Advice appreciated: "Reading" my soon to be husband

[Diotima]

This is a rather long story cut to post length, so please bear with me.

Years ago, I discovered that sometimes (VERY rarely) I have an ability to get visions of some people. These visions are mostly symbolic, but the few I've had have been helpful and given me important insight about people in question. Because this talent of mine manifests itself so rarely (not to mention because I'm so chicken), I haven't studied it at all, and have only once managed to intentionally produce such a vision about someone.

Anyway, soon after discovering this talent I made a decision that if I was ever to marry someone, that person should be one I am able to "touch" this way, and I would like to touch him before giving my marriage vows.
Some time after I and my fiancé met (and at this point I have to say that at that time I was FAR less concerned about ethics than I am today- I still believe that what I did was very wrong), our relationship was developing very quickly to serious level. I was very curious about my spouse, and because I had had visions about other people quite recently, I was also curious about my talent and wondered whether I could use it intentionally to get knowledge about someone.
So I was very, very stupid and used my then boyfriend as a test subject without asking his consent. I managed to intentionally get a vision of my him. Though I was successful, but the whole thing left me feeling very bad though I don't think he understood what I had done. He did say afterwards that my "eyes changed" when I had read him and that scared him- after that incident I have always been careful not to stare at him too intensely because it makes him feel uncomfortable.

In fact, after that event I have pretty much buried my talent- for five years now, as small as it is. But, now that our wedding is near, I remembered once again my old desire to be able to read my DH. I realized that being able to do that would still mean a lot to me, no matter what I actually saw. And I know that he is one of those extremely rare people with whom I am able to connect that way. But I don't know how to approach the topic any more with him.
I suppose it has something to do with my old very misplaced curiosity, but also with the fact that I don't really know anything about my ability and don't understand it. In this situation, I don't think that he would be happy to hear about this wish. Knowing him, he might freak out and say something that would hurt me deeply- this is an extremely private and sensitive issue for me, and hurting me would be so easy to do. It goes without saying that I'm not going to do anything that resembles an attempt to read him without asking first. And finally, the idea of not ever being able to touch my DH in such a beautiful, powerful way makes me incredibly sad.

So yeah, I'd greatly appreciate any advice and insight.

[covenofkeys]

hmm. 'Tis indeed a sensitive matter. as an extreme empath i feel for you, i do, but you should not rush to find the answers, they will come to you in time.
for every answer given, there are usually at least another three that are asked.
it is both curse and gift, the sight, and it comes to us in different ways.
boundaries must not be crossed when the crossing of those boundaries could be potentially harmful/hurtful etc.or against the will of another.
everyone deals with this type of thing differently.
see beyond the hand infront of your face.
lessons in life my friend.

i hope this makes at least some sense to you, it is the only thing i could think of that might give you a little more understanding.

[covenofkeys]

edited double post sorry.

[puchidevil]

I too feel for you.

I would advise that under no circumstances, at this time, should you broach the subject with him until you understand it more yourself.

How can he not freak out, when you are unable explain it to him properly. It IS a highly personal matter, and boundaries must never be crossed without explicit permission.

I would direct you to the empathic bunker on this board to start ............so you may at least begin to learn of the gifts you have, and try to understand them, before using them.

[Diotima]

Thanks for replies, everyone. I have decided that I've reached the point in my life when it's time to start exploring these stranger sides of myself.

covenofkeys, thanks for your advice. I think I get it. At least some of it, anyway. :)

puchidevil, thanks for directing me to empathic bunker. It's a long thread, but seems very interesting.

[covenofkeys]

Thanks for replies, everyone. I have decided that I've reached the point in my life when it's time to start exploring these stranger sides of myself.

covenofkeys, thanks for your advice. I think I get it. At least some of it, anyway. :)

puchidevil, thanks for directing me to empathic bunker. It's a long thread, but seems very interesting.

>>youre most welcome, itll come to you.

