any advice would sure help

[ILOVEAUTUMNS]

i met this guy online last sunday and he said he really liked me
he lives an hour and a half away from me but drove to meet me

when he got back home on the phone he said he never felt this way
about anyone before... that he thinks it is love
so he then would text me that he loved me and missed me and
wondered if i did the same
we had nice talks (chats on the computer and on the phone) about
our plans for the future, kids, etc.

he wanted to come here friday at my house to stay the weekend

he seemed really excited about coming out here but when he got here
we met at a bookstore and he said he was hungry so i had him follow
me to a restaurant to eat
at the restaurant he was rubbing his eyes
I said, "whats wrong"
he said "it's bad news"
I said "what?"
He said, "that was my dad on the cell phone on the way here to the
restaurant and who I was talking to when I got out of the car,
my grandfather is going in for tests today, they think it's prostate cancer"
(well that isn't the exact quote but you get the idea)

At that point I felt awkward here I had been planning all week for him to
come out here and it felt like a bust....
he ate his food slow and was somber

when he followed me to my place he was still somber, he didn't bring any clothes or anything in with him, but I didn't notice this as I was so excited to have him at my house

He sat down on the couch and asked... ok what do we do now?
So I suggested we go out for icecream and we did (I paid once again)
he drove

We got back and he asked again "what can we do now"
and I suggested seeing a movie after we watched a vhs tape
of john candy (his favorite comedian too)

as we were watching it he asked who was making noise and I said my
family and he asked if he could meet them...
he met my family and then we went back into the other side of the house
from there he sat back down and said
"I sure could use that back rub you were talking about"
So we went into my bedroom where I gave him a backrub...
5 minutes later he said "do you want to do something else"--with the raised come hither eyebrow...
and I said "well maybe after the movie"
and he said "well I want to now"
So from all the talk we had been doing all week and how he called me his gf I gave in and had sex with him...

he saw I was hesitent at first so he said "common let's just get this over with" and he said it half jokingly but
when I asked some of my friends they believe he was serious?

Well the sex was awkward and he pulled out because he saw I wasn't enjoying it...
He put his clothes on and said we needed to talk and take a drive
So we did.
In the car he was saying how he wanted to go back home because his family needed him because of his grandpa and he wouldn't mind if I saw other men, and maybe my prince charming would come along and he didn't want to stop me from that....

He left that friday night after he dropped me off after the movie...
he called me to let me know he got in ok,
on Saturday when I saw him online I said
"hi"
he said hello and I said hi again....
just waiting for him to say something more but he didn't
so then I wrote..."do you love me?" and he signed out!!!!
He didn't respond with the usual "yes" like he had all week
so I texted him the same question and got no response
I think asked him if he wanted me to keep the book I got him that he
didn't take with him when he left on Friday in a text and got no response
so then I wrote
"please as a friend please text me back something"
and he writes "i'm at my grandpas will talk later, bye"

so I texted "ok talk to you sunday" and he didn't reply back

so I waited until sunday afternoon to text him and I said we could just
be friends....an hour went by and I got no response (and I know his schedule that he has to wake up early every morning) so then I wrote in play
"hey baldy where is my text?" and he writes
"leave me alone" and he turned off his cell
I then left him some messages of how I felt he was playing games with me and how I was hurt and how I felt in a way it was like rape when he left right after having sex practically, and a few hours later he turns on his phone and texts
"why did you say that, I liked you, did you really mean what you said"
and I said "no I was just mad"
and he says that all we can be now is friends and that I am no longer his girlfriend because of what I said in the texts and voicemails...
My sister says because I used the word "rape" though not in the direct context he feels he has to talk to me even though he doesn't want to because he's afraid I would go to the authorities or at least tell other people...

he did say "leave me alone" and turned off his phone and it seemed to only get his attention after I used the r word....

