

[Niamh]

I don't yet have children... But I've always sworn I will not comment on the size of my daughter's size 6 thighs! I love my mother dearly, but my thighs are huge and my ankles are fat, and my butt is a bit bigger than my sisters and I should wear a padded bra. Thanks, Ma!

It killed me to no end when I was a teenager! She just didn't realize the effect it had on me! So I've always sworn I will never do the same to my kids.

[fey]

I always swore that I'd talk to my kids about anything they needed to talk about. My mom was not a warm, fuzzy kind of mom and that always bugged me. I've always made it a point to be really "huggy" with my kids and to tell them I love them daily (more than that actually). My mom wasn't like that. I remember when I was going through my divorce and I was talking to her on the phone and she told me she loved me as we ended the conversation. That was a major deal. I don't remember her ever telling me that. It floored me.

[Flaire]

........to answer the thread question....:lol:

It wasn't what my mom or dad said (I can't really pinpoint anything they said) it was what one of my babysitters said:

"Your face will stay like that" . :rotfl: I can't remember if I believed her or not, but it's still hilarious none the less when I think about what I might have believed when I was just a young brat. :p

[Yvonne Belisle]

That one didn't work on me but the watermellon seed in the pregnant womans tummy got me bad. I was scared I would swallow a seed and swell up like that.

[Flaire]

^^ I always swallowed the seeds anyway.

How about the swallowing gum one? "It'll stick in you stomach for 7 years!" hehe... A few of my friends were afraid to swallow their gum until half way through grade school!

[Nect]

My parents revel in making me feel guilty. My dad's favorite is: "If it weren't for all my hard work to afford you such a nice living, such beautiful clothes, a good education, what do you think you'd be? You'd be eating sh*t!"

Except he says it in Cantonese (a Chinese dialect). :) He does have a few versions, but "You'd be eating sh*t" is always there.

My mom's fave:

"Think about how hard it was for me to raise you. Now you place volunteer work before going out with your family? You are SO SELFISH!"

Again, said in Cantonese. She also has a few versions of that, but "You are SO SELFISH!" is always there...

And I ask them sometimes, "Why don't you just skip to "You'd be eating shit/You are so selfish"? Your reasoning doesn't work anyway..." :)

Nect

[shnen]

don't eat yellow snow...:D

[Yvonne Belisle]

I should pass that jem on to my children we moved to Pennsylvania where there is snow after California.......but that is a really icky thought!

[Danustouch]

Niamh...My mother STILL says that padded bra thing to me. LOL. Recently, I decided enough was enough, in regards to that. and I said..."You know what Mom, just be grateful..most of the time at home, I don't WEAR a bra, and lately, I've taken to not wearing underwear too!".

LOL you should have seen her face. I thought she was going to choke! LOL.

[shnen]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
I should pass that jem on to my children we moved to Pennsylvania where there is snow after California.......but that is a really icky thought!

I think it just became a joke as I got older! ;)

Oh, and the gum thing too!:D

[Earthcup]

:lol: My dad told my sis if she stayed in the tub too long she'd melt. She took a particularly long bath one night, she was around 7, and started screaming like she was dying or something.

Her fingers had wrinkled and she thought she was melting!

[shnen]

:rotfl:

[Flaire]

Originally posted by shnen
don't eat yellow snow...:D


:T Seriously???? :D

[shnen]

seriously! not like I was about to, but I think it was meaning more of: when you scoop down to eat some, be sure it's not yellow!:eek: :cool:

[Niamh]

Oh yes, the padded bras! I still get them for gifts at the holidays! And I have also told her about the joys of being able to go braless. Small chest, no bra necessary!

But yesterday I went dress shopping with her. She kept handing me sizes that were too big. ANd when I put them back to take the smaller size, she gave me this look as if to say "this poor girl is kidding herself, she'll never squeeze into that!"

Needless to say that look changed when I waltzed out of hte dressing room! :)

[Emaleth]

My mom always says I look like a drowned woman when I have my hair down:D
But the worst thing my parents say to me is "As long as you live in my house, you'll do what I tell you!" :meanface: :mad:
As for the question where children come from, I was told that children grow in mommy's belly and for a long time it was enough for me. Though I wondred who put them there :)

Blessed Be

[Niamh]

I don't think I ever wondered who put the babies in mommy's belly. Maybe I just figured Mom and Dad decided to have a baby and ***poof*** the baby was there! :)

[Danustouch]

I thought it was a bug that crawled from a man to a woman...

Not TOO far off the mark...but...heh...still...I had no idea how the Bug got on the man in the first place.

One night I invited a friend over, whose mother was pregnant. My friend said was telling me that God had given her mom a baby in her tummy. I said..."nuh - uh!" and told her about the "Bug". I said.."isn't that right, mom?"...and my parents simply smiled at eachother, and laughed..and said.."umm..yeah..that's right honey.". But neither of my parents knew where i'd gotten that from, since neither of them told me this...and to tell the truth..I still don't know where I got that strange notion from.

[crickett]

"I HOPE WHEN YOU GROW UP YOU HAVE KIDS JUST AS ROTTON AS YOU" !! LOL :rotfl:

[Flaire]

:shaker: Oh my... That's a mean one. :T

[Niamh]

My mother would often talk about herself in the third person.
"If you loved your mother, you'd wash the dishes." That sort of thing!

