how do I protect myself?

[Zhr Morgana]

When I woke up fifteen minutes ago, I was very much tempted to call in sick to work today...the reason would've been genuine because I would've cited "exhaustion" as the culprit. The weekend went alright, with the exception of two wake-up calls which could've been avoided or at least approached with a little more clarity...but the ride home was something out of a horror movie. Even though I have taken the same route countless times from my trips to Eugene or Salem, last night was very different. It seemed like it got pitch black very quickly (I left at around 5pm) and my headlights seemed rather dimmer than usual. Nothing looked familiar as I squinted to see the curves in the road and tried to ignore the oncoming lights of cars which appeared to ALWAYS cross the yellow line into my lane, and also coping with the fact that even though I was actually going at a slower speed than normal, I felt like I could barely control the Bug. Seriously, if it weren't for a certain SUV that was in front of me, I wonder if I would've made it home alive. I felt like I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown while driving home, and once I finally drove up my street and parked, I stayed inside for a little while and cried.

I feel like Samhain is coming down on me in a different way than normal. Everybody who knows me knows that October is my favorite time out of the year and also when I am most vibrant and alive. This year I feel like I am being pursued by something which I cannot tell exactly what it is because it has taken many forms in my dreams. I saw my last ex in my dream for the first time since I started dating Daniel, only the timing seemed rather pointed and it made me wonder if something was trying to sabotage what little progress I have been making in moving on. I also thought I saw him (my ex) driving behind us while we were headed for Borders on Saturday...but thankfully wasn't. It was weird, looking back in the rearview mirror, it looked exactly like him...the mouth, the sideburns, the hair, everything...yet when I saw the guy after we'd all parked and apparently were both planning on going to Borders, he looked nothing like him. Then last night, I dreamed I was hiding in a forest area, not even sure how thick the trees were as I was easily seen by my unknown assailant, who drove a white van and lobbed grenades at me. The grenades themselves didn't have much explosions to them, but I was scared nonetheless.

I don't know if all this is triggered by my sudden interest in the horror movie genre (sparked by Daniel taking me to see "The Descent" a few weeks ago), or by something else entirely different and sinister. I'm not sure what to do about it or how to protect myself, and any help would be gladly appreciated. I just feel like something is working against me now that I've had a taste of happiness, and I don't want it to completely sabotage what I have going for me.

[covenofkeys]

eternal blessings to you...why dont you carry in your car a feather that has been blessed-it is symbollic of protection.
as for your emotional state, i suggest to you to take that day off, relax, have a bath-watch some tv-non horror!! lol
think about why you may feel so low-has something else triggered this? i doubt very much that the descent has any thing to do with your fears last nIght-the answers are in you-look deeper.try meditating if it helps-go ahead and cry, too-let your emotions out, but dont bury them-it will only make your pain worse.sometimes, as i have said many times, it is our fear to face the truths in life.
i sincerely hope that you feel better soon.xx feel free to pm me anytime.xx
take care of YOU.

[Zhr Morgana]

Thanks sweetie.

Thanks to a few others who responded in the other place where I posed this question, I have come up with a starting game plan.

I am going to start out with smudging my room and asking the God and Goddess for help in identifying the source of the problem, no matter whether it is someone on the outside or just my overactive imagination. I will also be setting some time aside for meditation (which is something I've never really had much time for) and do some searching on whats really going on with me in all aspects of my life.

I will post updates...if not here, then on my blog.

[Kahlil the Heretic]

I acknowledge and respect your belief in the metaphysical, but would suggest that you consider that this may be a purely psychological phenomenon. Perhaps you should see a psychologist? I heard you describe certain dissociative symptoms. It may bowl over, and probably will if it is all just a matter of stress, but if you're feeling a change in counsciousness you should probably see a professional or get some blood work done.

Truth is I had a little trouble understanding your post, so my reply may not make any sense.

[Lunacie]

I would ask if this is your first relationship since breaking up with your ex? If so, then your reactions are probably pretty normal. I can only guess though, because I kicked my hubby out 9 years ago and haven't dated anyone since.

Then I would ask if you were having trouble sleeping or not sleeping well before that awful trip home when things seemed so strange? Sleep deprivation and exhaustion can make things seem very strange indeed. That is definately coming from personal experience. ;)

And then, I would suggest that you look for PearlS's class on shielding and warding techniques in the Circle of Teaching forum and try setting up a personal shield and some house/apt wards, if nothing else than to make you feel that you're actually doing something to create a good and safe living environment.

Meditating and listening to the divine for insight sounds like a really good idea. :hugz:

[Windygo]

eternal blessings to you...why dont you carry in your car a feather that has been blessed-it is symbollic of protection.
as for your emotional state, i suggest to you to take that day off, relax, have a bath-watch some tv-non horror!! lol
think about why you may feel so low-has something else triggered this? i doubt very much that the descent has any thing to do with your fears last nIght-the answers are in you-look deeper.try meditating if it helps-go ahead and cry, too-let your emotions out, but dont bury them-it will only make your pain worse.sometimes, as i have said many times, it is our fear to face the truths in life.
i sincerely hope that you feel better soon.xx feel free to pm me anytime.xx
take care of YOU.

ditto