What are your thoughts on him deciding to leave and go back home right after we had sex?
(ok he did stay to see the movie with me but on the drive to the movie after sex he said he wanted to go
home after the movie)

He found out the results to his grandpa's test on monday and it was bad news 8 tumors all cancerous...
my other question is can they really find the results that fast to cancer tests if his grandpa had the test on friday??????
Doesn't it take a few weeks for results like this to come back????

I am just trying to figure all this out as I am very confused and feel like my head is spinning with emotion trying to figure out his character etc.

I know he used the word "love" really quickly but I went with it because I thought that was his poetic way of saying he cared for me deeply and wanted to pursue something with me and was very attracted to me,etc.

Please any advice would help, thanks

[covenofkeys]

girl-slooooow down! just take some time, and youre not going to like this, but sorry im going to say it even if nobody else does.....FORGET ABOUT HIM.
sounds like a real jerk. youre worth so much more-i mean geeez-talk about hump them then dump them! ~sighs~ listen to me-hes not worth it-you are worth more than that!
my advice would to be cut all contact with this plum, and find yourself a real man-someone who will love you for you and respect you.
come on! be serious-forget him-this is what he feeds on -do not give him the satisfaction.
as i have said to lots of people:KNOW YOUR WORTH.
may happiness find you my friend.xx

[TheWomanMonster]

Even if his life is messed up and confusing right now, it's no reason to treat you like he is. Please, pick up the pieces, learn from this and move on.
I'm sure you'll find someone who deserves you.
*hugs*

[StephanieAine]

i met this guy online last sunday and he said he really liked me
he lives an hour and a half away from me but drove to meet me

when he got back home on the phone he said he never felt this way
about anyone before... that he thinks it is love
so he then would text me that he loved me and missed me and
wondered if i did the same
we had nice talks (chats on the computer and on the phone) about
our plans for the future, kids, etc.

he wanted to come here friday at my house to stay the weekend

he seemed really excited about coming out here but when he got here
we met at a bookstore and he said he was hungry so i had him follow
me to a restaurant to eat
at the restaurant he was rubbing his eyes
I said, "whats wrong"
he said "it's bad news"
I said "what?"
He said, "that was my dad on the cell phone on the way here to the
restaurant and who I was talking to when I got out of the car,
my grandfather is going in for tests today, they think it's prostate cancer"
(well that isn't the exact quote but you get the idea)

At that point I felt awkward here I had been planning all week for him to
come out here and it felt like a bust....
he ate his food slow and was somber

when he followed me to my place he was still somber, he didn't bring any clothes or anything in with him, but I didn't notice this as I was so excited to have him at my house

He sat down on the couch and asked... ok what do we do now?
So I suggested we go out for icecream and we did (I paid once again)
he drove

We got back and he asked again "what can we do now"
and I suggested seeing a movie after we watched a vhs tape
of john candy (his favorite comedian too)

as we were watching it he asked who was making noise and I said my
family and he asked if he could meet them...
he met my family and then we went back into the other side of the house
from there he sat back down and said
"I sure could use that back rub you were talking about"
So we went into my bedroom where I gave him a backrub...
5 minutes later he said "do you want to do something else"--with the raised come hither eyebrow...
and I said "well maybe after the movie"
and he said "well I want to now"
So from all the talk we had been doing all week and how he called me his gf I gave in and had sex with him...

he saw I was hesitent at first so he said "common let's just get this over with" and he said it half jokingly but
when I asked some of my friends they believe he was serious?

Well the sex was awkward and he pulled out because he saw I wasn't enjoying it...
He put his clothes on and said we needed to talk and take a drive
So we did.
In the car he was saying how he wanted to go back home because his family needed him because of his grandpa and he wouldn't mind if I saw other men, and maybe my prince charming would come along and he didn't want to stop me from that....

