Lost Love

[sgrcube]

Please help me somebody, I know the powers of our world are with us and I need guidance. My "wife" of 3 1/2 years all the sudden one night claims she isn't in love with me as a lover but loves me dearly as a friend.. she is surfing the net meeting all kinds of people in person and on the net.. almost like sowing her oats. I love her so totally and completely, I do not bring her down in her ventures but am truly hoping there is something that I can do to make her see and feel that love as partners and lovers in life once again, for her to desire me once again and know that I truly love her and will never hurt her in life. I know she still has the love in her for me as when she looks at me it is in her eyes sometimes, even tho she will deny it up and down to me and to anyone that will listen. She swears we are the best of friends and she loves me dearly as a friend tho. Please help me to bring her back into my life as my life partner. I am begging anyone to teach me or help me in this venture, and to help me learn more in the strengths of the world.. TY

[Flar's Freyja]

Originally posted by sgrcube
Please help me somebody, I know the powers of our world are with us and I need guidance. My "wife" of 3 1/2 years all the sudden one night claims she isn't in love with me as a lover but loves me dearly as a friend.. she is surfing the net meeting all kinds of people in person and on the net.. almost like sowing her oats. I love her so totally and completely, I do not bring her down in her ventures but am truly hoping there is something that I can do to make her see and feel that love as partners and lovers in life once again, for her to desire me once again and know that I truly love her and will never hurt her in life. I know she still has the love in her for me as when she looks at me it is in her eyes sometimes, even tho she will deny it up and down to me and to anyone that will listen. She swears we are the best of friends and she loves me dearly as a friend tho. Please help me to bring her back into my life as my life partner. I am begging anyone to teach me or help me in this venture, and to help me learn more in the strengths of the world.. TY

Ouch, that hurts, doesn't it? We all wish that there were a foolproof love spell, but there isn't. It is against the Rede (An It Harm None, Do As Ye Will) to do love spells directed toward a specific person as it violates their free will. All I can suggest to you is that you try to handle your situation in mundane ways - communicating with your wife and using all of the normal ways to try to heal your relationship. The only "magick" that I can suggest is to meditate or do a ritual praying to whomever you have chosen as your spiritual guide or deity for guidance and that the situation works out for the best of all concerned. Trust that they will do whatever is best for both of you. You may need to accept that your marriage is over, but there may be a better love waiting for you.

[sgrcube]

I do not know any guides... although I truly want to learn. Please share with me about guides. ty

[Lavender]

You didn't mention how old your wife is or how long you've known each other before marriage. Sometimes, people change as they get older. Interests changes too. Do you have different interests? Rather than a spell, perhaps you two should talk to a marriage/relationship counsellor? Maybe to get to know her new friends from the net. I don't know if that would help but it might be worth a try.

[Myst]

Even tho not all of us here follow the Rede, most of us wouldn't condone love spells. They tend to backfire.

Usually the best thing to do is to solve mundane problems with mundane answers - that means talking to her and/or seeing a counsellor. Even if she does love you that way, a relationship takes more then that.

[Danustouch]

First of all..please let me say that I am sorry. I know how this feels. But believe me, as someone who has been in your wifes shoes....you have to let her go if she wants to go. I was in a similar situation a while back..and I meant it when I told the guy that I could not love him like a lover any longer. He was unwilling to accept that. And in the end, the pain was greater for the both of us. Trust me, if she truly feels this way, and you try to hold her, when she wants to fly....she'll wind up resenting you, and you'll wind up being hurt worse in the end.

I would really reccomend some counseling, as it seems from your plea that you are having a very difficult time accepting this. I would suggest that you part ways with her soon. Then, perhaps in time, things may change. Absence sometimes makes the heart grow fonder. If not..then my best advice to you, is mundane advice. Seek counseling for the loss..but move on.

