Direction in My Life, Let Me focus now...

[Alphyna]

Mother let me know the path that you have chosen for me...Let me know if I am to be with her or another...Let me know if he is the man in my life to stay with ....Let me know the answer to my question. Am I unhappy because I live a lie, or am I lying to myself and making things hard. Where does my heart lie. I know I love him, I know I love my children, Let me be good to them. But is it better to be truthful...and what is the truth. If I leave to find it, and realize that it was him all along, will I have lost him forever....Allow me to find the strength to find myself, and do what needs to be done. I do not want to liiev an empty life. Why do I lie awake at night and dream of another life. Is it that I am selfish? Is it that I am lying? what is it that I ned todo? Should I follow my art? Should I follw my heart? What if my heart is split into 2? Why is there two perfect possibilities? I need to focus on the truth for me, but how can I find what needs to be known?Come to me tonight in my dreams............................
Or is it that I know already and I just have to listen. You always say I am strongenough, but what does that mean. Why is it you let me figure things out on my own? Why can I not have an easy life? I know that is not what I want, but sometimes I dream...........
Show me the direction that leads to my strength......Should I leave for awhile soon, and find myself? Or would it only last a day before I run back to him in tears? Do I not listen to myself b/c I find myself to hard. So I become dependant to hide the truth. That I don't need anyone, That I don'twant anyone?Is that so bad?????????/Yes, I know. we all hve things to do that we don't neccessarily want to do, and we have to fight the passion, the temptation, to do what must be done. Once it is done, I can follow the lead my heart wants to take. Why must I choose?I suppose in the end, It might be all a dream, I might be trying to screw things up b/c I don't believe i deserve anything good in my life. My temptation to leave is so that I can hurt myself again. Take away from me what I truly most desire, happiness. What can I do to find a way to allow the happiness to shine throiug? I DO love my life with him! But why do I fight it? What can help me fight through, beat down this depression? What can I do to prove to myself I AM worthy?I Love Myself I love Myself I love Mysrlf *say it* I Love myself I love myself I love myself I love myself I can do good I do do good I am a good person with so much to ofer the world Believe in myself Blelieve in myself Believe in myselfI am worthy of happiness
Thank you for your guidance and my focus~sarah~