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RubyRose
October 3rd, 2006, 01:11 AM
So, according to the dates and all the rest of it. I'm supposed to have a period every 23 days. September 27th has come and gone, still no period. I wouldn't be worried normally, but there is a possibility that I could be pregnant. Now here's the brain numbing side to all this. I took a pregnancy test, in the evening of the 28th and then again in the morning of the 29th. (the first one was inconclusive, no control line) Negative Result in the morning. I should be happy, I would be if my period had returned. I am now 30 days into my cycle. I've been stressed out before and it's only ever delayed it by a few days.
What's worse is, I know Rhyce is right. We are currently stuggling now, trying to support the 3 of us on what we earn combined. He's flat out telling me, that abortion is the only way. I simply can't do it. So far, we have yet to tell anybody in our day to day lives, what we're dealing with right now. I think though, that they've twigged that something's not right, but have no real idea what it could be.

My main problem is, do I look at this logically, knowing we don't have the money to bring another child into the world, and get an abortion? Or do I go with what my heart is telling me, not get an abortion, and risk loosing Rhyce and what we've built together the last six and a half years. Yes, it's killing me. When Rhyce told me, that he doesn't know how our relationship would survive if I were to go through with this suspected pregnancy, I wanted to cave so badly. I wanted to tell him I'd get an abortion, if it came to that, but I know it's a flat out lie. For the rest of my life, I'd have to live with that knowledge...

Seren_
October 3rd, 2006, 03:38 AM
First off, seeing as your cycle has been so unpredictable in the recent months I wouldn't jump to too strong a conclusion just yet...I would start to really worry when you're overdue past the longest cycle you've had in the past, if that makes sense. I'm sure the build up to the wedding and such must have been very stressful for you, so don't underestimate how that might affect you along with your cycle taking time to settle down after Xander. I know my cycle hadn't settled down into anything particularly predictable before I got pregnant again - since we were trying, I spent a lot of money on pregnancy tests before getting a positive. Each time I was sure!

That said, if there is a chance you might be pregnant...it's your body and your choice. I'm not saying you should ignore Rhyce and his wishes, because of course your decision will affect him as well, but you're the one that's going to have to go through with the abortion, and you're the one that's going to have to live with it. I've known women who've had abortions they didn't want and it can be devastating to them; that said, counselling might have helped them.

Doing something that's so against your wishes will risk your relationship with Rhyce as much as keeping the baby could. You might wonder what the baby would have been like etc and it wouldn't be surprising if you blamed Rhyce for never being allowed the chance to know the child...Harbouring such resentment could seriously affect your relationship.

You don't have to have an abortion to recieve abortion counselling, though. It might help both of you, if it comes to it, to have some counselling before you make your decision. Rhyce's concerns - although they may be more of a fear reaction to the pressure he sees another baby bringing with it - need to be heard and discussed. If he's going to make this an ultimatum, that's not fair and he needs to understand that. There are lots of different perspectives you both need to consider and an objective person in the room could help you both. You both certainly need to talk more about the issue before you decide anything concrete, but perhaps talking about it just now when it's so emotive, will do more harm than good. Take time to think, and be sure that you need to go down this avenue.

And if you're not pregnant, perhaps considering something like an IUD will help you avoid situations like this in future. Condoms are effective...if you use them right. Something like an IUD is always there and can be non-hormonal if that's why you don't want to use the pill, say. Much less stress all round.

Lunar Raven
October 3rd, 2006, 04:09 AM
I agree with everything Seren said, but I must add one little thing. If you're truly against abortion, don't do it. If you do, and it's something that you really will regret...you'll have to live with it forever.

My mom had an abortion a long time ago, when she was with a boyfriend that told her "have the kid, and i'll leave" She did what he told her, against her beliefs, and had the abortion. Still to this day, she regrets it...and hates even thinking about it (this was 30 + years ago..long before I was born). This is the one thing that she really can't get over..and probably never will.

