The Fear never leaves does it?

[MistOfTheSea86]

Does it remain constant? Is it just something that continues to plague and make you feel like some sort of abomination? And no can provide an answer because the only people who can understand have the same fear. I am just going to go to hell aren't I? Like the abomination that I am, I should have and could have resisted but I didn't I was weak and now I am damned. NO I can't let that be... But i can't lie, I dont want to have this God damned emotions any more I wish it would just leave me alone! They are worthless and mean nothing! They only cause pain and hurt and regret, and when the final day approaches all I am going to do is know that I will forever be tortured for not being straight... I hate these emotions! I hate being suseptible to them! I can't fight it! Why must I always be afraid. WHY! WHY! WHY! Can no hear? Can no one listen? Can no one understand, can no one resist that fear and tell me it will be okay, I need someone to tell me it is okay, or I am going to be back in that pit I had to climb out of years ago. I don't want to go back, I just don't I want to be free, I don't want to cry anymore, I don't to feel anymore, I don't to be afraid anymore. I DONT WANT TO CRY! I DONT WANT TO CRY! I want to feel normal, whatever the hell it is, I want to be accepted, I want to be loved.:( I don't want this anymore:( Can someone wherever you are offer me solice? Offer me some ray of hope... Because I am failing to see it:( Please...

[flar7]

mist, I am not sure what you are talking about. I think I know,
but with something like this, you would hate to say the wrong
thing. When you refer to hell I have to assume you are speaking
of Christianity, for which I offer this solace(it helps me)" none are
perfect, and all fall short..."

This is something in your life that you have, and have to deal with.
Everyone carries something, something they feel is bothersome or
that they wish they didnt have to deal with. Every single being on
Earth has a purpose(even if its just to piss me off! j/k) and no one
is a mistake. No matter what you choose to do with your life, live
it and live it well. Hurt none intentionally, help those you can, and
have love for everyone. I dont think you can go wrong with that.

I hope this helps you, and I am here for you. Please dont despair,
for that truly is the only sin. You are saying with despair, "I cant
be helped by anyone or anything!" and that is not true.

If you feel you need to unload, let me know. I'll carry it for awhile.
:)

[MistOfTheSea86]

Originally posted by flar7
mist, I am not sure what you are talking about. I think I know,
but with something like this, you would hate to say the wrong
thing. When you refer to hell I have to assume you are speaking
of Christianity, for which I offer this solace(it helps me)" none are
perfect, and all fall short..."

This is something in your life that you have, and have to deal with.
Everyone carries something, something they feel is bothersome or
that they wish they didnt have to deal with. Every single being on
Earth has a purpose(even if its just to piss me off! j/k) and no one
is a mistake. No matter what you choose to do with your life, live
it and live it well. Hurt none intentionally, help those you can, and
have love for everyone. I dont think you can go wrong with that.

I hope this helps you, and I am here for you. Please dont despair,
for that truly is the only sin. You are saying with despair, "I cant
be helped by anyone or anything!" and that is not true.

If you feel you need to unload, let me know. I'll carry it for awhile.
:)

Thanks you so much Flar, that helps more then you know... I don't know what mindset I was in last night and why it still carries on today... I have never been afraid about it before, and it really makes no sense. I do love who I am, everything about me I don't know what made me think or feel that way. I can overcome it though... And you have helped me find the first step, you are wonderful! Everyone here is wonderful and I can feel the love radiating from this place. I guess what really saddened me is how much hate is in the world... And for absouletely no reason. One of the things I love about this place... Is that hate is almost non-existent... You guys are the exemplyfied form of love. Thank all of you for being here for me when I felt as if I could give up, you guys have saved me in so many ways... I love you all, May the brightest star bless you and hold you in it's embrace until the end of all time. You deserve nothing but happiness...

[Yvonne Belisle]

Oh Sweetie I was about to reply when I saw the bottom of your post. There is a smile on my face and tears in my eyes you don't know how much that means to me.

I think you need to stand proud and be who you are and the man you are becoming. If you are not true to yourself then you can not stad tall and look yourself in the eye. Everyone should be able to do so. There is nothing wrong with you we all have our fears our hopes and our dreams. Because we have those things in common we are all on the same field the most confident of people have thier secret fears, hopes and dreams just like the rest of us. Remember that when the fear is creeping up on you and it feels overwelming. So you see you are perfectly normal:) All the rest of it is simply part of your indivuduality and there are plenty of people who think you are great just like you are! If you don't believe me ask Simply Strange I bet she will agree.

[SimplyStrange]

::hugs::

Babe, you know I'm always here with a shoulder to cry on. Whenever you need to talk, just come to me. I'll be here.

[Laiste]

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} Mist I am sorry that you are feeling so down right now! I'ts sad that we all just can't be who we are without others getting down on us about it! Just try to keep your chin up and look inside yourself. I have lit a candle for you and I am sending some poitive energies you way. If you ever need to talk you could always count on me!:)

[Alphyna]

Much Love and Peace to You! I know that it is hard sometimes, and you get swept away by some unseen force that spirals you down to an impossible depth and you think you are lost forever, but then you go to sleep and wake up the next morning and go " what in the hell was that all about?!" You almost feel embarressed or ashamed that you could even think those things, but it's okay, humans have a tendancy to question things ;) some differently than others, and that's okay too. The importnat thing is that we are all here together, supporting one another, enjoying eachothers company, knowing we are not alone. Many Bright Blessings To All!!!!
Alphnya

[Sequoia]

hey Mist!!!!! *HUGS!!!!*

oh brother, I know what that is like. . . at one moment, you have so much pain and doubt and fear. . . And then you're not quite sure why you felt that so much. . .