[Danustouch]

Oh yes, Niamh. I swear, my mom and your mom were related. That covered so many things too..

"If you loved your mother you would..."
"how can you say something like that to your mother"
"Because your mother told you to.".

LOL...I'm surprised I wasn't one of those kids who walked around assuming they were adopted.

[Yvonne Belisle]

"Why can't you be more like____________"

[Starry Di]

OMG! LMFAO @ some of these! My mom tells me I'm lazy (If I ignore her voice...maybe it'll go away :cutie:, and it does actually :$), so I remind her that she was the one to raise me that way :T she doesn't like that remark! :T But it's true! :D :$

And the thing that bugs me the most about both of my parents is they say they can hear every sound in the house, but they never hear me when I'm crying :P. And then mom has the nerve to the next day ask why I'm not talking to her, and then just assume it's a bad day at school! UGH!!!!! :mad::mad::mad:

Or whenever I complain about NY's new standards that I need to meet, I'm told to shut up about it! :mad::mad::mad:

And another thing, since I moved here from Nebraska, I probably had problems as a small child (hello, maybe?! I failed Kindergarden! I still sucked my index finger, and to this day, i still suck my lip! when I was 5, I wanted my dad to get retired so we could move back, as well as being attatched to a pink blanket until I was 9, when she threw it away, and I'm still attatched to objects!), and yet, I never saw any type of Shrink...ARGH!!!!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: That is losing 7 aunts and uncles, and not counting the cousins...I would've so gotten my kid a shrink the moment I moved :p

The most thing that I hate is how my mom can just not see anything! Or if she can, she chooses to ignore it and not bring it to my attention, and it infuriates me to now end, not to mention frustrates me, and makes me miserable! :( :wah: I hope to never do that with my kids :$

Sorry for the vent :$

[Yvonne Belisle]

You are among friends rant all you want we do:) Everyone needs a place and a chance to vent. If you ever need someone to talk to there is a list of peer councelors in Just Talk. We are found in a stuck thread at the top of the section.

[Starry Di]

Originally posted by Yvonne Thomas
You are among friends rant all you want we do:) Everyone needs a place and a chance to vent. If you ever need someone to talk to there is a list of peer councelors in Just Talk. We are found in a stuck thread at the top of the section.

OMG! that is the sweetest thing :wah: :$ Thanks, i'll check that out sometime :$ nod :$

[Flaire]

We're all friends here....
:D

*sniffle* It's like we're one big giant MW family!!!!

[AradiaSupernova]

I'm not a parent, but I swear to God..I will never do this! My Mom and Dad have a thing about punishing all of us kids for something ONE of us does. Its sooooooooo annoying.

[Myst]

Originally posted by Starry Di
I would've so gotten my kid a shrink the moment I moved :p


Have you tried telling her you think you need to see a counsellor or therapist?

[Danustouch]

Oh..here's one.

Everytime a boy called the house for me, my dad would answer the phone with..."She broke a leg, we had to shoot her". Then, he would holler down the halls..."Jean...Snaggletooth/pansyboy/numbskull/numbnuts/brainless....Is on the phone!"

At least he had a selection to choose from.

I must say....brainless did fit quite a few of them. :p

[Danustouch]

Oh..and two more...

"You don't even know what love is....."...yeah..great thing to say to your teenage daughter when her boyfriend breaks up with her and she thinks her world is falling apart. Thanks for that Gem, Mom. LOL. I'm sure that in her mind, she was being helpful, by trying to tell me that it wasn't the end of the world, and that I still had alot of living to do. But to patronize the feelings I had, and make them seem irrelevant, probably wasn't the way to go. Teenage Girls may not experience love at the type of commitment level as adult women do (adult women possibly LIVING with the individual, caring for them daily, etc.), but they certainly feel the emotions just as strongly.

And the last....

"Never accept a gift from a guy. They'll always expect something in return". My mothers mantra when I was a teenager. Yup...you can't POSSIBLY be loved for who you are, or have men want to do nice things for you out of that love. They only want to get you into bed with them. Great way to boost your daughters self esteem, there. That's right....the only way you'll find love, and have a guy do nice things for you, is by sleeping with them.

And THEN my mother wondered why I was such a hypersexual teen! LOL.

[s1ren]

Quote: At some point in the future you are going to slap your forehead and say "I have become my parents!" (sorry, my quote button isn't working)

Two embroidered pillows my mom got for me, to emphasize this point:

"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall: I am my mother, after all" and

"If it's not one thing, it's your Mother" :D


I think the thing I'm not going to do is enslave my child. Sure, a kid needs to learn responsibility and hard work and all that--but DAMN!! I did every single chore in the entire house from the time I was 11 to the time I left home. I mean EVERYTHING, even stuff that you wouldn't normally think would be safe for a child to do. And to top it off, my mom would tell me to do something--and before I even had a chance to stand up out of a chair to go do it, she'd be asking me why I hadn't started yet! 5 Minutes into, say, mowing the yard (which was a three hour job) "Aren't you done yet? What's your problem? Hurry up!" Jeez, mom...give me a chance to gas up the thing and get it started. :mad:

On the whole "where do babies come from" thing...my mom told me. By the time I was 7 I knew everything medically and scientifically about where they came from, how they got there, menstruation, ALL that. But the one question she would never answer was "but, how does it FEEL?" The answer was always just, "it feels good". Yeah...um...walking through the grass barefoot feels good. Feeling the wind in your hair on a swing feels good. What's so special about sex, then?? The hell of it is, when I imagine talking to my own future child about it--I can't come up with anything better, LOL! :p

-s1ren

[Myst]

*scratches head*

You know 98% of people I've met said they had to do every chore in the house when they were kids... :D

You should hear my fiance go on and on about being "the boy" and thus the one who had to "do all the work". Oh yeah I've been at their house, I know who does what there lol

[Danustouch]

heh..S1ren...my mom does that to my little sister, now. When I was a kid, she was a housewife, and had all the time in the world to take care of the house and cook, and such. Plus, I was too ill as a child to do it. My only chores were drying the dishes, making my bed, setting the table. Now..my mom works. And she's also very busy helping to take care of my sick and elderly grandmother. So..my little sister, Kelly, get's stuck with the laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, organizing, and other chores. The only thing she doesn't do, is cooking, cleaning the toilet, the lawn, scrubbing the stove and oven...and taking out the trash. She's only 14.

[s1ren]

"You know 98% of people I've met said they had to do every chore in the house when they were kids"


And I'm sure most kids feel like they do.

My mother literally never lifted a finger in the house--it was all me. My brother wasn't required to do anything, because of his ADHD.

When I moved out--the house went to sh*t because I wasn't there to do anything. Within two months after I left there was so much dirt on the floor that you could walk in two paces, and need to wash your suddenly black, crusty feet. Stacks of magazines four feet high, seven trash bags lying around in the kitchen which was covered in filthy dishes filled with decaying, putrid, fuzzy ex-food. Mold, mildew, and cobwebs covered every inch of the place. I dang near gave myself a bladder infection once when I visited because I was afriad to use her bathroom. I opened a cabinet once in her kitchen, and about 30 roaches flew out all over me--that had been feasting on the open and rotting food containers. (Talk about your instant screaming-clothes-on-shower).

When I lived there, that place looked like the cover of a magazine.

Once, I separated my kneecap at school, and was *supposed* to be laid up...my mother had me climbing ladders to clean the gutters and cleaning out the garage--complete with the hauling of 70lb.+ ancient automotive equipment. This was after I walked on my separated kneecap for two weeks until I literally couldn't walk anymore, because she refused to take me to the doctor for two weeks: she thought I was faking it to get out of cleaning that garage. My knee is now permanently damaged, and I can't do more than take a short walk without wearing a heavy brace.


That bitch. Sorry...that still bugs me to think about.

(I know this sounds a bit bitter...I'm not griping at anyone but my mom here. You guys don't feel like this is directed at you, ok? :D )

-s1ren

[Myst]

No kiddin' :)

[Starry Di]

Originally posted by Myst


Have you tried telling her you think you need to see a counsellor or therapist?

Once, I asked for one...It's always been half kidding that I ask, because they scare me to be honest *lol* And I think I once went to one when my mom was accused of abusing me, but if she didn't find anything wrong with me then, I don't think she'll find anything now :$ That's probably why they scare me so much, is that I always think I have this that and the other wrong with me, when in truth i'm usually just fine and healthy lol :$

[Myst]

Well I'm sure circumstances were different then then now, right? Also, in that situation the therapist was looking for signs of abuse, not signs of depression or other problems, right? Thinking you should see one is probably a good sign you should :)

That's up to you. It's your life? I'm just saying, I thought the same thing when I was younger and had problems, 'till I realized my mom couldn't read my mind and if I'd asked to see someone I knew she would've taken me. I'd imagine your mom would do the same.

[Emaleth]

Originally posted by Nect
"Think about how hard it was for me to raise you. Now you place volunteer work before going out with your family? You are SO SELFISH!"


Nect

My mom can't forgive me I'd given up my volunteer work, lol:D She calls me selfish because I did. :lol:

Blessed Be

[shnen]

OOOhhhh.... I got another one...

don't put your fingers inthe light sockets! :eek:

~maybe that's what happened to my hair! :)

[Earthcup]

I love this thread! No offense meant but it makes me feel better knowing I'm not the only one with a crappy childhood!

My mother can always make me angry by saying "You're just like _____!" No I'm not like my sisters or my brother or my friends or anyone else. I'm me, plain and simple. Oh and I'm usually the one "corrupting" my friends, not the other way around.

Also she really annoys me with her quasi-Puritan outlook. Her mom was fab. She worked hard and told it like it is and was one of the few really awesome women I've ever known. My mom tried so hard not to be her that she's been in a martyr/saint mindset all her life while idolising her mom.

Her mom married a troubled Vet and spent her life caring for her kids and taking care of her husband, even if that meant leaving him. My mom married a minister and spent her life trying to be perfect and raise ministers and missionaries to make up for the "evilness" of her youth.

So now I'm the bad guy because I don't feel like following in Mother Teresa and Gladys Alward's footsteps and the "Baby Girl" because I'm like my grandma. No wonder I turned out so weird!

Her mom honestly worked her entire life giving her kids a better life than she had. It makes me feel so bad that I can't say the same for my mom.:(

[Joshua]

What did I hear growing up that I will never say to my child? That would be "Get out of my house. I hate you".

