It Hurts So Much.

[Willow Rosemerta]

So my Uncle passed away early last month. I'm also in school, so I took 2 weeks off from school to go to the funeral and spend time with my family grieving. Well, see I'm like the "Rock" of the family, everyone comes to me for support, and I try to keep myself together for everyone. And it's been SO SO hard for me lately because I hurt aswell. Only I don't like telling my family, because I don't want to feel weak. Does that make sense? And it just hurts so much seeing my family fall apart. And my cousins are taking it super hard. One commited himself to the hospital, the other ones drinking heavy. And my grandma, God Bless her is having a hard time dealing with the loss. And I can't even be around my family and have them mention my uncle because I start feeling my heart break. I never thought it'd hurt so much to loose someone you love/care about. And the fact that I haven't seen him in YEARS until recently and like I wasn't as close to him as I want to be makes it worse. So I live far away from my whole family and all I can think about is being close to them because I don't want to loose another family member and be as distant as I am now. It hurts so badly. I've cried and cried and it feels like I could cry forever. And it's bad enough that I have friends sending me messages talking about "Letter From Heaven" and it makes me start crying worse. I'm in a really sensitive mood right now..and I feel awful. :(

[covenofkeys]

:hugz: hugs

[Lunacie]

That's why my ex wanted to have a Wake instead of a Funeral. At a Wake the family and friends have a chance to talk about the person and how they are feeling, to share memories and laugh and cry - together. With Funerals it seems everyone is trying to be brave and no one talks about how they're feeling, or talks about the person who died. I'm sorry you're not able to talk to your family about your uncle and how much you miss everyone. :hugz:

[Willow Rosemerta]

Well it's confusing because it was a wake, because he was being cremated. And they all talked about him and everyone cried. But I still felt like I had to be strong. I don't know I've always been the one with the strong resolve. Stupid I know, but I'm not one for openly expressing my feelings. Even with family. My family is very loving/huggy, but talking is such a problem for me! I take after my father in that department..my ex used to complain because I never liked talking and when I did it wasn't much.

[nianda]

I wish there was something I could tell you that would help. I am very much the same way. "I'm the strong one"..."the one that takes care of the family, when their all falling apart, I'm the one to hold them together". And when everything is all said and done..the time for me to fall apart comes. But I'm alone when this happens. I've come to prefer it that way because they, the family, don't understand just how 'wounded' I am. I'm not only grieving for my loss of a loved one, but also grieving for them. Their pain and torment. And to some extent, I grieve for others I have lost. Over the years, I've just learned to deal with it, because I had no other option. Is there an option? I could block things, but eventually I would have to deal with it anyhow. And when that time came, would I just be dealing with that part or would it all come flooding back to me?

I wish the best and will send some calming energy. If you wish to talk, I'm here, just send a message. I just wish there was more I could do to help you.

[LightDancer]

:hugz:

[iucey]

:hugz:
I understand how you felt. hope you feel better soon.

[innocent]

If you feel like showing your grief to your family is not an option, what about speaking to a friend or even a councelor for a few sessions? It's not good for you to suppress your emotions, but I understand your reasoning for it.

Maybe you could lock yourself in your room, light a few candles for your dear departed, and talk to your reflection or a childhood toy. Any expression is better then keeping it all bottled up. Especially if everyone keeps "shaking the soda can" and sending you e-mails and talking about him.

Hugs, sweetie, and I hope you can find a release.

[Willow Rosemerta]

I know this is old, but I just wanted to say thank you to everyone. Things have gotten better and everything is going fine for me. I still find it hard to talk about my uncle, but I'm not as hurt as I was. I know he's in a better place.

[Lunacie]

I'm glad to hear you are feeling better these days. But if you don't let yourself grieve and talk about your feelings (even if it's just here on MW) you're going to have a very tough time when you lose someone much closer to you than your uncle was. Showing grief or being able to tell someone about your needs isn't weak at all, it takes a lot of strength to show that vulnerability to others. Be strong enough to be vulnerable once in a while, you can do it. :hugz:

[KiNoRonin]

I do have an Afterlife Reincarnation Tarot Spread that can Divine Out what sort of Afterlife your Uncle will Reincarnate into.

Just PM to me his Name, Dates Of Birth, Dates of Death and some Information that I can confirm such as which Funeral Home they did his Funeral (along with their email if possible) at and then I will be able to do the Afterlife Reading after which I will be able to PM to you the Results.

KNR - 3X3