Problem with Dating Men

[Jolixte]

I've been screwed over too many times; I can't trust guys anymore. I can't even go on dates with anyone because I end up on the verge of a panic attack. So, how exactly does one get over being terrified of men?

[SSanf]

If I can find one to date, I will let you know. At my age, they are all dead or look like they should be.

[Arion]

Don't go out with guys unless you already know them a little, and want to be with them. Decent guys are out there, but they're rare. I met my share of losers, but I actually have found a decent one, and I'm sooo happy:D

I was about to give up on men too, let me tell ya, if you think straight people have it bad, try working within the gay dating pool... yikes! Slim pickins.

You just gotta have patience and wait for the right one to come along, I guess.
If I can find one to date, I will let you know. At my age, they are all dead or look like they should be.

That isn't very nice :lol:

[WokeUpDead]

My advice for everyone is don't bother with it but that's probably not much help.

[Brenda]

Welcome to my world :hugz:
If I ever find a solution, you'll be the first to know

[JyuMuse]

I'd say just take a break from dating. Try making male friends and let them know it's just a friendship thing. You might have an anxiety issue too and there are lots of resources our there that can help you overcome that. Or become a lesbian. :hahugh:

[thewhitetigress]

If you keep getting screwed over then there is something you are doing that is allowing it to happen. Take a step back and be very honest with yourself in what that is. ie: for me, its the fact that i just settle and not regard myself worthy of someone i truly want. I changed that became more picky with no excuses and now i have nothing but pleasant experiences with kind men. They may not be the one because i wont settle anymore. But nonetheless im not getting screwed over anymore as well.

So take a step back and take care of YOURSELF. Think about your feelings and not how a man is making you feel. I find those who get screwed over alot are the type who have trouble saying no. Learn to be headstrong, listening to your inner guts and say no so you can attain what you really want. It shall come.

good luck

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz:

[Bainidhe Dub]

I've been screwed over too many times; I can't trust guys anymore. I can't even go on dates with anyone because I end up on the verge of a panic attack. So, how exactly does one get over being terrified of men?

Is there a particular reason why you can't trust them? Do they lie? Make inappropriate advances when you're not comfortable? Cheat??

On that note, is there a specific KIND of guy you go for? I know most of us chicas are really into the "bad" kind of guys, maybe this is the problem? Identifying WHY, as well as taking care of yourself, like Whitetigress said, is a good step in finding the right guy for you. I don't think pulling away completely is going to solve the problem.

[Jolixte]

Is there a particular reason why you can't trust them? Do they lie? Make inappropriate advances when you're not comfortable? Cheat??
Past experiences mostly - being manipulated by, taken advantage of, abused by guys, be they boyfriends or not. I know I've made some stupid decisions regarding guys. I know they aren't all like that, but I still panic as if they are.

On that note, is there a specific KIND of guy you go for? I know most of us chicas are really into the "bad" kind of guys, maybe this is the problem? Identifying WHY, as well as taking care of yourself, like Whitetigress said, is a good step in finding the right guy for you. I don't think pulling away completely is going to solve the problem.
I don't think it really has to do with the type of guy I go for because it really just a few guys that I had a run in with that messed it up.

[Thunder]

You are smart and way to beautiful.
An ordinary man will never do.
Make him find you.



miss you.






http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb113&pp=ZNxdm824YYUS (http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml?partner=ZSzeb113_ZNxdm824YYUS&utm_id=7921)

[Astara Seague]

Dont give up totally yet.. it took me two divorces and four broken engagements and 10 years to find mine.. but I did!
you never know until you try.. just be careful and watch out for the warning signs in the past..also look deep inside of yourself.. what is it you have been "going" for..and maybe change that.I found I was basing alot on looks..that was my biggest mistake..

[nightchild]

that is a good question, cause i too have been constantly screwed over by men. you probably need to take a vacation from that for a while and just be by yourself and find you. Take time to heal from those wounds that those guy have made.

[Catiana]

I gave up going out 9 years ago, I've been happily single ever since.

[dragoncrone]

You don't have to have a man to be complete - or happy - or fulfilled - any more than you have to have a dog. Or a Porsche. Or an iPod.
Learn that. :wave:

[MysticWitch]

It might seem like every guy in the world is a total turnip, because every single one you date hurts you.. but its not all guys. There are way too many in the world, unless you've dated them all.. :hehehehe:
I'd say be casual about dating. If a guy really wants your time and attention... make him work for it.. just a little bit :lol:

[Thunder]

You don't have to have a man to be complete - or happy - or fulfilled - any more than you have to have a dog. Or a Porsche. Or an iPod.
Learn that. :wave:

Ouch... I am allot more fun than an ipod. :boing:

[SSanf]

Ouch... I am allot more fun than an ipod. :boing:Oh, it ain't necessarily so.

No, it ain't necessarily so!

[Bainidhe Dub]

Past experiences mostly - being manipulated by, taken advantage of, abused by guys, be they boyfriends or not. I know I've made some stupid decisions regarding guys. I know they aren't all like that, but I still panic as if they are.
It takes awhile to get over that feeling that all guys are. *shrugs* Eventually, you're going to find a guy though, who will take offense to that and put you straight :)


I don't think it really has to do with the type of guy I go for because it really just a few guys that I had a run in with that messed it up.