I laugh about it now because over the years I've turned into a fairly decent father. Oh sure there's always room for improvement but I have parental-pride stories that indicate that my wife and I must be doing something right.

[menolly]

There are two things my parents used to say to me as a child that I've sworn I will never say to my children;
My mum used to say "Hurry up or I'll leave you behind!" and the one time I got lost, I thought she'd done just that.
My dad used to say "Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about", which is just plain mean...

[FlyingBear]

Let's see here....... :bastard:

Ugh, this is already brewing up as a bit of a rant, so please bare with me as I slog thru this. :geez:

From my dad:

" Since you're the oldest, you are responsible for your little sister." :wtf:

What he failed to mention was that it covered *everything* she did, until I left home. My sister knew it too, and got away with murder. I spent too many nights grounded cause she has been able to play out another situation without my dad ever catching on.

" Children are selfish"
" You've put *another* black mark on the family name"
"Keep that up, and you're getting shipped off to a military school."
" Why do you insist on being the rebel and the black sheep?"

Bleah, the list goes on and on and on............................

From my mom:

" Well yes, your sister is the pretty one but at least you have personality." :wtf:

I really hated that; my parents were constantly comparing me to my little sister. She was the social queen, the beauty, the angel and I was the work horse. And when she'd say that to me, I would usually reply, "O that's great, mom. I'm in JR high/high school. Who even SEES that?"

" You'd be so much prettier if you lost X pounds....." :bastard:

Lemme tell you, very few things will scar a child like growing up thinking they're totally unacceptable/unlovable/unwanted simply because of who you are. Since my parents had me on diets from third grade on, I believed to the bone that I wasn't worth anything since I came into the world so flawed that they were constantly trying to make me into someone I wasn't.
For as long as I breathe, I'm not putting my daughter thru that. And my husband and I have several game plans set up for when my mother starts up about her weight. And I know she will cause at one point she said to me, " I think Tyr ( my niece ) is getting fat. Look at those thighs." And this was when Tyr was only THREE years old. GGAAAAHHHHH! I Got in her face about that, " Mom! Don't you start that poisious brainwashing with her! She's three and she's *perfect*! You leave her alone!"

" Your father and I should have never had kids."
She still says this to the day and while I do agree with her, it's like a little shard of glass into my heart everytime. Yes mom! I get it! Shut up about it already!

LOL The list goes on and on, I assure you. And my mom wonders why I've been in therapy for the last 12 years! :lol: :geez: :wtf: :bastard: :lol: :rolleyes:

Sorry, didn't mean to rant. All I need now is some lasers and black lights and I can have my rave too. ;)

[Joshua]

Did any of us have decent childhoods? I mean mine was okay unitl I was about 13. Really went down the toilet from there, but before that it was okay I guess.

[Amethyst Rose]

Did any of us have decent childhoods? I mean mine was okay unitl I was about 13. Really went down the toilet from there, but before that it was okay I guess.

I had a great childhood :) I hit a "rocky patch" when I was 13, and I considered myself to be rebelling, but I know now that my parents weren't even *aware* of my so called "rebellion".
There isn't a single thing about my child hood that I can complain about. :)

[Danustouch]

Just remembered another irksome "momism".

When caught doing something I wasn't supposed to do (and there were usually a couple of them going on at the same time), mom would call me into the house, or the room, and ask "Have anything to tell me?" (of course, I was a kid. I had LOTS of things to tell her, but I was always trying to figure out WHICH one she meant..I suppose that was the whole idea of asking that. But..I'd say..."Uh...I dunno" and she'd say "You're lying..go to your room". So..I'd know I was being punished, but I wouldn't know which "crime" I was being punished FOR. She'd come into the bedroom some time later and say "Are you done thinking about what you've done?". and I'd sit and think for a while before responding..I assure you I'd been thinking about it..but probably not in the way she intended. I was simply trying to find out WHICH crime/sin/taboo i'd been caught in this time. I'd have to honestly reply "No. I don't know what I did....". And then I'd get in trouble for lying AGAIN. It would have been SO much easier if she'd just told me what she had caught me doing. I mean..I wasn't exactly a fool. I knew I'd done LOTS of "bad" things...maybe it was the swear word I let slip out when playing outside. Or maybe it was when I'd gone out into the road when I thought she wasn't looking. Or maybe it was the special pen I'd taken into my bedroom to draw pictures with, even though she told me not to.... but I wasn't about to confess them ALL just to find out which one she'd caught me doing.

Either my mother was totally ignorant about how naughty I really was....or she was just REALLY good at mind games.

LOL. At any rate, I would wind up spending just as much time being punished for the ONE thing she'd caught me doing, as I would have for ALL of them, so karmically, i'd guess that's fair. But it would have helped me to NOT repeat the same mistakes again, if i'd known WHICH one she'd caught ;)

[Morrighana]

I don't plan on having kids, ever, but in my life I've made it a point to not be like my parents. I didn't have a horrible childhood, mind you, but it wasn't exacty a time I'd like to relive.

