help. really need reading, please. . .

[Sequoia]

i will reciprocate when i'm in a better, nicer mood for doing readings for others. In not a good tarot-reading mood right now or i'd be tempted to even read for myself, which i never do.

just seperated from my boyfreind. . . starting to feel the emotional backlash. . . you know, the whole continual nightmares poor sleep periods of weeping bitterness and trying to mask hurt with hate, you know, the usual.

If you can, please can i have a reading on relationships now and perhaps a focus on the near future? i really really do appreciate any effort. . . and more than one opinion is always appreciated **would insert winky but it has a smile and if anythign i feel like :shot: so imagine :shot: winking **

thanks a lot,
beth

[maya]

I'll post it in just a minute but I wanted to note the stuck thread for tarot request up at the top. If we could all work on using that we'd have a central place to leave requests or find requests. Not a big deal since it's only been up there a day. :)

~Maya

[maya]

My cards had a lot to say about you. I created a spread for this so here it is:

1*****3
***5 ***
2*****4
***6***

When laid out it should look like a heart.

1) Querent
2) Qurent's Environment
3) Other Person in Relationship
4) Other Person Environment
5) Near Future
6) Action

1 - Querent - Three of swords - If you had an emotional tie to the other person you could now be feeling like a part of you is gone. When you seperated he took the part of you that you gave him with him.

2 - Q's Environment - Lovers - I don't think there's much to be said for this. Lovers love, but they also part and that's the doubled edged sword. Although, I still subscribe to "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all".

3 - Other Person - Six of Cups (R) - It seems as though he's already got a new outlook on life. I'm not saying he's over it yet, just that he has an idea of where he wants to go. I think he was, even in a small way, ready to let go.

4 - Other's Environemnet - Justice (R) - He is feeling like he got cheated or was done wrong but also like he got to turn the tables on you in some way. I sense a lot of bitterness in this and that shows that he's hurting a lot and this is how he's processing that hurt.

5 - Near Future - Strength (R) - Now that you're seperated you going to feel a need to fill that place with something. You may feel like you want the company of your friends more or like you need to fill up your time with extra work or more activities. This won't be healthy for you. You need to take the time to take care of yourself and heal your hurts. If you keep trying to fill that spot you'll only keep the wound open.

6 - Action - Nine of Pentacles - Spend some time with yourself. Pamper yourself, get to know yourself with out the other person. Discover what it's like to be just you again. Take notice of the small joys in life like the smell of rain, the way a bubble bath feels, sitting in the sun or a cool breeze.

On the way to get your reading I had two cards pop out of the deck. The first was the World Reversed. I think the cards really wanted you to know that you shouldn't try to mend that relationship because it wasn't good for either of you. The second was the King of Swords. I think this is a warning not to let anyone take advantage of you since Strength Reversed shows that you are in a weak position and may be susceptible to people who would not do you good right now. I think it's also a warning that as the Nine of Pentacles says that you need to avoid trying to fill that void and instead let it heal by taking care of yourself for awhile.

Now, as I don't need a reading myself and you're not feeling up to it my request will be simple. I would like you to post three of your favorite things about yourself. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

~Maya

[Phoenix Blue]

I actually picked up a couple of impressions from the situation, maya, and the cards you placed. . . may I contribute?

Six of Cups - Puma, the 6 of cups which refers to him also refers to a fear of commitment on his part. And Justice also speaks to that same fear--he's placing the blame for that fear on you, because he feels you forced him into something he didn't want. Forever is an inconceivable amount of time for someone so physically young as the two of you. . . and it can be very frightening for someone who isn't absolutely certain that's what he wants for himself.

Strength - One of the decks I've worked very close with is the Ancient Egyptian Tarot; and in that deck, Sekhmet symbolizes strength. It's a good fit--Strength represents power unchained, in your case, the power of anger. Anger is powerful! It's also very, very dangerous unless brought into focus and understood.

You're angry because you're hurt. . . And you're hurt because when your boyfriend left, you feel he took a part of you with him. But you have the power to bring that part of you back into the fold. . . peacefully, and quietly.

