Help. This is getting really out of hand. I have no clue what to do. PLEASE.

[Miu]

I just...I need help. I'm at a loss. I kind of just need someone to talk to, if anything at all.

What happined was, my boy cheated and kissed another girl.

I feel horrible and worthless. I still love him, but for some reason i just feel empty all the time and i stopped eating. I at first allowed myself a calorie level a day, and that was that. Eventually i just stopped eating altogether. I didn't mean to...my depression just stopped me from being hungry.

To top it all off, my parents have been telling me that i'm fat lately and that just adds to the strain. Honestly, sometimes i just want to end it all.

Whenever i feel fat, i go and look at the pictures of that girl my boy cheated on and well...the sad thing is, that makes me so upset i don't eat for perhaps an hour, a day, almost a week, anything.

I don't want to face the reality that i might have a problem, but i'd do anything to be prettier than she is.

I feel like i've been cut really deep and it's not fair to me.

And to top things off, i feel like i hate everything.

I hate his best friend that was with him.

I hate the place where it happined.

I hate everyone around him when i'm not for doing that to me.

I know i still love him, but i hate the stupid girl. Everytime i see her stupid face i think of them drunk together, all shacked up. I hate them both so much for what they've done.

I feel dead on the inside. I cry about it all the time because i've not had a good life so far, and the one thing i think is going to end up okay, doesn't. Everytime he goes out to hang out the friend he was with that fateful night, i want to kill something because i get so upset, and sometimes even purge i get so flustered. It's not something i can help, but i think it's my way of dealing with my feelings of neglect and like no one cares about me.



I feel like i'm sick too because i always go to her myspace page and look at her pictures just to look at her, and get upset again. I don't really mean to, it's just a strange compultion. There have been nights where i just sit, stare at her pictures and cry.

I don't want to be nosy, i don't want to be a kniving bitch or a jealous girlfriend, but i'm genuinely hurt by all of this.

Just when i thought love did exist, i get punched in the face.

[StephanieAine]

Miu -

Please repost with a larger text/font size and using black text. I can't read anything you said, and I doubt anyone else can, either.

Thank you!

[Miu]

Terribly sorry about that.

Everything is fixed now.

[StephanieAine]

Hi Miu - It's still pink on turquoise and it's still a much too tiny font. Maybe it looks different on your computer system or something - but on my system it's unbelievably tiny.

If you fixed it I'm not sure why it's still showing up as pink text/tiny font. Could you try again?

[Mouse]

I think my eyes are bleeding. Seriously, I like pink but damn. :p

Ok, first off, please don't take anything I say the wrong way. I'm a blunt kind of person, but my heart and advice is generally in the right place.

The thing that jumped right out at me about your post was your coping skills, or lack thereof. Take a few deep slow breaths and step back from the situation.

Ask yourself, why be angry at her and not him? Yes, it was low of her to hit on your feller, especially if she knew you two were together, but no matter how old you get or who you are with there will always be some person who will hit on your guy. That does not change no matter how old you get, so as harsh as it sounds - Get used to it.

He on the other hand knew he was with you, knew it would hurt you, and whether he was drunk or not if he had any respect for you or the relationship he wouldn't have done it. It's that simple. He betrayed you, not her.

But then, it was a kiss right? Just a kiss. Things get carried away, and while it is no excuse and it's understandable you are hurt, a kiss is not the end of the world (assumeing it didn't go farther than that.)

Ask yourself "Am I blowing this way out of proportion?"

Ok, back to the coping skills bit.. Dieting is not the way to go. Seriously you do more damage than you can realise because at the moment your body needs the vitamins to grow, without them you will have serious problems later on. I know right now you're prolly thinking you don't care, but later you will care. I could have saved myself a lot of the agony I go through every day if I didn't go down that path. Exercise is your friend and will help with the depression if used correctly. Yoga is brilliant, I highly recommend it.

I understand that life has not been easy on you so far, but brace up because it gets a lot worse than a boyfriend kissing some chick at a party. Life is often craptacular. But it is worth it.
Think of what you DO have, not what you don't. You're not homeless, you have food provided for you. You more than likely don't manage your own household or bills. You have the freedom to have a boyfriend when many girls do not. I bet you're thinking "yeah, so what?" well have these things taken away from you, and then you'll wonder why you were so worried about some girl who you believe is prettier than you.

I find it ironic, so many people wanting to kill themselves. I remember when I was one of them, it seemed so right. Now I watch Ma struggling for just one more month, one more week, one more hour of life, trying to fight the cancer that she has no hope of beating. I find it ironic that she tried to kill herself so many times and now that death taking her she's finally realized what's so great about living.

This shit you are going through right now does not last forever. You can even help speed it up. Instead of focusing outward on other people, try focusing on yourself. Be the best you that you can be. Get to know yourself, really know yourself. Know your strengths and weaknesses, focus on what you are good at. Think about what you want out of life. Surely having a boyfriend isn't all that there is? What do you want for yourself?

This chick is not important - you are important.
You deserve respect, if this guy can't give you that don't settle for less, find someone who is everything that matters to you in a guy.

