In The Broom Closet?

[Glory]

Anyone here live at home, or with other people, and try to keep a lid on your paganism?

I still live with my mother, and while she can accept Tarot cards and, with more hesitation, runes, she sneers at anything ritualistic. I hate it, so I keep it too myself as much as possible - I just know she'd get irrational with me if she knew I spent $15 (NZD) on a smudge stick and a few crystals, even though it's my money and I'm close to 20. So I just avoid and stay in the broom closet, as it were. It proves tricky when I want to do rituals, however, and not much space. I don't have an alter (am planning to purchase some cloth to create a portable one), and many other things I would like, such as a pot of soil to put incense and thin candles in for rituals.

So who here is in the same position as me? Vent your frustrations and experiences here! Do you have to hide your tools, where do you go for spellwork?

[Harmony Aurore]

I'm in the same position. My parents (whom I live with) wouldn't approve if they knew my religious beliefs. I think they'd get over it pretty quickly, but they'd feel uneasy about it. They fear that I'm going to end up in a cult. Anyways, What I did is I got 3 bookcases (see the Billy Brand from Ikea... it's the shorter/skinnier one) and the middle bookcase has a door on it. I decided to make an alter in there. In my religion, you keep your figures of your Gods hidden/covered unless you need to do a ritual or need to speak to them. So it this arrangement works well for that... but also, my parents aren't snoops, so they'll leave my bookcase alone.
I also have all of my religion based books on the bottom of that book case. Yeah, I am sneaky... but it works.

My parents probably know that I'm pagan, but don't know the details. They're happier ignoring the fact.

[Greybird]

I used to be there. I lived with my grandmother until I was 19. She was born in 1909 and spent her entire life in the midwest, and by the early 90s, she had some very, very narrow ideas about religion. I used to have to keep my goodies locked in a briefcase under my bed, and I used to have to lock myself in the bathroom to practice even the simplest things - meditation, tarot. Candles? Incense? Forget it. She'd have reacted very, very badly had she known - this was the woman who saw Disney's Willow on TV and turned it off because it was too satanic. Who knows what she used to think with her teenaged grandson spending so much time in the bathroom with the door locked! :bigredblu

It has been years since I've really had to hide myself, but I still remember the headaches.

[Darbla]

Greybird, my husband is just like your grandmother. He was raised strictly southern Baptist and refuses to believe anything outside of that is anything but 'devil worship'. Consequently, I've stayed in the broom closet for the several years I've been interested in metaphysics, and it's miserable. My studies and research are grossly stunted and fragmented because I can't be open about it; all I can do is sneak in a little study when I can.

I'm working up to a big reveal though. Anyone got any tips to make it less scary for the unsuspecting, bible thumping spouse?

Darbla

[Amelserru_halqu]

I keep a lid on my practice of magic because I don't see the need to tell everyone or be open about it at all. After all its only good sense to hide things that will affect your credibility and social standing, so I gladly hid my books and tools away from others, after all why should I make my parents who love me miserable and why should I have to deal with the incessant preaching of others? Of course I was fortunate to live in the country so I would just hike a few miles into the forest during the evenings when I wanted to perform a ritual so that was never a problem for me. However there were times when I needed to do something in the house so I simply waited until everyone had left or had gone to bed and I did them then.

[ravenscape]

Greybird, my husband is just like your grandmother. He was raised strictly southern Baptist and refuses to believe anything outside of that is anything but 'devil worship'. Consequently, I've stayed in the broom closet for the several years I've been interested in metaphysics, and it's miserable. My studies and research are grossly stunted and fragmented because I can't be open about it; all I can do is sneak in a little study when I can.

I'm working up to a big reveal though. Anyone got any tips to make it less scary for the unsuspecting, bible thumping spouse?

Darbla

Hi Darbla,

A friend was in a similar situation to yours when I first ran into her a couple years ago. She did the reveal in a series of steps. The two main ones were first telling him that she was no longer Christian. About a year later she told him she had become Pagan.

They both tried, but the marriage didn't survive the strain, especially of the second revelation. I hope things go better for you...and I think breaking the news in pieces over time probably makes sense.

My friend has children, and they both had good reason try and work things out. But, I think they're both happier now leading mostly separate lives.