Nine of Pentacles - The relationship isn't entirely over, but it's almost there--you're almost through the storm. **Smiles** There're some matters of physical property to straighten out, yet--what belongs to whom?--but there's also the important process of reflecting on your experience and asking yourself what positive things you have learned, or can learn. For instance, you may be a better kisser now than you were a year ago :cool:; or you may have learned a few things about the importance of taking life one day at a time and letting forever take care of itself.

**Hugs** Hang in there. . . things will get better for you. It sounds like a platitude, I'm sure, but you have a full life ahead of you. You're a beautiful young lady to boot, and I don't think you'll have any trouble finding someone who will love and appreciate you when you're ready for a new relationship.

But like maya said, give yourself some time. Just be you for a while, and let time and good friends heal your pain.

[maya]

Thanks pheonix... It was interesting getting another take on this spread since this was the beta test so to speak. ;D And Puma, I know you're hurting babe :heartthro I wish there was something I could say other than I'm sorry. If you want I'll light a candle for you.

~Maya

[Sequoia]

well. . . a lot of that fits.

We had both been talking about seperating for a while. . . and although I was the one who made the final desicion. . . I knew that it was more for him than for myself. I guess he felt trapped by the title of a couple, rather than the relationship, but. . . *sighs* I don't know. And yeah. . . I feel rather vunerable right now, and I keep trying to find things to do. I don't like going to bed because I have weird dreams and nightmares every night. . . this after not remembering my dreams for months on end.

I'm starting to get back into my forgotton hobbies. . . graphic art on the compie, painting/drawing, bicycling. . . lol I remember brandon used to get annoyed a bit with me, because I was so happy I was drawing every other day, putting out art like I'd never done before, and I was so excited and he'd get so exasperated at me wanting to share my drawings, or what I'd dreamed that night, or anything I got excited about. . . . the first six months were wonderful, and then several things happened at once, between he and I, and between our group of friends and us. . . and suddenly things changed. I was inadequite. I was annoying. I was an embarrassment. And I got shunned.

I think this is for the best, really. I know I'll grow, and become a wonderful woman. It just hurts. . . a lot. He was my first, everything. It sends tears down my cheeks right now even saying that, because I remember so vividly our first kiss. . . I felt as though from that moment forward, everything in my life would be better. It would be alright, 'now'. . . *deep sigh* Ah well. . . life shall go on! won't let a 'little' thing like this stop me. . . *brave :) *

my three favourite things about myself. . . .

1) the love I give my friends, my loyalty. If I have a friend, if I love them, they'll never ever find a loyaller person than me. I'll stand by them to the ends of the earth, and sooner give up myself than let them suffer. I want to love and protect them all, give them all their dreams, or at least the chance to dream.

2)my drawings!! :D it may be a genere (anime) but I think I do it well! hehe And as down as I may get, I *know* I'm pretty damn good at it. And I'll only get better.

3) me. I love me. I love my hair and my eyes, and even though my skin may piss me off, or sometimes I get annoyed with my body, or people might see me as not enough. . . deep down I know I'm beautiful, and special, and perfect. I may not always say this or think it, but deep down I know it's true. I'm a goddess inside. And nobody can take that away. They can only add to it, and I always get my dreams.

thank you, my dear *HUGS* that meant a lot to me. *deep breath* watashitachi wa mirai e ikimashou! "Let's head towards the future!"

[maya]

There's a brave lass... Keep your chin up and be brave enough to cry when you need it.

1) I wish I had more friends like that
2) I'd love to see your work as I'm a bit of an anime fan
3) Regardless of your outsides you've got a beautiful heart inside.

[Sequoia]

pheonix - that makes a great deal of sense. He's had a very very deep fear of commitment, especially with anything female. . . he always was hurt or abandoned. . . he still isn't over his mother's death (she died from cancer when he was 16 and he never got to say goodbye, he still hasn't really snapped out of it), he's always been hurt a lot, and has a general mis-trust of anybody, really. . . I guess it was a time-bomb waiting to happen. . .

it hurts that he gave me a promise ring just months ago, on my birthday no less. And I guess another problem was that he's 5 years older. . . this didn't bother me, and I thought it didn't bother him. . . . after our "seperation" talk he sounded in tears, I've never heard his voice like that. Scared and worried, damn near agonizing terrified. He wanted to make sure I didn't feel as though he'd used me, or like he'd "robbed the cradle" so to speak. I didn't think of it that way at all, but one nasty hinting feeling is that because he was so concerned of that point, part of me wonders just how much woman he saw me as? *sigh*

But yeah. . . he wasn't so much upset with our relationship as he was. . . terrified, actually, of the title of couple. Maybe he feels better now. . . if he does, I"m happy for him.

