Life Crisis

[seekerofknwoledge]

Hello all, I came here looking for some advice, or even just a listening ear. I'm experiencing a bit of a crisis at the moment that expands from my love life to school and beyond. Here's basically what's happening:

I am a freshman in college right now in Massachusetts. My home is in New Hampshire, so it's about a 2 hour trip or so back home (be it by car or by public transport). Initially I wanted to go somewhat far away, and I was happy with the school I chose. Now however...I'm really regretting that decision. There are a few different issues (some more important than others), but they all come down to making me want to change schools.

Issue #1: Love

I have found the love of my life, and unfortunately...he is back at home while I am here. This is the kind of love that gets written about it epic poems or fairy tales. The kind of love that the Gods themselves have blessed in unbelievable ways (let's just put it this way: my Patroness is Artemis, and I was on my way to becoming a chaste priestess of Hers. However, I met my love and that all changed, and best of all...Artemis agrees! She not only gave us Her blessing, but our relationship has only deepened because of this). It feels right in every way to both of us, and as such I am wont to ignore such a sign of providence from the Gods. But the problem is that I am here...and I don't know what to do exactly. We do visit each other every weekend (I take a long line of transport back home, he doesn't have a car), but it is getting difficult to do that, especially as the school year moves on. I am keeping up with all of my work and everything, but I know that once midterms roll around it will be much more difficult. I also really don't like the whole traveling thing because it stresses me out (finding the right bus or train, making it there on time, purchasing the tickets, finding someone to get me, etc...). But I refuse to not see him.

Issue #2: College...

My big problem? I don't really love my college, and in fact (on the weekends) I don't like it at all. I chose it mostly because it was the lesser of two evils (which in retrospect is not true), and it had a better program for my major (more about that in a minute). But I really don't like it. I mean the teachers for the most part are really great. I love my advisor and his class among others. I've found clubs and activities to do during the week but on the weekend... Quite basically my school is a constant booze cruise (even during the week but I can ignore it with activities), and I don't drink. Not only that, but I really don't like excessively drunk people...and we have those in spades! Literally, in order to stay safe over the weekend, I have to lock myself in my room from 7pm on Friday until Sunday morning. Not only that, but I have no one to interact with over the weekends (sans the drunks). My roommate works all weekend (literally all[I] weekend), and the people I hang out with here all go home (they live close enough to do that easily). So I pretty much spend the weekend going stir crazy...

Issue #3: Money!

Ah yes, the coup de gras...money. Basically, I can't afford college beyond this year to put it bluntly, at least not here. The short version is to say that my father has refused to contribute any money for well...anything, and without his help, I can't continue going here. Also, it costs money for me to come home every weekend, and that's just an extra expense that we don't need, but I do [I]need to come home.

All together now:

So really what I'm in crisis about, is what to do in relation to school. Do I change? I want to be with my love more, and don't want to be a drain on our resources like this (especially if I'm not enjoying myself), but I don't know. I know what my family would say...that I'm throwing this all away for a boy (which really isn't true in the long run...which is why I'm talking to people outside of my family for help), and they'll look down on me. But I know what I need. The boy on the other hand is very adamant that I put school first at all times (<3). And as I said, I can't really talk to my family about this...so I don't know where to turn.

If I stayed, I would most likely not have enough money for school next year, and even if I did...I know I wouldn't be happy. I'd still be coming home every single weekend, and dealing with that stress. I would be able to continue with my academics (which I do enjoy here), and pursue my chosen major: religous studies.

If I left, I think I'd be more happy. I'd be home with family, friends, and my love. The traveling aspect would be gone, as would the big issue with the drinking (because even if the campus had a lot of it, I wouldn't be forced to deal with it 24-7 if I was that close to home, I could just leave). I could save a great deal of money (highly tempting) too. The problem with this is my major. The fact that it's religion means that I cut out all of the state schools...and the few religious schools by me only teach a very strict Christian curriculum (which is why I chose this school instead). I really don't know 100% for sure what I want to do (I mean I do sort of, I want to share paganism with everyone, I want to become a priestess, I want to create a coven, I want to open a shop/teaching center). I could feasibly change majors, but I really do love this one.

