Last Sunday...

[Cerberos]

Last Sunday something terrible happened...I wasn't sure about writing all this to here because I don't wanna disturb anyone but I also admit that I need those hugs and maybe some advice.
so I'll try to keep it short.

Last Sunday I found a friend of mine dead, hanged himself.

We were not close at all but I feel terrible and that picture is not going anywhere. I don't wanna talk about it to anyone because everytime I do my heart start racing , my breath getting short and my hands are shaky just like know. I know I have to , at least thats what they said from the victim's support group.

I've never seen a dead person before. I couldn't believe it first, I tought I was seeing something happened before. It became all real when my other friend came and saw. I'm not gonna describe anything because I don't wanna disturb anyone more than I do...

I also lived in that house, 1.5 years and I can picture him walking through the corridor ,getting ready, going to the garden house...I can't understand how a person can do that( well, i do in a way..) , then I start thinking about his soul, if he could pass? In that house there was already one resident ghost, so I've learned a lot about being stuck in between.

Now I'm home alone, yesterday I was also alone but I feel scared and ready to jump to every noise in the house. I'm so glad i'm not living there anymore but still at every corner I look I feel like he is gonna be there.

I can sleep with pills but my dreams are full of death....

I know this bad initiation will bring something, i know there is a reason for all this and i still remember what i've been thought : ''from darkness to light again'' but....

It doesn't help!

Is there anyone experienced something like this and how long did it take before things went back to ''normal'' again? I know I can't forget something like that and I have no intention to do that either but still at least I want to put all these in a drawer in my head and go on with my life...

[Silver and Iron]

That's a terrible thing to have to deal with.
You must learn to talk about this. What you are experiencing is post traumatic stress syndrome, which is pretty typical after this kind of a shock. Talking is essential to work through this. The best way to get past this is to deal with it head on and face it. If you do not, it will continue to haunt you.
Truly, seek help for dealing with this. Do not ignore it or try to deal on your own.
Blessings to you.

[Cerberos]

Thanx for the advice. I just did. I found a therapist who happens to be a pagan as well now I'm waiting a reply from her. If I go to a regular therapist and start talking about communicating spirits, other dimensions, being stuck in between worlds etc. they might lock me up (or perscribe heavy medicine) you know...

First I went to a victim's support group but the volunteer had no idea about how to handle a person like me and he ended up making me more nervous than i was...Especially when he said : '' Oh he is dead now , he can't do anything to you. why are you so jumpy hahaha''...

C

[Merrilyn]

Wow. I can't imagine having seen this.
My stepdad hanged himself in the bathroom, but my sister and I did not see it. Horror. He was found before we could find out. There's nothing like it. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The day after it happened I went to work. Zombified. I thought, "I should just go to work." I don't remember ever breaking down or crying, or how I got home that day, but I did.
And then I had to deal.
It's like, you see it replaying in the back of your head constantly, what it must have been like, sounded like, and it's torment. I had to seek out professional counseling in order to deal. It's uncomfy even typing about it.
Really, though...you need to talk. To anybody. You've been traumatized.
Whenever I feel uncomfy in a room or house I'll light a candle, or sprinkle salt around, or flower petals. Little things go a long way.
I wish you the best. May you find some sort of peace in this ordeal. Surround yourself with friends.
Sorry this was so awkward.

[Cerberos]

Sorry to hear that... Thank you for sharing it though.

I'm blessed with good friends but last yesterday and today I just wanted to stay alone and being able to deal with it myself...well that didn't happen!

Like a said I'm trying to find professional help but from someone who can understand and respect my beliefs, instead of teasing when I talk about a poor soul.

[Lunacie]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. :hugz:

[Malcolm]

Is there anyone experienced something like this and how long did it take before things went back to ''normal'' again?

I know you already know this, but, they never really do. You get that close to death and it leaves a stain on you...for lack of a better term. Its not necesarily a bad thing though. Its a constant reminder of your mortality, the limited amount of time you have in this world.

Great motivation, I feel. Yes, you are going to die just like everything else. Everyone knows that but seeing a situation like that just kinda makes it all the more real...rips the illusion away from death and dieing. Scary, but its a good thing. Make your mark in life, it will all end to soon.

You'll be okay. I'd be more worried if you just sloughed it off and didn't even let it phase you. That would be the mark of an unhealthy way of dealing with things, in my opinion.