No more fate

[KylalaKitty]

After seeing my mom in a crappy marriage with my dad, after her telling me about all her abusive boyfriend, after my dad abandoned, after seeing my friends' relationships fail, after seeing my friends' parents divorce, after having my heart broken, I no longer have ANY fate whatsoever in love and I been thinking that maybe...all that...hate...for 'love'...might actually be making things worse but everytime I try to have fate, I think about all the mentioned above. A friend will tell me "We [she/he] are getting married" I think "Yeah, right...it'll last a year...maybe 2...I should place bets". What can I do to reverse all this...neg. for love?

P.S: I ment 'faith' not 'fate' in the title of this thread. I was half awake when I wrote this.

[wolfjan1]

There are a LOT of things that you have to let go of my friend. Your situation is by no means rare. and often causes a lifetime of heartache for those wh have not been trained to clear their hearts and minds and Chakras of our unfortunate pasts. A positive and healthy role model might be able to help. READ! Learn how to envelope the anger, let it pass and feel the freedom. You may need some counseling about this, and maybe there are forums here where you can get tht help. It's not aLl bad, eetheart. hang in there and merry part.

[StephanieAine]

Kylala - I have to tell you this - you're misusing that word. It's not "fate." You can't have "fate" in something. Fate is like destiny. You mean FAITH. As in *hope.*

My daughter is 21 and she still occasionally says words like "dranken" instead of "drank" - and when pronouncing "drawer" she will make it sound more like "jore." Instead of "crayon" - she makes it sound like "krann." She always appreciates it when I correct a mistake so that she doesn't have to go in front of her friends and say something that she really doesn't mean. I'm hoping this will help you to correct the "fate"/"faith" problem!

But to answer your question - I can see why you feel very discouraged, but honestly, good relationships can and do happen. They may be rare, but that's because people's morals have backslidden... so if you're good to yourself and to the world around you, wait patiently instead of thinking about it too much, chances are better that you'll find yourself in a good relationship one day rather than running into a bad one. Just make healthy choices!

[KylalaKitty]

Wolfjan...oops, yeah, I did mean 'faith'. Sometimes I'll write/type one thing but mean another. 8O .


There are a LOT of things that you have to let go of my friend...Learn how to envelope the anger, let it pass and feel the freedom


Sigh, and I thought I already did that...guess not.

[Xander67]

Hope it all gets better for you,
afterall, you haveyour whole life ahead of you.

[LadyWinter]

We all go through and see our friends go through bad things. By choosing not to believe in something you may never find it. I am 31 with all married friends. I could choose to be very bitter about love ....but (like an idiot sometimes) I blindly believe that you just never know...It may not be what you think it should look like, but you will know if you find it...or you may just look down your nose and walk on by.....Only you know in your heart of hearts if you will take a risk or wonder on the day of your death...what could have been.

I choose to live with no regrets....and you?

[KiNoRonin]

It was because of the sort of thing this thread addresses the root cause of why Tina Turner wrote the tune: "What's Love Got To Do With it?"

So Kylalakitty-San must have a lot in common with Tina Turner.

KNR

[Liguana]

Oh KK, do not despair. I know from experience that it takes a lot of work to get beyond suffering for all the bad things that happen in your life. I have been privileged to meet couples in their 80s and 90s who were together all their adult lives and guess what? They were in love and gently cared for each other's spirits. It is possible.

Problem is, if you witnessed abusive, destructive relationships from the time you were very young, you don't easily recognize any other pattern of relating. The tendency is to seek out abusers or to become an abuser. :( I guess the first step is to believe in something better, even if you don't see it at first. I think step two is finding out what positive relationships look like. This sometimes takes counseling and often takes a long time.

BTW, did you know the Dalai Lama thinks romantic love, as it is most often portrayed in media and popular culture, is not a good thing? It is too often based on unrealistic expectations and desires. A person can hurt themselves by grasping frantically for something that is not real, but based on an unachievable ideal. Though I don't completely agree with this, I do believe people in general need to start loving themselves and those around them in a more caring and nurturing sense before worrying about whether or not to have a "relationship." Anyway, I hope you find faith again somehow and I honor your journey.

[KylalaKitty]

I'm seeing a therapist but hes kinda an ass. He keeps asking me stuff like "Well, what do you think?"...I tell him I dont know and he asks why dont I know, so then I tell him some totally random answer of what I think. But whatever.

I'm in a relationship now, and I dont know if its a good one or not. My boyfriend doesnt seem to understand what "No" means...when it comes to just about anything and everything. Hes a crappy ass driver and I hate his driving. He wanted to use my cell phone while driving yesterday and I said no because hes a crappy driver and I didnt need him to be distracted by being on the phone. He kept begging and pleading with me, and then said "you wont let me use the phone after all I've done for you?" (he was talking about taking me out to dinner, movies, and buying me things and when I tell him not to he throws a fit). I ended up letting him use it and him not taking no for an answer pissed me off and I was depressed the rest of the evening.

[Liguana]

Oh Sweetie, this boy you're with is bad news. Controlling someone is not a loving way to relate. If he's trying to get his way all the time now when he should be trying to impress you, what will he be like in a year or two or (Goddess forbid) when you marry him?

You said you felt terrible when you gave in and let him have your cell phone. Trust your feelings. You described classic early warning signs of an abusive person when you described his behavior. Having no relationship is better than having a bad one. My opinion is you should break it off and clear the way for someone who treats you well all the time. You are worth more than this boy knows. Walk away.

[Black-mage]

hey um sorry i feel sorta akward coming into this conversation...but KK, i agree with Liguana. I know im younger then you but iv been in so many abusive relationships its not funny. its time to let this guy go...im 17 and i believe iv found my soul mate! he hung around for 2 years before we became anymore then friends and were defying every chinese and western horoscope i'v ever read hahaha we're moving in together and aparently 2 aries/snakes cant do that because we're to alike in to many ways... anyway so my message is...
NEVER GIVE UP!!! Your dream man is waiting out there somewhere for you, he could even be closer then you think :hahugh:
be strong! We're here for you _pounce_

[KylalaKitty]

Thanks everyone.