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I was just thrown out of my house. [Archive] - MysticWicks Online Pagan Community and Spiritual Sanctuary

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zhou
September 23rd, 2006, 12:46 AM
I’ve lived with my girlfriend for years. I’ve been with her for a third of my life. Tonight when she picked me up from the train station she sat me down and told me that living together wasn’t working out, and that I need to leave.
She has two children, a boy and a girl. Both are teenagers. I’ve been around them since they were toddlers, and watched them grow up into amazing individuals. I can say without a doubt that they are my two favorite people in the world.
My girlfriend and I have not had an easy time of it for the past two years. We haven’t really been able to talk about our problems with out it erupting into a fight, so we’ve been letting things slide, and slide, and slide some more. She says that the tensions between us are getting in the way of her most important job, which is raising her children. She’s right. She says that the relationship, as it stands is holding me back. She’s right about that too. As angry as I was with her 24 hours ago, I’m sitting on the bed in the most depressing hotel room I have ever seen and I can feel nothing but respect for her. Dammit.
We haven’t broken up completely, we are going to try to maintain some sort of relationship, try to work on our problems. Neither of us want to see the other disappear from their lives I will get to have contact with the kids.
They are the ones I’m worried about. I like to flatter myself and think we’re close. Their father is an asshole, he uses them like pawns in whatever little turf war he has going with my girlfriend or his newly ex wife or his other two kids. I’m no angel, and I have my share of problems, but I think I was one of the more stable influences in these kids lives.
I’m sitting here running a tally in my head of everything that was my fault and everything that was hers. In the end, we both just gave up long ago. It was an invisible act of violence, and the kids got the brunt of it.
Since I’ve been at this forum, I’ve made maybe twenty posts. Ya’ll don’t know me at all, and please know that I’m not playing some attention game. But I would really appreciate it if you could just send some good thoughts towards these kids, because I think they need all the love they can get right now.
Thanks.

CheshireEyes
September 23rd, 2006, 01:00 AM
:hugz:

Have you tried counseling? Even a neutral third party? Do you WANT to get back together with her? Does she WANT to get back together with you?

I can understand your pain and heartache as I've gone through it myself. Sending positvie energy to you, your gf and her children.

Storm Moon
September 23rd, 2006, 01:13 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this :hugz: I'm sure everything will work itself out though so stay positive!

BlackMagicalCat
September 23rd, 2006, 01:27 AM
Bless your heart,Im real sorry to hear about your trouble.

May I humbly remind you,about the kids.It affects them when they see how you treat thier mother.To love a child,you must first love thier mother,and treat her like she is a Goddess.

In other words,you cant bypass moma,and try to worry about the children,they are her kids,and she is the most important thing in thier lives Im sure.If you were the cause of a lot of strife,and heartacke,and trouble,you were affecting the children.

They see you and moma arguing,fighting,,and they hear the words.So if you and her cant get along,without fighting,the best thing for the cildren is for you to not live with them.

I know this may sound harsh,but you are a man,and are responsible for how you treat the mother of the children you love.

You love by serving,and blessing,not in word only.Its the way you treat someone that says you love them,not the words you say.

I dont know you,so this may not apply to you,,but apearantly moma felt you being absent was better for her and her children.

Respect that,,,learn from your mistakes,and if by chance you are blessed with another chance,,,dont screw it up.

Besides,you were not married anyway,and did you enter into a covenant with her?Did you become one with her in Holy Matrimony?

If not,she owes you nothing.

Take my advice if it fits you,if not ,ignore it.

I have been there before.

Bless you friend.You have my prayers.

zhou
September 23rd, 2006, 02:46 AM
Thanks guys.:hugz:

Cheshire: I have thought of counseling, but the money was just not there. We’ve been having some financial problems. This probably turned the pressure up more.
azzeenasman: you are exactly right that the mother is the most important part of their lives. What she needs to do to stay healthy for them. Looking at what I wrote I realize that I didn’t emphasize my feelings for her enough. I do love her very much. She’s wonderful. Did I respect her enough? Probably not. I have never cheated on her. I certainly never raised a hand to her. But I didn’t have the guts to approach problems like a grown up when they arose, and things just festered.
What we owed each other, as well as the kids, was a hell of a lot more patience and understanding than what we gave.
She did the right thing I think. As I said, I have nothing but respect for her strength right now. I would like to keep trying. But there’s personal problems that we both need to deal with separate from the relationship, and the kids should be spared the stress.
I don’t know. I’m feeling pretty numb.

Mouse
September 23rd, 2006, 03:33 AM
*hugs* I have no advice or anything, I just wanted to give you some support. :hugz:

SidneyCozzoi
September 23rd, 2006, 04:16 AM
My warmth and loving energy out to you all.

Sage Rainsong
September 23rd, 2006, 08:35 AM
I have thought of counseling, but the money was just not there. We’ve been having some financial problems. This probably turned the pressure up more.

Where in new England are you? I live near Boston MA and I go to an income based therapist. Since I am unemployed I pay 5$ a visit. If you lived near there I could give you a number to call but if not, I am sure that there are many other programs of this type. Try asking a social worker. That is how I found my program (she was at a free clinic). Anyway, best wishes to you in your future.

Bluewillow
September 23rd, 2006, 09:39 AM
You and they will be in my prayers and thoughts. :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

Brightshores
September 23rd, 2006, 10:15 AM
:hugz: My heart goes out to you all. :hugz:

By the way - your posts show a deep love and respect for the mother and her children that is beautiful to see, even over the impersonal medium of electronic communication.

My best wishes for all of you to find peace and happiness.