My story of rejection (and the lessons learned)

[Becoming]

I feel now is the right time for me to discuss an incident that happened to me 13 years ago. I believe this incident is what has made me follow the solitary path, and for that learning experience (how I choose to see it), I am thankful.

I was raised by a family who is very open to ideas, including the idea of the energy being present in all of us and everything surrounding us. My family did not suscribe to the idea of being 'witches' or even being 'Pagan', but I do believe in looking back, the ideas I was raised with are definately along Pagan lines...

Anyway, at about 13 years of age, I began being interested in healing and awareness, and being a bookworm, had started reading many books on those subjects and many others. I read books on shamanism, the practice of withcraft, druids, Reiki, the Ogham, Hebrew, etc, etc. By the time I was 16, I fely like my path was leading me towards Wicca, and so I sought out a coven in my area to join and learn from. After the initial interview, I was allowed to take part in the inner workings of this coven. I told my mother about it, and she was interested, and went along with me one time to a general meet and greet to meet these people. After meeting my mother, they asked if she would like to also join the activities of this coven, and although she told them she was not a witch, she did say she was open to energy workings, and, therefore, she was invited and welcomed.

After approximately four months of meeting weekly, the coven came to me and told me that I was no longer welcome (although my mother was) because I "didn't have the right energy." I asked them to elaborate, but told that it was the general consenses of the group, and required no further discussion with me. My book was taken away, and that was that. My mother then opted to not join them any further, seeing I was not welcom.

I have always felt this was not very fair, even though it was their coven. I felt I was a mature 16 (at the time, ha!) and belive I did not subscribe to any 'fluffy' ideas of how the craft works. I faithfully went and gave my all, and was blindsided by their decision. I don't feel like I had done anything wrong. How can you not have the right energy? I never had malice towards anyone in the group; I never suggested anything innapropriate; I felt I contributed with everything I had. I don't think I was bothersome to members, as I was mostly a more shyer, qiuet type. I never spoke to others about them and the goings on, and I don't believe in advertizing my beliefs anyway. I knew better than to buy into any of the commercialized ideas of 'magic', like on TV shows, so it couldnt have been anything like that. I wasn't morose; I had a positive attitude. I have gone over and over the possible 'reasons' and have never found anything......

My mother believes that because I was 16, and they were all well into their 40's and beyond, that they did not feel comfortable with a younger girl in the group.

I wish they would have told me what I did wrong.

But, actually, I don't wish, because I do believe I did nothing wrong, and whatever they told me would have just been somebodys interpretation of how I 'should' have acted or what I 'should' have known more about.

I am now 29, and have been very satasfied with my solitary path. Maybe the Goddess was trying to speak to me through these ladies and let me know a coven was not for me...?

The only reprecussion of this experience is that when I look up other groups in my area just to converse with some like people, I never do follow through, because the fear of rejection still follows me.

Being on this board has helped, though. Everyone has been so wonderful, and I see that differences of opinion are only that. Not something to ostrasize a person for. Im thinking thats part of the lesson.

Thanks everyone. I just needed to get this off my chest.:huddle:

[Shadow Angel]

_pounce_
thankyou for sharing that.:)

[Willow Rosette]

Im so sorry you wentthrough that. That must have hurt so bad. How amazing you are to have gained strength from this experience rather than anger. Bless you honey!

[wolfjan1]

I am sure that, at the time, there were few women as young as you interested in the path. Or at least fewer than they were aware of then. However, that might not have been the best way to work with a young initiate.
Personally, I chose a solitary path because it suits me better than dealing with others in an organized fashion. The best way for me was to read voraciously, consult folks on these and other boards and sites, and learn as much as I can through the courses. There are a great deal of WONDERFUL teachers here. And if you can make time between studies, family and jobs, It's a GREAT way to learn.
Whatever your path, no one has the right to judge you. Keep your postings intelligent and avoid the name calling and superior attitudes in the boards and on the sites. You will learn a great deal. Have fun and enjoy your practice.

[Cindlady2]

I wouldn't feel too bad about it. If they were mostly that much older they were in the Mother/ Crone stages of life and probably would not have been in line with a young Maiden. If they were greatly mixed perhaps it would have worked out better. The Goddess had a better path set aside for you. Feel Blessed! :)

[Tranquility]

As others have said, I think they most likely felt awkward with your presence due to the age difference. Maybe there were some egoic workings going on there too (them believing you were a naive and ignorant youth). Either way, it's good that you are talking about this. There is no point in living in the past, we have to learn from it and move on. Since we live in the present, there is no better way to live than simply embrace the present, learn from the past, but prepare for the future. Always live in the present though, because reliving these kinds of things (thinking what you did wrong, why they did this/that..) will eat you away, and will not benefit you at all.
It still seems pretty sketchy to me that they wouldn't tell you why, but I wouldn't worry about it either. Sounds to me like "your energy wasn't right" was a major excuse for some other thing (maybe them not wanting to hurt your feelings). Anyway, it's over, and there's no point in dwelling on it :). How's the solitary path for you now? Do you think this is where you're supposed to be?