Yes. . . I"m a very vengeful person. I have to be careful not to take out my pain on him right now. That's why I ranted to you guys instead of the e-mail I was planning on for him. . . I would crush him, I think I'm one of the few people he has no defenses against, and the last thign I want to do is really deeply hurt him. He gets this kicked-little-boy look in his eyes that would make anyone burst into tears, it rips right at you because you know it's from so deep inside him. And I only want to see the happy light there, even if I"m not the one creating it. He can still be a good friend. I just need to curb my anger right now. Thank you for the advice

Guys. . . I really appreciate the support. It's so hard, I want to rage and cry and fly into a million pieces at once. I want to attack a punching bag, and the next instant long to just fall into some neutral friend's arms and cry my heart out. Unfortuantly, my prefferred sets of arms are at least 500miles away each ^^;;; it sucks!

But thank you all. *BIG BIG HUGS!*

((the piccie is one I drew of myself several months ago. . . I have a newer one now, but my scanner's being a b*tch. . . :bad: stupid scanner. The newer one has a different attitude lol ^^; I like it better. . . but this one's nice. One of my first delves into semi-realistic style. . .))

[Sequoia]

here's an actual ANIME piccy. . . ^^; hehe her name's migiwa. . . if you'd like to see some more. . . http://childofserenity.tripod.com is my website. . .

[maya]

That's a cool drawing. I love the emotion in the face. I've tried drawing anime several times but my faces are always bland. Here is my best so far:

[Sequoia]

OMG KAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!

OH OH can I get you to draw a puma?? if I give you an idea of her outfit??? I"ll pay you, a regular commission. . . :D!!!!

lol this is kinda ironic. . . a song I've had stuck in myhead all day, that's in japanese. . . I looked up one of my favourite parts of the song, and the translation is

"From a distance, I embrace you
There is no one else I could hold
Because I'll love you forever
Even if it's your fault
Although my heart, my heart is breaking, I'll be fine"

-_-; figures.

[maya]

I'll see if I can draw one but I'm really bad about it. It usually takes me 8-12 hrs from start to finish to do one drawing. I've only actually done one or two that are decent and the rest are really bad. It's too late for me to start tonight but I'll see if I can do it tomorrw. I can't gaurantee that I'll produce anything though since I have the habit of utterly destroying anything that doesn't seem to work for me. I guess it's my pride not wanting anyone to see how bad I am ;) Oh, forgot to ask... what did you want the outfit to be?

~Maya

[Sequoia]

hehe thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! ^^; the way I picture puma, is wearing a sort of pale lavender sundress-typie thing. . . with one of those wide-brimmed straw hats hanging from its' ties around her neck. . . but anything's great :D dude thank you so very much!!!!!!!! And I'll draw back for you!!!!!

[maya]

Mmm... I'm getting some really good ideas but I think it's going to take a couple of days to do the whole thing.

~Maya

[Phoenix Blue]

Could one or both of you two artists E-mail me (phx_blue@bellsouth.net)? **Grins** I'm no artist myself, but the two of you have just given me a wonderful idea. . !

[maya]

Actually, I just reloaded my machine and don't have email yet... you can PM me though.

~Maya

[maya]

Puma, I've got the rough sketch done but my computer was having problems all weekend so I've been troubleshooting it. I *think* it's finally fixed so I should be able to work on it more soon.

~Maya

[Sequoia]

T.T thank you so much!!!!!! *HUGS!!!*

[LadyAutumnCat]

Puma,

I don't do very good tarot readings, so I'm offering to listen if you need to talk and to let you know that the pain is very rough, for a while, but once you learn to live without the person and to learn to do for you, things will be great!! Trust me, love comes when you least expect it, but for now concentrate on the things and people you love and on yourself!!
Everything is a journey that leads us to a better place!!