[LostSheep]

Actually, most people i know would probably laugh if i said i had any kind of religious views at all, never mind pagan ones... even if i said i was a Christian they'd probably snigger.

[Mahren]

I don't talk about my views with my friends or family. Not because I don't want to, but because it never comes up conversation. And thats the way it's going to stay, for now anyway. I feel uneasy about this whole idea of a "broom closet", not really sure why. I'm not hiding that I am pagan, but it's not really obvious to others. Maybe I'm being hyocritical; I hide my stuff and wispher prayers so my family doesn't hear.

[Pagan Warrior]

it's my money and I'm close to 20.

:lol: that rhymed!! Honestly I've never had a problem with my beliefs. Perhaps it's because I just don't care if anyone approves or disapproves of my beliefs, but my parents and family are pretty open. The only person I don't tell is my Grandma, but that's pretty much because it makes her happy to think of me as a Christian, and honestly it's never come up. If she were to ask my religious affiliations I would be honest, but no reason to bug her ... poor woman is 85.

I'm working up to a big reveal though. Anyone got any tips to make it less scary for the unsuspecting, bible thumping spouse?

You: "Honey your mother passed away today"

Husband: "WHAT!?"

You: "Just kidding, I'm a Pagan"

:lol:

On a serious note, I really can't imagine being in that kind of position, because I would never marry someone who didin't at least accept and respect my beliefs. Did you convert during the marriage or have you always been Pagan?

Honestly, best suggestion I can give is to be honest. If you really think it'll be a huge ordeal perhaps you should schedule a few sessions with a counselor for advice. Bottom line exists in whether or not your Husband will accept you for who you are, but having this big of a secret is not healthy and your marriage will probably fail anyhow.

[Glory]

If my mother straight out asked me, I would tell her that I'm pagan. It just makes life easier for both of us it never comes up. She's not a radical Christian or of any other persuasion that may not tolerate pagans, but she's very cynical. If I told her, her first reaction would probably be, "Aren't you a little old for this stuff?" I don't want to fight her over my spiritual choices. Meh.

Harmony Aurore, that's quite a neat way to make an alter. Unfortunately, I never do spell work in my room, which is the only place I could really make a hidden alter.

Mahren: I define being 'closeted' by deliberately hiding something - just not mentioning it is a little different, and I never want to be loud about any part of my personal life in general, from sexuality to my religious beliefs. I'm not closeted from my friends in turns of paganism, however, I do actively hide it from my mother, so, 'in the broom closet' seems apt, for me anyway, if it sounds negative. I am of course only talking for myself.

EDIT: Just to add on that last part, I use that term because it implies I'd like to get out of it, some day. So, I think the term only stands if you actively hide something that you feel you shouldn't. I don't feel like I should. If you feel like you should, though, it's not really 'in the broom closet', because then it's just a matter of your own privacy.

[Tyann]

When I was younger, I was. Small town/small county, and my Dad's family were hardcore Catholic.

Mom was always of the opinion that "whatever religion makes you happy and a better person is the right one" so I never got any discouragement from her.

When I was 14, Dad found out about it. He threatened to throw out all my books, incense, ect. (that I had bought with my own money). It's the first and last time I've ever heard my Mom use the F-word at him.

When I graduated High School, all the graduates got a gift of a "Catholic Youth Bible." That didn't bother me so much, because it was a gift for all graduates. But apparently I was "special." Because I was the only one (out of 30 graduates) who also got a "New Believer's Bible: First steps for new Christians." :2G:

[serenarian]

I am technically out of the broom closet with my parents, although I might as well not be. They are fine with me reading tarot and knowing about herbs and oils, but frown on me 'practising witchcraft' - i.e. casting spells or doing ritual, as they believe I'm under the influence of a cult. I think they are annoyed that I've stayed loyal to my beliefs. I told them I was Pagan almost four years ago and at the time they told me it was a phase, and that I was being influenced by someone and I would grow out of it when I met a 'real man'. There was no one in the picture, at the time I was single and happy. I've been with my boyfriend three years now and he's not Pagan. I think my parents are angry that I'm still 'dabbling with the occult' despite being in a solid, loving relationship and proving them wrong. I am 23 years of age and although it does annoy me, there really isn't much they can do. I keep my practise to a minimum when they are here and do ritual when they go on vacation. I am respectful, even though they cannot extend that privilege to me.