Then if it's just a few guys.. well... Think about it like this: there are how many billions of people on this earth? *smiles* It'll take some sifting through the throngs of icky, not-right-for-you guys to find someone who will make you happy. And it might not be that they were totally bad, either, just bad for you.

Keep on trying hon. If you give up, you're just setting yourself up with a defeatist attitude, and that will never do you any kind of good. *smiles*

[Against The Tide]

Take a break from men but don't give up hope.
Heres a little something that I hope will cheer you up:

A stunning barmaid was asked one night why she hadn't got a boyfriend and had never married, listen she said! at home I have a dog that growls, a chimney that smokes, a parrot that swears, and a cat that stays out all night, so what the hell do I need a husband for.

[moonbride]

You don't have to have a man to be complete - or happy - or fulfilled - any more than you have to have a dog. Or a Porsche. Or an iPod.
Learn that. :wave:

Amen to that!
I felt the way you did at one time, Jolixte. Then I just decided to step back like others are saying and see what I was doing to attract this type of men. Was I letting them walk all over me? (yes) Was I settling for less than what I wanted and deserved? (yes) Then I decided, as dragoncrone said, that I didn't need a man to make me happy and feel complete and wasn't even completely sure that I wanted one. It wasn't long after that my husband just kind of fell into my lap... and he'd been right there for quite a while and I never realized it. He's the total opposite of the jerks I used to find myself with and here we are over 14 years later.

Just hang in there...ok... :hugz:

[WokeUpDead]

I gave up going out 9 years ago, I've been happily single ever since.
Yep. That's always a good choice
No drama
:hahugh:

[Thunder]

Then there's the ipod...

[Cynyr]

Decent guys are out there, but they're rare.

{shaking head - incredulous} I would like to better understand this type of attitude, really I would. What makes anyone a looser in someone else's eyes? Is it because that 'looser' chose not to be with you once they experienced being with 'you'. Do you think perhaps they may consider you a 'looser' too?

Why be so jaded while so young. These are the years of your lives where you will experience love and loose it, you will be rejected as well as reject others yourselves. You will scorn as well as be scorned. There is a big world out there and it's not just about "YOU".

In my day, I experienced A LOT of people and lovers - I was rejected and I rejected, I was scorned and I scorned, I was hurt and I hurt others. This is a natural process in this silly game called life. I'm 44 years old now, and I have finally found my soul mate - - 44 YEARS OLD. I never planned nor wanted it to take that long. My rich experieces taught me what to look for and how to treat it once found. I would not trade anything in the world for all the hurt, scorn and shame I suffered for love because in the end, that experience became a wonderful friend - and now she's found, I found my true soul mate.

Take it from me, in your young lives you are just beginning to learn what it is to be human. Learn from these lessons and do not curse them. They are a natural part of your growth into adulthood.

Just saying....

[Zelan]

Its always impressed me how a few bad experiences seem to have some lasting effects in our personal paradigms.
I know I'm no different that way.
How do you get over being terrified of men?
Good question, as it does mean some soul searching on your part.
Part of the problem is that a success in the dating world relies alot on someone other than yourself.
And when that someone treats you poorly, the only control you have is to cut 'em loose.
Im not sure if rehashing alot of what everyone else here has said will do any good right now.
But I will say that I have thought quite well of you for some time, plus, you're quite a beauty.
I don't know you so very well, but I can imagine that guys around you are interested.
What to do, what to do?
I know for me when Im "putting out the flames" seeking meaningful solitude is helpful. And recognizing that risking being withdrawn is not cool.
Hope you can put some of this together today.
And cheers!

[Thunder]

Decent guys are out there, but they're rare. I met my share of losers...

Welcome to my world :hugz:
If I ever find a solution, you'll be the first to know

{shaking head - incredulous}Why be so jaded while so young. These are the years of your lives where you will experience love and loose it, you will be rejected as well as reject others yourselves. You will scorn as well as be scorned. There is a big world out there and it's not just about "YOU".

Take it from me, in your young lives you are just beginning to learn what it is to be human. Learn from these lessons and do not curse them. They are a natural part of your growth into adulthood.
Just saying....I have to agree with Cynyr, 100%. Unless you gals are dating guys 10 to 15 years older than yourselves, you haven't even met any "Men" yet. If I let my opinion of women be formed based entirely on my experience with my first wife or the girls I dated in HS... I'd be a Monk. There are just as many decent men as decent women. Make sure what you are looking at is a man before you damn us all on his account.

Footnote: The mad rush to adulthood has not benefited us as a culture. Enjoy youth for youth's sake. There is plenty of time for the rest... when you are ready.

[Jolixte]

I don't see the point in dating anyone, so I'm just not going to. I'm not damning all men. I know you're not all like that. I just don't seem to wind up on dates with any mature guys. My mother told me to ask a professor out. :lol:

[Thunder]

Wish I was a professor... :viking:

[WokeUpDead]

Well dating a professor can help with your grades...