This may sound silly, but I need a hug.

[Mouse]

Hey folks. :wave:

This may sound a bit silly, and I'm not looking for advice exactly... that is to say I don't really want to feel any worse about this than I already do. [/disclaimer]

Anyway, last night when I went to set my alarm (my mobile phone) there was a text message from my sister. She hasn't been talking to me for a while for a variety of reasons. I'll fill some of these in for back ground.
1) It started at the same time as I told her and Ma that my partner and I are planning to get married which was about Aug last year. She's still not over it, because she refuses to let me marry him or have children to him.
2) She's angry because at one stage she had so much control over me that I would have let her choose a husband for me, but now I'm not walked on so easily.
3) She's "A member of the true faith" and has trouble talking to me without bagging me out for my "childish hippy ways"
4) She believes she's better than me because she works and I don't (professional tarot reading isn't a real job apparently). Yet she works in a tug-and-rub, and I've supported her choices despite my distaste for what she does for a living. (And I know exactly what she does because she offered to get me a job there. When they explained exactly what I'd be doing even my questionable morrals said "NO!")

Back to the story...

Last night I got a text message from her, exclaiming her joy because her boyfriend proposed to her and gave her a fabulous ring.

At one stage when we were close I would have been happy for her, and just as excited. But instead it ripped my heart out.

Why? Because when i told them of my intention to marry none of them supported me. Not one word of encoragement, or congrats. Just "why would you want to do that for?" and "No, just live in sin" and even "Give me ten good reasons why you want to be with him". They said I haddn't been with him long enough, and yet my sister has been with her guy maybe half as long and no-one is questioning her.

Even now, more than a year down the track, when I told mum I'd found my dress and was paying it off she said to me "Well I guess if you keep reminding me about it between now and when you want to be married I'll be able to get used to the idea by then, but I still don't like it"

My sister is a year older than me, and although she has a "real" job and all that most people tell me that they would expect me to be the older one, because she will not act her age. Even ma's boyfriend who makes it plain that he doesn't like me has said that I'm more mature, and that if either of us has children he hopes it will be me and not her.

It drives me wild. There is one reason that they don't want me to marry my S.O. ONE. One reason they don't ask her the questions they asked me. One reason they support her and not me. My sisters partner is her age, mine is far from it.

Who cares? If I love him.. If he treats me well, supports me and helps me be the best I can be... Who cares that he wont see his 30th birthday again?? - My family obviously.

The financal side pisses me off too. I've been saving up for ages for my handfasting (which isn't a real wedding btw, because it's not in a church) and for his engagement gift (I want to be the one to propose). We both miss out on a lot because we want this very much, yet I know had I been able to put my morals asside I'd have earned the money three times over at the tug-and-rub.
I know our families are too broke to pay for even part of the wedding like many families do, so I don't expect them too. But I asked that instead of giving me presents for birthdays and Christmas if they could give me the money that they would have spent on siad gift instead - to help me save - and they wont do it. They'd rather buy me gifts I don't want or need than possibly support something that will make me happy.

There is a certain time frame on this as many of you know. Ma's fighting an uphill battle with the cancer. She's not winning. I really want her there for my handfasting (and I think this might play some part in my sister getting married too) but by the time I actually have the money to do it, she'll be long gone.

It's not like I want a big wedding either, we don't. But the celebrant alone is costing me damn near a grand. - A lot of money when you earn under $200 a week.

I dunno. Just makes me sad. I'm not angry at my sister, and her feller is like a brother to me, he really is a great guy. I guess I'm just jelous. :sadeyes:

Thanks for listening.

[covenofkeys]

sending the brightest of blessings, and hugs.xx

[Mouse]

thankyou *hugs back*

[Philosophia]

:hugz: and blessings. Be happy with who you're with and screw the rest of the world. Love is a passing gift, grab it when it flies past and damn the rest of the world for their judgements. If they can't get over the age barrier, thats their problem.
_pounce_

[wolf]

It doesn't sound silly at all. *hugs*

[Semele]

:hugz:

[CzechWoods]

Hey folks. :wave:

This may sound a bit silly, and I'm not looking for advice exactly... that is to say I don't really want to feel any worse about this than I already do. [/disclaimer]

Anyway, last night when I went to set my alarm (my mobile phone) there was a text message from my sister. She hasn't been talking to me for a while for a variety of reasons. I'll fill some of these in for back ground.
1) It started at the same time as I told her and Ma that my partner and I are planning to get married which was about Aug last year. She's still not over it, because she refuses to let me marry him or have children to him.
2) She's angry because at one stage she had so much control over me that I would have let her choose a husband for me, but now I'm not walked on so easily.
3) She's "A member of the true faith" and has trouble talking to me without bagging me out for my "childish hippy ways"
4) She believes she's better than me because she works and I don't (professional tarot reading isn't a real job apparently). Yet she works in a tug-and-rub, and I've supported her choices despite my distaste for what she does for a living. (And I know exactly what she does because she offered to get me a job there. When they explained exactly what I'd be doing even my questionable morrals said "NO!")

