What does she expect??

[Lady Aeris]

Ok, which would you rather hear from your kid? "Hey mom, i've sold my soul to satan," or "Hey mama, im sorry to crush your dreams for a church wedding, but im a lesbian." ??? I mean, honestly? and how long do you think it would take you to at least adjust to the fact that your daughter- no no,step daughter- is gay? 9 months wouldnt be long enough, huh? not nearly, apparently. and she wonders why she doesnt get invited to go to breakfast when my grandmother wants to meet the love of my life- mind you, grandma is completely fine with the entire thing and thinks my parents are acting like total assholes about it- she's like 65, grew up where it really wasnt normal to be gay, wasnt accepted to be black, etc etc- she's white, im mixed, im gay, im a witch- she knows everything and still, after all, praises me. What the hell do i have to do to get through to my mom that she's too late? I would have thought that maybe 3 months would shake her leaves and she'd loosen up, i gave her a patient 7 months, and now im just up to my head! I dont bring my lover over because mom isnt a very nice person to her, she may not realize it, but i think she does and i think she does it on purpose- i dont want to subject my girlfriend to that, she's wonderful, she doesnt deserve that kind of treatment. OH! and did i mention, her father was a certified homophobe, she told him she was gay, introduced him to me, and he treats me like im a queen. Im no longer buying mom's excuse and i dont know how much longer i can put up with this and not just blow my top. I dont know how to handle such intollerance and immaturity...i just dont know how. i've never been a mother, but i never expected to have to mother my mom on an "issue" that shouldnt even be one! She has her precious little angel (that apparently if she found out big sister was a gay witch, she'd be tainted and torn for the rest of her life) to live out her dreams- cheerleader, white bride, etc etc. blah blah blah. perfect this perfect that. i just cant care anylonger- she doesnt care enough to really try, she's jealous and cruel and harsh and negative and always always always saying to worst about me and my lifestyle- and i just d o n o t k n o w h o w t o handle it!!!! it frusturates me sooo much. And what pisses me off the most is that my little sister is very much aware of the world she's living in, she's fine with gay people, fine with the concept of other religions, she's her sister's kid- completely open minded and she's going to be pissed off at me for not telling her about who i am- and i cant, because if she should find out i get kicked out. fair? sure. no i dont think so. ah!! i...i just dont know where to go from here with her...she's driving me insane...:aburst::bangyourh

[Djiril]

:hugz: I'm sorry your mom is being a jerk about this. I'm glad that other people in your life are more accepting. Maybe she'll come around eventually.

[Liguana]

It's hard when you live with your folks to escape their prejudices. I'm sorry your mom is being so negative about the whole lesbian thing. She may think it's a phase and something she can discourage. Sometimes it takes years for parents to realize their children have separate identities that can't be taught out of them. Try to be patient and not get in your mom's face too much. If you make a power struggle out of your relationship and your sexual identity things will only get worse.

I suggest you contact PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) for information on dealing with friends and relations who who are less than receptive to you and your girlfriend. There must also be hundreds of online support groups for just this sort of thing.

[MajorTal]

Even if the state that you live in won't recognise your union as a "true" marriage, why can't you still have a church wedding with your partner?? I've been to over 14 same sex unions in the last 7 years and they can be really fun and magical! you can both wear dresses or both in suits, and most universal unitarian churches will let you have your ceremony in their facilities!! Just because she's being down on you at the moment, think about still having a wedding....

Tal

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz: Sorry honey!:hugz: Maybe you should seperate yourself from her for awhile. When she joins the 21st Century she should come around. My sister is somewhat in the same boat, except she is marrying a black man. Our mom and stepfather are just not cool with that. But, it is their lose.
They will never know him or his daughter. Sad for them. They are wonderful people to have in our family.
We hope that they come around and start accepting people as individuals, not by sexual orientation, color, religion,etc.. Oh, what a wonderful world that will be. As long as we work towards that goal it will one day happen.
Hold your head high and be tolerant of those who aren't yet. It my take them a long time, just don't become like them. Then you become as intolerant as them, that is when you get lost and closed minded as well. Keep your door open to them, just control the contact until they decide to join the 21st Century.
Sorry, that I might not have been helpful. You will be alright. And please continue to grow as open-minded individuals._pounce_

[MidnightFire]

:hugz: My sympathies are out too you. That's the reason that I don't go back to visit my family very often, they have issues with a gay son let alone he has a boyfriend of 2 years. Eventually she should calm down, but it may not be as fast as you like. Just be the bigger person and show her how much more patient and unconditionally loving you are.

[oceandreams]

I have a very negative mother too, who hasnt liked a lot of the choices I've made in life.
Hang in there... You dont say how old you are, but the older you get and the more independent you become, the less you'll worry about anybodys approval!

[Invidosa]

Sweet mercy! What a bunch of ridiculous crap you have here! I am so so so sorry your mum has to be a small minded, egotistical person. Good luck sweetie, stay strong.