So follow your heart. If you really don't want to get an abortion, don't do it.

If this is all just a false scare...definitely think about doing what serene said, so that you can avoid situations like this in the future.

Best wishes
-Lunar Raven

Ceres
October 3rd, 2006, 06:39 AM
He may have just been scared and angry when he insisted thats how it would have to be, but its still wrong for him to tell you what you would have to do.

It may have only been something he said out of fear or anger, but if he really would force an abortion on you in this way, the marriage is already in trouble whether you are pregnant or not.

asheir
October 3rd, 2006, 07:30 AM
First of all, take a deep breath and wait a few more days... If nothing shows up - go straight to the doctor.
On the abortion subject - I agree with the others before me. He's wrong for saying those things. An Abortion is something that has to be decided mutual. If you don't agree and get it done anyways - your relationship doesn't have much of a chance to survive.
You will have to be able to stand 100 % behind that decision, since you are the one that will be thinking about the Baby on the Due date time for the rest of your life. And believe me, you'll do that even if you are standing behind it.

I don't know if you guys are married or not, but regardless, he doesn't have the right to put the "gun" on your chest like that...

I hope that everything will turn out alright, that your Mens will show up and you don't have to make those decisions...

DreamSpell333
October 3rd, 2006, 10:31 AM
I think that he's wrong for telling you to abort if your pregnant. If your against it,i agree with everyone else..Dont do it..
marriage is something two people have to work at, good and bad. There may be situations in the future you'll both have to deal with.. There may be hard times in the future,but you dont throw in the towel because you cant handle it. Help is out there but sometimes you have to reach out for it.
Another baby may be hard for you right now,but I know that you'de find a way to survive and it's not fair to you that he is telling you your relationship wouldnt survive..
I hope things work out,and maybe your not pregnant,and wont have to worry about the abortion scenario.. :hugz:

Brightshores
October 3rd, 2006, 11:08 AM
If, ethically, you don't feel like you could go through with an abortion, don't do it. He's wrong for trying to make you go against your beliefs.

If the problem is that you couldn't financially support the child, perhaps you could compromise and give the baby up for adoption? This way, the child still has a chance at life, and there is comparatively little financial impact.

I agree with the others, though - if you've been going through a lot of stress lately, that probably affected your period. Stress can even make you skip one or more of them, so don't be too concerned. It's probably best to see your doctor, though.

Best wishes and :hugz:

RubyRose
October 3rd, 2006, 12:14 PM
Okay guys, sorry I left out a few facts. Emotions I guess. Rhyce has told me, that he would never force me to get an abortion. But he thinks it is the more suitable option, at this point.

We have both agreed that we could not give the child up for adoption. We don't want to put our families through that anymore than we want to put ourselves through that. To have a child, and have it ripped away from you, in that way is far worse in my eyes than an abortion.

Yes, I was planning on going on the pill in the coming months. I delayed it, because I wanted my period to return on its own. When it did, in mid August, I was in the last month of wedding preparations, and then the week leading up to the wedding and the week after the wedding I was ill. I was actually in the midst of arranging an appointment for a pap smear within the coming days, when I checked my dates, and found that my period was late. This last week, I've pretty much left things dangling. It's sort of a waiting game. I want to believe that the pregnancy tests that I've done, are correct, but oddly enough I don't feel as if they are.

According to the instruction pamplet for the pregnancy test I used, if your not sure when your period is due, wait 19 from the last time you had sex, for a definite result.

I'm going to pick up another 2 tests tomorrow afternoon. And test again, Thursday morning. If that comes out negative, I'm making an appointment with the doctor.

RubyRose
October 3rd, 2006, 12:18 PM
Also, initially he was angry. Granted I do seem to have a way with timing. Midnight was not the perfect timing. But then I had been strugging with how to tell him all day, that my period hadn't turned up and pregnancy could be a possibility. I suppose knowing that he'd be angry and upset didn't help me much either. I knew the prospect of another child at this point in time, wouldn't make him happy.