I can relate to a lot of the "momisms" people have mentioned...The "Because this is my house and I said so" line especially came up a lot during my childhood, and it is something I would *never* use on a child, be it mine or someone else's. It always made me feel so isolated, like it wasn't my home too. It reminded me over and over that everything that I called 'mine' was really theirs, and at any point, they could take it away and I would have nothing. This hurt me so much, and even still does...when I first got a job, I bought everything (well, everything I could afford) I had ever wanted, from musical instruments to art supplies to clothes to shoes to small pieces of furniture. They called it frivolous spending, and criticized me daily about how little I was saving, but I didn't care. The things I was buying were unequivocably mine, not theirs, and it was a wonderful feeling. I still do this to a degree, but I've been trying to save money so I can move as far away as possible. It's not because I don't love the city I live in, but so I can have somewhere that is entirely my own, somewhere they can't take from me. It's probably not a healthy reason to make such a big change in my life, but it's something I need to do. Anyway, even if you use "Because I said so", never EVER use "Because this is my house" on your children...it's just cruel.

Another thing my mother has a penchant for doing is speaking so harshly of my grandparents (both maternal and paternal), whom I loved dearly(and are, really, the only members of my family I feel any connection to at all). Even now, when she does it and I argue fiercely with her, she doesn't see how much it hurts me to hear what a heartless bitch she thinks the woman who I idolized(my paternal grandmother, who died nearly two years ago now), who taught me how to cook, who gave me so many wonderful memories, was. And if I say anything negative about my childhood, she goes off about how awful my grandfather (who died when I was 8, but I still feel an intense bond with) was as a father and how spiteful my other grandmother (my only remaining grandparent, who has her flaws, but is a remarkable woman for all she's lived through) still is. The only one of the lot she has anything remotely nice to say about is my paternal grandfather(who died when I was about 2), and the only memory I have of him is of a recurring dream I had for several years following his death, which ceased the day I finally identified him. I almost feel as if I should be glad he died early, as he didn't give her enough time to form a negative opinion of him, preventing her from corrupting what little connection I have to him.

Yet another (albeit less-damaging) thing my parents did was always favor my sister. If she and I argued, it was assumed that I was at fault and I was punished accordingly. When I mentioned this, they claimed that she was punished too, but I was always yelled at immediately, and in front of her, and I rarely, if ever, saw or heard them yelling at her. This just added to my feeling of isolation within the family... even now. For example, they have an extra room in the house, which is entirely unused, and I asked if I might use it for awhile as a ritual room. This idea was quickly shot down in favor of creating a new bedroom for my sister (who moved out, to a different province, two years ago and isn't planning to return). So, her old furniture, with some new additions, sits there collecting dust. Her old bedroom is now my mother's sewing room, in case you were wondering. It just boggles my mind that my need for space right now is ignored in favor of my sister's need for space during the single week she spends here at Christmas. :geez:

These things, and many more, are a large part of why I don't want to have kids...the concept OW mentioned of becoming your mother just scares me.

[9-2-2]

Did any of us have decent childhoods? I mean mine was okay unitl I was about 13. Really went down the toilet from there, but before that it was okay I guess.

My childhood was mediocre until I hit age 10. Life went down the shitter afterwards... I lived with my dad until I was 18, then I left home with almost nothing - either I left, or one of us would kill the other in a matter of time.

I have quite a bit of rage against my old man, and I'm surprised I had the self-control that kept me from unleashing my hate against him as a teen. I don't know what stopped me, what bridled me. But I learned that you don't know how scary hate can be once you've felt its licking flames burning you from within.

If I had kids, these are the following I would NEVER say to them, that I've heard from my father's mouth:

Rolls eyes "Why can't you be smart / good, like your sister / the straight-A students at your school?!"

"What YOU need to do is stop doing that stupid Wicca stuff, get on the ball and get good grades!" (Much teeth grinding and fist balling.)

After destroying some of my darker artwork. "Why can't you be normal, like your art teacher?!"

"What YOU need to do is get pregnant with a man that beats some sense into you, and live off of welfare for the rest of your life! Then you'll know what the REAL world is like! You'll only learn the hard way!!"


Sorry if those were a bit harsh... but, after living the life I've lived, I have a few good ideas of what NEVER to say to a gift from the Gods. Children are far too precious for that kind of barbarianism...

[9-2-2]

Sorry about being so dour... but I often fear that, if I had kids, I'd become the monster that was my father. I think long and hard in my many sleepless nights, about snapping over something small and stupid. The last thing I want to do is hurt an innocent child, and expose them to the life I've lived. Then, I feel guilty about it - when I don't even have kids!

Maybe I'm still a little nut-jobby from my teen years.

[Lanna]

ok firstly i had a great childhood considering my mother is suffers from mental health problems, i truely believe that between my mothers good times and my dad's stand in as a mother routine, they both did the best job possible.....but of course, they are only human and they had some 'sayings'! :lol:

"your face will stay like that" got to me for a while, until i realised that NO that didn't happen....um i think i was about 7!! :lol:

my dads favourite for when we wouldn't do as we were told or whateva "i'll sell you to the gypsies for a bag pf pegs" ......er hello thats just wrong! :wtf: although now im grown up and know that was complete bs i can see the humorous side! :rolleyes:

I hated the whole "there are starving children in africa who would kill for that food and your gonna let it be thrown in the bin...." argument when i wouldn't eat dinner. That continued until i got a bright idea, "ok then, lets package it up and send it to them, you post it while im at school" :lol:

but the one thing i will NEVER do to my kid is this.....whenever i was upset about my mum being in hospital or something where i needed my dad to comfort me, he would say "how do you think i feel?".... well the way i see it is, i was the child, i wasn't supposed to give two hoots about how he felt, but he was supposed to comfort me, it was his job *nod*

lol im still giggling about the gypsies one tho..............i really wonder where that came from, im sure i remember him telling me his mother said it to him as a child!! wow i need to break the chain! lol

[Danustouch]

9-2-2,

Something your dad said jumped out at me, as it reminded me of something that MY father said.