I love you dearly. You are the most honourable, strong, beautiful, wonderful, handsome, GREAT!!! person I know!!! You're intelligent, you listen and give the most wonderful advice. If I'm ever upset, you always know how to make me feel better. You know just what to say, and when. And yo'ure human. When yo'ure hurt, I'm here to hold you. I'll catch you if you fall. We can both thumb our noses at those icky jerks who say we're less than anything! We'll each have baka sticks! *WHACK!* and those nasty 'ol fears and jerks will run off tuck-tail like my brother's idiot dalmation after he ate some oil paints and turned blue -_-;;;;

"I've been trying, I'm not lying, no one's perfect, I've got baggage!" "life's too short, babe, time is flying, I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine!" "I should tell you," "I've got baggage" "too should tell you, baggage wine and BEER!" -La Vie Boheme a song you had me get, if I remember. . . :)

^^; mayhap we need the wine and beer? ;) hehe

Remember, the stars are always there. Even if we can't always see them. . . they're there. Belive long enough, and your dreams will come true. Always. *HUGS*

And sign on AIM! I miss you! hehe

~Puma

[MistOfTheSea86]

I really don't know what to say to you all... I am literally here in tears... I am so very happy, you guys have made my day. I am so lucky to have befriended you all...:) Love you guys!

[Illuminatus]

I don't live in fear.

What is it, exactly, are you afraid of? And don't give me that "I can't explain it" bulls^$@t, I don't know the meaning of the world can't and neither should you.

I can recconsile any fear except one, since 99.99% of fear is completely irrational!

[Ball-Bhreac Ròn]

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, right?
I'm not so sure I believe that though...too long and complicated to go into here. For the time being, ((((((huggles)))))) to mist!! :heartthro

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by Ball-Bhreac Ròn
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, right?
I'm not so sure I believe that though...too long and complicated to go into here. For the time being, ((((((huggles)))))) to mist!! :heartthro

Well thankfully you weren't running England in 1938. Churchill was, and he wasn't fraid of nothing.

[Lunamoth]

Originally posted by Illuminatus


Well thankfully you weren't running England in 1938. Churchill was, and he wasn't fraid of nothing.

Now, Ill, that's a double-negative. Are you saying he *was* afraid of *something* then? ;) (*poke, poke*)

[MagickHLHgurl]

HEy Sweetie! ((((BIG HUGS)))) Mist sweetie i know howit feels to ive in fear...it comes and goes...if you ever need to talk m here!

[Phoenix Blue]

Originally posted by MistOfTheSea86
Does it remain constant? Is it just something that continues to plague and make you feel like some sort of abomination? And no can provide an answer because the only people who can understand have the same fear. I am just going to go to hell aren't I? Like the abomination that I am, I should have and could have resisted but I didn't I was weak and now I am damned.

**Soft smile** Always consider the source, dear. Most of the time, you'll see they have about the spirituality of a telephone pole.

[MistOfTheSea86]

Originally posted by Illuminatus
I don't live in fear.

What is it, exactly, are you afraid of? And don't give me that "I can't explain it" bulls^$@t, I don't know the meaning of the world can't and neither should you.

I can recconsile any fear except one, since 99.99% of fear is completely irrational!

You are completely right, fear is irrational. I was in a horrible mindset that night. I started to think of myself as some sort of freak of nature that was going to hell because I was homosexual. It was horrible... So yes I was being irrational, I claim temporary insanity.

[Illuminatus]

Originally posted by MistOfTheSea86


You are completely right, fear is irrational. I was in a horrible mindset that night. I started to think of myself as some sort of freak of nature that was going to hell because I was homosexual. It was horrible... So yes I was being irrational, I claim temporary insanity.

Hormones cloud the mind at your age, among other troubles. But, here is a hint - the clouds of confusion do dissapate, but it takes time. Eventually your hormones and problems will level off into bite-sized chunks that are easier to deal with.

It's a pity that so many teens go to their deaths thinking that their problems are insurmountable. They aren't. Just because you aren't equipped with dealing with a problem right now doesn't mean you can't do it later down the road. Take Romeo and Juliet for example. If they had bided their time a bit and waited for the whole "clan war" thing to die down, they might emerge just a bit smarter and not take advice from some idiot friar handing out poison potions like it was some kind of renneasannce-era mountain dew code red.

- Ill

[Illuminatus]

blah, i missed my point.

The POINT IS, that Yes, the Fear Does Leave Eventually. There, I answered your question, and the response is negatory. End of Proof.

[MistOfTheSea86]

Originally posted by Illuminatus
blah, i missed my point.

The POINT IS, that Yes, the Fear Does Leave Eventually. There, I answered your question, and the response is negatory. End of Proof.

Thank you Illuminatus, I have told myself this hundreds of times. And it does leave eventually. But I thank you for caring and taking time to help... I appreciate it:)

[mato]

Been down that road myself, a few times... Except mine wasnt fear it was anger, I fight therefore I am... I can understand were you are coming from and I know if you stand against them they will fall. It will be fine and if you need to talk, I know I am not the easiest/best person to talk to but I have been there...

[Yvonne Belisle]

Mato when you are not in the they are out to get me mode you are rather nice to talk to so don't say you are hard to talk to ect.... I think we had a very nice chat the other day and you were gasp gasp human and rational! Yes people he can be nice!