My dad's driving me crazy!

[Marcasite]

Andrew and I went to see my parents for Canadian thanksgiving and it was baaad. My dad glared at Andrew the whole night and didn't say one word. My parents fought about it in the kitchen. My dad attempted to convince me to get a nosejob. My nose is a little on the large side and it does have a little 'bump' but it's a normal nose otherwise, nothing hideous.
My dad said it's important in this society for a woman to have a pretty face and look pretty. It kills me! Trying to convince me to get plastic surgery by appealing to my future success in life!
What makes me angrier is that he is perfectly willing to fork out $5000 for that but won't offer a dime for my wedding (which doesn't bother me *that* much, but it infuriates my other relatives) And although they paid for 4 years of university for my sister they will only pay for 3 years for me (this is whether I get married or not, it's because I took a year off after 1st year- but they didn't have to pay a cent for me then)
Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful that my parents have offered any help with undergrad at all. I'm really appreciative that I won't have to wallow in as many loans as I otherwise would have. But it seems a little unfair that they'll give more to my sister and that a nosejob will apparently contribute more to my future than an education.
I also got told I need to lose weight. I'm 5'4" and 133lbs. Sure I'd like to lose some weight, but to imply that I'm fat? ughhh...
I love my mom with all my heart, she's a wonderful person and I miss her a lot. But I hate going to my parents' house because I know how hard it is on Andrew and because my dad is terrible for my self-esteem.
:rant:

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz: Sorry that they only seem to see 'what society thinks'. How you look and feel is the only person it should be important to.
Keep holding your head high, and be proud of who you are not what you look like. More people should follow that practice!:fpraise:

[Marcasite]

I wish I felt better. Now I'm seriously wondering if I look horrible and will be shunned for it. It's hard when my mom who is 6 inches taller and the same weight is obsessing about how fat she is. Same with my sister who's also thin. I feel like I'm worthless. Usually I don't feel so bad about how I look but I've just hit rock bottom here.

[Djiril]

I'm sorry they're being jerks. Don't let them make you feel bad about yourself. :hugz:

[shadesovgrey]

Hi sweety, I also have issues with self esteem so i know how you feel... in fact I think most people do at some point, regardless of how they look. Personally I hate my teeth and it gets me down but I think other people really don't notice our flaws as much as we do.

I've also noticed that I can look at someone and think how gorgeous they are, find out they're horrible and start noticing how ugly they are! It's cliche I know, but inner beauty does shine through. Quite frankly, anyone who judges you purely by your appearance isn't worth impressing. I can't see your photo well but I bet you're gorgeous inside and out, and I bet your boyfriend (fiance?) agrees!

[pluralone]

I think other people really don't notice our flaws as much as we do.

I've also noticed that I can look at someone and think how gorgeous they are, find out they're horrible and start noticing how ugly they are!
Well said!

Being one who has some serious physical flaws - I mean, real ones not just the 'bump on the nose' or 'three pounds overweight' kind that parents and unloving others pick on (and which you then come to see as hideous, looking at yourself from their twisted point of view) - I truly am way less than gorgeous... a fact my biological family never let me forget.

But my friends... they say I am beautiful. Beautiful!

It took me a long time to be able to hear that, and at first my (biological) family's feedback was much louder in my ears and heart than what my friends (family of choice) said. It took some work to raise my self esteem to the point where I could tune out the negative discouragements from my family and truly hear and feel what those who love me as I am have to say.

And I am Beautiful. Physically... eh. Not so hot, truly. But I've learned what counts.

Can't tell from your pic but I'll bet your physical 'flaws' are actually part of your physical charm. Don't let yourself be unfavorably compared to Barbie... or the beauty pageant queen, or the television standard of "beauty". Don't let yourself be unfavorably compared, period. Look in the mirror of your lover's eyes; in the eyes of those who truly love you and reject all other false images provided by those who will not accept you for who you are.

I encourage you to focus on the ways you are beautiful; they are as real as the 'bump' on your nose and way more worthy of your attention, as they are to those who love you.

Spoken by someone who is greeted with "good morning, gorgeous" even when my hair is standing on end and I still have pillow creases on my cheeks....
-plur

[Lunacie]

I have awful ugly yellow teeth (dentist tried to bleach them and it didn't work), I wear coke-bottle glasses, and I'm at least 100 pounds overweight. But I have people who love me anyway. I have friends that I have fun with and they're not ashamed to be seen with me. And when I smile at people they almost always smile back at me. I've worked with the public and apparently didn't disgust or annoy very many of them. And my family didn't care for my ex very much either. My dad still misses me... but I don't feel like I should subject myself to his disapproval or displeaure at this point in my life. Well, that's the choice I made.

[AutumnWitchie]

Marcasite, I've come to accept that nothing I ever do is good enough for my father. He dislikes my husband and will never forgive me for having the gall to grow up and become ME. I decided a couple of years ago that his acceptence is not worth making myself misirable. I've been told all my life how fat I am and worthless by him. Since I decided that I'm going to be me and not worry about whether or not he approves of me, it has freed me.

[Aleannah]

If you are comfortable and content with how you are currently, then don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Until they have lived YOUR life, with YOUR emotions and YOUR life experiences, they have NO room to say anything. It's a shame when parents can't accept their children and love them just for being them. Just remember, you have a family here that loves you and accepts you for who and what you are. :hugz:

[Brightshores]

I too am the Black Sheep of my family. Accepting that has given me a lot of peace. You can deal with them on your own terms - maybe you can arrange to meet your mom more often for shopping or coffee or lunch or something?

Anyway, from what you're saying...

1. You're not fat. Not by a long shot. Ridiculous.
2. Unless you have had 3rd degree burns on your face, have a secret past as a prize fighter or hockey player, or are planning to be a model or Hollywood actress, a nose job will contribute exactly nothing to your future success or happiness.

Just my two cents. :hahugh:

[Marcasite]

Aww thanks everyone. I feel much better :)