Arion
November 10th, 2006, 08:48 PM
For the past three years or so, I have lived and breathed Witchcraft. I came into Paganism through Wicca, and fell in love with it immediately. I loved the idea of seeing nature as sacred, and worshipping both male and female deities. I must admit, the magic part was fun and exciting too, now I could cast spells like witches on TV. Sure the magic was fun, but it was the religious aspects of Wicca that really drew me in. My first ever patron gods were Gaia and Ouranos - Mother Earth and Father Sky. I loved the beauty of it, of worshiping ancient gods. I had always been in love with ancient Greece, and now I could incorporate it into my spirituality. As my practice evolved, I decided I wanted more a more specific patron god and goddess, but I couldn't figure out who. I was drawn to Aphrodite out of the blue, and after reading about her, I knew she was the goddess whose presence I had been feeling, and that I needed to honour her. As I "worked" with Aphrodite more deeply, I began to be even more attracted to Greek religious practices. I studied the other Gods and their epithets. One day while I was out in the yard, I just had this weird feeling and was compelled to go near the ivy growing on my house. In my head I heard the name "Dionysus," who I knew vaguely as the Greek god of wine. That night I read more about him, and how he was a god of ecstasy, nature, liberation, and how he was associated with... ivy.
So I had a god and a goddess to honour as the divine pair of Wicca. In my mind, as I had read, these were the Goddess and God, and I just used the names Aphrodite and Dionysus in my rituals out of preference, right? I was about to get a reality check. Hekate had always interested me, so when I was up north visiting my aunt at her cottage, I found a little shop that sold all sorts of neat Pagan things, and a Hekate pendant was one of them. I figured she was just another name for "the Goddess" so I bought it. Well, that night Hekate showed me who was boss! The most violent thunderstorm I had EVER seen occured that night. The thunder was so loud and strong it shook the cottage. The wind was fierce, the lightning was big and bright. I stood on the front porch watching it, just in awe of Nature. I just knew it was Hekate, I could just feel it, and it was certainly different than my feeling of Aphrodite. So I learned there was more than just one goddess, and how different the gods could be. Now I had 3 patron deities, what was I to do?
I went on worshipping all three of them, but I wasn't relating to Wicca much anymore. Not the duality/polarity/fertility aspects, or the casting circles or calling quarters, which I didn't see the point of. I started looking into the Feri tradition of Witchcraft, which I had read about in Starhawk's book "The Spiral Dance." It was fascinating, and there was a very queer essence to it, and being a homosexual person, I found intriguing. I got information on it, started working the exercizes, and practicing Witchcraft the Feri way. I started casting circles and all that again. Although Feri is very open to "working" with whatever deities you want, I took some space from my Greek deities and started working only with the Feri pantheon. It wasn't bad, i liked a few of the Gods, but some I couldn't relate to at all. What I did like about Feri was the pansexual nature of it, the "queer" perspective of the universe and the deities, not being limited to male and female gender roles, but having gender being fluid. I liked how there was no set moral code, like in Wicca. Morality was left up to the practitioner to make their own judgements, and not have all of us live by one single rule.
A few months ago, I started missing my Greek deities,and started incorporating them back in. The more I studied, the more I was drawn to the historical aspects of Greek religion and culture, and I was really drawn to Hellenic reconstructionism. About the same time, i was going through a bit of a personal crisis, and was deeply involved in Feri work to try and work things out. I felt like it wouldn't be a good idea to give up on Feri in the middle of the work, and I still was quite into it. My Greek gods became a part of my regular practice, and I continued to work within Feri.
Lately, I've been going through another transition. I no longer relate to religious Witchcraft at all, whether it is Feri, Wicca or otherwise. I don't believe in a supreme being liek the Star Goddess of Feri or the Goddess and God of Wicca. I am a hard polytheist, and I see every god as a distinct individual. I don't believe in the practice of magic anymore, and I don't really care about Earth, Air, Fire and Water. I don't see the point of casting circles or calling quarters. I don't know if I ever actually related to any of this, it just seemed like these are the beliefs and practices that were available and the closest I could get to what I could relate to. I feel, and have always felt, a deep spiritual connection to ancient Greece, and I want to strip away all the witchy, neo-pagan crap that has been inhibiting me, and pursue Greek paganism, purely. From what I have read about Hellenismos, I seem to relate to it a whole lot better, it's kind like a "coming home" feeling. I feel like this is the religion I want to be a part of.
I never felt fully at home in Witchcraft. It didn't feel real to me. i tried, since it is a fascinating and beautiful path, but it is not for me. In Feri, there is a lot of personal work that is done. Meditiational exercizes meant to nurture the spirit, heal spiritual wounds, strengthen the connection of the three souls, but I don't feel like I ever got anything out of them. I'm sure there are plenty of people who do, but I don't feel like they made much of a difference in me, although I tried to tell myself otherwise. For me, it just made me feel like there was something wrong with me that needed constant attention and healing. I no longer believe this, I've come to accept myself the way I am now that I have stripped away the new age witchcrafty beliefs. I don't need healing, I am fine the way I am.