The other thing that I find odd, is if my period is late simply due to stress, why then did it arrive on time, before the wedding? Shouldn't it too have been delayed during that stressful period of time?

Semele
October 3rd, 2006, 12:20 PM
To have a child, and have it ripped away from you, in that way is far worse in my eyes than an abortion.



If you have ever had an abortion you will understand that there really is no difference.

Stress can cause an absence of periods so don't worry too much until you have a positive test. good luck.

RubyRose
October 3rd, 2006, 12:30 PM
If you have ever had an abortion you will understand that there really is no difference.

Stress can cause an absence of periods so don't worry too much until you have a positive test. good luck.

Yes, I would have to agree. Either way I suppose, you'd still be playing the "what if" game. As Rhyce refers to it.

Kalika
October 3rd, 2006, 02:10 PM
That said, if there is a chance you might be pregnant...it's your body and your choice. I'm not saying you should ignore Rhyce and his wishes, because of course your decision will affect him as well, but you're the one that's going to have to go through with the abortion, and you're the one that's going to have to live with it. I've known women who've had abortions they didn't want and it can be devastating to them; that said, counselling might have helped them.

Doing something that's so against your wishes will risk your relationship with Rhyce as much as keeping the baby could. You might wonder what the baby would have been like etc and it wouldn't be surprising if you blamed Rhyce for never being allowed the chance to know the child...Harbouring such resentment could seriously affect your relationship.

.

Exactly what I wanted to say.

:hugz:

I know this must be stressful for you, but don't rush to any conclusions or decisions until you know you're going to have to make them.

And try not to keep stressing (easier said than done, I know) because being worried can put things off even longer.

Marcasite
October 3rd, 2006, 03:14 PM
*energy for your period to return soon!*
(I was 2 days late this month and had had an epiosode of forgetting 3 pills and condom breaking in the middle of the month, whew, it was scary. I went out and bought a bottle of wine to celebrate when I finally got it. :P I hope things turn out for you the way that they did for me!)

RubyRose
October 3rd, 2006, 10:20 PM
Thanks everyone. I'm really not worried. I'm more concerned with having to deal with the idea of abortion. That's the big thing at the moment.

Cat
October 4th, 2006, 07:26 AM
I don't understand.

You are a few days late, and have no other reason to think you might be pregnant. So why all the anxiety and debate over an abortion for a baby you may well not be having?

RubyRose
October 5th, 2006, 02:19 AM
I don't understand.

You are a few days late, and have no other reason to think you might be pregnant. So why all the anxiety and debate over an abortion for a baby you may well not be having?

For the simple fact that my period is about 8 days late.

soul_searcher
October 5th, 2006, 02:41 AM
Hi there. I have to agree with everyone else when they say try not to jump to conclusion to early. It is very common for women to miss periods, even when they are normally regular. Anything can cause this - a change in eating or sleeping habits, stress, an upset in the balance of your hormones, the list really can go on and on. Try not to freak out about it too much, although I am sure it is really hard for you (I honestly have no idea because I have the opposite problem).

As for your SO, it really isn't right for him to put it to you the way he did. It also isn't really ok to get angry about it - it was his doing just as much as it was to do with you. I realize it is a stressful situation for both of you but, at the end of the day, only you can make the decision to have an abortion or not. You see to feel very strongly against it, so you should go with your own beliefs and if he truely loves you, he will just have to accept that. At the end of the day though, you have to listen to yourself and ONLY yourself.

I hope you find the results and answers you are looking for. Take care of yourself and I am wishing for your m/c to return.

RubyRose
October 5th, 2006, 11:06 AM
Thanks. I shall be testing on Saturday morning, so I'm hoping it's negative, like the tests have already stated.

Right now, I just feel as though the tests I have done are wrong. Considering one was inconclusive...