Just don't let that fear of rejection hold you back in the future.. because that would be living in the past.

[sarabethv]

You know, I find the way they behaved inexcusable. Maybe they did feel uncomfortable with a teenager in their mix - then that is what they should bloody well have said. Instead, take the "blame game" and have this poor young lady feel for years like she did something wrong. If they had an age restriction they should have said so. Rude comes in all religious affiliations.

BTW, thirteen years ago there were plenty of convens with young people.

I am sorry you had this experience but glad you have moved on.

[inkywitch]

I know exactly how you feel. Though, there were never covens advirtised in my area, I got into some big online chat rooms with other Pagans, I was 14 and I was a newbie, but not 'fluffy', and always was respectful... No one had the time of day for me, and I felt less welcomed than I ever did in any church or spiritualist group I tried beforehand.

I still haven't made it to a gathering or festival yet. BUT, It's a goal of mind to do in the next year or two... just to get over it. My own personal practice is too eclectic and personifyed to be in a group or coven, so I'm happy where I am now.

Thanks for sharing!

[Morgandria]

From a covener's perspective:

Please understand that it might not have been anything you did "wrong".

A coven is a close group, that has to work together in intimate ways, and having a member of the group who causes someone else to be off kilter, or otherwise unbalances the work environment, is not ideal.

This means that, yes, some people are asked to leave or not invited to join because their personality clashes with too many folks. Given the age difference between you and the group you worked with, I would not be surprised if this was the issue. It *does* change the energy present. It really does.

My own coven is semi-open. We have student groups and open sabbats by invitation only, and some of those people get invited to come to later rituals, closed rituals. The majority of them remain as guests to open sabbats - one or two end up becoming a coven student a year, maybe.

The reason for this is we really do need to see how a person interacts with others - personality, whether they're willing to help out or they just want to sit and socialize and skip the work, whether they're attention-seekers or just plain seekers. We can teach someone the mystical, magical woo-woo stuff. What we look for is just someone who's an open, honest person who is ready to -work-.

It may not seem fair, or kind, but it's probably the truth.

[Becoming]

:smile: Awwwww, you all are so awesome. Thanks for all of your perspectives on this. I didn't know what kind of reaction I was going to get from everyone; really, I have just not ever talked about it, and kind of just wanted to get it off of my chest. It doesn't bother me so much nowadays, but every once in a while, I look back and wonder.....

Morgandria, thatnks for your perspective; I had not made the connection that hypothetically, my age might have been making some members uncomfortable, thus, contributing to a rift in energies, even if it was not on purpose. That could well be it. And even if not, whatever reasons things happened the way they did, well, its OK; the whole experience is in the past, and I am always thankful for the opportunities I have been given to learn. As we all know, learning opportunities are never easy, or even percieved as fair sometimes, but are usually exactly what we need to grow at that time.

Oh, and I love the path I am on. Solitary has worked very well for me, giving me the room to grow in my own directions, on my own time and on my own terms... I think at the time, I was looking for a teacher, and have discovered that the best teacher of all was right here all along; the blessed Goddess, speaking to me through the wind blowing in my hair as I ski and hike through the mountains, the fire crackling in my hearth, the water that refreshes me and sustains me, the earth that harbors the seeds of life, the energy and spirit of life, eminating from all...... Mother Nature, surrounding me and sustaining me, body and spirit..... Yes, solitary has worked well for me.

:heartthro _cloud9_ :floating:

Thanks all, for the kind words, perspectives, and support... :heyalove:

[Becoming]

So, I have decided to go ahead and start meeting with some local Pagan's in my area for a monthly book review and discussion at a local coffee house. So, thats three of my loves in life; coffee, books, and Paganism! I think (hope) that this will work for me just fine. Aww shucks, thanks everyone for helping me alleviate these worries.... Time to grow again!!!:flowers:

[Becoming]

Update:

I am off in a couple of hours to go meet the group I explained about above.

Wish me luck!

_happydanc

[demonique]

Good luck! I wish I had someone - anyone - in my real, non-online life who shared these pagan interests of mine.