I do sort of feel like I'm letting down certain people who have really helped me through learning Feri. I know they wouldn't feel let down and would support any choices I make, but still, I kind of feel like I'm making all their guidance go to waste. I did learn a lot from Wicca, and especially from Feri, I just don't feel like i can fully relate to it anymore. It's been clear since the beginning that ancient Greek religion is a strong influence on me, it just took me a while to get out of the neo pagan mold.
Whew, what a ridiculously long rant. I just felt the need to get this off my chest and explain what I'm going through, so I don't come off as fickle, jumping from one path to another. It isn't like that, not that I need to justify anything either. I'm still young and I'm discovering. What an epic post, maybe I should become a novelist or something.
So I had a god and a goddess to honour as the divine pair of Wicca. In my mind, as I had read, these were the Goddess and God, and I just used the names Aphrodite and Dionysus in my rituals out of preference, right? I was about to get a reality check. Hekate had always interested me, so when I was up north visiting my aunt at her cottage, I found a little shop that sold all sorts of neat Pagan things, and a Hekate pendant was one of them. I figured she was just another name for "the Goddess" so I bought it. Well, that night Hekate showed me who was boss! The most violent thunderstorm I had EVER seen occured that night. The thunder was so loud and strong it shook the cottage. The wind was fierce, the lightning was big and bright. I stood on the front porch watching it, just in awe of Nature. I just knew it was Hekate, I could just feel it, and it was certainly different than my feeling of Aphrodite. So I learned there was more than just one goddess, and how different the gods could be. Now I had 3 patron deities, what was I to do?
I went on worshipping all three of them, but I wasn't relating to Wicca much anymore. Not the duality/polarity/fertility aspects, or the casting circles or calling quarters, which I didn't see the point of. I started looking into the Feri tradition of Witchcraft, which I had read about in Starhawk's book "The Spiral Dance." It was fascinating, and there was a very queer essence to it, and being a homosexual person, I found intriguing. I got information on it, started working the exercizes, and practicing Witchcraft the Feri way. I started casting circles and all that again. Although Feri is very open to "working" with whatever deities you want, I took some space from my Greek deities and started working only with the Feri pantheon. It wasn't bad, i liked a few of the Gods, but some I couldn't relate to at all. What I did like about Feri was the pansexual nature of it, the "queer" perspective of the universe and the deities, not being limited to male and female gender roles, but having gender being fluid. I liked how there was no set moral code, like in Wicca. Morality was left up to the practitioner to make their own judgements, and not have all of us live by one single rule.
A few months ago, I started missing my Greek deities,and started incorporating them back in. The more I studied, the more I was drawn to the historical aspects of Greek religion and culture, and I was really drawn to Hellenic reconstructionism. About the same time, i was going through a bit of a personal crisis, and was deeply involved in Feri work to try and work things out. I felt like it wouldn't be a good idea to give up on Feri in the middle of the work, and I still was quite into it. My Greek gods became a part of my regular practice, and I continued to work within Feri.
Lately, I've been going through another transition. I no longer relate to religious Witchcraft at all, whether it is Feri, Wicca or otherwise. I don't believe in a supreme being liek the Star Goddess of Feri or the Goddess and God of Wicca. I am a hard polytheist, and I see every god as a distinct individual. I don't believe in the practice of magic anymore, and I don't really care about Earth, Air, Fire and Water. I don't see the point of casting circles or calling quarters. I don't know if I ever actually related to any of this, it just seemed like these are the beliefs and practices that were available and the closest I could get to what I could relate to. I feel, and have always felt, a deep spiritual connection to ancient Greece, and I want to strip away all the witchy, neo-pagan crap that has been inhibiting me, and pursue Greek paganism, purely. From what I have read about Hellenismos, I seem to relate to it a whole lot better, it's kind like a "coming home" feeling. I feel like this is the religion I want to be a part of.
I never felt fully at home in Witchcraft. It didn't feel real to me. i tried, since it is a fascinating and beautiful path, but it is not for me. In Feri, there is a lot of personal work that is done. Meditiational exercizes meant to nurture the spirit, heal spiritual wounds, strengthen the connection of the three souls, but I don't feel like I ever got anything out of them. I'm sure there are plenty of people who do, but I don't feel like they made much of a difference in me, although I tried to tell myself otherwise. For me, it just made me feel like there was something wrong with me that needed constant attention and healing. I no longer believe this, I've come to accept myself the way I am now that I have stripped away the new age witchcrafty beliefs. I don't need healing, I am fine the way I am.
I do sort of feel like I'm letting down certain people who have really helped me through learning Feri. I know they wouldn't feel let down and would support any choices I make, but still, I kind of feel like I'm making all their guidance go to waste. I did learn a lot from Wicca, and especially from Feri, I just don't feel like i can fully relate to it anymore. It's been clear since the beginning that ancient Greek religion is a strong influence on me, it just took me a while to get out of the neo pagan mold.
Whew, what a ridiculously long rant. I just felt the need to get this off my chest and explain what I'm going through, so I don't come off as fickle, jumping from one path to another. It isn't like that, not that I need to justify anything either. I'm still young and I'm discovering. What an epic post, maybe I should become a novelist or something.