Ladies, this is meant to be funny...

[flar7]

here is a funny that a friend sent me.

RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW

Please note...these are all numbered #1... ON PURPOSE!

1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We
refuse to answer.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it down.

1.Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive
than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Deal with it.

1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine.
Really.

1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

1. Check your oil. Please.

1. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want
it done. Not both.

1. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during comercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
we.

1. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

1. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
the hassle.

[Myst]

hey.. too bad we don't have a silly forum for jokes... oh wait, we do! *slaps forehead* :lol:

[Xander67]

:o Attention, silly Forum, Prepare for incomming
thread!!

:P LOL

heheh Myst good one

[Starlight]

:lol: I wasn't offended in the slightest cause most of it should be true!! :lol:

[Xander67]

:lol:

[Old Witch]

You know, of course, this means war!!

[Starlight]

uh oh.........*puts flar in runaway ice-cream truck* Go FLAR GO!!!!!!!!!!! Run for your LIFE!! OW is after you!!! :eek:

[CoolJ]

:rotfl:

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by flar7
here is a funny that a friend sent me.

RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW

Please note...these are all numbered #1... ON PURPOSE!

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



Ahhhh boy am I familliar with #1. Remember when that woman came on line to complain about how her husband was ruining her life, and everyone started giving her support and energy? And then STUPID, INSENSITIVE ILLUMINATUS posts with actual constructive suggestions to help her SOLVE HER PROBLEMS, and then she acts all offended and sad, because we didn't give her that much needed shoulder of sympathy that only the closest of internet strangers can offer a girl. Sigh. Sometimes it sucks being the only rational person in the room. It's a curse (because everyone around you is irrational) and a burden (because SOMEONE has to think straight).

- Ill

[Kaylara]

Oh shut up! You've been my shoulder of support on many occasions.

Kaylara

[Myst]

Sadly some people would rather have false sympathy and understanding rather then honesty. *shrugs* I know how you feel Ill.

[Kahlan]

Its the nature of most people.....they would rather be fooled by fauls hope/love/and understand, then seek the truth in a bad situation.

[Lunamoth]

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

I don't know how many times I've gone to my husband and told him about something that happened that sucked and he started giving me advice on it when all I wanted was him to agree "Yeah, that does suck." Now I understand why! :lol:

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by Kahlan
Its the nature of most people.....they would rather be fooled by fauls hope/love/and understand, then seek the truth in a bad situation.

Yes sometimes illumination hurts, especially if it is intense. This is why I wear sunglasses over my eyes.

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by Lunamoth
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

I don't know how many times I've gone to my husband and told him about something that happened that sucked and he started giving me advice on it when all I wanted was him to agree "Yeah, that does suck." Now I understand why! :lol:

Yeah. It's like women enjoy WHINING as a pastime... WHY!!!??? How is this fun? Hello? McFly??!!!

[Lunamoth]

Originally posted by Illuminatus


Yeah. It's like women enjoy WHINING as a pastime... WHY!!!??? How is this fun? Hello? McFly??!!!

In order to get responses out of men just like this! I like watching that vein in your forehead get all purple and stuff. :p

[mato]

and you say it's not a war...

[Chibi-Fallon]

Originally posted by flar7
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

Exactly! I'm probably the only girl who thinks that. Lipstick colors are dumb like that tho. Orange breeze what kinda crap is that? First off if you're seeing an orange breeze, lipstick isn't something you should be worrying about.

[Myst]

Originally posted by Illuminatus
Yes sometimes illumination hurts, especially if it is intense. This is why I wear sunglasses over my eyes.

I b*tch rather then whine. And usually because if I rant about it to Hellfire then I don't have to tell the person they're being an idiot. People don't want to know they're acting stupid. For the record he does it when he's having a bad day too. It starts with "you know what? users are stupid!" and then a rant...

:D

[Garnet]

Then here are my rules. (ladies, feel free to add to the list)

1. If you want to avoid hearing me 'whine', then nod a lot & keep repeating, "You're right, honey. You always are." This will avoid most arguments.

2. If you can't learn to put the seat down, build me/yourself a seperate bathroom. It'll be cheaper than the consequences of pissing me off regularly & possibly injuring me. Oh yeah, I get the one with the whirlpool tub. You get the one with the shower.

3. If you can't listen to my problems/worries/concerns without turning into Dear Abby, then don't whine about the time I spend discussing these things with my girlfriends/sister.

4. If you don't want to hear questions like "Do I look fat in this?" or "Do you like this in peach or pumpkin better?" then don't bitch about the time I spend shopping with my sister or girlfriends. And you have no right to bitch when you decide that pumpkin would have been a better choice. Even if watching sports in a peach den makes you nauseous.

5.If you want me to wear my hair long, then you have to help comb out the inevitable tangles in the morning...without pulling my hair out, making me cry, or hurting me badly enough to make me kick you right in Mr. Happy.

6. If you want me to wear blood-red dragon-lady nails, then you have to pay the manicurist & you can't bitch if I accidently scratch Mr. Happy.

7. Sunday is for sports? Fine with me. But you have no reason to bitch if you're watching a game I'm not interested in & I decide to go out with my sister/girlfriends instead. And if I'm going to an event that requires me to dress up, don't automatically assume I'll be hanging out somewhere ogling teen-aged studmuffins. Even if I will be. And don't whine if you're watching a game I am interested in & I know more about the teams, stats, etc. then you do.