2steps
October 7th, 2006, 09:51 AM
Hoping that you will get the result you hope for :hugz: but if not I would definatly go with my heart on a decision ike this. I found out I was 16 weeks pregnant in May. We wanted another baby though it was a shock to find I was so fair with no real signs and then a few months later my OH's working hours reduced and he lost his job. I worried we wouldn't be able to even afford the basic things we needed for the baby but I have been buying things bit by bit since and other than the cot and pushchair as they are expensive even secondhand it hasn't worked out to bad. Just buying one or two bits of clothing a week from charity shops or ebay has built me up a good collection :) but I do understand how money can be a major worry. I shall breastfed again so we don't have to worry about the expense of milk and I had decided I wanted to use cloth nappies this time anyway. The I found out about fitted cloth nappies online and have been busy making my own from secondhand clothes so have got better at sewing too

DreamSpell333
October 7th, 2006, 12:51 PM
Any news? did you test? Let us know! :) :hugz:

RubyRose
October 8th, 2006, 08:20 AM
Thanks guys.

DreamSpell, no I ran out of time to get to a chemist on Friday before work, in order to pick up a test. That's my priority Monday.

I'll let everybody know tomorrow.

DreamSpell333
October 8th, 2006, 03:49 PM
Thanks guys.

DreamSpell, no I ran out of time to get to a chemist on Friday before work, in order to pick up a test. That's my priority Monday.

I'll let everybody know tomorrow.


Ok :) *fingers crossed for you*

Eclectic Celt
October 9th, 2006, 12:05 PM
Good luck with the next test, I hope things work out the way you want them too.

Abortion is such a touchy subject, I personally would never have one and my partner thinks the same was as me, but if It is truly what you want to do then go for it.

It's not going to be an easy decision to make for you and your partner, but do not be pressured into having an abortion if you are pregnant. It must be a joint decision.

I wish you all the best.

Kalika
October 11th, 2006, 11:45 AM
Hey RubyRose... have you heard anything?

RubyRose
October 11th, 2006, 12:06 PM
No time, seems not to be on my side when it comes to getting a pregnancy test from the chemist. No chemists close to me are open after 5:30pm. And I don't need the questions when it comes from buying one from the supermarket where Rhyce works.
Meh. It's on my list of things to do tomorrow.
Suffice to say, this week has not gone at all to plan.

Kalika
October 11th, 2006, 12:26 PM
:hugz: Hang in there. Keep us posted!

DreamSpell333
October 12th, 2006, 07:30 PM
Any news?? :) Let us know!

RubyRose
October 12th, 2006, 11:38 PM
Well it's negative. Again. So now I'm not sure what to think... sure I'm glad I'm not pregnant, but what's caused my period to stop?

DreamSpell333
October 13th, 2006, 12:02 AM
Well it's negative. Again. So now I'm not sure what to think... sure I'm glad I'm not pregnant, but what's caused my period to stop?

That must be a relief to you! :) Are you breastfeeding? could that have stopped your period? I'd schedule a visit with your doctor and find out why it's stopped. :hugz:

RubyRose
October 13th, 2006, 12:15 AM
Yeah it's a relief. It's not that I wouldn't welcome another child, but the alternative ... well, I couldn't have gone down that road.

No, I haven't breastfeed for about 7 months now. I don't know whether its a combination of stress or rather rapid weight loss.

I lost about 2 to 3 kgs, leading up to the wedding, due to stress and illness.

The other thing, it could be, is my diet. I don't really eat alot. But that hasn't changed abruptly or anything, in the last 6 months.

RubyRose
October 13th, 2006, 12:16 AM
I'm making a doctors appointment for Monday, to figure out what's up.

It could just be my cycles not settled, after having Xander...

Kalika
October 13th, 2006, 10:17 AM
:hugz:

Hang in there. Hopefully it's just stress that's throwing you off a bit.