[Crysiira]

When I lived with my parents, I was lucky enough to have my own room in the basement with a lock on my door. I pretty much did as I felt, but with lack of money, didn't set myself up an altar or anything too crazy. I also felt a little wierd about doing spells or rituals as I didn't know too much yet - it felt better for me just to study and read a lot first. Unfortunately, again, the lack of money and the fact that I was in a very small town with no metaphysical shops cut me off from useful books. I did a lot of my reading and research on the internet. The computer was upstairs in the living room, and of course my parents liked to keep an eye on me as I used it. I could also only spend half an hour at a time on the internet. With dial-up, that's next to nothing because it was so slow! But somehow, I sneakily managed to visit sites and print off information and then run down to my room before my parents got too nosy. I'm lucky they're not too technologically savvy, because they easily could have found what websites I was looking at if they tried.
When I came out to them, let's just say they weren't too impressed. So nothing really changed until I moved out. Still, my parents and I don't really talk about it, and no one else in my family knows, so I still feel a little closeted, especially with my wedding coming up. There are some things we'll be doing during the ceremony that will be rather difficult to explain to some of my family members.. his too, I'm sure.
As for my fiance and I, well, he's not pagan, but he's not much of anything else. He doesn't care what I do or what I believe. It's an odd feeling, and I still find myself tiptoeing around and trying not to talk about it, just because that's what I'm used to. I'm slowly getting over that and opening up to him.
I guess what I'm trying to say here in my long long anecdote, is that keeping it in for so long will have long-term effects on you. Being sneaky and uncomfortable will become things you're used to. That's not good, ugh. The best thing I can say is to try to be open with your parents, as open as you can be, and if they don't take it well, then try to work with them until you get the chance to move out. Being open, in my opinion, works so much better than keeping it hidden, though I totally understand your motives.

[BFD_Zayl]

aye, one reason is because i fear violent retalliation against my religion, my parents are very strict.

[Pagan Warrior]

aye, one reason is because i fear violent retalliation against my religion, my parents are very strict.

Well as long as you are under their roof, you do have an obligation to follow their rules. That doesn't mean I think it's right that a parent force beliefs upon a child even under that umbrella, because I don't. However, there is nothing they can do to your spiritual beliefs or religion ... it will exist within you even under opression.

[KylalaKitty]

I been out of the broom closet, thanks to my mother finding my alter sat up in my real closet 4 years ago. We fought like cats and dogs for the longest time. She even took a few things away from me but she finally gave up. She even used to blame me when things when wrong, it was my fault because I was pagan. Now she'll say something here and there every once in a blue moon, especially if I said god damn it or if something good happens she'll say it was Gods blessing and I should be grantful (convert). I have my alter sat up on my dresser in my room. I'm going to Texas for 4 days and that would be the perfect time for her to take everything (like how she has threatened before) but before I leave I'm giving some of my stuff to a friend to watch over for me, who has pagan parents so that wont be a problem :)

[inkywitch]

I was never in the broom closet. My parents aren't fussed what I do. And everyone else in the country town i lived in either giggled, or draw crosses over their hearts behind my back... then forgot about it in a week or so.

[Harmony Aurore]

It's actually kind of funny that this topic came up when it did.

Just yesterday, my mom came up to me and started talking about the meal plans for this wednesday and friday, something about lent and good friday. I let her talk about it all ... how every friday we would be eating non-meat meals.
Eventually, I got a little exasperated and asked her "so why should I be participating in this little weekly ritual since I'm not Catholic, or Christian for that matter"
and she answers "You're catholic, just not a practicing catholic"
As much as I tried to convince her that "nope, I'm not actually a catholic. Just cause my parents are catholic, doesn't mean that it's engrained in my DNA" and that I don't believe in heaven...
she still came to the conclusion that I am catholic.
LOL.
I kind of figured that, seeing as how adamant she was, there was no point in capping off my argument with "I can't be catholic because I'm kemetic"
I think that would have gotten me shot.

So that's my story of the day. My ignorant parents fighting to remain ignorant of the fact that I'M NOT CATHOLIC!

[Pagan Warrior]

People think that just because you are baptized that you are a member of that religious order regardless of your personal choice ... to them you really are just a Catholic who doesn't practice. *shrug* some people are more comfortable under the cloak of ignorance.

[LostSheep]

Once a Catholic, always a Catholic.