As much as I do love my parents, I also have to recognize their weak points. One of my dads' weakpoints, was being pretty racist. He was more of a "Passive" racist type..as in..."As long as everyone keeps to their own type, everything is fine". Anyway.. I wanted to attend a dance with a boy who had just come to America, from Jamaica. He was new to school, and very sweet, and I just wanted to go with him because he didn't really no anybody. When I told my dad, he absolutely flipped out. Said I would NEVER come home with a black guy on my arm, or he would BREAK That arm off and shove it down my throaght. Needless to say, that was enough to totally upset me, crush me, etc. But..what bothered me even more is what he said next... "If you keep up at this rate, you're going to wind up on welfare with 12 mixed blood brats clinging to your skirts by the time your 20".
Allllllllll because I happen to be a "Nice Girl" who wanted to welcome a person to his new home........ go figure.

[9-2-2]

Man, your old man would totally kill me... I'm part Asian. I've also had bad experience with the racists here in KS. Pheh, you think being Pagan in the bible belt's bad enough...

What surprises me is, my old man is from GA, and is totally agaisnt racism. It's okay to beat your kids to a pulp for owning secular literature, but he wags his finger over the racist thing.

I sympathize with your situation. You still live with him? I know very well that my dad ruled with the iron grip of fear before I got bigger. Then it was a matter of attrition.

[Danustouch]

Nope....I got out of there and went to college in Mass, when I was 18. Came back at 20 for about six months, then moved out on my own. I'm 28 now. Since my marriage is rocky, at best, there have been many times when I've had to consider moving home for a while. But memories such as these kind of keep me from doing that :( I swore I'd never go back. I may have to some day, but I know it will be the most difficult thing that i'll ever have to do.

[Mnemosyne]

Oh, my parents said a few things that would get on my nerves. However, there wasn't a common saying that got on my nerves. In fact, most of the things that my parents told me were actually beneficial. For example, my mother always said, "If you want something done, do it yourself." My father always said, "If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you?"

The thing that bothers me about some parents is how they discipline. For example, I've heard parents cuss out their children when the children say bad words. ???? Also, I've seen parents hit their children when the children are in trouble for hitting their sibblings. That doesn't make sense to me.

[WingedTigerChild]

The thing that bothers me about some parents is how they discipline. For example, I've heard parents cuss out their children when the children say bad words. ???? Also, I've seen parents hit their children when the children are in trouble for hitting their sibblings.
My parents were like that, but neither would ever admit to it. I think it's sad because I don't want them acting that way around my children (if I have them) and I certainly would not look forward to telling my parents that they can not have their grandchildren over. :(

[Lanna]

i remember when i saw a kid run out in the road and his mum smacked him so hard when she got him back and then hugged him....i remember asking my dad why she hit him so hard and all he could say is because she loved him so much she didn't want him to get hurt! As much as i kinda understand why a human would react like that, it makes my mind boggle!!! :woah:

[CelestiaSynth]

I have promised myself that I will treat my child/ren the way I want to be treated, and just because they are younger than me and know less does not give me the right to disrespect them or treat them as though they don't deserve an explanation for things. I love my parents very deeply, but because of the way they were raised, when it came to disciple ( which I rarely needed because I was a pretty good kid ) or questioning of them, I was very much rebuffed. Of course no child likes to do what they don't want to do, or be told they their wrong and their parents are ALWAYS right, but sometimes, you know when your mom or dad isn't correct, or maybe even owns you an apology for a change. I hardly ever got one.
My parents, especially my mother, gave off the impression they because they had children, they were bestowed some sort of infinite wisdom that meant they were beyond the human faults of, oh... making a mistake. I was told the normal "I've lived longer, so I know what I'm talking about.." speeches. But it went deeply than that. My parents were very hard on my questioning them. Not in a religious sense like alot of us here, but just on general. I was a very curious child. But it wasn't the outrageous questions that bothered them. Just the simple, "Why is it like that?" and "Why do I have to do this?" things that rattled them.
I think at first, they tried to answer my questions seriously, but when they realized any explantory answers wouldn't benefit them, they started turning into the "Because I say so" duo. I tried to go along with it. I understood they only wanted to protect me and do their best for me, but 4 words answers weren't going to cut it forever. Dismissing me didn't leave me accepting the inferority state of "mommy and daddy are always right'. It bothered my confidence, because when they didn't answer me honestly or with a notion of interest in me,
it made me feel like I wasn't worth listening to, which I'm sure they didn't mean to happen, but it lead to a period in my life when I was isolated and anti-social the most. It became, "if my parents don't want to talk to me, why would anyone else?" . They know of this effect now, and my mother is especially sorry for it. It's long-term effect is that we don't communicate in a clear way. We have to weave around things to understand each other because I grew up thinking and responding to things in a much different way than them, and that has lead to misunderstandings and some heated arugments.The real breakthrough came when my father and I had a really in-depth discussion on physically disciplining children. He's all for it, because he feels the connection the child will get with him or her doing certain things with the known consequence of physical discipline will help the child learn then their actions would end in negative results. I believe that physical discipline not only harbors bitterness and confusion among the child, but the act of striking a child has no direct relation to almost anything the child is being disciplined for. To me, physical displine is a last resort of people who can't think of anything better to say, because at the end, anyone can hit anyone. We debated for a long while, but at the end, it wasn't "Just believe what I say.", it was " Ok we disagree, fine.".
He allowed me not to think it was right just because he was my father. That was good.
We have a better relationship now because they allow me to 2nd guess them. I think it's help them out to. Their not so quick to jump to conclusions or shrug things off as much.
But I think I appreciate all they have done for me more, because alot of what I say is a good idea, but hard to do.