Back to the story...

Last night I got a text message from her, exclaiming her joy because her boyfriend proposed to her and gave her a fabulous ring.

At one stage when we were close I would have been happy for her, and just as excited. But instead it ripped my heart out.

Why? Because when i told them of my intention to marry none of them supported me. Not one word of encoragement, or congrats. Just "why would you want to do that for?" and "No, just live in sin" and even "Give me ten good reasons why you want to be with him". They said I haddn't been with him long enough, and yet my sister has been with her guy maybe half as long and no-one is questioning her.

Even now, more than a year down the track, when I told mum I'd found my dress and was paying it off she said to me "Well I guess if you keep reminding me about it between now and when you want to be married I'll be able to get used to the idea by then, but I still don't like it"

My sister is a year older than me, and although she has a "real" job and all that most people tell me that they would expect me to be the older one, because she will not act her age. Even ma's boyfriend who makes it plain that he doesn't like me has said that I'm more mature, and that if either of us has children he hopes it will be me and not her.

It drives me wild. There is one reason that they don't want me to marry my S.O. ONE. One reason they don't ask her the questions they asked me. One reason they support her and not me. My sisters partner is her age, mine is far from it.

Who cares? If I love him.. If he treats me well, supports me and helps me be the best I can be... Who cares that he wont see his 30th birthday again?? - My family obviously.

The financal side pisses me off too. I've been saving up for ages for my handfasting (which isn't a real wedding btw, because it's not in a church) and for his engagement gift (I want to be the one to propose). We both miss out on a lot because we want this very much, yet I know had I been able to put my morals asside I'd have earned the money three times over at the tug-and-rub.
I know our families are too broke to pay for even part of the wedding like many families do, so I don't expect them too. But I asked that instead of giving me presents for birthdays and Christmas if they could give me the money that they would have spent on siad gift instead - to help me save - and they wont do it. They'd rather buy me gifts I don't want or need than possibly support something that will make me happy.

There is a certain time frame on this as many of you know. Ma's fighting an uphill battle with the cancer. She's not winning. I really want her there for my handfasting (and I think this might play some part in my sister getting married too) but by the time I actually have the money to do it, she'll be long gone.

It's not like I want a big wedding either, we don't. But the celebrant alone is costing me damn near a grand. - A lot of money when you earn under $200 a week.

I dunno. Just makes me sad. I'm not angry at my sister, and her feller is like a brother to me, he really is a great guy. I guess I'm just jelous. :sadeyes:

Thanks for listening.

It doesn't sound silly at all. *hugs*

:hugz:

:hugz: from me also. doesnt sound silly to me either

despite you not wanting comments, so ignore the following:

i would work on anger/rage management - and not cover/mask it with sadness. sure there is something untame and ugly about rage, but also freeing. if rage is denied, to my experience, a cold anger is living with you; sadness masking it. it easily can turn against you, and make you feel worthless, depressed etc. while in fact, if you released it, and worked it through, it would make you less dependant on others. hard to do, but rewarding.

sorry for saying that, but had to. additionally :hugz: to make up for that.

ps. your sister is lucky to have found a good man, but she makes a mistake to letting down her own sister. she loses more than you

just saying

[Brenda]

:hugz:

[SSanf]

Ah, that's too bad.

Support your sister, anyway, simply because you do love her, after all. You will never be sorry, that you did.

Don't feel sad that your mother will miss your handfasting. She doesn't want to be there and, that would take away from the glory of the moment, for you. You need to be surrounded with positive energy for that blessed occasion.

Love your mother in spite of the things about her, that disappoint you. You only have one mother and she will be sorely missed.

Revel in the fact, that you love and are loved in return.

Have a good life and find warmth in the circle of the new family you and your beloved will create.

[thewhitetigress]

Its perfectly normal to feel jealous. If in your heart you truly are happy with your SO then dont let any negativity affect it. And being happy for your sis will encourage the positive light that is still within you. Don't allow your family's negative light to affect you. You remain positive and goodfeeling to reign over any darkness no matter how hard it may be.


A couple weeks ago a perfect stranger had insulted me and I was in tears. I dont normally cry at all so this shook me.I became angered and wanted to lash out at him. I didnt.. I kept my cool and talked it out. Told myself positive things about myself and how if I projected anger it would only come back to me. It worked! Today im completely over it and happy.