Or in the words of the Eagles: You can check out any time you like, but ... you can never leave. ( :2G: )

[Pagan Warrior]

Once a Catholic, always a Catholic.

Or in the words of the Eagles: You can check out any time you like, but ... you can never leave. ( :2G: )

Hahaha is that from the Hotel Vadican?

[BFD_Zayl]

Well as long as you are under their roof, you do have an obligation to follow their rules. That doesn't mean I think it's right that a parent force beliefs upon a child even under that umbrella, because I don't. However, there is nothing they can do to your spiritual beliefs or religion ... it will exist within you even under opression.
hmm, this is true, one reason i moved my workings out of the house and into the mausoleum down the road.

[Meadhbh]

My parnets won't/ don't care. Seeing how my mother is pagan and all I don't see how she could have a problem with. But, I can see how changing your world view could in fact upset your parnets.

[Glory]

Harmony Aurore, that truly sucks. o_o At least my mother doesn't try to claim I'm a whole other religion.

A story I have that cropped up recently... about a week ago, I had put my runes out in the sun to empower them and she saw them and asked about them. I tried to duck under the question but she kept demanding to know, so I just told her I was letting the paint dry but she was very suspicious.

And then a day ago I was talking to her about groups at my university, and I mentioned a writing group when she suddenly said, "Just don't get kooky." o_O My natural reaction was 'wha?' which is what I said and she sort of gestured and said, "You know, people who put painted rocks out in the sun and keep incense. Don't get kooky, stay normal."

Great. So coming out to my mother would mean she'd label me as a freak, or a cultist. Awesome. Just wait until she hears that I'm bisexual, leaning towards women. What a day that'll be.

[Darbla]

hmm, this is true, one reason i moved my workings out of the house and into the mausoleum down the road.
You practice in a mausolean?! How creepy cool! Or cooly creepy. Do tell.

Darbla

[BFD_Zayl]

You practice in a mausolean?! How creepy cool! Or cooly creepy. Do tell.

Darbla
lol, its no big deal, its the huge Oakwood mausoleum, next to the Oakwood cemetary, so if i feel like being inside or outside, i'm good. and the place is huge enough i can be there during a burial and not be seen. its on the same road as me but miles miles miles down

[Windsmith]

There are some things we'll be doing during the ceremony that will be rather difficult to explain to some of my family members.. his too, I'm sure.You would be amazed. I've told this story recently, but it bears repeating: before my wedding, my mother urged me to come out as Pagan to my grandmother. I resisted, because she'd only known I was queer for 6 months, and I didn't want to overload her. I figured she and I could talk about it afterwards.

My wife is an animist, and I'm a naturalistic pantheist, so we don't work with any deities; still, it was a pretty obviously Pagan ceremony: the labyrinth, the handfasting, the broom-jumping. Afterwards, my aunt asked my grandmother what she thought of the ceremony, to get a read on what kind of "talk" we would be having. Grandma said, "I liked it. It was all about Nature. I think a lot of churches could stand to talk about Nature more." And when I tried to broach the subject with her later, that was about all she'd say. I think she had an inkling that we're something other than Christian, but she doesn't want to know for sure.

I'm not saying for sure that it won't come up at your wedding, Crysiira, but I am continually amazed by how baldly people can ignore what's right in front of their faces because they don't want to see the truth.

[Crysiira]

Heh, that's pretty true, Windsmith. I've had some talks with my grandma already, and been surprised at the responses. It's not a bad thing, either. Still, I'll let her think her little thoughts. I'd rather not overload her; she took it bad enough when a person in the family converted to a different Christian religion; this, from her "favorite" granddaughter, probably not so good. She's old and fragile! lol.
It's not so much that I hide the truth from others, so much as I just do my thing and let them make their own interpretations, really. It's not a bad system, as long as I explain things to the people really close to me...

[Autumnsong]

I feel your 'pain'!
For the longest time I lived with parents/grandparents who frowned so heavily upon anything associated with witchcraft or magick that they didn't even approve of my love for fantasy novels! The nerve...