If she doesn't feel that she loves you as a lover should, then chances are something better is laying in store for you just around the corner. I know it hurts to think of that right now..but it's true. We all deserve to be loved like that. I think you need to seek that happiness, and not hold on to what *was*. What you could do, is do a spell for yourself, to make yourself more open to love, and more loveable (not saying that you aren't. But we can all improve certain things about us). A general spell, asking for true love to come into your life. Leave it up to the Gods, to show you your true hearts mate :)

Good luck..and again..sorry, I do know how you feel.

[sgrcube]

Thank you for all of your advices.... i truly appreciate what you have all said to me... it doesn't make it easier but I know life goes on.. I am giving my 35 year old wife ( I am 39 ) all the space she needs to breathe and hope that she will see once again who she fell in love with to begin with... but if it doesn't happen then I know I need to accept this and go on with life.. she wants to remain best of friends with me, and she tells me of her new girlfriends.. which truly hurts but I want to be an awesome friend to her and share in her happiness that she thinks she will find... ty againall of you

[Flar's Freyja]

Hope you're doing better today. You asked about guides and I don't think any of us responded to your question. Our guides are ancestor spirits, gods, goddesses, totem animals, or our intuition. We call upon them to help guide us through everyday life and times of crisis. There are lots of threads in the Gods and Goddesses and Magick and Ritual forums where you could look for more information.

[sgrcube]

ty very much... yes I do feel much better today after much meditation...what will be will be good or bad... I had to have all of you to speak to me last night in the way you did to help me to wake up. I know if this is how she truly feels that nothing will ever change that. I will accept that. I also will accept if the day ever comes where she has changed her heart on her own and came back. Like I said .. what will be will be good or bad... ty so much for all of your cares.. I also came through some bad luck today and found out that my job is in jeopardy of being shut down in two weeks, my car insurance has been cancelled, and I will be in danger of losing everything for my daughter and myself if I lose my job or if I cannot find a better job somewhere very soon. Sometime I would love if somebody would do a full reading for me in all areas of my life. Thank you to all :)

[Flar's Freyja]

Readings are offered in the Divination threads. Sounds like your world is falling apart, Sugarcube, and I'm sorry to hear that. Sometimes it just seems that things can't get any worse, but we do get through it and often better things replace the ones we've lost. I'll light a candle for you.

[sgrcube]

ty so much.. I truly appreciate the candle and concern.. and thanks for the info on the readings

[Topazz]

Hey, sugar, I will also light a candle that you may see your way through this dark time and find some comfort and strength. It sounds as though you and your wife have always been best friends as well as having been lovers, but it sounds like your wife has found other friends now while you have no one else to fall back on and look to for support. I'm sure you will make some friends here, welcome to MW. Drop in on us over on the Tarot or Divination boards and someone will be glad to have an opportunity to do a reading for you. We just love the practice.

bright blessings,
Topazz
(almost divorced after 29 years of marriage)

[Laiste]

I am sorry for what you are going through. I can understand from your wife's point of view as I have been there myself. My husband and I broke up for year and a half. It was my choice to leave the marriage. I felt I needed to find myself and was not happy at all in my marriage. The biggest thing for me was the fact that we were heading in such different directions and did not have the same major life goals. I loved my husband but didn't love myself when I was with him. Although my husband wanted to keep the marriage together he was not happy either. We had gone to couciling and the whole route. None of it helped because neither of us were willing to change or accept the other as they are. This is one of the most difficult parts of relationships...acceptance. Now my husband and I are back together...things are not perfect (not that they should be) but they are good. We are learning again how to respect each others needs and are working on accepting our differences. We are now working on the same goals...together!! It is an uphill battle but it is well worth it. Please try and convince your wife to seek marriage counciling (if she is adement against it then you should seek it for yourself anyway)...and try and stick with it for a long time...stop the couciling too soon (this was our mistake) and there will be no results. You both need time to figure out what you want and if you want it together. Blessings to you...hope everything works out for the best!

[Flar's Freyja]

That sounds so painful, but it sounds like you are at least trying to deal with it. Sometimes the best decision is to make no decision for a while. You might want to put things on hold to be sure that your feelings won't change.

[Flar's Freyja]

Bump for celticspirit