8. If I do wear something from Victoria's Secret/Frederick's of Hollywood....low-cut, slinky, whatever...if it's something that can be worn in public & I decide to wear it, don't roll around on the floor, foaming at the mouth, & whimpering, "Cover them up! I didn't mean for them to be put on display like that!" If you think I look nice in it, I probably think so, too. Especially if you bought it for me.

9. If I see a comely studmuffin sometime we're out together, don't piss & moan when I turn to watch him walk away. I'm not blind, either.

10. Never, never treat me as if I'm stupid. No matter what! If I ask you a question, answer it. If I ask for your opinion on something, give it. Trust me, it can be done without you groaning, rolling your eyes, sighing as if you're breathing your last, moaning, or saying "My buddies will never believe how dumb that was." If you insist on treating me as if I'm an imbecile, don't be surprised if all the women in the neighborhood point to your crotch & laugh hysterically.

11. No matter how cute, sexy, accurate the name you give it, we can not understand why you feel compelled to name it. And yes, we are lying when we agree that 'Mr. Happy' 'The Joystick' or whatever you have named it is cute, sexy, & accurate. And no, we do not think it has a personality of it's own. We don't really care to hear what Mr. Happy has to say, no matter what the subject is. Speak for yourself.


It's all in fun, guys. And yours were very funny.

[flar7]

5.If you want me to wear my hair long, then you have to help comb out the inevitable tangles in the morning...without pulling my hair out, making me cry, or hurting me badly enough to make me kick you right in Mr. Happy.

6. If you want me to wear blood-red dragon-lady nails, then you have to pay the manicurist & you can't bitch if I accidently scratch Mr. Happy.


ok, I am willing to meet ya halfway on these two.:p
Mr. Happy is "sensitive" to women's feelings...:eek:

[tangerine]

Woo! Go Garnet!! :boing: :boing: :boing:

[MammaStar]

I think they're simple rules....I think I should print'em out (the girls one's of course) and stick'em on the fridge. :lol:

[Faery-Wings]

Garnet- awesome list!

:D:D:D

I'll see if I can think of some to add in.

Chris

[manstranger]

Being a guy, I actually find myself saying "hey, that sucks" more than giving advise. Its this whole theory I have, based on the hooked on phonics commercial. See, they don't say he or she, they say he, when everybody know that the former is PC and the latter is not, accept when refering to guys. So therefore, since liberal media is always PC, we have to assume that they're saying only guys can't read. Therefore, women must be smarter, and have the brain power to solve there problems themselves, and guys can just, you know, sit there.

[manstranger]

Women ... how can you accepct us to know what color peach is? They are multicolor! ... O, somebody just showed me "peach". But "peach" looks nothing like a peach! I'm confused.

[Nect]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

You go, Garnet!

Nect

[Nina]

You are now officially my heroine. I've only just stopped laughing, and my stomach ACHES!!!!!:D

[JuNiPeR]

:rotfl:

[Old Witch]

Garnet is now my hero!!!!!

[flar7]

*sigh* I used to be a hero...*shakes fists* I'll be back!


heheh.............."as God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!"~GWW

[Old Witch]

Correction, GWTW........sorry

[flar7]

correction correction, the little t dont count. Its like a title thingy,
Gone With the Wind.....now ya got me wonderin about the with
one too????:p

[Old Witch]

Nope ...GWTW....I knew Butterfly McQueen.....and saw a lot of the pictures with autographs she sold.........It's GWTW.

[flar7]

but in english grammar, we dont cap the conjunctions and such of titles.

[Old Witch]

This is a title.........Gone With Wind ................makes no sense...... ..Note also Star Trek TNG.................

[Dellit Tandannon]

right. anyway.... don't get all offended by the first list, cause its all quite true. and in proper english acronyms, it'd be GWW.

[mato]

lol, what is some one an english major or somethen?:p

[Old Witch]

OK. I'm an uneducated idiot.........I'll go crawl under a rock and not come back out!

[flar7]

well, I am an english minor....heheh....
Old Witch! Come back!:(

[Old Witch]

Sticks head out but is afraid to mention common usage, probably wrong there too........slinks back to Just Silly where she belongs...................:2G:

[flar7]

how english is spoken and used differs greatly from "correct"
writing....;)

[Old Witch]

Slinks back for her final word..........:razz:

[mato]

Originally posted by flar7
how english is spoken and used differs greatly from "correct"
writing....;)

:razz: correct is for those with no imagination!

[flar7]

untrue, their are millions of ways to be creative when combining
the written word.

[Élistariel]

Christopher Columbus was trying to get to India and ended up in North America. He didn't need directions? Yeah right.

[Xander67]

:eek: :eek:

WOAH !!! for an aprentice you are one brave Jedi!!

You must have had to dig really deep for this ole classic :)

heheh I forgot it was there :)

[shnen]

I think we should start one on men....

Ladies.. whatddya say? and again, guys, be sure to take no offense ;) all in good fun... :devil:

[flar7]

since we are such loving, giving and forgiving individuals we will
not be offended.:D Trust us! (you can use those two words in
your new thread: Things to not believe! :T)



I am teasing!! I am so loyal, you can smack me around and I, like
the dog that I am, will always return to my mistress.:p

[Xander67]

that's casue Purple is in yer heart :)

Purplers are Loyal and Forgiving... and can take quite a whallop