[Danustouch]

One thing that my mother said, i'm noticing still has major impact on who I am today, in a somewhat negative way. It's something I have promised myself that I will NEVER say to my daughter, if I ever have one...as I believe this very thing started me on a path which I've struggled with my entire life.

Mom had just witnessed me smooching my first ever boyfriend, after he gave me a necklace (it wasn't an expensive thing, just a little trinket he'd picked up while on vacation). It wasn't full throttle, steamy kiss by any means..I was only 12! That kiss was my first kiss EVER..so I don't even think i KNEW how to give a hot steamy kiss yet. Though what she said when she called me into the house, probably was one of the biggest factors in why I soon found out how to give hot steamy kisses..

"Never accept a gift from a man. They always want something in return". If there is one thing to remember about children, it's that they are CHILDREN. Their cognitive, and reasoning abilities are NOT fully formed yet. Their understanding of things is often far more literal, and far less figurative. Especially at that age. Teens, and Preteens tend to think in black and whites. Shades of grey, and subtlety only begin to develope as they age. While I know the message that my mother was trying to instill at that point (i.e, you shouldn't be kissing boys at your age, much less, just because he gave you a present, he might urge you for something more...be chaste, etc) what my CHILDS mind heard, was "You aren't deserving of gifts JUST because you are you. A nice guy wouldn't want to give you things, UNLESS you were giving him something in return...SO...to get nice things, you have to give favors to men". Warped, twisted? Yep. But..that's what happens with a childs mind, so much of the time. Because children don't always understand allegory, and subtleties, they are left to interpret things as they best know how. That is how my childs mind interpreted her statement.

I have found that this statement became the basis for SO many of my relationships with men. Giving "In" to easy, not "holding out", etc. I wanted their love, and believed the ONLY way I could get it, was through giving out sexual favors.

As time went bye, and I matured, I started to realize that, cope with it, and deminish its power over me.

However, oddly, it's begun to take on a new form. NOW..I have a major problem accepting ANYTHING from men, always wondering what they want. I mean..to the point where when a wealthy male friend takes me out to lunch, I REFUSE to let him pay, even if it means I don't order anything but a drink. A very close friend of mine, recently offered me some financial help to get out of a mess I'm in. I refused his offer of help, without ONE moments thought, even though I REALLY could have used it. Because I don't like feeling obligated, or in debt to any guy. Even though he stated "no strings attached" .... I couldn't trust that. This is disturbing, because it makes life a LOT more difficult for me, relationships much more difficult for me. I will drive myself into a pit of debt, before I accept a helping hand from any male.

Even KNOWING this, and Knowing where it comes from, I really can't bring myself to overcome it. And accept the help that I need, and am offered. And even MORE disturbingly, I'm even afraid, most of the time, to approach my HUSBAND for financial needs, even when it comes to medical issues. Granted, he's only reinforced that by making it difficult at certain times for me. However, I've often gone days without prescriptions that I needed, because he was stressed out, and I didn't want to go to him for money. Making myself sicker, and needing even MORE medical care.

I explained THIS one to my mother, and she understands now, and utterly regrets those words. I asked my sister if my mother had ever said anything similar to her, and her reply was "Heck No. Mom says that the reason people give me things, is that i'm worth it.". So..thankfully, this cycle ended, with me.

[Riven]

"Always do what you say you're going to do."

It builds trust. It makes you reliable. People can depend on you. I never actually realized how important that advice was until after I moved away from home.

[writitive]

Wow, this is a great thread. I don't ever plan on having children, but I blame that entirely on my parents.

First off, my entire family (parents, all of my grandparents, all of my aunts and uncles, and at least one of my brothers) are alcoholics. So you can imagine how fun that was to deal with growing up. My mother, in particular, refused to do any housework because her parents had made her do all of the housework - she often made that comment about how "kids are here to do the work." And believe me, we did. That is, my older brother did all of the outdoors work, and I cleaned the interior. I also did most of the cooking. My little brother never had any chores at all. If we didn't do something we were supposed to, or didn't do it "right", we'd get 'put on restriction' for 2 weeks at a time. No tv, no playing outside, no reading (the worst!) - just sitting there staring at the walls.