Anyway, I decided to find a place away from home where I could be myself. I looked all over the 'net for local interest groups and whatnot.. What I eventually found was Meetup.com

I found out that even in the Bible Belt of California, there are still openly Pagan shops and things that thrive here in the city. From the outside it looks just like a little bookshop, which meant I could even have my grandfather drive by it with me so that he knew where it was (they're the nervous sort who always assume that I'm going to get raped/murdered/robbed if I go anywhere alone, and by alone I mean "without them."). There were some Celtic tapestries in the windows and since our family's Irish, he thought that was pretty neat. From then on I told them it was the 'book club,' and any monthly meetings or rituals we held there were entirely private.
As long as my grandparents knew where I was going to be and when I planned on being home, they didn't dig any further into the reasons I was going there. And when I told them we had special guests there talking about astrology, or environmental stuff, etc - they just marked it all down to my 'strange' love for fantasy and medieval stuff.
Bwah.

[LadyWillow]

The broom closet is an interesting place to be. For one, my entire family would have a huge problem with it. I mean, I sort of have my altar set up, and no one has really said anything about it. They keep placing things there that don't belong and I try to get around that as much as I can, but that's extremely hard. I can't exactly tell them, hey I'm a witch and that's sacred to me so don't place anything there. I'd get holy water thrown on me and I'd be dragged to church instead of just asked to go.

If I can't tell them about being wiccan, it's going to be fun to tell them I'm a lesbian. What a day that'll be. I'm not looking forward to that conversation. I'm already having a hard enough time with 'being single' and dating my gf for over three years.

[Harmony Aurore]

Once a Catholic, always a Catholic.

Or in the words of the Eagles: You can check out any time you like, but ... you can never leave. ( :2G: )

I think David Cross' skit says it best when it comes to religions:


"I'm an atheist, I don't believe in God, so therefore I would think that I can't be Jewish, basically because ... Judaism is predicated on a belief in God. So if I don't believe in God I can't be Jewish right? But... no... you can't. Judaism is the only religion that does this, it came up with this bullshit, arbitrary rule, that if your mother's Jewish, then you're Jewish. So it doesn't matter what I believe in, just Jew for life."

He then proceeds in a skit where he's asking his Rabbi if he's still Jewish. And he's giving all of these reasons why he just can't possibly be jewish.
When he tells his rabbi he doesn't belive in god, the rabbi says,
"Let me ask you this: Was your mother's vagina Jewish?"
THE END.

Sorry, you guys should definately check his stuff out. HILARIOUS

[Rain30]

I'm still in the broom closet, and I'm honestly ashamed of myself for it. There is a part of me that wants to be all "I am pagan, hear me roar," but then there's another part of me that says it would turn me into a social outcast and make life extremely difficult for me. I'm not proud of it, but fear is a good motivator to stay closeted.

Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I think... or maybe it would be worse. I don't know. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.

[childofbast]

I live at home with my parents and, while they know I'm Pagan, it makes them a bit uncomfortable at times. My mum is much better than my dad, who always shakes his head, turns his eyes skyward and says, "forgive her, she knows not what she does." *sigh* Still, I'm able to keep an altar in my room and spend my money on what I decide to. The only thing I really wish is that I could have rituals outside. I have a beautiful forest behind my house, but I can't have more than myself and my boyfriend back there to do any sort of ritual. And Gods forbid a bonfire...

I look forward to having my own home where I can spread out more. ;)

[LadyWillow]

I live at home with my parents and, while they know I'm Pagan, it makes them a bit uncomfortable at times. My mum is much better than my dad, who always shakes his head, turns his eyes skyward and says, "forgive her, she knows not what she does." *sigh* Still, I'm able to keep an altar in my room and spend my money on what I decide to. The only thing I really wish is that I could have rituals outside. I have a beautiful forest behind my house, but I can't have more than myself and my boyfriend back there to do any sort of ritual. And Gods forbid a bonfire...

I look forward to having my own home where I can spread out more. ;)

Thankfully, my family does not know I am Pagan in any way. They know I don't quite have the same beliefs that they do because I'm not a big fan of the church of any of it's teachings and that right there alone frustrates them. However, I'm not going to budge on that topic. I refuse to take part in any religion that frustrates me and harbors hate towards me and others.

[Isilriel]

Anyone here live at home, or with other people, and try to keep a lid on your paganism?

My mother is a very devout Catholic and, although she’s always been very understanding of my need to pursue my own path, the physical manifestations of my practice (altar, tools, pentacle necklace and so on) made her uneasy so I voluntarily chose to abstain from having them in plain sight while living under her roof.

