I screwed up... again

[Avalanche]

I don't know what's wrong with me. In February, I stopped using caffeine completely. I didn't have any until late May, and then, it was just small amounts (compared to what I was taking). And I don't know what happened, but I'm back where I was in January. Tonight, I just got really irratated at my parents for no reason and started crying. So I took a caffeine pill to feel better. I felt better. Kinda. I wanted to stop being dependant on caffeine to be happy. I liked being happy just because.

And to make things worse, I'm struggling with my math class, and I need the stupid credits. I guess it's my fault because I've missed a lot of classes. I just can't motivate myself to go to something so boring.

I also did something in April which I guess is sorta bad. I want to tell someone about it, but I can't. It's embarassing, it'll make me look like a total failure, and I could probably get into serious trouble if certain people found out. But I hate not being able to tell anyone. It's bothering me, and I think it's just going to come out at the worst time possible.

And my knees hurt. Bad.

I'd be depressed if it wasn't for the caffeine, but I don't want to use caffeine anymore, but I don't think I'll like me if I get off it again.

I think I'm going to go insane. Someone should probably hide all the dangerous stuff.

[Lunar Raven]

You sound like you're in a very similar situation as me, really. I have the same issue..not with caffeine, but something else. Sometimes when things get hard, people fall back into old habits even if they don't want to. Mistakes happen, and sometimes they happen, and even happen again. If it wasn't for mistakes, we'd never learn. Sometimes it just takes awhile to really rid ourselves of what we don't like.

Don't worry, you'll get through it. So will I..it just takes time. As far as I'm concerned, time heals all wounds..as long as we let it.

You have my best wishes.
-Lunar Raven.

[CheshireEyes]

When i get like that i go out for a ride and just wear my body down. That may help too, physical exertion. Just a possibility.

[covenofkeys]

except you prefer other physical exertion! lol

[BlackMagicalCat]

Is caffiene harmfull?

Isnt it like having a cup of coffee in the morning?

I dot know,,but I dont see how having coffee hurts anyone,and if it isnt harming you,and if it makes you better,well,drink coffee.

I love coffee,the smell,but then I was a truck driver for a few years too.

Instead of a caffiene pill,why not coffee?

Im not a doctor,but it is harmless,isnt it?

My prayers are with you precious one,that all the trouble you face,will come to pass,and that you will be blessed,and strengthened from above.

[Lunar Raven]

Well, there's nothing wrong with caffeine, but it sounds like she's dependant on it for happiness. Used like drug, rather than a cup of coffee. That's why it would be a problem.