Most of all, stop pitying yourself. Have some pride based on your qualities as a person and not what other people think. This is your life. LIVE IT! Don't waste it.

[Cat]

Mouse gave good advice, I'm not sure there is anything left for me to add.

OK, actually there is.

If you look to others to feel good about yourself, you will never be truly happy.

There is always someone to put you down. There is always someone prettier than you. You can let that devestate you. Or you can decide that you like who you are. You can decide to date only people who respect you. You can take the attitude that you are too good for a guy who fools around (assuming that's what this was).

Have you talked to your bf about this? What does he say?

[StormVixen]

If you can get to a doctor do that... if you don’t know what to say to the Dr. print out what you wrote above... I am going through the same as you except the cause is different... I am taking the herbal anti depressant "st. johns wort" because I didn’t want to go on drugs...

My boyfriend/fiancé have been through hard times before too... I kissed a guy when I was drunk he got pissed off but he forgave me eventually and we never broke up because it was an accident caused by way too much alcomohol! a few months passed and we were at a different club and he was drunk and ignoring me so I was chatting to some random Emo guy for a bit... when I found my boyf again he told me to "go away" because he was "trying to pull"!!! Now that really hurt me but I just wandered off again... I think he broke up with me a few days or weeks after that because he didn’t know what he wanted... we got back together eventually when he was in a car crash, he realised I was "the one" he thought he was going to die and he couldn’t stop thinking about me (it makes me cry to think about that)... A few months after that I think I had some kind of mental breakdown or stress or something and I broke up with him because I couldn’t stop thinking about a guy (one of his friends) and it was doing my head in cos I knew I loved my boyfriend but I couldn’t stop the physical want that I had for his friend... we got back together the next day because he drove from work to come and see me... I know now he is the only guy for me, whatever little things(kisses etc.) happen we will always work it out.

When you have a serious relationship when your young its going to be difficult because you don’t want to miss out on playing the field, having fun or just living your own life... sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn’t, all I can say is, if your feeling low find someone to talk to (you can PM me if you want) and try not to be alone too much because being alone makes you think about things too much... its not worth losing control of yourself.

[Brightshores]

Ok... first of all, :hugz:

I'm also pretty blunt, so I too apologize if I offend you. But, here's my advice.

1. It is at least as much his fault as it is hers. She, from what I understand, didn't owe you any allegiance or loyalty. But your boyfriend did, since he is/was in a relationship with you. It's easier to blame her, but don't fool yourself. If you want to keep your relationship with this boy (which I personally would think long and hard before doing, because if he betrayed you once, he's likely to do so again), you have to talk to him, openly and honestly, tell him how hurt you were that he did this, and have a serious discussion about what is and what is not acceptable in your relationship. Love is beautiful, love is great, but love takes a lot of work and effort from both people to work.

2. Please go and see a doctor. If you don't want to or can't talk to your parents about why you're seeing a doctor, tell them your ankle or ear or throat hurts or something. At least go to your school nurse. She might be able to point you in the right direction. Eating disorders aren't really about food - they're about control, and it makes perfect sense that they would manifest now when you feel out of control regarding your relationship with this boy. Eating disorders are a serious medical problem for which you need treatment and support. Especially at your age, not getting the proper nutrients can lead to very, very bad health problems in the future, including muscle atrophy and possibly infertility later on. Your doctor will probably refer you to a psychiatrist and a nutritionist - take advantage of that! Please, please get the help you need. http://www.webmd.com/hw/mental_health/hw46499.asp
http://www.webmd.com/hw/health_guide_atoz/hw49747.asp

3. Fatness is largely irrelevant. I know everything in our culture says the opposite. I don't care if you weigh 85 lbs or 285 lbs, the most important thing is to be comfortable with who you are INSIDE. (And yes, I've been struggling with weight problems most of my life, so I'm not a skinny rail telling you this.) You are a very special person with skills and talents and beauty all your own, and how much you weigh has nothing to do with that. It's disgraceful that your parents are calling you "fat." Obviously, obesity can negatively impact health through heart disease and that sort of thing, but if you really have a problem with that (which most people with eating disorders don't), you have plenty of time to work on that through healthy ways of weight management and lifestyle changes.

4. Refocus on things that have meaning to you and make you feel good. There is always something good about life. If you like to read, reread all your favorite books. If you have a lot of friends, make it a point to spend as much time as possible with them. If you're good in school, focus on your schoolwork. If you're good in sports, do a lot of practicing or drills. If you are good at music, practice, sing, and perform. Let go of your hatred and embrace life's beauty.

5. There are always other men out there. Don't waste yourself on one who doesn't deserve you. I know it's painful to deal with stuff like this, and I know sometimes it seems like a person is "the one," and no one will ever measure up to him... but you have a fundamental right to be treated well by whatever man you choose to be with. You have the power to choose and the power to determine your own destiny.

Best wishes - I hope so much that you feel better. :hugz:

BTW - Stephanie Aine, if you highlight posts in weird colors, you can read them easily while they're highlighted. :D

[Libris]

Everyone has already given really good advice, so I'll just give you :hugz: and good energy. I hope things get better for you.