[ViolinGoddess]

Beleive it or not, I have the same ability. However, I can control mine a bit better than you can. ANd it happens more often. Technically, whenever I want it to. Out of my own morals and respect for the subject, I ask first. I also ask them to lower their sheilds and alarms and "attack dogs" etc. ANd whatever else in is their mind to protect them. In my experience. ANd from what it seems to me considering your explaination of your experience......these readings are highly symbolic. ANd in my experience, many of the symbols are only recognizable by the subject. It is also much like a tarot card reading. In this reading of a person, you are basically telling them a whole lot about themselves that they already know. Assuming they are self aware. There are a few rules I follow when I read people like this. More often than not there are some sort of arrangement of doors when you get in there. Whether it be a hallway or something similar. Whatever you do DON"T OPEN THE DOORS UNLESS SPESIFICALLY ALLOWED TO. This fule is here for many reasons. There could be any number of things behind those doors. SOmething that will attack you, something that will "eat" you, something that is very personal or secret and therefore it would be an invasion of privacy to open the door. Etc. Besides, more of ten than not (or a t least for me) I can easily sesnse THROUGH the door to find out what is on the other side. ANother rule I follow is ALWAYS LEAVE THE SPACE JUST AS YOU FOUND IT. Duh! Another rule is DON"T BRING ANYTHING WITH YOU UNLESS YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BY THE SUBJECT. Examples of that are things like Deities, angels, demons, Fae, ghosts, "fill in the blank". For instance, aI have a few friends that don't like angels. I work with angels. SO I'm at a slight disatvatntage. Anyway, it's just the basic ethics really. ANother good rule to follow is DON"T GO IN ANY FARTHER THAN THEY WANT YOU TO. This is just basic respect.

HOWEVER, you CAN read people without asking. And I look at that as not being TOO invasive. Because it's alll very symbolic. ANd very much like a tarot card reading. SO as long as you follow those basic rules, you shouldn't stumble apon something too personal that would really and obviously break your ethical code.

Violin Goddess

[mtpathy]

Everything that your reading from another in such a example are things that are outside of themselves. emotions, thoughts, reactions, If your feeling these or seeing these it is because they sent them not because your invading there mind or memory.
Only when you move through the corridors of the image are you actualy invading anothers privacey, These rules of morality and ethics are nice when you actually have control but what about those where these kinds of things are spontanious, how do you know that you can do this if you haven't taken that step towards experimentation.
Invading someone in such a example is something that is highly debatable, in order for one to "read" another that person first has to send too you, for you too have something to read. Within this same example what are you reading from them if you'r able to place yourself within there situation to such a degree to gain a perspective of whats going too, or what has happened?
There isn't anything negative or unethical about this if it is a spontanious event, there also isn't anything unethical about this if it's something you have to focus on to be able to do.

[puchidevil]

A spontaneous reading that isnt guided or controlled by oneself can be very invasive to the person receiving it. And to receive a spontaneous reading, the person sending it must be feeling some intense emotions that they are blocking within themselves. These emotions have to have an outlet, and invariably, that outlet is the nearest 'sensitive' to hand.

Also, it isnt always symbolic. Sometimes, it can be so clearly defined, that the sensitive receiving it can be 'shocked' out of sleep, or tempted to act upon the feelings they are receiving that arent their own.

In those situations, things cant be helped, agreed.

But when you become aware that you have this ability, and actively begin to experiment. THAT is when lines can be crossed.

To 'read' a person in the street as they walk past is not invasive to them or to yourself, because, as said in other posts here, some things are 'outside' of people and easily picked up, both purposely and accidentally.

But to deliberately 'read' a SO when they have explicitly requested that you dont, or are too afraid of it for you to even bring up the subject, I think is crossing some very major lines.

[Diotima]

Thanks for responses, everyone.

I have now seriously started to practice and to study my talent, within my current limits (not having a practice partner). I am not going to consciously try to read anyone- my current understanding of ethics forbids it, and I also understand that it may not be entirely safe. But it seems that I may be able to do some other things, especially with practice.

About symbols: it seems that I am able to interpret the symbols I get to some point, but it may take a lot of time and thinking. ViolinGoddess, your tarot card metaphor was a good one!