See what I'm getting at?

sending healing energies for your mom's health


and the big hug you requested!! :hahugh:

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz: All has been stated that I would have, too.:hugz:

[Brightshores]

Trust in your judgment, but listen to the words of others - trust in your discernment, but always be thinking - trust in yourself and in those who truly love you and have your best interests in mind, and you will not be disappointed.

Best wishes and :hugz:

[Stormwt]

Just concentrate on your own happiness and you'll find it easier to be happy for your sister.

And if getting married is what you wanna do then don't put it off. I was in the same situation as you with the age thing. It kills me that we never got the chance to get married before Mykee was taken - everyone should grab hold of whats good in their life when they can cos you never know whats round the corner

:huddle: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Mouse]

*Hugs back* Thankyou all so much. After another blue with Ma today this is exactly what I needed to hear, even if 24 hours ago I may have not agreed with all of it.
You are all so great, thankyou for the support.
~Miriam

[Cassie]

Have you spoken in depth to your sister about the difference in the family reaction to your love and hers...
She obviously wanted to share her happiness with you, perhaps now she is in a better state of mind to understand your feelings?
I'm hoping things work out for the best and I wish you continuing happiness, love and security with your SO. :hugz:

[wolfos3d]

*hugs*

[Bluewillow]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

[Mouse]

Have you spoken in depth to your sister about the difference in the family reaction to your love and hers...
She obviously wanted to share her happiness with you, perhaps now she is in a better state of mind to understand your feelings?
I'm hoping things work out for the best and I wish you continuing happiness, love and security with your SO. :hugz:

Theres no point unfortunatly. Her feelings about me being with him have been made very clear. She's even informed me that if I fall pregnant to him she will make me lose the baby. She's a little bit violent, and very opinionated. 8O
I did manage to catch up with her long enough to congratulate her though and let her know despite the argument I had with Ma that I'm very happy for her and her feller, and I'm feeling good about it.

*hugs everyone for the support*

[AineDanu]

She has no right to say you cannot have children by the man you love. If you honestly believe her and she has a tendency towards violence - small or not - then stay away from her during that time or keep your SO with you at all times you are near her.

Im sorry but that part of what you said really bothers me. I'm glad you were the bigger person and congratulated her and hope you can find a way to make your handfasting come around sooner rather than later for your mothers sake since you want her there. If not, still glory in the day as if she were there by your side (so to speak).

and it is never silly to need a hug. HUGSSSS.

[Brightshores]

You could always point out that ideas about marriage have changed over the years. From antiquity through about 150-100 years ago, many, if not most, concerned parents in a lot of places would have been thrilled beyond belief if their daughter married an older, established man.

Then hand them anything Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, or the Brontes ever wrote for evidence.

Then again, it probably wouldn't help. I thought I'd point it out, though. :hahugh:

:hugz:

[Mouse]

AineDanu, it bothers us too, especially since I kniw she would try anything to stop me having that child. If blackmail didn't work, she'd try violence. But you are right, I wont be in her company when I'm pregnant, especially without my partner. *hugs back*

Brightshores :lol: I actually tried that once. The response I got was something along the lines of "a few hundered years ago female circumsision was popular too, but that didn't make it right". Gotta love the logic behind that one *rolls eyes*

[Zelan]

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/1.gif

[Kailen]

:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:
:hugz: :hugz: :hugz:

This might not be what you want to hear, but personally...I think the way your family is behaving is both despicable and disgusting. It makes me sick. Especially for your sister to threaten an unborn child.

Marry the guy, you'll be well rid of them. I hope his family accept you better than your own do. And you always have this massive family at MW!!

[Mouse]

*hugs*
As much as I don't want to admit it, a lot of people say similar things to me. I love my family, but I guess sooner or later I'm going to have to think about what will be better for me and my future children.
I'm lucky to have my MW family for support.

[Faust]

*glomp*

[Mouse]

glomp? *confused*

[Philosophia]

glomp? *confused*

From en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glomp
Glomp is a term often used by anime fans, most often used on IRC. Usually used as a verb to 'glomp' someone is usually to latch on to or hug a person quite tightly, in the style a real child might hug a much taller adult's leg tightly. Thus the hug is merely affectionate, never sexual, no matter how tight the hug is.

A _pounce_

[Mouse]

Ohhh ok! Today is not wasted, as I have learned something new today. Thanking you :D

[AineDanu]

Ditto Mouse, I didnt know what the Glomp thing was either.

[BlueEyedWolf]

:hugz: :hugz: _pounce_

[Kalika]

_pounce_

[Kalika]

Return the gifts to the store. ;) ;)

[Kitten_Queen38]

Is there something they don't like in particular about your boy? Maybe the age gap is an excuse for masking some other issues they have with him?

Do you have any supportive friends to surround yourself with? Is there any way to get them to sit down and talk in a civil fashion and get all the problems out in the open and sort them all out before your mother's time is up?

*Hugs*