He left that friday night after he dropped me off after the movie...
he called me to let me know he got in ok,
on Saturday when I saw him online I said
"hi"
he said hello and I said hi again....
just waiting for him to say something more but he didn't
so then I wrote..."do you love me?" and he signed out!!!!
He didn't respond with the usual "yes" like he had all week
so I texted him the same question and got no response
I think asked him if he wanted me to keep the book I got him that he
didn't take with him when he left on Friday in a text and got no response
so then I wrote
"please as a friend please text me back something"
and he writes "i'm at my grandpas will talk later, bye"

so I texted "ok talk to you sunday" and he didn't reply back

so I waited until sunday afternoon to text him and I said we could just
be friends....an hour went by and I got no response (and I know his schedule that he has to wake up early every morning) so then I wrote in play
"hey baldy where is my text?" and he writes
"leave me alone" and he turned off his cell
I then left him some messages of how I felt he was playing games with me and how I was hurt and how I felt in a way it was like rape when he left right after having sex practically, and a few hours later he turns on his phone and texts
"why did you say that, I liked you, did you really mean what you said"
and I said "no I was just mad"
and he says that all we can be now is friends and that I am no longer his girlfriend because of what I said in the texts and voicemails...
My sister says because I used the word "rape" though not in the direct context he feels he has to talk to me even though he doesn't want to because he's afraid I would go to the authorities or at least tell other people...

he did say "leave me alone" and turned off his phone and it seemed to only get his attention after I used the r word....

What are your thoughts on him deciding to leave and go back home right after we had sex?
(ok he did stay to see the movie with me but on the drive to the movie after sex he said he wanted to go
home after the movie)

He found out the results to his grandpa's test on monday and it was bad news 8 tumors all cancerous...
my other question is can they really find the results that fast to cancer tests if his grandpa had the test on friday??????
Doesn't it take a few weeks for results like this to come back????

I am just trying to figure all this out as I am very confused and feel like my head is spinning with emotion trying to figure out his character etc.

I know he used the word "love" really quickly but I went with it because I thought that was his poetic way of saying he cared for me deeply and wanted to pursue something with me and was very attracted to me,etc.

Please any advice would help, thanks


Speaking as a cancer patient - no, it doesn't take weeks. It can be within a day in some cases; but at times, it can take a couple of days. A weekend would add a day or two of course. But not *weeks.*

He may be reacting to the stress of his grandfather's illness and so he's not focusing fully on you; or he may not be interested in you (even though you had sex), or both. It sort of sounds like he may have been looking for sex... I'm not really sure about that guy.

[ILOVEAUTUMNS]

A weekend would add a day or two of course.


so the results would have appeared tuesday or wednesday? instead of monday? if his grandfather went in for tests friday????

*Hugs* for being a cancer survivor, StephanieAine.

And *Hugs* to everyone who replied to this confusing situation!!!!

[Cat]

I've no way to tell whether he was telling the truth about his grandfather, and I don't think it matters much at this point anyway.

I can't say anything about the time it takes for results to come in, but if the tests were done in a hospital then the lab to run them would have been right there so it would take less time that way than when you go to a doctor and they send your tests out to a lab.

He didn't leave right after sex with you, he went to a movie with your first.

As for his character--its hard to say much. I don't know why he continued with the date after getting that phone call--I'd have made my excuses and run home at that point. I don't think he did anything terribly wrong. He pressured you some to have sex, but that's a very far cry from rape or even taking advantage. I don't see any head games evident in his conduct.

When he told you to date other guys, he broke up with you. He's asked you to leave him alone. I don't think he wants to be friends or to see you again. Move on.

Take this all as a learning experience. If a person says they loves you after the first date, they're either lying or deluding themself. They don't know you yet and can't possibly love you. What they can be, is infatuated. That can turn into love, but it isn't love.

[covenofkeys]

I've no way to tell whether he was telling the truth about his grandfather, and I don't think it matters much at this point anyway.

I can't say anything about the time it takes for results to come in, but if the tests were done in a hospital then the lab to run them would have been right there so it would take less time that way than when you go to a doctor and they send your tests out to a lab.

