question about marriage...

[astrokaiju]

sorry, but i put this in a number of forums because i wasn't sure which one was quite right...

anyway, i just got engaged, and my fiance and i are trying to decide how to go about it. i'm a pagan of no particular tradition, and he's a spiritual guy of no particular religion. he says a pagan-type wedding sounds a-ok.

sooo...how would i go about doing that? i want it to be legally binding, and i'm not too keen on just having a justice of the peace marry us-i want it to be a spiritual occassion. any suggestions?

[Myst]

This is the third time I've said it this week already.

Use the search function. There are already a few threads at MW on this.

[amberlaine]

You have a few options.

1. a unitarian universalist minister. Most of these people are VERY open minded, and will be willing to perform your ceremony howeever you want it done, and usually wherever you want it donw.

2. a legall ordained pagan minister. Depending on your state, the law varies as to how one becomes an ordained minister. But if you can find an ordained pagan cleric, they will usually be happy to help.

3. a private ceremony at the JP, with a pubic ceremony afterwards, performed by whoever you want. IF you can't find a UU minister, and you can't find a pagan cleric, you may want to have a JP marry you--and then have a wedding ceremony afterwards. THat way, you will be legally married, but you can have whoever you want presiding over your ceremony.

Hope that helps!

[Myst]

In our case we're thinking of having a separate Pagan ceremony and church wedding. *hiccup*

[astrokaiju]

Originally posted by Myst
This is the third time I've said it this week already.

Use the search function. There are already a few threads at MW on this.

i did, but when i've done that with posts before, and picked what seemed to be an appropriate forum, no one in that certain forum paid attention to it. so i tried putting it somewhere else, and it got lots of attention.

[Myst]

There's one in New Pagans posted TODAY, so believe me, people are talking about it. Not to mention if you look at the other threads you'll see all the ideas other people came up with already.

People don't seem to understand, posting everything they want to in Just Talk because people don't answer them in the right place just makes more people not answer them anywhere then Just Talk. Not to mention new threads are posted so often in Just Talk that your thread is liable to get scrolled down before it's answered. Finally, to me, it's just a matter of courtesy to try to post in the right forum, and not doing so is like insulting people who work hard to keep several forums to best serve members of MW.

[astrokaiju]

Originally posted by Myst
In our case we're thinking of having a separate Pagan ceremony and church wedding. *hiccup*

actually, i sort of like the idea of having the legally-binding ceremony in a Catholic church, but my fiance was excommunicated at his confirmation. hee hee...

[astrokaiju]

Originally posted by Myst
There's one in New Pagans posted TODAY, so believe me, people are talking about it. Not to mention if you look at the other threads you'll see all the ideas other people came up with already.

People don't seem to understand, posting everything they want to in Just Talk because people don't answer them in the right place just makes more people not answer them anywhere then Just Talk. Not to mention new threads are posted so often in Just Talk that your thread is liable to get scrolled down before it's answered. Finally, to me, it's just a matter of courtesy to try to post in the right forum, and not doing so is like insulting people who work hard to keep several forums to best serve members of MW.


awww...i feel very sheepish now. i'm sorry.

[Myst]

no worries.

I don't mean to come off like a school marm, sorry. :)

[manstranger]

Originally posted by amberlaine
You have a few options.

1. a unitarian universalist minister. Most of these people are VERY open minded, and will be willing to perform your ceremony howeever you want it done, and usually wherever you want it donw.

2. a legall ordained pagan minister. Depending on your state, the law varies as to how one becomes an ordained minister. But if you can find an ordained pagan cleric, they will usually be happy to help.

3. a private ceremony at the JP, with a pubic ceremony afterwards, performed by whoever you want. IF you can't find a UU minister, and you can't find a pagan cleric, you may want to have a JP marry you--and then have a wedding ceremony afterwards. THat way, you will be legally married, but you can have whoever you want presiding over your ceremony.

Hope that helps!

2 questions ... will a U.U. minister let you invoke your deities, or do it themselves, or not do it at all? Generally...

Another: Is a JP a Judge?

[manstranger]

Originally posted by astrokaiju


actually, i sort of like the idea of having the legally-binding ceremony in a Catholic church, but my fiance was excommunicated at his confirmation. hee hee...

Even if he wasn't, don't you have to make a promise to take your kids to church? Thats what my cousin's wedding was like. And you couldn't really cross your fingers without someone noticing.

[Myst]

JP = justice of the peace

and I think a UU is usually very very willing to do what you want.

[amberlaine]

2 questions ... will a U.U. minister let you invoke your deities, or do it themselves, or not do it at all? Generally...

It will depend on your UU minister, of course (some are less pagan friendly than others) However, in my experience, a UU minister will let you do whatever you want. The basic idea behind the UU church is that your path is sacred--whatever it is. So you design the ritual, tell them what you want, and what you want their role ot be, and more than likely, they will be happy to assist you.

Although I was marreid by a JP, my daughter was dedicated at Yule with a UU minister. HE was *very * accomodating. I wrote the entire ritual, and he asked me if he could add a few things (to which I was quite amenable), and he was, in all respects, very helpful and obliging.

[astrokaiju]

how would one go about trying to find a legally ordained pagan minister near them?

and would a pagan minister likely be as accomodating as a uu minister, or would they try to conform the ceremony to their particular path?

[Twilight Garden]

Something else to keep in mind... Just because one person is the "officiant" of the ceremony, doesn't mean that someone else can't take part... say to call a deity or cast a circle or whatever you may have in mind. Many types of "officiants" welcome other people in helping to perform the ceremony.

We had a UU minister perform our wedding ceremony. She was great because she had many ideas of how to keep a pagan theme without offending our conservative relatives. Everyone, of all paths and religions, were surprised by how spiritual the wedding was. That came from my Catholic family, my husbands Baptist family, Wiccan friends, Methodist family, all different types. We were very happy with the outcome.

[Amethyst]

OK Iam from Australia and we had an outdoor ceremony with a mariage celebrant and I am guessing that you dont have people like that but I do have the ceremony on my 'puter if you would like a copy in fact I will try and send it to you now if it doesnt work here if my email amethyst_105@hotmail.com
Bright Blessings
Amethyst

[amberlaine]

Originally posted by astrokaiju
how would one go about trying to find a legally ordained pagan minister near them?

and would a pagan minister likely be as accomodating as a uu minister, or would they try to conform the ceremony to their particular path?

I would start by looking on witchvox.net Look for pagans in your area and contact them--someone may be able to help.

Barring that, if you know of any e-lists or newsletters, etc in your area, ask on those also. Finding ordained pagan clerics can be tricky--a lot of people will claim to be ordained, but aren't willing to perform a marriage ceremony.

As for the second question, that really depends on the person in question. It would be completely inappropriate for me to guess as to how another pagan would behave. *shrug* Just ask around.

good luck!