Tools, candles and books were kept in a drawer or inside my closet when not in use and rituals and/or spell work were done late at night when everyone else was asleep and I could make sure I would not be disturbed.

I was allowed to read and buy anything I wanted though, as long as it was done discreetly and with my own funds, and I never got any “you’ll burn in hell” lectures from her at all. I think she’s still a little amazed that I never “grew out of it”, to tell you the truth.

Nowadays I’m married and living with my husband, who is not Pagan or a magic practitioner but supports and encourages me in everything I do. After so many years of being, quite literally, a “closet witch” it feels very weird not having to sneak around anymore. :)

[Saphyre]

This is an interesting topic. Since I'm in my 30's, my being in the "broom closet" has to do with my kids. I've only been Pagan for a few years (well, actually a lot longer than that but I didn't have a name for it!) My two oldest kids, 17 & 15, from my first husband, have decided to be Catholic. Well, more the 17yo than the 15yo. She has seen my books and even read some of them...but I have A LOT of books about different religions and spiritual type books. I don't have or use an altar so that doesn't pose a problem. She knows her aunt (my sister) is Wiccan and she's cool with that but she has clearly stated that it wouldn't be so cool if it was me. I guess she thinks that since I'm not Wiccan like my sister than I must not be Pagan. Go figure huh?! I've offered to help her understand if she wants to but no deal yet. My son, the 15yo, is a little more open to it. He kind of knows and it's really no big deal. We just don't talk about it much. So, it's kind of like playing peek-a-boo with that dang closet door!! Sometimes in, sometimes out!

My 11yo is going to be the fun one!! He's Pagan and he doesn't even know it yet!! He just knows what he feels and believes and really hates it when people try to tell him differently! We share a lot of the same beliefs. My 6yo son is too young but he will always know about me being a Pagan so there will be nothing weird about it as he grows up. Too little now to know anything but he likes to watch me play with my magic cards and wants to know where I got such cool rocks!! LOL

[Layla]

I live in the bible Belt :sick: and there is still a witch-burning tree in my county (that poor tree!). For the sake of my children I remain, even at my age, in the broom closet. Its hilarious, in a bleak and gloomy kind of way, because 2 of my kids are just naturally Pagan. The arguments about the Bible are zany. The acerbic comments about rabid, witnessing christians are the stuff great comedy sketches are made of. The old man was raised in some really repressive fundie form of protestantism created circa 1950 :ugh: and he has just the hardest time coping with the entire thing. He knows I have beliefs but he just does not "get" them--I mean where's the BOOK? :lol:

I have a cute little method to deal with his relatives when they come. I have a certified copy of a Pictish cross hanging over a prominently viewable doorway in my home. It is entwined with hand-knotted "crucifixes" :hehehehe:...so they dislike me because they believe I am catholic. And I WAS raised catholic so they become pitifully easy to shut down if they happen to slip up and get on some manic roll about their beliefs...I just raise my eyebrow and look in the gerneral direction of my little decorations. It works 99% of the time to shut them up. That 1% of the time usually has to do with the so-called biblical validity of beating children and I usually get pretty hostile when directed to whip my children :fpatricks. I just cannot fathom where anybody gets off preaching to me how I ought to discipline my children. That situation has led to more than one very scathing reply from me telling the perpetrator to mind their own f-ing beeswax and get their religion off my children.

Just because I am not willing to risk the possibility of being set afire and injuring some innocent tree by leaping forth and shouting "YES! I am a Pagan!" does not mean I am willing to have my soul "saved". Why does that phrase always make me think they intend to wrap me in aluminum foil or enclose me in Tupperware?? :eek:

[haruhi]

I'd love to be open about it, but my boyfriend is a Christian and...yeah. He does not like that I'm interested. The really awful part is we've been together for almost four years now--we're planning on getting married. I think me wanting to be pagan is going to cause problems.
I'm moving this August to Charleston and he will be in Columbia...so hopefully I'll be able to practice more freely.
I really hate being kind of dishonest to him.

Any ideas on how to help this situation?

[Layla]

I'd love to be open about it, but my boyfriend is a Christian and...yeah. He does not like that I'm interested. The really awful part is we've been together for almost four years now--we're planning on getting married. I think me wanting to be pagan is going to cause problems.
I'm moving this August to Charleston and he will be in Columbia...so hopefully I'll be able to practice more freely.
I really hate being kind of dishonest to him.