The thing is, that I don't know where to go from here. I like some things about school (my rommate, academics, a few friends, the campus), but the bad often out weighs the good (excessive drinking, distance, some academics, people). I don't want my family to be disappointed in me for changing schools (nor do I want to be disappointed in myself), and I don't want to lose my major. But really...I am not happy.

If you got to this point, thank you for reading this. I just need some advice, or some thoughts, or really anything at this point. I'm really thinking of going to see my counselling center or the campus ministry to see if I can't find to talk to there (I'm just not sure if they'll be more loyal to the person or the school, as in they'll tell me to stay for the school's sake or actually help me for my sake). Thank you again.

[Brightshores]

Just my two cents...

It sounds like you're thinking through this whole thing very thoroughly and very carefully, which is the best thing to do if you want to end up making the right decision.

Firstly, don't discount the state schools insofar as majors in religion, comparative religion, or religious studies are concerned. I went to a big state school (not near you, unfortunately), and they had a good program in religious studies. So, it's worth having a look at their class offerings, anyway. The problem with big state schools is that they often do have large alcohol problems to match. I know mine did, and I don't drink either, and I dealt with that particular headache all through college. That being said, if you are near home, as you said, you can easily escape.

Personally, I wouldn't suggest you drop out immediately. I would take more time to do what you are doing and research the issue thoroughly. Look into completing at least this semester and then transfer the credits you have to a college that suits you better. If you want to transfer for spring semester, and you find schools near your house, you could call up the admissions department at those schools and see if you can work something out for short-term admissions, even if you're a provisional student for a semester.

As far as talking to your family about it, I'd leave your BF out of the conversation. It sounds like your issues go far beyond him, and if you know your family will react badly to that part of the conversation, just focus on your problems with the campus social life, the financial issues, and the travel difficulties. Those are enough, IMO, to warrant transferring schools.

Anyway - good luck and best wishes - I hope everything works out for you. :)

[seekerofknwoledge]

Thanks for replying, it really is good to get others' opinions on this matter.

I really am trying to take things as slowly as possible and think everything through to the end. As much as I may want to do something drastic, I know that's not good for anyone at this juncture. I am going to start re-looking at schools again, a few in particular that are close enough and may offer some good programs.

I definetely am leaving the whole boyfriend issue out of family discussion at this point...although it doesn't seem to help things much (they are still not really even considering the fact that I might be unhappy, but I'm trying to explain things to them). My biggest concern was whether I was doing this primarily to see my boyfriend more often, or more so because of other things. And while he plays a big role in this decision, I do realize that there are other things at stake as well. Just looking at the finances alone makes me want to change immediately (I still have a sister who also needs to go to college, and I refuse to let my attendance hamper her choices).

Again, thanks for your input, it really does help. <3

[Brightshores]

Glad I can help. :fpeace:

It sounds like you're really on the right track to making the best decisions for yourself and everyone around you. I wish everyone was as responsible and thoughtful as you seem to be when dealing with major life issues like this.

It doesn't sound like it's all about your BF, perhaps, he came into your life at this particular time so he could be a catalyst, to make it easier for you to reevaluate your decisions and make changes if necessary.

As far as which college to attend - and I know this sounds strange - but I don't think the college you attend is as important as the work you put into it. Person A can go to Harvard and do just enough to graduate, and Person B can go to Generic Brand Univ. and dedicate themselves to their studies, and end up with an infinitely better education than Person A. As with most other things, in college, you get out of it what you put into it. It sounds to me like you're willing to put a lot into it, and that you're just looking for an environment that suits you better and is easier on the pocketbook. To me, this is a completely reasonable, responsible, and intelligent thing to consider.

[SSanf]

My feeling is that a person should get their first two years of college the cheapest and most convenient way they can. All colleges have pretty much the same basic requirements for the first two years and the credits are transferable.

Therefore, only go to the "expensive" school for the last two years to get the courses for your major and to get the fancy name on your degree. No one cares where you took the basic courses for your first two years. It is the name on your diploma that counts. Go home and and save a few bucks by getting courses locally for the next year and when you are certain of your major and need those courses, transfer back.

When you transfer back, you can go part time and work part time to finance it all. Where is it written that you must finish up in four years? Take five or even six if you need to. You can also work and take a few courses during the summer instead of doing two semesters a year.

The "go to one school and do a straight shot for four years" plan is not flexible enough for many people's needs. There are a lot of ways to skin a cat. (Apologies to those who object to cat skinning in general.)