View Full Version : Who or WHAT is T3H CHOMP CHOMP?

Infinite Grey
September 5th, 2006, 01:44 PM

Some of you may know of CHOMP CHOMP, but what and who is he? The most common question asked as people first get sight of him is “Holy Hell! What the hell is that?!?!” more or less anyways. The truth is that CHOMP CHOMP is about 50% of the talking working shitting eating all singing all dancing crap of the world monkeys roaming around this little blue earth.

And what a feat in evolution he is! Evolving to suit his function in the modern world, note the disproportionate mouth to body ratio. This evolutionary advance allows CHOMP CHOMP (talkitivus-devourus sapiensus rex) to continuously talk, even while eating and sleeping. This is a necessity as he is very opinionated and will actually explode unless he voices what ever opinion crosses his mind. These opinions build up in the form of a noxious smelling gas which can be in many cases flammable, especially if mixed with the gases of another CHOMP CHOMP. This is why the CHOMP CHOMP did away with his nose, an evolutionary feat that prevents CHOMP CHOMP from ever inhaling his own noxious opinionated gases that pollute the air with every word.

It has been argued by many specialists (namely the voices in my head) that reason the opinionated gases are so noxious is due to lack of light, they rot within the lightless depths of his ass. That’s right, CHOMP CHOMP has no eyes and is blind to everything but his own situation. This, believe it or not is another evolutionary advance, as CHOMP CHOMP is ill equipped to deal with the world around him. His opinionated gases would thin out with the addition of perspective and the usefulness of his gigantic mouth may become obsolete. So the eyes were evolved away, leaving CHOMP CHOMP to his own personal world. This of cause doesn’t stop him from constantly chattering and screaming his opinions to anyone and everyone he comes across, usually poisoning such unfortunate creatures with his noxious opinionated gassed breath.

BUT CHOMP CHOMP isn’t overly hard to control, he does have sensory input devices at his disposal. He has two ears, though often all he can hear is his own voice and complements regarding his opinions. That is part of why CHOMP CHOMP evolved as he did, he loves the sound of his own voice. For the longest time he wasn’t allowed one, but then over time suddenly he could say what he wanted when he wanted. Thus the evolutionary changes to his physical attributes.

Occasionally he will stop ranting to listen something not relating to how great his opinions are, but not for too long, as the opinionated gasses will be building during his silence and will soon reach explosive levels.

This is how you train t3h CHOMP CHOMP; you whisper in his ear, pet his head and feed him his favourite treats. In no time at all he’ll be ready to be released back into the wild, ranting slightly less noxious opinions. Though be careful, CHOMP CHOMP is an egocentric creature and will fall back into old habits, and without constant training your clean opinions will be corrupted into the same stinking opinions he has always screamed.

<This public infomercial was brought to you by the pseudo-intellect of Peacock & co>

Infinite Grey
September 5th, 2006, 02:53 PM