Any ideas on how to help this situation?Honey I am in SC too and I can tell you with all honesty at the ripe old age of 41...we are simply in the wrong area! There is an online group, I think its a yahpoo group called the Camden Area Pagans. You might want to consider finding them and joining for the support. Tell them Rainbow sent ya. Maybe sometime you can find me on a drive through Florence (No I don't stay in Florence but I can get there quite easily and its near the border so it seemed a logical choice). My hubby happens to be a truck driver and my neighbor's spirituality is earth-based so I have at least one other person I can go to for emotional and spiritual "shelter" when this place gets to be too much for me.

[Sacreligioushippie]

I live with my mom & stepdad and luckily its more of a don't ask, don't tell kinda thing. Back when I was 16 (ages ago), my mom saw me reading a book about Wicca and simply told me "I don't care what you believe as long as you believe in something". That was the only time it was mentioned.
Like haruhi, my boyfriend is catholic and marriage and raising kids is always an issue. He says his concern is "What will our grandmothers think if we don't get married in a church" or "we have to baptize our kids". My reply is usually, "Until I see a ring I'm not going to worry about it". Not the best answer, but it ends the conversation until next time.

[Autumnsong]

I live with my mom & stepdad and luckily its more of a don't ask, don't tell kinda thing. Back when I was 16 (ages ago), my mom saw me reading a book about Wicca and simply told me "I don't care what you believe as long as you believe in something". That was the only time it was mentioned.
Like haruhi, my boyfriend is catholic and marriage and raising kids is always an issue. He says his concern is "What will our grandmothers think if we don't get married in a church" or "we have to baptize our kids". My reply is usually, "Until I see a ring I'm not going to worry about it". Not the best answer, but it ends the conversation until next time.

Hahaha... 'Until I see a ring...'

You know, I would say that's probably the best way to put it, 'cause who knows what'll happen between now and when you get that ring!

My fiancee is Catholic, too, or.. at least his family thinks he is. Guilty by association I guess... But he's kinda converted over to Paganism. When his parents heard I was Pagan, whooo boy!
I got the third degree and interrogation and all of that... "Do you worship demons?" Demons? Wtf?
Luckily his mother isn't really the, "Well you aren't my religion so you can't marry my son," type.. though whenever she refers to the pagan bookshop I frequent, she calls it the "Freak, hippie, witch's bookshop..."

Oddly enough, the woman who married she and her newest husband was a witch. The grandparents had tantrums over that one.

Go figure.

But anyway... While I'm with my fiancee, I try to keep my Pagan habits to a minimum. I know it creeps them out, so I try to avoid causing problems. Last thing I need is a mother-in-law who hates me and tries to convert my children.

[LadyCelt]

When I was into things and found a connetion to Artemis a while ago, I kept it fairly hidden. I told a couple people, but not everyone I knew well. I didn't feel intimidated to tell people who were Pagan or other faiths though. I try not to talk about my knowledge of things like rituals around a lot of people though. It is sad that people have to feel hidden due to their faith. It really is.

[Libris]

I feel really lucky to have never been in the broom closet. I can't imagine trying to hide my practice from my family or spouse, it must be awful! So I really feel for you all that are in such a disagreeable situation. All I can offer is hugs and a sincere wish that people be a bit more tolerant.

[LadyAquamarina]

When I first became Wiccan, my mom and sister gave me a lot of crap about it...Now my mom sees how much good Wicca has done for me and is very accepting of it. My sister and I have an unspoken agreement to just not talk about that. We get along fine, we just talk about anything else except my religion. As for my dad, he couldn't care less about religion.

[electricpeppers]

I keep a lid on my practice of magic because I don't see the need to tell everyone or be open about it at all. After all its only good sense to hide things that will affect your credibility and social standing, so I gladly hid my books and tools away from others, after all why should I make my parents who love me miserable and why should I have to deal with the incessant preaching of others? Of course I was fortunate to live in the country so I would just hike a few miles into the forest during the evenings when I wanted to perform a ritual so that was never a problem for me. However there were times when I needed to do something in the house so I simply waited until everyone had left or had gone to bed and I did them then.

I feel the same way.

