Lunar_Dragonfly
July 25th, 2006, 03:10 PM
You have no idea how much I hate to have to post this here, especially since I am a new member and I don't want my first impression to be of someone who complains a lot. But I just need somewhere to rant other than in my blog, and since this is related to religion, I guess I could really use some advice.
I guess I should start at the beginning. This is a story regarding the two important men in my life, my dad and my boyfriend. My dad has been unemployed since I was a junior in high school, which was almost exactly four years ago. It's been hard for someone over 50 to get a job in advertising, his field, and he's had many prospects over the years but none have gone anywhere. Well recently he had a really good interview for a company in Texas, and they pretty much said that they'd like to hire him on the spot but their company rules said they had to interview at least three people. It took them forever to find two more that were even qualified, and so we've all been waiting with bated breath since then to see if my dad got it or not. The second person wasn't that good, but they ended up liking the third guy, and so it was between my dad and him who they would hire. Well they ended up hiring the other guy. Which isn't so bad in and of itself exept for the guy pretty much told my dad that he was guarenteed to be hired and that the other interviews were just formalities.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend just graduated with a masters degree in mechanical engineering. He turned down a job at Boeing because he didn't want to move to Seattle, but he was soon offered a job at Northrop Grumman that he liked a lot more, so he took it. But the job was on an airforce base and he needed a security clearance. My boyfriend is no terrorist and he's got a clean record so he figured that would be fine. He put down a deposit on an appartment and was all set to move when he found out that his security clearance had been denied. They won't tell him the reason, but the only thing that we can think of was REALLY stupid as well as easily fixed -- it was a misunderstanding more than an actual problem. Unfortunately Northrop didn't want to wait for him to fix the problem and rerun the security check so they went ahead and hired someone else.
I've read a lot of the posts on here and I know that my problems are very petty compared to some but that doesn't mean that I'm not shaken by them. They are always saying this kind of stuff, like everything happens for a reason, God must have other plans ... well I want to know, if this crap has been caused by God, then what is he thinking, fracking with our emotions like this? Why does he insist that he offer us things and then take them away at the last second "oops! nevermind!" Does he think that it's FUNNY? I'd like to think that it's just random coincidence because the only things I can think here is that either there is no God or God has a sick sense of humor and likes messing with us for His personal amusemenent, neither of which are particularly palatable options.
Another thing that scares me is that recently I've taken an interest in Asatru. But I pray to the Norse Gods for guidance and it doesn't seem that there's anything out there. And I'm so scared that what if the Christian God is real and he is punishing me for my disloyalty by messing with the people that I love? If He is the kind of God who would do that then I don't want to worship Him anyway, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared it's not possible. I guess I just don't know how to feel right now, and I wish there was Some sort of deity out there I could pray to, but at the moment, I just feel ... confused.
Any advice on the matter would be appreciated. Thanks for listening and once again I'm sorry I had to post here I just really needed someone to talk to.
I guess I should start at the beginning. This is a story regarding the two important men in my life, my dad and my boyfriend. My dad has been unemployed since I was a junior in high school, which was almost exactly four years ago. It's been hard for someone over 50 to get a job in advertising, his field, and he's had many prospects over the years but none have gone anywhere. Well recently he had a really good interview for a company in Texas, and they pretty much said that they'd like to hire him on the spot but their company rules said they had to interview at least three people. It took them forever to find two more that were even qualified, and so we've all been waiting with bated breath since then to see if my dad got it or not. The second person wasn't that good, but they ended up liking the third guy, and so it was between my dad and him who they would hire. Well they ended up hiring the other guy. Which isn't so bad in and of itself exept for the guy pretty much told my dad that he was guarenteed to be hired and that the other interviews were just formalities.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend just graduated with a masters degree in mechanical engineering. He turned down a job at Boeing because he didn't want to move to Seattle, but he was soon offered a job at Northrop Grumman that he liked a lot more, so he took it. But the job was on an airforce base and he needed a security clearance. My boyfriend is no terrorist and he's got a clean record so he figured that would be fine. He put down a deposit on an appartment and was all set to move when he found out that his security clearance had been denied. They won't tell him the reason, but the only thing that we can think of was REALLY stupid as well as easily fixed -- it was a misunderstanding more than an actual problem. Unfortunately Northrop didn't want to wait for him to fix the problem and rerun the security check so they went ahead and hired someone else.
I've read a lot of the posts on here and I know that my problems are very petty compared to some but that doesn't mean that I'm not shaken by them. They are always saying this kind of stuff, like everything happens for a reason, God must have other plans ... well I want to know, if this crap has been caused by God, then what is he thinking, fracking with our emotions like this? Why does he insist that he offer us things and then take them away at the last second "oops! nevermind!" Does he think that it's FUNNY? I'd like to think that it's just random coincidence because the only things I can think here is that either there is no God or God has a sick sense of humor and likes messing with us for His personal amusemenent, neither of which are particularly palatable options.
Another thing that scares me is that recently I've taken an interest in Asatru. But I pray to the Norse Gods for guidance and it doesn't seem that there's anything out there. And I'm so scared that what if the Christian God is real and he is punishing me for my disloyalty by messing with the people that I love? If He is the kind of God who would do that then I don't want to worship Him anyway, but that doesn't mean I'm not scared it's not possible. I guess I just don't know how to feel right now, and I wish there was Some sort of deity out there I could pray to, but at the moment, I just feel ... confused.
Any advice on the matter would be appreciated. Thanks for listening and once again I'm sorry I had to post here I just really needed someone to talk to.