He didn't leave right after sex with you, he went to a movie with your first.

As for his character--its hard to say much. I don't know why he continued with the date after getting that phone call--I'd have made my excuses and run home at that point. I don't think he did anything terribly wrong. He pressured you some to have sex, but that's a very far cry from rape or even taking advantage. I don't see any head games evident in his conduct.

When he told you to date other guys, he broke up with you. He's asked you to leave him alone. I don't think he wants to be friends or to see you again. Move on.

Take this all as a learning experience. If a person says they loves you after the first date, they're either lying or deluding themself. They don't know you yet and can't possibly love you. What they can be, is infatuated. That can turn into love, but it isn't love.

>>obviously you have no idea whatsoever of how this lady feels.

[SSanf]

Good grief. Why did you have sex with a person that you don't even know?

What are you thinking? At this time of year, you should had had plenty of chances to watch a slasher movie or two, so you should have had ample educational opportunity.

All I can say, is this sounds appropriate at this point. "There's a sucker born every minute".

I would really rethink how you regard your availability.

[Shifter_There]

oh dear, i am sorry that you had to go through that patch with that man but you really should have taken your time with him. I have this saying, I've been saying it for years too: "The faster you fall, the more it hurts when you hit the ground" but I just now realized after reading your thread that all this time I was actually meaning "The faster you fall, the more liable of getting hurt you are." And that is precisley what has happened to you. He was a man you barely knew, who didn't even live close to you, that you met on the internet, and slept with after only a week of knowing him. Although this was al against your better judgment you went ahead with it anyway. And that's okay, we all do foolish things sometimes. And Im sure ever one here at mystickwicks has fallen to fast for some man they didn't know at least once in their life time. I can not tell you to forget about him, because I know that if you don't want to then you are not going to. But try and let go of him. And before you even typed to use what your sister said, I was thinking the same thing. It is quite obvisous that he was just scared that you would report him to the police. Really dear, you should be more careful. I know you've probably heard it a thousand times but there really are men out there surfing the internet for the first good looking girl that they can meet and have sex with. And Im afraid that just happened to you.

[Cat]

>>obviously you have no idea whatsoever of how this lady feels.

I'm not going to get into a debate in the middle of a Helping Hands thread. I answered the specific questions the OP posed as helpfully as possible. If she finds my insight useless, she's free to disregard it. That's the beauty of free advice--if you hate it you can toss it and you aren't out even a penny.

[starfire]

Read what you wrote in the begining. Read it carefully, This guy is using you, he wanted to get you into bed, and pushed and pushed until you consented. It has nothing to do with rape, you were the one who allowed it to go there without really knowing this guy. The grandfather thing may be true, it may not be, you apparently don't know the guy or family enough to know one way or another. If it is true, then the guy is looking for a quick feel good fix which both guys and gals use sex for.

You didn't know this guy long enough and he didn't know you long enough for Love to be involved. Lust yes, we all get wrapped up in that.

My advice would be no sex for 3-6 months of knowing someone, and no marriage for 1-2 years of knowing someone. I say this from experience, it doesn't matter if you are in you 20's or 50's+, we all want to be loved and get suckered into these things.

Pick yourself up, and do what he has asked, leave him alone. I bet you anything he will contact you again at some point. That's when you say no way, I deserve more respect than you have given me.

Strength to you

[ldylowe]

Wow! This seems like a crazy ride for you. I can't tell whether or not this guy is a liar or what? But it does seems like he was playing you from the start. When someone says they love you before they really know you, that is questionable in itself, but then when you get together he has this story about his grandfather....you pay for everything......he then pushes the sex issue, then he leaves and basically dumps you!!!! Sounds to me like he had it planned out...symphathy sex. Then again the story could be legit, but he should have never treated that way. My advice stay away from him and learn from your experience. I know it hurts, nit only b/c your hearts broken, but b/c you probably feel so used. Strength to you as you get through this.