On the verge of falling apart

[Qeniheru]

I feel so alone here. If not for Sekhmet, Anpu, and the other deities I follow, I'd be at a total loss.

My grades are plummeting, no matter how much I study.

My friends are leaving me, no matter how nice I am.

I'm losing everything I've worked so hard to get...and nobody understands it.

I try to tell my parents, they just get mad at me and tell me I need to quit being lazy. But I'm not. I can't do anything I enjoy anymore...video games, drawing, writing, nothing. Nothing brings me any joy anymore except social interaction.

Which I rarely recieve, because my friends have abandoned me, at least here in Richmond.

I want to go to Louisville or somewhere where people care about me and don't treat me like some insignificant piece of trash. I want to go somewhere where I don't have to worry about my personal safety because no one is kind enough to walk me home after my night class is over.

But I can't. I have university, a lease, and a lot of obligations to my family. I have freedom, sure, but not enough to improve the situation.

I know I can't stay here anymore though, I can't stand coming home to an apartment that is always empty, and I can't go on knowing that people don't want me here.

It is also hard when your only shoulders to lean on (my boyfriend, and real friends) are far away in Cincinnati and Louisville.

It's tearing me apart...I had an emotional breakdown the other day. If I don't do something now...I'm afraid of what might happen to me.

I can't afford psychological help...but I'm scared to go to the people on campus. I don't know if they can help me, I think they will just end up referring me to a professional..which I can't do without money.

I've been fighting depression for about 6 years now. For the first time, I feel like it's taking hold of me as badly, or worse, than it was in the beginning.

I've never been treated for it. My parents always said that it was just a phase, and wouldn't help me get treatment.

But I know better.

I'm scared and I feel like I could fall apart at any moment...I believe the glue that is the Netjer can only hold me together for so long.

[TheWomanMonster]

Aww honey, you sound like you're having a really rough time.
I'm asking the Gods to give you strength.

I say give it a shot with the campus counsellors. They have that job for a reason, and I know you're not the first student that has gone through this.
You might benefit from talking to someone, even if it is just about the school and family pressures.

Don't worry about money and leases right now, just feel better.

As for being social, there has to be a group or something on campus that has people you'd want to be around. Even a coffee shop, or book store? any clubs? There has to be someone or some place. You have to go out and do things, be dynamic and exciting (I know you are! don't deny it) do what you love and be who you are and people will be drawn to you.
I hope a new friend finds you.

Be strong, do not fear.
I'll be thinking of you.

:hugz:

[Aleannah]

:hugz:

[Brightshores]

:hugz:

I agree - you should at least try the campus counselors. The worst they can do is say that they can't help you. If you explain your financial issues, they'll probably be sympathetic. (After all, everyone knows that college students are always short of money. 8O )

You should definitely get treatment for your depression, though - whether that means antidepressants, psychotherapy, group therapy, or just good-old-fashioned meditation, you need to address it - it is a real problem, not a phase, not something you can ignore.

Richmond is a big place - there's always hope in a big place. And - keep in mind that it's a relatively temporary situation. You will graduate sooner or later (it looks like you're 21 - so probably sooner), and you can then go wherever you want to and do whatever you like - you can move to Cincinnati or Louisville if you want to.

I don't know what's happened with your friends in Richmond - but I know what it's like to go to a huge university and at the same time feel completely alone. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk...

Best wishes and :hugz:

[Qeniheru]

Thank you all...I really appreciate the support. :)

I am going to go to the campus counselors next week, hopefully they can help me get out of my current situation.

As far as finding other social activities...it's difficult. EKU hosts events and such, but whenever I go to one, I'm always alone, and socializing never turns out well. :( People act like I'm a freak of nature or something when I try talking to them.

I'll be stuck here for another 2-3 years the way it is looking...I need to find something, or I'm going to lose my mind.

[TheWomanMonster]

Sending you energy so that true friends find you...

Good luck out there.