I've come to accept that if I ever decide to tell my parents then it'll be more for my own peace of mind than theirs, which I feel is a little selfish. I'm an adult who lives at home still, I'm turning 21 in a few months and I feel that keeping my choice of religion/spirituality to myself is appropriate for me. I wouldn't really condone lying in any circumstance but life isn't always so easy. If I told my mum and dad they'd be disappointed in me more than anything for being so 'airy fairy' and I'd probably be ridiculed to death because our family like to poke fun at one another!

Besides my father is a staunch atheist after he was brought up a Muslim in another country, thus he really has very little respect for religion. My mother, on the other hand is a Christian/agnostic. Telling my mother in particular would be more for my own benefit than hers; I think she would take it hard, and I don't think she would really understand either. It would be selfish of me to unload all of that baggage on her because I'm not sure she would really believe that it wasn't harmful in some way. She would be fine with it to my face BUT I know she worries a lot and I don't think it's right to give her anymore cause for concern even though I know what I do is safe and spiritually sound.

I bought a book on ritual from the local book shop recently and I didn't realize the woman knew my mother -- so my mum asked me today 'did I get my witchy book?' I was like 'uhh' *confused innocent face*. It wasn't the right time... I just told her it was about crystals. She was like 'oh right, I didn't think you were into spells and stuff. I don't want people thinking you're a witch...' She said it casually but I could tell I'd made the right decision to keep it from her. Although, I am considering easing her into it very slowly. But I'll keep the 'W' word disassociated from myself.

I came out of the broom closet to one of my best friends recently so I'm not completely alone, I thought about it a lot before I decided to do so and I knew I could trust her absolutely and that she wouldn't judge me. I do feel it's important to have someone to talk to about this.

[Denikke]

My dad threatened to put me through an excorsism (sp??). He's a major Christian. He's never been involved in my life, but religion did happen to come up once. I really wanted to tell him, and basically I got out that I was Pagan, and he threatened me with that. And then never wanted to talk about it again.
My uncle knows (my dads bro) and he's a major Christian too, but an open minded one. No one else on that side of the family knows.
My mom knows. And she's cool with it. She used to practive (sort of) too, and so I guess kind of thinks I'm following in her footsteps. Yea right. Her kind of *magick* was anything that manipulated other people into doing what she wanted. Curses, death spells, love spells etc etc. Yea, not very nice. I'll never be anything like her.
I live with my grandparents (my moms parents) and they're wary, but ok with it. My mom kind of left a bad impression with the whole magick/witchcraft thing, but I'm slowly introducing my grandparents into what Paganism and witchcraft really is. They're a little uncomfortable with the tools and altar thing, and I'm not big on spells/rituals right now anyways, so that's not a big deal. I do have runes though, and my grandmother (she's much more wary about the whole thing than my grandpa) has actually asked for a couple of readings here and there, so that's pretty awsome.
As for my friends, if it comes up, then I'm honest. I see no reason to lie or avoid it. It's a big part of who I am and if they don't like it, then too bad. I'm not in their face or anything, but if they ask, then I'm gonna tell them straight up. More recently I've been getting more and more comfortable with being open about my beliefs. More often I can be heard saying things like *Goddess give me patience* and *Horned One give me strength* under my breath. I no longer care what others think of me or my beliefs. What I believe doesn't hurt you in anyway. If you're allowed to wear your cross/star of david or whatever, then I'm allowed to talk to my God and Goddess. I don't see why it's anyone elses concern anyways. I've actually *FINALLY* met a fellow Pagan IRL because of these little things. I've known her for over 10 years, and only just (within the last week) found out that her and her mom were practicing Pagans too. And all because I said something to the Goddess. I don't see being open about my beliefs as a bad thing in any shape or form. Then again, I'm a pretty blunt person and have issues really *hiding* anything about myself. If you want to know, and you ask me, then I can guarrantee an honest answer, even if it's not the answer you'd like. If you don't wanna know, don't ask. And if it makes you uncomfortable, then just tell me I'll try to be nice and refrain from talking about it around you.

[Whitewolf]

My parents have no problem with me being a Pagan. I'm in the broom closet
with people I don't know and strangers. Some of my friends don't know I'm a Pagan. I don't go around shouting from the rooftops, but if someone who I trusted, asked me what my religion was, I would tell them.