My mom also has an issue with talking very loud/shouting. She talks over people, interrupting them, all of the time. My dad was hardly ever around, because he worked nights and was gone before we got home from school. When he was there, he was usually in the garage or in his garden, trying not to get yelled at by my mom.

The worst thing, though, is that my mom got into fights with both of my grandmothers when I was about 13, and we weren't allowed to go visit them after that. (Sometimes we'd go see my dad's parents, but my mom would always call us traitors afterwards.) It's a shame because now I have no relationship at all with my maternal grandmother, but fortunately I am fairly close with my paternal grandparents. The really sad thing is that I got so tired of getting yelled at all the time, I finally stopped calling. Now, my dad sends me birthday cards, but mails them from work. That's how I know I'm not welcome at home any more. Sending cards was always my mom's thing.

There's a lot more, but that's more than enough for now. It sucks that we've all had so many problems, but it is also sorta reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who had a crappy childhood.

[Sylvan]

There was an email going around a while ago, something to the effect of hey- do you remember your parents saying these things? All tame stuff (you'll poke somebody's eye out with that!, etc). My dad sent that email to me. I zipped back with "They forgot one- 'Quit cryin' or I'll *GIVE* you something to cry about!'"
I actually think that stung him.
I don't plan on having kids. For one, I don't want to be a parent like my father was, even when he's sober. Very recently, my sister and her kids were back living with my parents, and Dad spanked my nephew so hard for something he had to put ice on his poor bum so it wouldn't bruise. That tells me he's gotten worse- I don't ever remember bruising. :foh:
Mom used to get frustrated with my sisters and I asking "Why?" or "What does ____ mean?" and would absolutely explode with "I DON"T KNOW!!!!!" That's something I would try not to do, myself.
And then we get to "Somebody". Hi, I'm "Somebody". :hehehehe:
I'd be the only other human in the house, and Dad would say "Hey, could somebody fold the towels for Mommy?" or "Could somebody let the dog out?" "Could somebody get dinner started/wash the dishes/etc?" Christ on a cracker, Dad, I'm the only one here! You want me to wait until somebody else gets home and ask them to do it, or do you want me to do it myself? :bastard:
But yeah, I don't plan on kids anytime soon.

[nomadicdragon]

My dad told me once while I was dealing with some serious issues of abuse that I should ask god's forgiveness and that I should have known at the young age of 10 what people shouldn't do to me..

I have vowed that when something happens to my child that is out of their control.... that blame should not be placed on them... just being there for your child when they are hurting is sufficient... I wish my dad knew that.. but hey...no one is perfect.

[Phil_Anselmo_Lover]

One thing my mom still says - duh - that, although I know she worries and cares for me...this really gets under my skin sometimes:

"CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE!!!" Like she hasn't told me fifty million times before...

Oh, and the famous: "DON'T SET ANYTHING ON FIRE!!!" line.....ergh....every night before she goes to bed, she says this.

Errrgggghhh!

[Sylvan]

But you see, that's not necessarily her being evil, just protective of her child...
I'm sure you'd probably say similar things if you had a child your age...

One thing my mom still says - duh - that, although I know she worries and cares for me...this really gets under my skin sometimes:

"CALL ME WHEN YOU GET THERE!!!" Like she hasn't told me fifty million times before...

Oh, and the famous: "DON'T SET ANYTHING ON FIRE!!!" line.....ergh....every night before she goes to bed, she says this.

Errrgggghhh!

[Phil_Anselmo_Lover]

But you see, that's not necessarily her being evil, just protective of her child...
I'm sure you'd probably say similar things if you had a child your age...

I know, I know....it's just the fire thing that gets me.

Aw, now you got her hugging me! Ack! :-)

[bluglass]

How about some crone wisdom here.....At some point in the future you are going to slap your forehead and say "I have become my parents!" It's true, I swear! OW

But I work hard at changing the parent I have become. There are things that I do that in essense ARE the same but the delivery is quite different. Instead of saying "because I'm the parent" I tell my kids -- and yes it is long winded -- that I make this decision from experience, age and care for their well being and love. We often have conversations where they object -- as I have taught them to use their words even at age 6 and 3.5 years -- and I explain that I apprecate their logic and proactive behavior in making decisions but I must override. My son has already learned to protest "well when I'm the dad I'm gonna let my kid..." and I respond that that is a fine choice and will be his choice to make at that time. I tell him there will be many things he will decide differently and I have confidence he will make good decisions in part because of what he will learn from his growing up. Then I say but now it is my turn to decide and though I respect his decision making it doesn't meet the need of the moment. I tell him I have confidence that over time he will get better and better at decision making and he will see me stop making them for him (I haven't told him this isn't really true -- she says laughing).

I also never say how hard something is with the tone of voice that says it is too difficult so why try or you can't do that or you're not up to it. I say things like let's look at what we need to do to get this done. I'm not so concerned with the quality of the produce so long as there is a product. I don't believe we should be great and perfect in everything nor that we can be. We have to know what we can do and do that as well as we can.

I try and parent positively and attached and use a Montessori approach as best I can.

[Thistle]

How about some crone wisdom here.....At some point in the future you are going to slap your forehead and say "I have become my parents!" It's true, I swear! OW

And when my daughter does this, I am going to laugh so hard!